Refighting its battle each Monday, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

After bluffin' with her muffin last Wednesday, Lady Gaga rescheduled her KeyArena Artpop performance for Aug. 8. You should wait before compiling your meat dress.

FRIDAY, JUNE 6

Spoiler alert for the faint of heart: I'm about to say complimentary things about Tom Cruise. Deal with it.

Shia LaBeouf, Gwyneth Paltrow, Keanu Reeves - I find it interesting to note which actors draw the most Internet ire. We give Woody Allen and Alec Baldwin passes for odious behavior, then dump our collective loathing on Katherine Heigl. (Actually, I'm OK with that one.) Perhaps the least deserving public piñata is one Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, the diminutive adrenaline junkie who taught us all how to bounce on couches, rock out in our tighty whities and run with blade hands. Yet I know people who refuse to see any Cruise vehicle, and they're missing out. Cruise has exceptional taste in directors. Thanks to J. J. Abrams and Brad Bird, the last two Missions: Impossible were awesome. His performance in Magnolia and unrecognizable appearance in Tropic Thunder were justly lauded. While he was miscast as Reacher, the movie itself was pretty good. Hell, I even liked Oblivion. If that doesn't convince you to give Edge of Tomorrow a shot, did you dig The Bourne Identity? Swingers? Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Two episodes of I Just Want My Pants Back? Then you have director Doug Liman to thank. At time of writing, Rotten Tomatoes lists a mid-90s score for Edge of Tomorrow, which boasts the additional selling point of not being a remake, reboot, sequel, threequel, prequel or ripoff. Maybe that alone should be enough to recommend it.

If, however, you're of a more literary bent, and/or you're a 15-year-old girl, you're probably hip to the publishing phenomenon that is John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. After numerous recommendations from critics and friends, my wife and I listened to the audiobook over the course of a drive to coastal Oregon. It blew us away. I bawled as if Fantine had beaten up my mom before both died of consumption and high notes. The point is it's a really great book. It takes the tried-and-true genre of romantic weepie and elevates it to what Time's reviewer called "damn near genius." I say there's no need to qualify its praise. Now, whether that means the movie will be good is anyone's guess, but folks I admire are involved (Mike Birbiglia, Willem Dafoe, Laura Dern, Shailene Woodley and Green himself). Its early June release speaks to the studio's pride. But if you haven't read the book first, well ... that's on you. Bring your best crying face. Oh, and local cinemas will live-screen the movie along with cast interviews on Thursday, June 5, under the title "The Night Before Our Stars." Awww.

Or you could stay home and fire up a new season of Orange Is the New Black on Netflix. Bitches gots to learn, n'est-ce pas?

SATURDAY, JUNE 7

Friends, are you trapped in an orbital station 22,000 miles above the earth? Did George Clooney give his life to save yours, as you drifted in a terrifying shitstorm of visual effects?  Is your helmet filling with carbon dioxide and regret for starring in All About Steve? Then IMAX is here to help, or at least to explain why you're getting perforated with aluminum bullets. Pierce College presents a first come, first serve screening of the Tom Wilkinson-narrated documentary Space Junk. It's free, but BYOBB (Bring Your Own Barf Bag).

SPACE JUNK, 3:20 p.m., Pierce College Science Dome, 9401 Farwest Dr. SW, Lakewood, free, 360.786.9484

For only two nights and five bucks a ticket, Olympia Little Theatre presents a minimally-staged reading of a 2011 script called Good People. And you should care why? Its playwright, David Lindsay-Abaire, is the creative talent behind Fuddy Meers, Rabbit Hole, and Shrek the Musical, and his newest effort was nominated for a Tony for Best Play.

GOOD PEOPLE, 7:55 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, Olympia Little Theatre, 1925 Miller Ave. NE, Olympia, $5, 360.786.9484

SUNDAY, JUNE 8

Cosmos completes its Spacetime Odyssey with an episode titled "Unafraid of the Dark." The Midnight Society could not be reached for comment.

