LET SOMEONE ELSE COOK THE BIRD >>>

I am a woman of noble intent. Last year, during my two weeks of vacation I demanded, I fully intended to wallpaper our bathroom - after, of course, I had cleaned the guest bedroom and finished canning my last jar of pickles for Christmas presents. I had every intention of making my own wrapping paper, embossed with vegetable-dye prints of my cat's feet - after, of course, I had recovered from my two marathons in one month feat. This year, I intend on sending the Christmas cards I bought last November, and next year, I am sure I will knit mittens for my niece; using the yarn I bought last September. Any weekend now, I'll whip up some saffron fettuccine in the pasta machine I bought that makes dough I may never knead.

Oh well, none of these losses is very great, in and of itself. The world is tough for those of us who believe we can, and should, do it all ourselves. It's tough to suffer under the delusion you can tackle everything and still have impassable style. Instead, we rush through life like clowns on America's Got Talent, juggling plates, tossing poodles and shouting, "I've got it! I've got it!" The result frequently isn't very stylish at all, and living with a fiend who will never relax, especially during the holidays, certainly isn't a very pleasant experience for our loved ones.

I love the idea of taking the time to make an occasion special, to do something right. But there's the rub: the doing rightly of the thing. It is not right for your family to live in fear of your moods and temper, your disappointment at not fulfilling your unmanageable obligations. Sometimes the doing rightly of the thing means knowing not to do it yourself. Sometimes your smartest move is to get a little help or, maybe, a lot of help.

If your intentions are truly noble, maybe you could let someone else do some of the cooking, someone whose been paid to do it. You can let your family enjoy your company for a change. The following establishments require advance booking. Do yourself a favor and book now. This holiday could be your most impressive one ever. It could be the one your spend enjoying yourself and your family.

Babblin' Babs Bistro

Once again,the intimate gourmet restaurant in Tacoma's Proctor District will serve outside the box offering a turkey-free menu of pork tenderloin with mushrooms, Greek grilled-eggplant lasagna, roasted Alaskan cod loin with cabbage and Grand Marnier chicken with mission figs - plus apricot pistachio goat cheese triangles, potato-leek-arugula soup and pear salad. Your meal ends with pumpkin bread pudding and cookies.
[11 a.m. to 4 p.m., $65, 2724 N. Proctor St., Tacoma, 253.761.9099]

Brix 25

Let's start off with the wine.Brix 25 put heavy research in to find the best Oregon Pinot Noirs to go with its traditional turkey dinner. The Gig Harbor fancy restaurant will offer an ala carte menu of citrus-brined turkey with roasted squash and pumpkins, prime rib with Brussels sprouts, fig stuffing and bourbon gravy, as well as olive oil mashed potatoes and whipped horseradish butter, bacon lardons, roasted suckling pig with a puree of celeriac, spiced pears and a port wine caramel sauce.
[1-8 p.m., $20-$30, 7707 Pioneer Way, Gig Harbor, 253.858.6626]

C.I. Shenanigans

For as long as we can remember this Tacoma waterfront restaurant has been serving a Thanksgiving dinner. Naturally, its traditional turkey buffet dinner will include oysters, crab legs, oysters, mussels and salmon.
[11 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., $12.99-$28.99, 3017 Ruston Way, Tacoma, 253.752.8811]

Lobster Shop at Commencement Bay

If you're a fan of the Lobster Shop's Sunday brunch buffet, its Thanksgiving buffet won't disappoint. They'll bust out a bevy of meats, includingturkey, ham, prime rib, salmon, pork loin and strip loin, pork loin. Back to the beginning of the line, expect, mashed potatoes and gravy, sage stuffing, rice pilaf, candied yams, salads, chilled Dungeness crab, vegetables, cranberry relish and desserts.
[11 a.m. to 6 p.m., $16.95-$32.95, 4015 Ruston Way, Tacoma, 253.759.2165]

Pacific Grill

Downtown Tacoma's fancy restaurant, as well as voted Best Restaurant in Tacoma this year, Pacific Grill will offer up aprix-fixe menu of sage-roasted turkey, wild mushroom stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole and crispy onions, as well as an herb-crusted roasted prime rib with garlic mashed potatoes, glazed baby carrots, au jus and creamed horseradish sauce and a Dover sole with wild chanterelle mushrooms and truffled mashed potatoes. For those who love pot pie for Thanksgiving, PG has a wild mushroom and lentil version with your name on it. Dessert is on the menu, too.
[2-7 p.m., $15.95-$34.95, 1502 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.3535]

Stanley & Seafort's

The fine dining restaurant up on the hill will skip the buffet line and serve a sit-down meal of free-range turkey with apple-sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes, vegetables and turkey gravy. It will also offer an herb-crusted prime rib, filet mignon Wellington, hand-cut rib eye steak, Dungeness crab cakes, chile smoked Tiger prawns and salmon dinners.
[11 a.m. to 8 p.m., $25-$39, 115 E. 34th St., Tacoma, 253.473.7300]

Chime in with the restaurant I missed.

