SUNDAY, APRIL 13 2014 >>>

1. Today is the last day to catch the Washington State Spring Fair. While shorter than its late summer edition, is crammed with more attractions than ever. For urbanites who need convincing, here's a handy checklist: Slamfest Demolition Derby, All Alaskan Racing Pigs at Fountain Plaza, Brad's World Reptile Show, Fair Farm, DockDogs, Mindworks! interactive hands-on games, Face painting, Tot Spot, Rainier Rush, Extreme Scream, and more whirling rides, Scones, onion burgers, caramel apples and more. Go ahead: Leave your laptop behind, shimmy into that old pair of Wranglers, pull on those dusty cowboy boots, slap on a 10-gallon hat and prepare to spend yourself a day at this year's wingding.

2. Giacomo Puccini's Madame Butterfly, when performed well, fulfills all of the promise of what opera can be. It is a perfect story of innocent love and betrayal. Cio-Cio-San - Butterfly's Japanese name - is one of the best-developed and most sympathetic characters in the operatic repertoire.  And the music that envelops this touching tale is rich with melody and orchestration. Opera lovers look forward to seeing it time and time again, and many a novice has come to love opera through Butterfly.  Experience Tacoma Opera's version at 2 p.m. in the Pantages Theater.

3. The Tacoma Cult Movie Club celebrates its fifth anniversary with a marathon viewing session featuring releases from Seattle's Something Weird Video - in honor of Mike Vraney, SWV's founder, who passed away Jan. 2 of this year. Beginning at 4 p.m. in the Acme Tavern, expect a potluck (bring food!), raffle prizes and, of course, wacky films. According to host Rev. Colin, the party will last "until they either kick us out or attendance drops off." Either way, TCMC will be staying up way past their usual bedtime.

4. The gang at Harlequin Productions reveals their plans for shows this coming year. And of course it's a party ... with a name ... ECLECTICA! The party will feature live entertainment, cash prize drawings, a wine toss, delicious food and drinks, and of course, the unveiling of Harlequin's 2015 lineup of shows. Harlequin will also be auctioning off items such as ocean-side getaways, dinner/hotel/show packages and a ringside seat at a private performance. Harlequin's improv comedy troupe Something Wicked will be in the house. The $35 event runs 5-8 p.m. in their Historic State Theater.

5. Los Devitos are a surfy garage rock band. They're great. Something about the laid-back vocals (reminiscent of fellow garage rockers the Growlers) and clean guitar lines, mixed with gently woozy psychedelia, is instantly evocative of mumbling heat-struck nonsense on a beach as the sun mercifully sets. This is music that's less for dancing and more for that moment near the end of the party when everyone slumps down into couches, keeping one foot on the ground to slow the spins. Catch the band with No Body and Trout Stream at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

BONUS: Tacoma Community College's Diversity Film Festival kicks off today.

LINK: Sunday, April 13 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, APRIL 11 2014 >>>

1. If someone asks, "How are you?" and you smile warmly and say, "I feel great and life is amazing," something is clearly wrong with you and you should be shunned. We mean, obviously. Life is one giant death-defying chase. Don't believe us? Catch six, thrilling real-life stories from local people who found themselves in a chase: on rollerblades, with government officials, after a murder suspect, for sexiness, for a reason to live and as fast as the speed of sound. It's called Drunken Telegraph, and the chase begins at 7:30 p.m. in Broadway Center's Studio III. Got a chase story? After the main-stage performers, audience members can take their own turn sharing stories on the spot during the "Story Slam." Do tell.

OK, if you are going to have nine bands play a show, it's awesome to start at 4:30 in the afternoon, and it's awesome to make it all ages. So, there's that going for Captain Jack Fest '14. The other thing going is it's at The Midnight Sun, which is going through some changes. But, perhaps, the most important thing is the line-up totally rules. Do I write about our 2014 Best of Olympia Best New Band winner Fruit Juice and their poppy, fantastic dance vibe? Do we write about Mosquito Hawk's sexy, tight, space-themed rock? Or do we write about Captain Algebra's punk/metal, Karp-esque skills? Man, Olympia rules.

