Weekly Volcano Blogs: Walkie Talkie Blog

April 16, 2014 at 10:48am

Judging by the Trailer: "A Haunted House 2"

What can we do to keep "A Haunted House 3" from happening?

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Once again, we find ourselves poised on the edge of a crevasse, gazing into the howling void that is Marlon Wayans. But what gazes back? Only madness. Madness and homophobic jokes.

A Haunted House is finally receiving its long-awaited sequel, after a whole year of anxious debate online about what events could have transpired for the beloved characters of the first installment. Well, all those Wayans-heads on the forums at hauntedhouse.biz will be happy to learn that Marlon Wayans is reprising his role as some guy in A Haunted House 2. Also rejoining the cast is everybody's favorite gun-toting stereotype, Cedric the Entertainer.

Seeing as the first film so limply skewered horror movies, why mess with success? This time, the found-footage conceit is taken to absurd lengths, allowing all of the side characters to carry cameras at all times, enabling Wayans to finally just cut to the chase and shout jokes directly at the audience.

What would A Haunted House 2 be without Wayans' trademark racist, sexist and homophobic humor, all of which are well-represented in the interminable two minutes of this trailer. Also featured: an unfortunate homage to one of the best gags in A Fish Called Wanda, involving a dog and a safe.

I wouldn't go so far as to call the Haunted House franchise (ugh, to have to say that) the bottom of the barrel-that distinction still belongs to Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, the auteurs that brought us Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, and The Starving Games (awesome title, dudes). However, I think there's very little arguing that this franchise is certainly familiar with the bottom of the barrel, its belly grazing against it, ever so delicately, entangled in the terrible dance of garbage comedy.

Best to look away and hope that, once A Haunted House loses your attention, it'll fade away like Marty McFly in that polaroid.

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