STEPH DEROSA: LINK MANIA >>>

Wow's Etc. has the amazing ability to make people forget they have anything important to do. When The KAke and I stop in for a quick drink we seem to re-arrange our priorities. All of the sudden that crucial errand she had to run can wait, and those 600 words about my own degree of existentialism can be written some other time. Pappi Swarner's deadlines mean nothing to me at this point, I'm at Wow's Lush Rush¬" OK?

En route to Wow's lavatory, one must shimmy between whomever is sitting at the bar and whomever is loading change into the jukebox. The typical Wow's patron will stand obsessively at the jukebox while proudly singing and dancing to every Led Zeppelin choice that dollar would buy. It's moments like this I wish I had my video camera. Dammit! Another fine moment not showcased on YouTube.

I love YouTube. There are some extremely hilarious videos cataloged within the depths of this wondrous Web site. As I rest in Wow's restroom, I remind myself of past favorite videos. I'm not talking about the gross ones or the ones that poke fun at the obese kid screaming on a roller coaster. I'm talking about simple and pure entertainment. I'm talking about the clever shit. And don't worry, none of these are Rickrolls.   

One of my favorite set of comedic men is Barats and Bereta. These yahoos are Gonzaga alumni, and they make me giggle like a naughty schoolgirl. Check out the timeless classic Mother's Day. Some of my other favorites are Bible in a Minute, Completely Uncalled For, and my favorite: Kayne Hands.

I'll embarrassingly admit that even my 6-year-old likes Kanye West. Her favorite song is Stronger,and I let her jam out to the radio-edited version on occasion. Don't judge me. Hell, I saw Grease in the movie theaters when I was 5. It wasn't until I was in college that I realized the true meaning behind the song Greased Lightning.So I doubt very seriously she will catch what Kanye means when he says, Play secretary I'm the boss tonight.

Of course Barats and Bereta's Kanye Hands video is one of the many video responses to the ever popular Daft Hands¬" Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. That dude made it big time with his little ol YouTube video. He OWNED the talk show circuit after his video his the Internetz. My other favorite Daft Hands versions are Wellesly Rugby Team, and the male version of Daft Bodies. Mmmmmmm¦hot men.

Another favorite old YouTube standby is Okay Go, but not the treadmill one. That one's cool, check out Ok Go's Million Ways to be Cruel. The treadmill video of Here it Goes Again was not initially supposed to be posted on YouTube. But after it ultimately hit the Internet video circuit the song became instantaneously popular, so Ok Go let it stay. Even high school talent shows took on the fantastic fitness routine. It was YouTube that shoved them into the limelight, so instead of fighting, Ok Go embraced YouTube.

Anyone who knows me also knows at times I like to act 12-years-old again. Really immature humor makes my sides buckle, and toilet humor always makes me double over with laughter. Mr. Methane has raw, unbridled talent that can only be captured by posting a video on YouTube. You also have to see Stoned Firefighter, and Furniture Sex.

Charlie the Unicorn is phenomenal, and it shocks me that it has yet to sweep the Oscars.

ESPN has cornered the market on comedic commercials. They're brilliant in every way. One fan has dedicated an entire YouTube channel to said commercials. I gotta say, though, being a Texas A&M fan my favorite is this one.

Jon Lajolie has some funny stuff going on like Show me Your Genitals and Not Giving a Fuck. In really bad taste one can even venture into videos like Rapist Glasses and Pedophile Beard.

Now in even WORST taste one can watch a retched video (which I refuse to link) called 2 Girls 1 Cup and then post the video of your reaction. Best reaction I've seen so far is the Grandma Reaction. 2 Girls 1 Cup is a pornographic video of two girls eating each other's poop and vomit. I don't recommend anyone watching the original pornographic video.

Was the last paragraph out of line? I think not, seeing as how this IS Toilet Tales.

And that, my friends, was the Steph DeRosa guided tour of YouTube. There's so much more out there¬" get online and click away. You'll never know what you'll run into.

