June 24, 2011 at 11:34am
Going "Behind Bars" with Nikki Talotta is always entertaining
REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>
I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.
I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.
Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.
And the not so innocent.
Cheers!
This week...
TEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TEND BAR
In a conversation about this blog, and what it takes to do our job, my co-workers and I compiled this important list.
Ten Things You Need to Know if You Want to Tend Bar
(And none of them have anything to do with how to muddle lemons)
1. Know how to tell a funny joke.
2. Know how to properly rack/ break when starting a game of pool.
3. Know how to open a bottle of beer with a lighter, and know how to properly "shotgun" a beer.
4. Know how to laugh naturally, even if you can't hear a word the person is saying.
5. Know how to sell/make coffee on a hot day.
6. If you know nothing about sports, know how to fake your way through a sports conversation.
7. Know how to insult people without them realizing it.
8. Know how to remember a person's drink over their name - it goes a lot farther.
9. Know how to read your audience - know when to say, "Of course, whatever you'd like," and when to say, "Screw you buddy."
10. Know how to simultaneously perform at least four of these items, all while keeping your cool.
Hope you enjoyed this list, and hope you're enjoying the sun!
Bonus*
Recommended drink to try for summer refreshment: Tom Collins - made the old way, with gin, fresh squeezed lemon or lime, a touch of sweetener (not sweet and sour mix) and finished with soda water. Garnish and sip.
LINK HUB: The "Behind Bars" collection
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Comments for "BEHIND BARS: Ten Things You Need to Know if You Want to Tend Bar" (1)
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low bar said on Jun. 24, 2011 at 6:32pm
This is good. This is something I would actually want to read if I were going to spend the rest of my life in around the bar scene of Tacoma. And I completely agree that drinking and violence are a perfect match. But lets also look at the other side of the story, like the ten things you need to know to get a fucking drink from a bar tender without getting any fucking attitude. One, know the jerk off. Two, buy enough rounds the first time you get the attention of their highness so you don't have to stand there like an idiot for ten minutes again. Three, BYOF. Four, leave a big ass tip each time you get a drink because the only thing that morally separates a bar tender from a stripper is a thong. Five, get there early and leave early. Six, I think in Japan bar tenders have already been replaced with vending machines, or they should. Seven, some people should not tend bars like that loud fat guy at the Red Hot. Eight, bar tenders will never ever ever ever be cool as long as they have to announce last call three hours too early, so even though they really aren't cool, if you want a fucking drink, you'll just have to pretend, Nine, find one bar you can tolerate and go there all the time, and don't worry about the world moving on without you, because the bar tender isn't. Ten, in Western films the bar tender is always some kind of jerk wad who's in cahoots with the bad guy, or some poltroon that, when the first punch is thrown, dives behind the bar. Which is why today we have bouncers. But forget all that, smile at them and make them feel like hot shit you couldn't pour a drink without:)
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