Giacomo Puccini's Madame Butterfly, when performed well, fulfills all of the promise of what opera can be. It is a perfect story of innocent love and betrayal. Cio-Cio-San - Butterfly's Japanese name - is one of the best-developed and most sympathetic characters in the operatic repertoire.  And the music that envelops this touching tale is rich with melody and orchestration. Opera lovers look forward to seeing it time and time again, and many a novice has come to love opera through Butterfly.  Experience Tacoma Opera's version at 7:30 p.m. in the Pantages Theater.

Pacific Lutheran University's Dance Concert 2014 is a repertory dance concert comprised of dances created by PLU student choreographers, PLU's Dance Team, and two works of professional choreography by Director Paula J. Peters and guest choreographer Mary Reardon. A variety of choreographic works featuring upbeat rhythms, strong and succinct movements, and elegant sophistication revealed through serious and comical pieces will hit Eastvold Auditorium's stage at 7:30 p.m.

5. The Portland Cello Project and Stephanie Anne Johnson - who enjoyed an extended run on NBC's "The Voice - will perform at 8 p.m. in the Blue Mouse Theater. 

LINK: Friday, April 11 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

THURSDAY, APRIL 10 2014 >>>

1. Last year, we sat above the fairgrounds in a wobbly umbrella-covered enclosure, surging over that precarious point in the Ferris wheel where we swore to corn dog we would be pitched over, knocked off balance with our missing partner, and die a horrible death. We didn't, and we will freely admit that yes, we are a ride-wuss (and afraid of heights, to boot!). Even still, there is more to be enjoyed at the Washington State Spring Fair than rides. We also saw the baby animals, which included the sweetest 5-week-old pygmy goats ever, as well as freshly hatched chicks, and adult animals such as a huge male pig, sheep, dancing horses and cattle. Oh, he said herpetology? Whew. See, touch and learn about captive raised turtles, frogs, lizards, snakes and insects from around the world at Brad's Reptile World Show. The four-day Spring Fair  - which opens at 2 p.m. - will include carnival rides, music, food, animal shows, fashion show, monster trucks, pig races, dockdogs and much more.

2. More than 40 downtown Gig Harbor waterfront businesses will be open from 5-8:30 p.m. offering special offers, activities, demonstrations, refreshments and live music at the inaugural Thursday Night Out. A complimentary Thursday Night Out shuttle bus will be on the scene.

3. What Moondog Matinee lack in innovation they make up for in execution. Though their professed influences are a staggering assembly of just about every musical touchstone of the past 50 years (Talking Heads, the Band, Nick Cave, the White Stripes, Arcade Fire, and Edith Piaf [of all people], just to name a fraction of them), it's clear that they mostly take their cues from heavy blues, approached with an admirable widescreen expansiveness. Catch the band with Fox and the Law and Our Burgundy at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

4. Based in Portland, Ore., BodyVox dance group marries dance, athleticism, theatrics and humor. Both complex and refreshingly simple, BodyVox's Reverie is inspired by the impressionist era and builds from an overriding belief in the power of beauty. Check it out at 7:30 p.m. in the Washington Center.

5. Tom Cotter finished second on America's Got Talent in 2012.Cotter lost to a dog act, but don't hold that against him; he was the first comedian ever to be a finalist on the show and was the highest finishing human being on the show that year. Welcome Cotter to the Tacoma Comedy Club at 8 p.m.

LINK: Thursday, April 10 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

FRIDAY, APRIL 11

The biggest movie release this week is called Oculus. It's a horror film about a haunted mirror. I will write that again: it's a horror film about a haunted mirror. I mention this cinematic spectacle only because as of time of writing, with nine critics reporting in, it boasts a RottenTomatoes.com score of 100 percent. Make of that what you will.

SATURDAY, APRIL 12

My wife and I are performing alongside friends from Masterworks Choral Ensemble and Olympia Family Theater in Sing for a Cure, a "song cycle" to benefit cancer research. Proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, so we sure hope you'll join us for a program of empathy and hope.

SING FOR THE CURE, 7:30 p.m., Washington Center for the Performing Arts, 512 Washington St. SE, Olympia, $9-$19, 360.753.8585

This is a big night for ladybumps, as it's also when Stripped Screw Burlesque unveils its "Disney After Dark" revue in the Capitol Theater. Seattle princesses Seraphina Fiero and Maxie Milieu are joined by sultry local superstars Hattie Hotpants and Nani Poonani of TUSH.