COOL WINE TASTING >>>

Many wine tastings are stylish and graceful events held inside fancy restaurants. The wines are perfectly matched with complicated, delicious food that I wouldn't take the time to prepare even if I had the recipes.

Or there's the other kind of wine tasting, where everyone shows up at someone's house with a bottle of his or her favorite wine. This is the optimum way to taste some cheap wine that you normally wouldn't drink on a bet. You enjoy RITZ crackers and spray cheese, and maybe someone brings hummus. You're guaranteed to have a headache the next day.

Or, there's a third option: A wine bar invites the public to a decade old bottle from their cellars, asks everyone to pony up $10 and then pour the wines in a communal tasting while the owner of the wine explain the story behind it.

Morso Wine Bar will run with option three Saturday night. Its staff will open, decant and pour the wines, as well as serve complimentary appetizers. All Morso asks is the wine be at least 10 years old and you tell its story.

[Morso Wine Bar, Saturday, Nov. 12, 7 p.m., $10, 9014 Peacock Hill Ave., Gig Harbor, RSVP at 253.530.3463]

TUESDAY, NOV. 1, 2011 >>>

1. It's true! Santee will perform at Tacoma's New Frontier Lounge tonight with Portland's CORDUROY and special guests. This show should be a good one. The action kicks off at 9 p.m.

2. Work off your Halloween hangover tonight at the delicious and hip Dirty Oscar's Annex on Sixth Avenue during the club/restaurant's weekly "Musician's Industry Night." The good times are chaperoned by host Steve Perez.

3. So, you've been telling yourself: "One of these days I'm finally going to make it out to the Midland Tavern ... or Lil Vic's ... or whatever it's called. Well, make tonight that night! Action the bar bills as "Crazy Vegas Barstool Bingo" runs from 7 - 9 p.m.

4. The scene is pretty messed up right now. Life provides more questions than answers. There's a lot to discuss ... a lot to worry about. In Olympia, luckily, Last Word Books opens up its doors on Tuesdays (and, really, every day) for encouraged and lively discussions about politics, contemporary issues and the world around us. It's called the "Tuesday Read-In," and the free event runs from 5 - 7 p.m.

5. Across the Narrows Bridge, drop in on the Harbor History Museum exhibit The Artistry of Quilts, described as a "beautiful collection of both antique and new quilts displaying the fine artistry of this centuries old craft." The Artistry of Quilts is available for viewing all day, from 10 a.m. - 5 p.m., and runs through Dec. 4.

EXTRA CREDIT: Give a woodchuck a tuna melt

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight

LINK: Freebies this week

SUNDAY, OCT. 16, 2011 >>>

1. Southern California indie rockers Silver Snakes pull up to The New Frontier Lounge at 9 p.m. for a show with Hands of Toil and Kicking Spit. The Silver Snakes list bands Lack, Hum, Cave In and Recover as influential in its sound.

2. The 8th Annual Bird Lovers' Weekend continues at the Museum of Glass with today's activities opening big with the Bird Lovers' Brunch from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Enjoy a complimentary brunch and no-host bar and be among the first to purchase select Birds by Toikka specimens created in the Museum of Glass Hot Shop. Tero Välimaa will be present to sign these one-of-a-kind birds. Free for Museum of Glass members, regular admission for non-members. 

3. The Gig Harbor Film Festival ends today with a full schedule of films including Homecoming (10 a.m.), Christopher Woods' Gray Eagles (12:30 p.m.), Randy Sparks' A Glitch in the System (1:30 p.m.), True Vision (3:45 p.m.) and many more screening at the Galaxy Theatre Uptown.

4. The Tacoma Art Museum's Dia de los Muertos celebration officially kicks off this morning when artists Fulgencio Lazo and Jose Orantes, with help from a team of professionals and volunteers, create two large tapetes, or sand paintings, in the museum's lobby beginning at 10 a.m. Also, community members will be installing altars remembering loved ones and raising social awareness.