LINK: Weekly Volcano's Video Hot Spot

JOSE S. GUTIERREZ JR.: LIVE FROM I-5, HIP-HOP IN THE 25360 >>>

  Tomorrow night at The Royal in Olympia â€" once again, Homeland Security presents a packed stage of South Sound hip-hop, rap and b-boys/girls. None other than the 206’s own Grynch will headline the Thursday bi-monthly hip-hop affair in downtown Olympia. Preceding him will be Olympia’s Junkyard Gang who is known to rock a good set. The pride of West Olympia, Afrok, will also spit his brand of conscious, “wake you’re ass up” hip-hop that is a tribute and sign of respect to his predecessors of the ’80s and ’90s era conscious movements.

A signature of this bi-monthly (that’s twice per month!) night of drinks and entertainment is the spontaneous energy that gets people motivated to take the floor and break/b-boy/b-girl â€" choose the phrase of your liking.

Anyway, a special feature tonight will be the Dance Broomz hailing from Tacoma. I see these cats getting down on the regular and with the spotlight on them, the people can’t help but focus.

Can't wait until tomorrow to see the Grynch? Catch hip tonight at Hell's Kitchen during the Tacoma's club's Fresh Blends hip-hop series, which hits every Wednesday.

[The Royal, Thursday, Sept. 25, 9 p.m., 311 N. Capital Way, Olympia, 360.705.0760]

LINK: Jose S. Gutierrez Jr.'s weekly hip-hop column

STEPH DEROSA: BLACK LAKE ASYLUM >>>

Ben Isitt of Art Attack is THE MAN when it comes to creating Hollywood-type, top-notch, molded monster replicas. So when it came time for Kate Malady, events coordinator for Freighthouse Square, to set up her Black Lake Asylum-themed haunted house, it was Ben Isitt she called.

A cast and crew of 21 frightening actors will fill the empty masks and garb â€" some coming from Tacoma School of the Arts, others coming from fraternities of “veteran haunters.” Yes, that’s right; “haunters” have their own community. Who knew? I was amazed. Looking for someone to scare the crap out of you? Go to haunternet.com! One-stop bloodcurdling shopping! Want to talk about the 4-year-old you scared who will need therapy for the rest of his life? Pop into halloweenforum.com!

I meandered through the empty 9,000 square feet that will host this year’s haunted house in Tacoma’s Freighthouse Square from Oct. 10-31. In the front room, Mr. Isitt had some of his creations out for spectators to grimace toward. I witnessed a 4-foot, hairy, lurching spider that will pop out at unsuspecting victims, a wall of corpse faces with one hole punched out for a real face to scare those who pass by, and a monster cavity that is indescribably gory. Isitt clued me in to the mixture that would make up the monster cavity’s “gurgle”: Borax, Elmer’s glue, and food coloring. Yummy.

Isitt even created an image of me after attending the Puyallup Fair. The similarities are amazingly accurate.

Across the hall stood the worst dentist’s office I’ve ever seen. Sound effects, lights, and eerie fog creeped me out â€" BIG TIME. I came to this Black Lake Asylum haunted house preview with the intent of actually going through the completed haunted house. I’ll admit I wanted to have the piss scared out of me. Although the set-up was nowhere near complete, the overall ambiance of creepiness and gore had goosebumps crawling all over my body.

The grand finale piece is a large, over 7-foot monster in which Andrew Meyers will operate. If you look in the picture’s chest, the oval opening is where Meyer’s face will be. So, seeing as how Meyers is already 6’3,” think how tall the monster will be once it’s in action. Meyers plans on moving those bony arms and grabbing sufferers as they try and escape the Black Lake Asylum. I’ll see you then, Andrew Meyers. But if you grab me in the wrong place, you’re going to have to buy me a drink afterwards.

BOBBLE TIKI: NEWS IN THE WEEKLY VOLCANO THIS WEEK >>>

Bobble Tiki is back from a week-long hike along the gorgeous northern Washington coast. It was quite lovely to yank out the old hiking crap and hit the rocks and sand and logs and creepy crawly bugs. Bobble Tiki did, however, buy a new spring bottom for the trip, which, as you know, is a dumbass thing to do right before a hike. Bobble Tiki has major blisters.

Oh well.