DISNEY AFTER DARK, 9 p.m., Capitol Theater, 206 Fifth Ave. SE, Olympia, $15-$20, 360.754.6670

If you're spry, you might even make both shows. Let it go, indeed!

SUNDAY, APRIL 13

Sunday's MTV Movie Awards will present a special "Silver Bucket of Excellence" to 1998, the last year anyone cared about the MTV Movie Awards. Consequently, someone will wonder out loud whether Neve Campbell, the big winner that year, is still alive. Perhaps it'll be this year's host, Conan O'Brien, who asks the indelicate questions.

(The first time I wrote that paragraph, I used Ken Ober as its unwilling punchline. Guess what, though? It turns out Ken Ober is actually deceased - I had no idea - so don't I feel like quite the old geezer? Remote Control, people! Give it up for "Wheel of Torture!" ...Dear gravy, I'm old.)

Here's the thing about being happily married: you only have time for so much TV, even with a DVR. Therefore, if you aren't both fans of a show, it drops off your list of season recordings. I was able to hang on to Archer and Community, thank Dionysus, but Mad Men fell right off my queue. Is it still the 1960s on that show? Is Peggy still far and away the best thing on it? I have no idea, so find out for yourself when season 7, Mad Men's final go-round, begins Sunday.

TUESDAY, APRIL 15

The TV adaptation of Fargo debuts on FX, don't ya know. It stars Martin Freeman, Adam Goldberg, Colin Hanks, both Key and Peele (I'm serious), Joey King, Bob Odenkirk, Oliver Platt, Billy Bob Thornton, Kate Walsh, two wacky robots, the entire first-season cast of The West Wing, and a partridge in a pear tree. It's made by the guy responsible for Bones, so it'll last forever even though no one you know will ever watch it.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may you never find yourself trapped in the basement of 72 Whooping Cough Lane. I want my MTV!

SUNDAY, APRIL 6 2014 >>>

1. So, the guys in circulation were trying to describe it to us the other day - telling us all about the Nuclear Cowboyz FMX tribe who returns to the Tacoma Dome at 2 p.m. for an action-packed show complete with a Hunger Games-ish storyline told through more than 1,000 gravity-defying freestyle stunts. Or something. From what we're told, it's part Broadway show, part rock show, part freestyle motocross - now with more dance troupes and an army of Shaolin Kung Fu Warriors. Again, this is the circulation department talking. On top of all this, we're told, the show combines fearless freestyle gravity defying stunts, outrageous pyrotechnic and freakin' laser displays synchronized to heavy metal, rock alternative and electronic dubstep music, and features the world's best freestyle motocross athletes - such as X Games medalists Colten Moore, Taka Higashino and Jeremy "Twitch" Stenberg - front and center. Got it?

2. The Weekly Volcano staff crosses Flett Creek during daily trips for Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccinos. We don't give Flett Creek much thought, because all we can think about are Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccinos. John Flett and his family couldn't enjoy the sweet awesomeness of Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccinos during their difficult journey from the Red River area (near modern Winnipeg) across the Canadian Rockies to Puget Sound in 1841. Puget Sound sucked, so they headed to Oregon. Eventually, the Fletts made their way back to the Puget Sound in 1859. They homesteaded near Fort Nisqually and the community of Flett, which included a streetcar station. Flett was later absorbed into the town of Lakewood, and eventually several Starbucks popped up. If you're interested in Flett history before Starbucks, Beth Julian, great granddaughter of pioneer John Flett, will share the Flett story through tales, photos and memorabilia at 2 p.m. in Historical Fort Steilacoom, on the grounds of Western State Hospital.

3. Man of La Mancha finds Miguel de Cervantes in a dungeon with other prisoners, defending his life by narrating the story of Don Quixote, the naïve but faithful Sancho Panza, and the scrappy Aldonza. The treatment of Aldonza/Dulcinea in the musical, as opposed to the novel, is deeply disturbing. Cervantes's brawny farm girl becomes a prostitute who's brutally gang-raped in a barn. Quixote trounces the rapists ... then ministers to their wounds. But what of Aldonza's? What's the point of this added scene? Why not have Quixote - hell, Aldonza - prevent the attack? Tacoma Musical Playhouse deploys undeniable talent, especially in the lead roles. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of Man of La Mancha in the Music & Culture section, then catch the final performance of the run at 2 p.m.