Thursday, June 12, is my 46th birthday. I enjoy ice cream cake, AMC gift certificates, boob pics and the collected works of Iain Banks. In lieu of those, try to win me a role in Star Wars, Episode VII: The Phantom Lens Flare by donating to UNICEF here.  I appreciate it.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may you never win a Razzie for All About Steve.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1 2014 >>>

1. It's become tradition in our area - a yearly blues-blowout local music fans look forward to for the quality it draws. And, like clockwork, it's back. From 2-10:30 p.m. at Jazzbones, the preliminary contest of this year's South Sound Blues Association sponsored Back to Beale Street 2014 Blues Competition goes down, offering a chance for competitors to earn their way to the heralded International Blues Challenge in Memphis in early 2015. Schedule to perform before three judges are Clover Creek, The Julie Duke Band, Phat Daddy and the Zone, Pacific Drive, Aaron Jones and the Way, Thai Barker Band, Rafael Tranquilino Band, Palmer Junction, The CD Woodbury Band, Blues County Sheriff and Brian Lee and the Orbiters. Those in the know recognize four of the bands represent the Puget Sound Music for Youth Association, which is cool. 

2. The Mother Earth News Fair returns to the Puyallup Fairgrounds from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. The family-oriented sustainable lifestyle event will features hands-on workshops and demonstrations from experts from the leading authorities on renewable energy, small-scale agriculture, gardening, green building, small-scale livestock, green transportation and natural health.

3. In 2001, wife-and-husband team Jessica Blank and Erik Jensen conducted interviews with more than 40 exonerated Death Row residents, then condensed some of those interviews into a direct-address theater piece, The Exonerated. Their play won numerous awards and was adapted into a star-studded telefilm that aired, appropriately enough, on Court TV. Director Don Welch has assembled an impressive cast of a dozen undergrads plus one soulful saxophonist (Sean Lindemeier) for a passionate, provocative, poetic 90 minutes of despair and redemption. It's terrific. And it ends today at 2 p.m. at the South Puget Sound Community College. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of The Exonerated in the Music and Culture section.

4. Rich Wetzel's Groovin Higher Orchestra will drop in on Stonegate Pizza to perform a rockin' big band jazz dinner show from 5-8pm.

5. Five of the best up and coming stand-up comedians - Aaron Kirby, Monica Nevi, Tyler Smith, Tyrone Hawkins, MC Mike Coletta - will perform for $5 at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Comedy Club.

LINK: Sunday, June 1 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, MAY 30 2014 >>>

1. Washington-bred filmmaker and wine aficionado Colin West has been hanging out with Allen Shoup, former CEO of Chateau St. Michelle and now the winemaker and the owner of Long Shadows Winery in Washington state. Yes, he's been drinking wine with Shoup, but more importantly, West has been filming the experience for his WINERAM travel film series. His WINERAM films create a new and approachable discourse on wine by integrating wine education, travel and adventure. According to West, you don't have to be a pretentious snob to be in the industry or enjoy wine. Last year, West traveled around Australia, visiting the top winemakers in every corner of the country, learning about the wine, their region, the local hot spots and also forcing the winemakers into extreme activities most would never dream of doing. At 6:30 p.m., the Olympia Film Society and Grand Vin Wine Merchants present WINERAM Australia as part of their Movies about Wine with Wine Series screening at the Capitol Theater. Yes, there will be wine beginning at 5 p.m.

2. With the rise of celebrity-scientists such as Bill Nye, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson - host of the fantastic Cosmos - a whole new generation has learned the awe and wonder to be found in nature and the universe stretched out above us. The Evergreen State College taps into that with its Science Carnival and Research Expo, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. The carnival features some pretty cool topics and presentations this year, including how cola dissolve certain foods, how oxygen affects the appetite of crabs, how sea slugs convert light and a shellfish touch tank.

3. Actors and critics often claim David Mamet's truncated sentences and indirect ramblings mirror everyday speech patterns, but that's ridiculous. His dialogue is almost as stylized as Kushner's or Shakespeare's. Like both, it demands a particular skill from its actors: the ability to memorize, perform, and slightly overlap dialogue that packs a wallop without seeming to go anywhere in particular. The truth is it's a lot more fun to watch a Mamet play than read or perform one. Tacoma's Working Class Theatre NW presents A Life in the Theatre, at 8 p.m. in the old downtown Tacoma Post Office. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of A Life in the Theatre in the Music and Culture section.

4. The Olympia chapter of the Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers, or Oly CLAW, will battle at 7 p.m. in the backroom at Le Voyeur. Characters such as Ivana KrushU, Cold As Isis, Vegan Villain and more will go head-to-head, or should we say arm-to-arm, in a full-out fight to raise money and awareness for Safeplace, an advocacy agency and confidential shelter for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Thurston County. Read Nikki McCoy's full story here.