5. Face it. In this economy, you're not headed to Eastern Europe anytime soon. The Tacoma Concert Band knows this, and bless its heart, will bring a little bit of Prague and Budapest to you. At 2:30 p.m. inside the Pantages Theater the TCB will tour Europe, with Czech, Austrian, Hungarian, and American music, plus three soloists:  Jason Gilliam, euphonium; Sheryl Clark, saxophone; and Bill Dyer, trombone.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Catch a movie

FRIDAY, OCT. 14, 2011 >>>

1. Show up at Jazzbones at 8 p.m. and you'll encounter a pulsing, breathing, three-pronged attack of art-meets-music. The gist of this gig won't be much different than the image the name conjures up, combining the mastery of the "violinistextremist" known as Kytami, billed as "perhaps Canada's most diverse and engaging fiddle player," the DJ skills of The Phonograff, a venerable turntable wizard with almost two decades of experience in the game, and reggae-bred mic-master Mista Chatman - mixing the varied ingredients into a sight and sound rarely seen.

2. Sorry fans of Pearl Harbor and The Prime Gig - the Gig Harbor Film Festival doesn't include "Gig" and "Harbor" flicks. Instead, the three-day festival will include today's screenings of Family of the Wa'a (10:25 a.m.), Paint (2:30 p.m.), A Relative Thing (5:45 p.m.), OxyMorons (8:45 p.m.) plus many more that include features, documentaries, shorts, and foreign films at the Galaxy Theatre at Uptown.  We have call into the festival folks regarding the rumor that For Whom the Bridge Tolls will screen.

3. This weekend bird lovers from far and wide will flock (get it?) to Tacoma for the 8th annual Bird Lovers' Weekend at the Museum of Glass. Events kick off today with bird-related art activities in the Studio, Oiva Toikka documentary in the Theater, "Birds by Toikka" glass bird-making demonstrations by Tero Välimaa in the Hot Shop and Professor Toikka;s new, limited-edition bird is available for purchase in the Museum Store.

4. Sandra Sunrising Osawa, whose prolific films and television productions tell the stories of contemporary Native Americans, will deliver the keynote speech at the Contemporary Native American Issues in Higher Education symposium at 2 p.m., in Philip Hall on the University of Washington Tacoma campus.

5. Criticizing a poet is like kicking a crippled child in the groin. It's not pretty, and it doesn't solve anything. That's what we love about tonight's Distinguished Writer Series, which hits King's Books at 7 p.m. After the featured poet - Ed Harkness, author of poetry collections Saying the Necessary and Beautiful Passing Lives -you can stand up on stage and let it all hang out during the open mic without a single vegetable whizzing by.

PLUS: Several events today listed in our Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Concerts go on sale today

THIS WEEK'S BEST FREEBIES OCT. 10-16 >>>

If we had an alter ego, we would be sporty. Very sporty. Extreme-sports sporty. We'd snowboard. We'd parasail. We'd skydive. Hell, We'd be able to just play a game of softball without shrieking like a schoolgirl whenever the ball came near us. Best of all, though, we'd be very, very sporty while wearing four-inch Manolos, and after winning the game, we'd walk away with only a sexy muss to our perfectly coiffed hair.

OK, so we want to be a Charlie's Angel.

Who would your alter ego be?

MONDAY, OCT. 10: Would your alter ego be Jack the Ripper? If so, hang out with the Graphic Novel Book Club as the dismember From Hell by Alan MooreandEddie Campbell,the story of Jack the Ripper. Legendary comics writer Alan Moore and artist Eddie Campbell have created a modern masterpiece of crime noir and historical fiction with scratchy lines and heavy doses of ink. The geeky book group will gather at 7 p.m. inside King's Books in Tacoma.

TUESDAY, OCT. 11: Would your alter ego be Doctor Dolittle? It might be a good idea, especially since the neighbors called the cops on you four times this summer for shooting crows of your back balcony. Yes, the crows are hella loud in the morning. But crows have feelings too. It's time to better understand the winged nuisances, free of charge. And if you think your relationship with the crows needs to go beyond the basics of understanding, attend Tuesday's Tacoma Science Café from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at The Swiss. Yup, the popular lecture series moved a larger venue. And Prof. John Marzluff, Ph.D., he of the School of Forest Resources, will discuss the curious behavior of these loud birds.

