Last year, while watching Ted, I floated a theory that I've since learned is not factually accurate, but may be spiritually true: Seth MacFarlane is a Scientologist. Yes, yes, I know that MacFarlane is an outspoken atheist, but all the warning signs are there. Is he grotesquely wealthy? Yes. Is he shunned by well-respected factions of the comedy community? Yes. Is he apparently good friends with Giovanni Ribisi? Double check.

Only Xenu could've predicted MacFarlane's sudden bid for leading man in live-action comedies, but rules are made to be broken, so I suppose it's high time for a man who can't act to be the romantic opposite of Academy Award-winning actress Charlize Theron. In a genius act of premeditated damage control, MacFarlane even appeared on The Tonight Show to predict the negative reviews his film would receive.

The thing is, what might have come off as a self-effacing bit of humble comedy instead seems like an orange, teeth-capped millionaire trying to trick the public into finding him to be an acceptable presence in the world. Lest we forget, this is the man who sang a song about how he saw the "boobs" of all of the actresses in the audience of an award show, including Jodie Foster's in the brutal rape scene in The Accused. Oh yeah? You saw her boobs? Congrats, dude.

So, what is there to say about this trailer? Now that Mel Brooks is in hiding and at least half of the Zucker brothers is a raving, conservative lunatic, I suppose there are few places to turn to for slapstick genre parody. A Million Ways to Die in the West will do amazing business, and a million souls will feel a sudden pang of emptiness. If there's a heaven, Saint Peter will be standing outside, demanding to see your ticket stubs. God save you if you paid for this garbage.