Time to answer a letter from Michael T:

Dear Michael,

Bobble Tiki unfortunately doubts not the existence of the Creation
Science Evangelism and Dinosaur Adventure Land, alas. Gratefully, it sounds like a adorably tiny and cute little indignant pimple on the entirely pockmarked face of Florida and hence is far less damaging and deleterious to the universal soul than the existence of, say,
a new friend at The Friendly Duck or perhaps Claynation. The best Bobble Tiki can do is spring around three times and exclaim there’s no place like Tacoma … there’s no place like Tacoma.

CASELOAD CRISIS: DSHS Children’s Administration struggles to keep up

IS IT A PERC?: Is it safe to dry clean?

LESSONS FROM DENVER: A chat with Marilyn Strickland

ROCKIN’: The meter reads positive for Pierce County

KEN SWARNER: BEHIND CLOSED DOORS >>>

In this week’s Weekly Volcano I write about a couple cool Japanese joints to live out the fantasy of eating behind a screened door, known as Tatami Rooms. Kyoto Japanese Restaurant in Lakewood made my list because, well, few places have the shoji screens that create the divider between the regular dining room and the private spaces. But, more importantly, I live for their dragon sushi rolls for lunch.

Works of art â€" these long rows of sushi (like a dragon’s body) taste fresh and feature a variety of ingredient options. I prefer the eel, but the California rolls are good, too.

The sautéed black cod is also a life-changer. Buttery, decadent â€" it is one of the best seafood meals in the South Sound.

LINK: Opening Tatami doors in the South Sound
LINK: A review of DeCaterina’s Market Grill and Bar in Puyallup
LINK: Bar Exam visits the New Peking
LINK: Bite us

MATT DRISCOLL: METH FORUM >>>

The Safe Streets Campaign will hold a “meth forum” in Parkland tonight at Pacific Lutheran University’s Xavier Hall from 6-8 p.m. Topics of discussion are expected to be meth labs, trafficking, organized crime, teen use and other meth related issues. According to the press release, “Safe Streets’ meth forums have been held in Buckley and Gig Harbor-Key Peninsula, with panels tailored to each area. The results of each forum will influence the upcoming regional Meth Summit sponsored by the National Methamphetamine Training and Technical Assistance Center on September 29 and 30 at Tacoma’s Hotel Murano.”

I predict the forum will proceed something like this:

There’s nothing quite as hot as a meth forum in Parkland â€" except, possibly, Graham’s annual obesity and corduroy forum. Either way, meth experts and citizens from all over Parkland are sure to have plenty to discuss Thursday. Questions from the audience are expected to include “Are you going to do anything with that scrap metal?” and “Has anyone seen my teeth?”

The Weekly Volcano print version hits the streets today. Check it out for more predictions on South Sound events.

TAMMY ROBACKER: MEET CATE MARVIN >>>

One of America’s most dynamic younger poets, Cate Marvin, will be reading her work at Pacific Lutheran University tonight at 8 p.m. The author of two acclaimed books of poetry, World’s Tallest Disaster and Fragment of the Head of the Queen, will also be sharing her personal writer’s story and host an informal Q & A session at the Garfield Book Company at 5 p.m. These events are free and open to the public.

Since when did Parkland become home to the literary hoi polloi?

[Pacific Lutheran University, Thursday, Sept. 25, 8-10 p.m., free, Regency Room, University Center, 122nd Street South and Park Avenue South, Tacoma, 253.535.7318]

LINK: ViVA South Sound arts and entertainment calendar

STEPH DEROSA: THIS DIVE IS GRADE A >>>

It’s in a strip mall, it’s in Bonney Lake, and there were homegrown-looking men loitering around the front door’s bushes. New Peking Chinese Restaurant off Hwy 410 had all of those things, but it was the “Lounge” sign that peaked The KAke and my interest. We naturally assumed by all of the aforementioned descriptives of this New Peking restaurant, that we were headed for the trashiest of trashy dives. And we were right.

As we approached the horde of smoking men in construction vests, all eyes were on us. Why? Because we were the only ones there who were sober at 2 p.m., and we had vaginas. Apparently that was what made us different from everyone else in new Peking. The men even caterwauled and commented such things as, “Hey-o! I guess I’M going back in!”

Discover what happens here.

LINK: Weekly Volcano's Dining Section