4. After legendary guitarist Rich Dangel passed away in 2002, the two remaining members of Butterbean, Michael Kinder and Buck England, invited Dean Reichert to fill the big shoes Dangel left. The trio still performs rockin' blues, including at 7 p.m. in The Spar.

5. In the pantheon of such legends as Santa Claus and the Bogeyman, the Tooth Fairy ranks down in the minor leagues, we'd say, with Jack Frost and the Easter Bunny. Such a low ranking makes the Tooth Fairy an easy target for jokes. Ten comedians will dress up in legendary characters and roast the Tooth Fairy at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Comedy Club.

LINK: Sunday, April 6 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and olympia area

FRIDAY, MARCH 28 2014 >>>

1. Five fetching females will pay homage to that sweatiest, ugliest, manliest rock 'n' roll band of all time at 9 p.m. in the Capitol Theater. It's classic cock-rock without the, uh, receding hairline. If you haven't seen the balls-out (in every sense) rock explosion of Seattle's Hell's Belles, do whatever or whomever it takes to witness it Friday.  The "all-female AC/DC tribute band" gimmick gets 'em in the door, but guitarist Adrian Conner (Angus incarnate with much better legs) and Aussie singer Amber Saxon (belting Bon and Brian) deliver the goods note-for-sweaty-note with no mercy given. Prophets of Addiction open.

2. Check out the Washington Center's new Gallery show, "Memoir: Portrait of a Moment," from 5:30-7:30 p.m. The show features local artists focusing on the impact of memory on an individual artist. See the Center's fancy remodel, meet the artists and enjoy local talent.

3. Jeri, Kate and Linda join forces once again to commit manic mayhem over at Tacoma's Perky's Coffee House. This time, a suave but untrustworthy stranger enters their lives. Could this mean romance for one of our ladies, or a reason for comic revenge? Loosely inspired by William Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor, JAVA TACOMA is a celebration of friendship, middle-aged womanhood and all things Tacoma in The Merry Wives Americano beginning at 7:30 p.m. in The Dukesbay Theater above The Grand Cinema.

4. University of Puget Sound's celebrated student vocal group, the Adelphian Concert Choir, is heading home after a tour of the state. The 48-voice ensemble will give a free public concert at 8 p.m. on its home turf at Kilworth Memorial Chapel. Expect sacred songs, old-time favorites, choruses from Buddhist, European, and South African traditions, and modern innovations in music. No word yet if the choir will hand out apples picked in Wenatchee.

5. Man of La Mancha finds Miguel de Cervantes in a dungeon with other prisoners, defending his life by narrating the story of Don Quixote, the naïve but faithful Sancho Panza, and the scrappy Aldonza. The treatment of Aldonza/Dulcinea in the musical, as opposed to the novel, is deeply disturbing. Cervantes's brawny farm girl becomes a prostitute who's brutally gang-raped in a barn. Quixote trounces the rapists ... then ministers to their wounds. But what of Aldonza's? What's the point of this added scene? Why not have Quixote - hell, Aldonza - prevent the attack? Find out at 8 p.m. when the undeniable talent, especially in the lead roles, of Tacoma Musical Playhouse stages the show. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of Man of La Mancha in the Music & Culture section.

LINK: Friday, March 28 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

THURSDAY, MARCH 27 2014 >>>

1. Babes is a band that frequently crosses the wires of love and desire. Online, they don't have much of a presence, beyond vague websites and unoccupied Twitter pages. They have a hotline: (470) BABES-77. One gets the impression that you could call any time for intimate connections. The first thing I asked them over the phone was about their habit of almost exclusively writing love songs. Why love songs? "We're horny!" they exclaimed. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's interview with Babes in the Music and Culture section then catch the band with Lures and MILK at 8 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge.

2. The Tacoma Historical Society celebrates the grand opening of its new space in the Provident Building from 5-7 p.m. Besides chatting up old things over punch, the Society will unveil their debut exhibit, "Out of the Attic: Curiosities from the Collection of Tacoma Historical Society," which showcases rare items rescued from oblivion by the society. 