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 12: Would your alter ego be a fashion designer? Five dollars, a trip to the hardware store and an imagination will separate the truly hip from the un-hip. Duct tape accessories, and even clothes, have become a trend and it's really not all that surprising. When you think about the plastic (that's polyester, girls) content in everyday attire, it's no wonder people would be drawn to a raw engineered form of it. The look you get from duct tape is edgy and playful. You don't need to be Goth or punk. Just lose your inhibitions and get crafty with the myriad of colors duct tape is now manufactured in. It comes in pink, blue, red, gold and the traditional gunmetal grey, among others. Need a little duct tape tutorial for inspiration? The Tillicum Pierce County Library hosts a duct tape creations class Wednesday from 4-5 p.m. No, we're serious.

THURSDAY, OCT. 13: Would your alter ego be Robin Hood? You're pissed off that people long accustomed to the comforts of middle-class life are now relying on public assistance for the first time in their lives - potentially for years to come - while the rich become richer. You've decided to become a modern day Robin Hood. But, as the movies have shown, you need mad archery skills. You're in luck! Every Thursday Skookum Archers in Puyallup hosts public instruction in its private clubhouse range. Show up at 6:15 p.m. to sign in, go through a brief safety orientation the first time and then you get to play archery under instruction till 7:45. Best part, freeloaders? You first visit is free.

FRIDAY, OCT. 14: Would your alter ego be a poet? We just read the most irritating book in the world. It's called Jeremy Thrane, and while parts of it were fun, the main character had this extraordinarily annoying habit of, in moments of great stress, reciting poetry. And not his own, but stuff by Yeats, Stevens and other dead people. We think that if you're a writer and you find yourself quoting other people's work because their words express your thoughts better than you can maybe you ought to seriously think about what that means. If, however, you'd like to take a stab at writing your own stuff, jog on over to King's Books for its Distinguished Writers Series. After featured poet Ed Harkness goes off at 7 p.m., stand up and read your stuff during the open mic session. And for fun, why not wear a beret?

SATURDAY, OCT. 15: Would your alter ego be U.S. Women's Soccer Team defender Stephanie Cox? While the chances of you kicking it around with Hope Solo, Abby Wambach and Heather O'Reilly remains scant, you may just lose your proverbial women's soccer cherry this Saturday by hanging with Cox at Skansie Brothers Park. The Gig Harbor resident will talk about her experience and soccer background, sign autographs and then kick the ball around from 1:30-3:30 p.m.

SUNDAY, OCT. 16: Would your alter ego be a tango dancer? Run, run we tell you, to the florist for roses, because you're going to need it Sunday night. You'll be clutching it between your teeth as you dance the romantic and mysterious tango at the Abbey Ballroom Dance and Pilates Center in Tacoma. Milonga Tango Dance includes free beginners lesson at 5 p.m., followed by a dance ($8). Adelante!

LINK: Arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

SATURDAY, OCT. 8, 2011 >>>

1. Join poet, author, editor and spoken word performer Quincy Troupe tonight at the Museum of Glass for what's being billed as a night of poetry and jazz. It runs from 7 - 9:30 p.m. and also features poetry readings by Tacoma's poet laureate Josie Emmons Turner and a performance by the Kareem Kandi Band. The event is presented in conjunction with Parenthetically Speaking: It's Only a Figure of Speech by Mildred Howard, currently on display at MOG.

2. It's finally here! The Donkey Creek Chum Festival that is! A celebration of salmon incubated and released as fry into Gig Harbor by the Gig Harbor Commercial Fishermen's Club now returning to span as mature salmon, and also a party for all who admire and cherish the role salmon plays in our local ecosystem, The Donkey Creek Chum Festival is always a good time. It starts at 10 a.m. and goes down where Harborview meets North Harborview along Gig Harbor's waterfront. The Chum Burgers hit the grill beginning at noon, and the kayak races are from 2 - 3:30 p.m.

3. Acoustic artist Sarah McQuaid plays Traditions Café tonight in Olympia. The all-ages action starts at 8 p.m.

4. It's become tradition. Beautiful, lederhosen-centric, malt-liquor-fueled tradition. Every year, customarily at Bob's Java Jive, co-creator Craig Egan and his cast of dedicated, party-making cohorts put together one of the coolest and most unique nights of the year - mixing ghetto culture, all things German and large quantities of Old E (or similarly malt adult beverages) to make Maltoberfest - thee place to be tonight. With music coming from prime sources like Saucy Yoda, Kramer and DJ Melodica (among many others) you know the tunes will be banging. And seeing as the $15 entry gets you all the malt liquor you could possibly drink (not to mention lots of German food), there's really no better bang for your party buck either. Remember to drain a forty for your toten Freunde. 