5. Good news: the Music & Art in Wright Park festival will rock Tacoma, once again, with an Aug. 16 date in Wright Park. At 8 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge, a fundraiser will be held featuring a nifty raffle, and the musical stylings of Pioneers West, Oh Dear! And Coma Figura.

LINK: Friday, May 30 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, MAY 23 2014 >>>

1. Kevin Seconds has never been a slave to expectations, even as his immensely influential band, 7 Seconds, helped to foster the West Coast hardcore scene in the early '80s. Today, Seconds is on his own as an acoustic singer-songwriter. Extricated from the context of the hardcore frontman, Seconds blossomed as both a writer and a performer. The man always possessed one of the best voices in punk, but his true range was given the spotlight once everything else was stripped away. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's interview with Kevin Seconds in the Music & Culture section, then catch Seconds with Erica Freas, Secret Abilities and Sullivan Street for an all-ages show at Northern.

2. Visitors to Museum of Glass, as well as viewers around the world, will have the unique opportunity to watch the first-ever live filming of the museum's new web series, The Hot Shop Live Show, from noon to 1 p.m. Hosted by Hot Shop Emcee Greg Owen and Visiting Artist Coordinator Katie Phelps, visitors will watch artist Preston Singletary work in the Hot Shop and learn more about the inspiration for his upcoming exhibition Raven and the Box of Daylight. 

3. The TCC Orchestra welcomes pianist Dr. Amy Grinsteiner as the featured soloist for our final concert of the 2013-14 academic year at 7:30 p.m. in Building 2 Auditorium. Expect to hear "Air for Strings" by Delo Joio, "Piano Concerto No. 9" by Mozart and "Symphony in d minor" by Frank. Grinsteiner has received every honor on the planet.

4. David Mamet's 1975 A Life in the Theatre is about two actors - one a seasoned veteran, the other a professional novice. They seem to have a growing friendship based on collaboration and mutual respect. But this is Mamet; other things, such as reputation and ambition, soon roil the waters, and Working Class Theater NW will shine a light on them. As part of Spaceworks Tacoma, the theater company will stage the petty skirmishes, eggshell egos and dying nobility on the third floor courtroom of the Old Post Office in downtown Tacoma at 8 p.m.

5. The Kim Archer Duo performs an all-ages show at 8 p.m. at the B Sharp Coffee House in Tacoma.

LINK: Friday, May 23 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, MAY 18 2014 >>>

1. LAKE had a busy 2013, releasing two full-length albums - The World is Real and Circular Doorway - while continuing their habit of not making too much of a fuss about it. Throughout their seven-year career, LAKE has quietly established itself as one of the best bands in the Pacific Northwest, crafting little lo-fi gems of glowing '70s soft rock-indebted indie rock. Their music is sunny and buoyant without falling into twee territory, and airy without risking the chillwave categorization. Any integration of discord into their waves of pristine harmonies is a welcome one, and helps to integrate texture and movement into what sometimes approaches the overly serene. Today finds them joining a free bill with two other solid local indie bands in Humble Cub and Coma Figura at 6 p.m. in Half Pint Pizza Pub. It's not to be missed.

2. The Tacoma Art Museum and Museum of Glass offer two-for-one admission today as part of the international Art Museum Day. TAM opens at 10 a.m., while MOG waits until noon. They both close at 5 p.m.

3. The Foss Waterway Seaport - the South Sound's maritime heritage center - will officially open its doors for the summer season at noon. Located on Tacoma's Thea Foss Waterway, the Seaport will host a re-opening celebration, including family-friendly festivities, cake cutting, live music, the Tacoma Fire Department fire boat, special maritime vessels, activities and exhibits, appearances by Captain Vancouver and Thea Foss, and the firing of cannons until 4 p.m. The inaugural exhibit for the summer season, "Peek in our Attic and Share our Dream," will highlight the many historic maritime treasures in the museum's collection.

4. Anyone who has visited Point Defiance Park is familiar with the stately Japanese-inspired details of the Point Defiance Pagoda. First opening in 1914 as a streetcar station serving the park, the Pagoda celebrates its centennial this month in grand-fashion following the recent announcement naming it to the National Register of Historic Places. In honor of both the centennial and naming to the register, Metro Parks will host a public celebration from noon to 4 pm. The free event welcomes the community to explore the building, enjoy live music and refreshments, create handmade event souvenirs, learn about the history of the Pagoda and future plans for the Japanese Gardens which surround it, and take part in free guided tours.