3. Crabbie's Alcoholic Ginger Beer (4.8 percent ABV) will hit the wooden bar at Doyle's Public House in Tacoma's Stadium District. From 6 to 8 p.m. Doyle's will offer Crabbie's Original and the new Spiced Orange, which recently became available throughout Washington, served chilled over ice with a slice of citrus, for $4 and in a special cocktail - The Ginger and Jamey, Crabbie's Ginger Beer and Jameson Irish whiskey - for $7. For guests who'd like a bite with their Crabbie's, the kitchen will prepare a special dish for the evening - Crabbie's Ginger Wings for $4, to complement the ginger beer.

4. Turn your radio dials back and experience a time when the world was at war - back? We have to turn them back for this? - and pop music consisted of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy." Oh, OK, there we go. Let's all put on our nostalgia hats and head back to a time when things made sense, or, at least, gave the impression thereof. And where do we end up? In The Mood: A 1940s Revue. It's a sentimental, romantic, nostalgic, jazzy and patriotic tribute to America's Swing Era. It's gonna be grand at 7 p.m. in the Washington Center.

5. Lucas "Vanilla Soul" Smiraldo's "Auricle" returns with a contemporary look at the Bhagavad-gita with a fusion of music and sermon at 7 p.m. in B Sharp Coffee House. Expect electronic music, spoken word and some classic rock songs.

LINK: Thursday, March 27 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, MARCH 16 2014 >>>

1. Christian Mistress, Olympia's favorite metal sweethearts, are about to make their home stop on a wailing west coast tour. The bellowing harmonies of a front woman - who was clearly born from the ashes of a phoenix - the dueling guitars that create paths of thunderbolts in your mind, and the brilliant tempo of a drummer who gets in your spine, Christian Mistress is the real deal. Voted by Weekly Volcano readers as the Best Metal Band in the 2014 Best of Olympia issue, you should see this band live at 9 p.m. in The Brotherhood Lounge. On deck is Broken Water with punk rock/shoe gaze delights and Paralyzer with indie dance vibes.

2. Twelve chairs surround the table, and the audience surrounds the chairs. Lakewood Playhouse's 12 Angry Men's set design announces its intentions immediately and without mistake: as an audience, we are made to be conscientious observers, to judge these jurors as they judge a murder. It's an intriguing way to view this show, and it's one of the things that this production gets absolutely right. Read Rev. McKinney's full review of 12 Angry Men in the Music & Culture section, then catch the closing show at 2 p.m. 

3. Conductor Christophe Chagnard, the Northwest Sinfonietta, PLU Choral Union and five soloists perform J.S. Bach's sacred oratorio St. John Passion - a harrowing tale of power, betrayal, murder, love, compassion and hope at 2 p.m. at the Puyallup Pavilion.

4. Children are stubborn creatures. Molding them into the clean, safe-driving, classical-music-loving model citizens you dream of them being is just not as simple as it should be. It takes creativity and an ability to be extremely entertaining for long periods of time. You should share your burden. Take Junior and Junior Junior to Mini Maestros: Jungle Jams at 2:30 p.m. in Schneebeck Hall, where the Tacoma Symphony Orchestra Brass Quintet will teach children how horns, trumpets, trombones and tubas can sound like animals - while you sit in the back and wonder how the musical and zoological worlds all collided without your noticing.

5. Little Bill Engelhart grew up on Hilltop Tacoma and learned rock 'n' roll by playing rhythm and blues with the black musicians' downtown, which was unusual for a young white kid at the time. He formed a band with some of his teenage friends and had a national hit when he was just 19 titled "I'm in Love with an Angel." Life after that seemed a bit anti-climactic. Once you've toured with the most famous musicians of your time, it's hard to come home and be an every day guy. Engelhart turns 75 tomorrow, but still works most days booking, promoting and playing music. At 5 p.m., Englehart will headline the Blues Vespers in the Immanuel Presbyterian Church. Wish him a happy birthday.