5. India.Arie's voice is known the world over. Over the course of a decade-spanning career (so far), Arie has managed to touch more than most with her equally inspiring and intimate musical efforts. Tonight, Arie and composer Idan Raichel will perform at the Washington Center in Olympia. Hype describes the teaming as a, "dynamic collaboration," that "bridges cultural divides and exemplifies the strength of raw, unadorned production." But see for yourself.

LINK: Even more things to do featured in The Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight

RUNDOWN OF LOCAL HAUNTED HOUSES >>>

Halloween has gone through an interesting evolution over the years. From a simple celebration of the end of summer and harvest, to a welcome occasion for kids to dress up and mow down otherwise unheard of amounts of sugar, to a once-a-year opportunity for adults to package themselves in next to nothing in the name of a spooky holiday, these days Halloween promises something for almost everyone. It's not just for the kids anymore.

Like most things, one tradition that's gotten bigger and better as the years have passed is the local haunted house. There was a time when an unexpected, "boo" and a little vampire face paint might have done the trick, but these days the production and entertainment value offered by local haunted houses and corn mazes has skyrocketed.  If getting scared stiff is your bag, there are plenty of options.

Here's a look at some of the best of the best when it comes to local haunted house in the South Sound this Halloween season.

Theatre of Lost Souls

The Paradise Theatre in Gig Harbor has offered up the scares for over a decade with its annual haunted house, the Theatre of Lost Souls.  This potentially frightening escapade takes you indoors and out, fully stocked with well-versed actors who could easily be mistaken for actual zombies. Twists, turns, and brutal scenes that could be created only by Gig Harbor's finest stage crew claims victim after victim with terrifying screams and suspenseful attacks. - Steph DeRosa
[Paradise Theatre, Oct. 23-31 (off Monday), 6:30-9:30  p.m., Special Kids Night Oct. 23, 26 6:30-8:30 p .m., 9911 Burnham Dr. NW, Gig Harbor, 253.851.PLAY]

Fright Fest

With all the pools drained, decorations up, and lights off, Wild Waves Theme Park really does transition into an eerie scene for its annual Fright Fest.  All dry rides are open, and admission into multiple incredibly intimidating haunted houses is included in the somewhat hefty entrance fee.  My mind over matter mantra almost failed me as I waited in the long, but steadily moving line - full of people just like me waiting to be scared crapless.  A large sign warning visitors of sudden scares and stating due precautions set my mind into overdrive, giving me a nervous belly. And the scares provided delivered. This thing called Fright Fest, my friends, is worth every bloody penny. - SD
[Wild Waves Theme Park, weekends in October, $24.99 plus parking, 36201 Enchanted Pkwy. S., Federal Way, 253.661.8000]

Maris Farms Corn Maze

The corn maze phenomenon has taken off, and without question one of our area's best is the corn maze offered by Maris Farms, a Sumner/Buckley tradition. Now in its twelfth year, this Halloween's installment of the eight-acre Maris Farms Corn Maze comes with a tagline of, "Out of This World," meaning thrill seekers should expect frights of the alien kind. While for most a jaunt to Maris Farms will require a drive, once there the entertainment isn't limited to just the corn maze. Other good times include the "Haunted Woods," pumpkin patch, pig races and pedal cart racing. Maris Farms promises something for all ages, and delivers. - Matt Driscoll
[Maris Farms, through October, 10-6 p.m., $3 weekdays, $5 weekends, 24713 Sumner Buckley Highway, Buckley, 253.862.2848]

KUBE 93 FM Haunted House

The KUBE 93 FM Haunted House bills itself as the, "scariest event of the season," and those who've lived to talk about it seem to agree. Topnotch makeup and larger-than-life production explain why this yearly tradition has stood the test of time. Scarier than most, KUBE 93 FM's Haunted House offers a kids day on Oct. 22, when the lights will be turned on for the young ones' enjoyment and KUBE DJ Shellie Hart will broadcast live. - MD
[Old Georgetown Morgue, through October, 7 p.m. to midnight Fridays and Saturdays, 7-10 pm. Sundays and Thursdays, 6-10 p.m. Halloween, $16, 5000 E. Marginal Way S., Seattle, seattlehaunts.com]

Rutledge Farm Corn Maze

What's scarier than your run-of-the-mill haunted corn maze? Try the Rutledge Farm Corn Maze in Tumwater, this year carved in an ode to the next installment of the Twilight movies, Breaking Dawn. No, I'm serious. It's literally a corn maze cut into the likeness of Edward and Bella. You have to experience it to believe it. - MD 
[Rutledge Farm, through October, 5 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. (last ticket sold at 11 p.m.), $11, 302 93^rd Ave. SE, Tumwater, 360.357.3700]

AMERICANA MUSIC SERIES HOST TAKES THE STAGE SATURDAY >>>

Great songwriters are storytellers. Through song they voice their ideas, their characters, their feelings and their thoughts. Songwriters have a need to not only explore these universalities of the human experience, but serve them up in an out-loud voice in front of strangers.