5. Olympia Little Theatre's production of playwright Lauren Gunderson's Exit, Pursued by a Bear ends its run today at 1:55 p.m. The prey in this story is Kyle Carter, a short-tempered redneck who may or may not have beaten his wife, Nan. On a quest for revenge and emancipation, she recruits the help of a stripper/wannabe actor named Sweetheart (stage name "Peaches," which isn't much better) and Simon, her gay best friend, who arrives in a cheerleader's uniform. Nan's plan is to stage a reenactment of key moments with Kyle, then douse him in honey and open the door wide to Ursus americanus floridanus, a 300-pound Florida black bear. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of Exit, Pursued By A Bear in the Music & Culture section.

LINK: Sunday, May 18 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, MAY 16 2014 >>>

1. Ever feel like walking into a room and watching people sing and dance? Cultura Cabaret, self-proclaimed as Tacoma's only dinner theater cabaret, will present the opportunity for the first time when it pulls back the curtain at 6:45, 8:45 and 10 p.m. in the Cultura Events Center. Channeling the 1920s, the vaudevillian show will see emcee Armitage Shanks introduce singer Pearl Posh, pole dancer Lusty Zinns, circus performer Jenny Penny and burlesque performers Sofia Delish, Boom Boom L'Roux and Rosie Cheex in a theater-in-a-round, intimate dinner setting. Diners are so close to the performance they will feel as if they are part of the show.

2. Only Lovers Left Alive is the latest from writer-director Jim Jarmusch (of Coffee and Cigarettes and Ghost Dog fame). The film focuses on Adam (Tom Hiddleston), and his wife, Eve (Tilda Swinton), a married couple who, despite being very much in love, are separated. Several centuries of familiarity breeds a lot of contempt and a few years of absence might make their hearts grow fonder, provided no one puts a stake through them. Adam and Eve are vampires that don't squander the gift of eternal unlife slap-fighting with Taylor Lautner for Kristen Stewart's affections. They do what most people would do if given limitless time and opportunity: Everything. Catch the film at 1, 3:40, 6:20 and (;05 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.

3. Hailing from Oakland, Steel Cranes are a no-nonsense duo composed of Tracy Shapiro and Amanda Shuckle. Their brand of wiry, nervy post-punk recalls badasses such as PJ Harvey and Patti Smith. The assault of guitar and drums is dialed in to a degree that would be exhausting if it weren't so exhilarating.Catch the band with the Redwood Plan and Japanese Game Show at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

4. Louisiana guitarist/vocalist Tab Benoit specializes in old-school Cajun blues - soulful, spicy stuff from the deep Bayou blended with elements of Texas-style blues-rock and vintage New Orleans funk. Catch him at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones.

5. The F---ing Eagles, Blanco Bronco, Raptor Tractor and masonsapron help Tacoma booking guy Chuck Gosk celebrate his dirty 30, so expect debauchery and beers beginning at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge. We mean a lot of beers.

LINK: Friday, May 16 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, MAY 11 2014 >>>

1. It all starts with those peepers, of course, sometimes flirty, sometimes intense, but always aware, of the cameras, of the crowds, of the cool. Ol' Blue Eyes, a singin' joe with the world on a ring-a-ding string. Sinatra made his way, like a figure out of a 19th century novel, from the rough Italian neighborhoods of Depression-era Hoboken to the heights of musical popularity in wartime New York, crashed and then recreated himself in 1950s and '60s Hollywood and Las Vegas. It's those Vegas shows Joey Jewell will recreate with Jim Kerl's Swingin' 60's Orchestra at 6:30 p.m. in Jazzbones. Well, maybe not an exact replica of those times. Jazzbones' hat-check girls shouldn't need to be on alert.

2. CycloFemme is a global women's cycling day created to honor the past and the emancipation of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, for the freedom to choose and the chance to wear pants. To celebrate the present, Tacoma's VeloFemmes invites women to join them for a ride around Tacoma, beginning at noon at The Spar in Old Town Tacoma.

3. We promise you, no animals were harmed in Olympia Little Theatre's production of playwright Lauren Gunderson's Exit, Pursued by a Bear. The prey in this story is Kyle Carter, a short-tempered redneck who may or may not have beaten his wife, Nan. On a quest for revenge and emancipation, she recruits the help of a stripper/wannabe actor named Sweetheart (stage name "Peaches," which isn't much better) and Simon, her gay best friend, who arrives in a cheerleader's uniform. Nan's plan is to stage a reenactment of key moments with Kyle, then douse him in honey and open the door wide to Ursus americanus floridanus, a 300-pound Florida black bear. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of Exit, Pursued By A Bear in the Music & Culture section, then catch the show at 1:55 p.m.