LINK: Sunday, March 16 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, MARCH 14 2014 >>>

1. Man of La Mancha opens at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Musical Playhouse. Set in the 16th century, this play within a play is the musical version of Cervantes's Don Quixote. While Cervantes awaits his trial with the Spanish Inquisition, he fights to put on a show that involves all of the other inmates. Sue Brabham, who plays Maria, says the music is very representative of 1500's Spanish music. It has a "flamenco element," which made it "more challenging for the performers to learn," she adds. She also said for the music, the means are as important as the end. As this play progresses, Brabham says watch for the transformation of Aldonza into Delcinea as she progresses from a "whore to having self esteem and self respect," which is Brabham's favorite part.

2. Used books reign supreme over new books because there's something to be said for encountering a chocolate stain, a teardrop or a snot smear on random pages, reminding you that you're holding something someone enjoyed before you. Used books are things with histories. At the Friends of Lakewood Library's Book Sale you can unleash your fetish for used books with wild abandon from 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Tens of thousands of books will be on sale, not to mention CDs, cassettes and DVDs. Knowledge has become ridiculously cheap and accessible. Take advantage.

3. The genial satire of contemporary feminism Angry Housewives ran for ages in Seattle centering on Jetti, Bev, Wendi and Carol — good friends, but angry over the lack of respect from their men. So, they form a punk rock band, Angry Housewives, and take their local club scene by storm gaining new self-respect and renewed respect from their men. The play hits the Paradise Theatre stage at 7:30 p.m.

4. Award-winning vocalist/songwriter/harmonica icon Curtis Salgado, touring in support of his Alligator Records debut CD, SOUL SHOT, will perform at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones.

5. Dance beats and distortion, love and anger, tooth and nail -in all its lo-fi, 8-bit finery will go down when MirrorGloss and RowHouse meet at 8:30 p.m. in the Half Pint Pizza Pub.

PLUS: South Sound St. Patrick's Day parties tonight!

LINK: Friday, March 14 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Standing up in the Milky Way, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

FRIDAY, MAR. 14

Theater geeks have plenty to keep them busy this weekend, as Neil's Simon's dramedy Chapter Two treads the boards at Tacoma Little Theatre, while The Man of La Mancha (a musical retelling of Don Quixote) tilts at windmills for Tacoma Musical Playhouse. I'm seeing both, between performances of 12 Angry Men at Lakewood Playhouse, so expect reviews soon. Meanwhile, a beautifully acted production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof continues at Harlequin Productions. This is the time of year when local troupes announce their upcoming seasons, so I look forward to passing that on to you in an upcoming summary.

TUESDAY, MAR. 18

It's a fine day for Blu-ray and DVD shoppers, with American Hustle, Frozen and Saving Mr. Banks all hitting shelves the same day. Each is fantastic, but only one stars the lovely and talented Adele Dazeem. If you're a Terry Pratchett fan, his new Discworld novel Raising Steam is in stores, as is William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back, a faux-Elizabethan sequel by Ian Doescher. You could also give Pierce Brown's debut adventure Red Rising a try. It's been marketed as a YA novel, but it's a straight-up SF novel for adults. I'm enjoying it and look forward to its inevitable sequels.

Now let's talk Cosmos. You did watch that first episode, right? I mean, I practically begged on my knees. I was able to procure a screener of the pilot, but I saw it too late to review it for Nerd Alert. (Instead, my glowing endorsement is posted on "Carv's Thinky Blog," www.ChristianCarvajal.com.) This week's episode, airing on Fox Sunday, March 16 at 9 p.m., is called "Some of the Things That Molecules Do." If you miss it, it airs the next night on Nat Geo and lots of other Fox-affiliated cable networks. Is it about chemistry? Yes. I imagine. I don't know. No one else does, either, because critics got the first hour only.

Incidentally, that colorful nebula in Cosmos's opening titles is a retouched view of the Helix Nebula (NGC 7293), a cloud of dusty gas lit by the ultraviolet emanations of a dying star 650 light-years from us. It's an awesome phenomenon, really - a star very much like our own sun has burned through its store of hydrogen, and now it's collapsing into a dense ball the size of the earth. How dense, you ask? (Pretend you asked.) Think tons per teaspoon. It'll burn through its helium soon, before moving on to heavier atoms such as carbon and nitrogen. Eventually it'll sputter into white dwarf status, then fade away entirely. An ignominious fate, don't you think? It'll happen to our own sun some five billion years from now. The brighter they burn, folks, the harder they fall. Sigh ...

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may your Cosmic Calendar always be full.