Some things, quite simply, are better said through song.

Michael ONeill has mastered the ability to weave a tale into a comprehensive tune, evoking deep conviction and stunningly tender compassion.

He's been at it for some time, too. ONeill spent more than 20 years as a touring rock and blues troubadour, including stints with Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bob Weir and Steve Crooper. Today, he prefers to tell stories with a country fiddle and steel guitar.

This past year ONeill has expanded his voice into radio and concert promotions. He hosts the area's only Americana, roots, alt-country radio show, "Who's Bad Now Radio," Tuesday at 7 p.m. on KGHP-FM. And he brings stories to the stage with his Americana Music Series, Saturday nights at Morso Wine Bar in Gig Harbor. Kevin Montgomery, Steve Poltz, Vicci Martinez, Tommy Tutone, Peter Case, Grant Peeples and Robbie Walden have all performed before the wine-swilling crowd.

Saturday, the music series celebrates its first anniversary. ONeill will take the performance reins on this one. The Weekly Volcano tossed a few questions at ONeill before the party.

WEEKLY VOLCANO: Congratulations, Michael. Where are you taking Saturday night's performance?

MICHAEL ONEILL: Thanks. I will be doing songs from all six of my recordings - songs and guitars - from Dream On, From the Beginning, Who's Bad Now and the others.

VOLCANO: The promotional materials state you'll be bring in special guests for the show.

ONEILL: Yup. I have confirmations from Jon Parry Fiddle, Orville Johnson, Gary Ballard and my old pal Tommy (Tutone) Heath. I am looking forward to a wonderful crowd of friends and family to gather Saturday night and lift up songs and glasses then bring on the new season.

VOLCANO: So the Americana Music Series lives on. Who's performing this coming year?

ONEILL: Hell yes. The rest of the year will feature Colin Gilmore - son of Jimmie Dale Gilmore - Oct. 6, Take Three Girls Oct. 22, Elizabeth Cook and Tim Carrol Nov. 19 and Ted Wulfers Dec. 10.

Michael ONeill and friends

The Americiana Music Series
Saturday, Sept. 10, 8 p.m., $25
Morso Wine Bar, 9014 Peacock Hill Ave., Gig Harbor
253.530.3463

THE GIG HARBOR 72-HOUR FILM COMPETITION, PART TWO >>>

Whether it comes from inside their own heads or other people, filmmakers hear "No!" a lot. It simply comes with the territory; theirs is an art, and business, of constant constraints and near-limitless limitations, never enough money/time/CGI apes ... you fill in the blank. These conditions prompt the more daring to engage in a sort of self-abuse and impose even greater restrictions on their work. So we see screenwriters set entire movies in cramped elevators, and more specifically a director like Hitchcock attempting to film his feature, Rope, in a single take.

You can bet plenty of local masochistic filmmakers will not resist the Gig Harbor 72-Hour Film Competition. Sure, participants have only a weekend (6 p.m. on Sept. 15 through the same time on Sept. 18) to complete a short film. And sure, every work must include the same line of dialogue, prop, action and situation. And sure, the Gig Harbor Film Society, which organizes the contest, has even capped every team's crew to five members. That's five people, four elements, three days, two nights, one movie. But you can't make diamonds without a little pressure, and all these rules may squeeze out a masterpiece.

Emilie Firn, one of the contest directors as well as program director for the upcoming Gig Harbor Film Festival, continues to ponder which elements she will ultimately pick. "I'm trying to choose elements that don't suggest an obvious storyline," she says, which means the competitors have some work ahead of them.

But no one seems to mind. In only its second year, the contest has already lured several of the same filmmakers back for another go at the top prize: the two best shorts as voted on by judges will secure a place in GHFF's Oct. 14-16 lineup.

I can't blame these folks - my friends and I have returned multiple times to The Grand Cinema's version of this competition. It's stressful, sleep-depriving and sometimes a real pain in the ass. But what a rush.

LINK: The details