4. The Five Changes (Wu Xing) are the five material elements of the traditional Chinese Daoist world, and the transformations that turn each into the other through natural processes over time.  At 3 p.m., "The Five Changes" will be performed by the Pacific Lutheran University Percussion and Wind Ensemble in Lagerquist Concert Hall.

5. Jubal Flagg hosts Comics Eating Brownies at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Comedy Club. Five comics will perform, then eat a brownie, and perform again.

LINK: Sunday, May 11 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SATURDAY, MAY 10 2014 >>>

1. Since its beginnings in 2006, MLK Ballet's MOVE! has popped up in different types of venues and sometimes had more than one performance per year. For all 21 performances, the goal has remained the same - present contemporary dance in Tacoma. This year's show, which hits Theatre on the Square at 7 p.m., will feature work from Vincent Michael Lopez, a choreographer and former dancer with Spectrum Dance Theater (SDT); Jade Solomon Curtis, a current dancer with SDT; Lilianna Koledin, formerly of Alloy Dance Project; a local student choreographer, Celeste Reed, from SOTA; and many others. Read Kristin Kendle's full feature on MOVE! #21 in the Music & Culture section.

2. Do you yearn for the long-lost days of dapper duds and the fash 'stache? Feather & Oar's inaugural Tacoma Tweed Ride will recall those finer bits of life. A celebration of turn-of-the-century fashions, particularly the tweed suit, this Victorian-esque bike ride starts at 10 a.m. in front of the Point Defiance Park Pagoda and winds through Tacoma's North End neighborhood - along one of the first streetcar routes in town - to the Pacific Pop-Up Shop, 1743 Pacific Ave., in downtown Tacoma. With one hand on a handlebar and the other twisting your mustache or hanging on to your fancy hat, this unhurried jaunt will take you by photos of historic bicycles, buildings and streetcars. Not in it for the exercise? Dust off your fanciest hat, polish your monocle, don knickerbockers and berets and hang at the finish line, before finding a nearby ale.

3. Hilltop Artists is a nonprofit glass arts program created by the iconic Dale Chihuly designed to use "glass art to connect young people from diverse cultural and economic background to better futures." The program boasts more than 500 students a year, and each year its Spring Glass Sale acts as both a great opportunity to make its mission known, and offer chances at top-notch work to one and all. In fact, the Hilltop Artists Spring Glass Sale has become so popular that attendees are asked to start showing up at 9 a.m. to take a number, with entry starting at 10 a.m. in the order that people arrived. All proceeds go directly back to the program. The sale will be held at the Jason Lee Hot Shop and Gymnasium.

4. The biting, satirical, outrageous feminist art group Guerrilla Girls will present a live performance sponsored by Tacoma Art Museum and University of Washington Tacoma. The event is called Guerrilla Girls: Not Ready to Make Nice. What they will do is anybody's guess, but rest assured it will be provocative, entertaining and educational. The show starts at 1 p.m. atPhillips Hall at University of Washington Tacoma. Read Alec Clayton's full story on the Guerrilla Girls here.

5. Prom Queen is cinematic. The soundtracks and scores of movies are valuable, and can be great, but when we use the word "cinematic" to describe a band, what we're really talking about is the idea of a soundtrack - the music accompanying an impossible film, one that features a dizzying array of romantic overtures, bitter double-crosses, scenic panoramas, carefree comedic set pieces, scenes of deep horror, and the tacit acknowledgement of those grainy shadows and pieces of hair that cling to the projected film. Prom Queen is that kind of cinematic. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on Prom Queen in the Music & Culture section, then catch the band with the Dee Dee's, the Plastards, Bullets and Balloons at 8 p.m., in Bob's Java Jive.

LINK: Saturday, May 10 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

WEDNESDAY, MAY 7 2014 >>>

1. Named after Bill Murray's iconic, sardonic Peter Venkman character - and populated by members with names like Air Bud and Hot Pants - something tells us Venkman aren't usually serious about much, but the stuff they take seriously they'll likely go nuclear over. Nominally a powerviolence band (charmingly re-dubbed "nerdviolence"), Venkman tear through punishing, briefly blistering songs with silly names like "Powerviolence and Applesauce." Catch the band with Jedi Scum and Under 15 Seconds at 10 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

2. Pint Defiance - the beer store/taproom so in love with Point Defiance Park it incorporated the Tacoma icon into its name - will host a fundraiser with Ninkasi Brewing Company for Fort Nisqually 5-7 p.m.For every pint sold, Ninkasi will donate $1 to the Fort Nisqually Foundation to keep the camps and classes coming. In fact, $2 will be donated for every growler filled. As a bonus, Pint Defiance is putting a bounty on the draft beers by donating $50 to the Fort for every keg emptied that night. Nice. Expect Ninkasi schwag and both free and donation-based raffles.

3. Film Colorist Ed Shoemaker comes to the 253Film Collective to share his process in color grading film as part of telling a good story at 7 p.m. in The Grand Cinema. 

4. Journeying through the rich and complex saga of American history with storytelling, "old time" music and paintings as the McHughs will present "The Green Fields of America" at 7:30 p.m. in the Olympia Timberland Library.

5. The Brotherhood Takes Flight aerial and trapeze show takes off at 8 p.m. every first Wednesday, with Olympia's toughest babes taking to the air with whimsy, strength and artful grace. The performances above the drinking crowd range from naughty to funny to just plain beautiful. A dance party typically follows the performance.

LINK: Wednesday, May 7 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Taunting you a second time, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

As I write this, The Olympian's Jeremy Pawloski just reported that a 34-year-old man has been arrested for allegedly deploying a crime syndicate of single-digit-aged children to pilfer purses and diaper bags from dispirited diners at Chuck E. Cheese in the Capital Mall. That's right, folks, Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can be a kid! And a felon! The Artful Dodger could not be reached for comment.

THURSDAY, MAY 8

Lacey's Timberline High School presents Monty Python's Spamalot, beating John Munn's Lakewood Playhouse pig dogs to the Grail by over a month. But look on the bright side of life, Brave Sir John: at least your production gets to include all those welcoming nuns in Castle Anthrax. Ni!

MONTY PYTHON'S SPAMALOT, 7 p.m. Thursday-Saturday through May 10, Timberline High School, 6120 Mullen Rd. SE, Lacey, $8-$10, 360.412.4860

FRIDAY, MAY 9

After The Anticlimactic Spider-Man 2 landed with a warm splat of arachnid leavin's last weekend, by which I mean it was critically unloved, yet made squillions of dollars, my hopes are sub-minimal for the CG toon Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return. It stars Idina Menzel wannabe Lea Michele as the voice of Dorothy Gale, plus a bunch of comic thespians your dad likes (Dan Aykroyd as the Scarecrow, Kelsey Grammer as the Tin Man, and Oliver Platt as, well, me with more hair). Its songs include "No, This Isn't ‘Let It Go,'" "Still Not ‘Let It Go'" and "Why Aren't You Watching Frozen Instead?"

Also in cineplexes this weekend: Chef, the latest dramedy from director/star Jon Favreau (whose Iron Man may be the greatest superhero movie ever made, unless you count Raiders of the Lost Ark, which I don't of course because the list of Indiana Jones' mortal flaws is even longer than this parenthetical; oh, and by the way, Jon Favreau also made Zathura, which is totally underrated and Cowboys & Aliens which isn't). What was I talking about? Oh, right: Chef, which costars Sofia Vergara, Tony Stark, Natalia Romanova, Jerri Blank and (I'm not even kidding here) Oliver Platt. Best of all, Anthony Bourdain tweeted that he's already seen it and loved it, so bon appetit. Maybe spring for the truffle salt on your popcorn this time, ya cheap bastard (#YOLO).

SUNDAY, MAY 11

Showtime debuts its horror-romance series Penny Dreadful, respectively written and produced by John Logan and Sam Mendes, two industry pros who were largely responsible for Skyfall. Their new series is named for British pulp mags of the 19th century - so, as you might expect, it stars Josh Hartnett. No, wait, come back! The cast includes Doctor Who companion Billie Piper, Timothy Dalton, gifted naked person Eva Green and a Grand Guignol orchestra pit's worth of literary monsters. Might be fun.

Fun historical fact: Paris' notoriously gore-obsessed Théâtre du Grand-Guignol went out of business in 1962 ("We could never equal [the concentration camp] Buchenwald," one director observed), but it reopened years later as the family-friendly International Visual Theatre, a troupe that performs in sign language for the hearing-impaired. Alors, merci, Wikipedia!

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may you find your Grail - along with just a little bit of peril.