REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

This week...

Caught in the Act, Part 3

"The Lamp Lifters"

For the past two weeks, I've told stories of drunk people getting "caught in the act" of some ridiculous thing or another. There was the man with TV dinners down his pants, there was the lamp thief we had to chase down the block, and this week brings us another lamp lifter, only this one had some serious attitude.

This gem was pulled fresh from the incident logbook. Apparently, after a confrontation between bartender and patron, where the bartender stopped an attempted lamp lifting, the drunk, wanna-be thief left this little love note:

C'mon people. I know we got some sexy lamps, but control yourselves!

Speaking of sexy, check back next week for part 4 of "Caught in the Act."

Until then, Cheers!

LINK: Caught in the Act, Part 1 

LINK: Caught in the Act, Part 2

LINK: Past Behind Bars columns

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Sunshine, hi 58, lo 39

Saturday: Partial sunshine, hi 58, lo 41

Sunday: Partial sunshine, hi 59, lo 45

>>> FRIDAY, APRIL 13: Losing Control opens

Watching a good independent film at a festival is a bit like meeting The One, then losing his/her number - you may never run into each other again. But The Grand Cinema, our local cinematic Cupid, believes in second chances, and second screenings. So in case you missed Losing Control at the Tacoma Film Festival last October, or just want to rekindle your pleasure for writer-director Valerie Weiss's romantic comedy, her movie hits the theater again beginning this Friday the 13th for a limited rerun. Read Christopher Wood's full feature on Losing Control in the events section at weeklyvolcano.com.

• The Grand Cinema, opens Friday, April 13 for a one-week run, $6-$8, 606 S. Fawcett ave., Tacoma, 253.593.4474
  

>>> FRIDAY, APRIL 13: "The Rhetoric of Degeneracy" lecture

In the late 1800s, Berlin was a bustling liberal city. It boasted numerous gay clubs and drag bars. The German city had the world's largest gay-rights movement. But by 1933, the heyday was over. The Nazi Party moved to rid its country of gay men and, to a lesser degree, lesbians, whom they believed to carry "degeneracy genes." In conjunction with its HIDE/SEEK exhibit, the Tacoma Art Museum will host art historian Kolya Rice, who will lecture on "The Rhetoric of Degeneracy: Three Moments in 20th Century Art." Rice examines and connects three such historical moments: the New York Armory Show (1913), Hitler's Entartete Kunst (Degenerate Art) exhibition (1937), and the so-called "Culture Wars" in late 20th century America.

• Tacoma Art Museum, Saturday, April 14, 1 p.m., $15, $10 members, $5 students, 1701 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.4258

>>> SATURDAY, APRIL 14: Blind Chocolate Tasting

No just universe would reserve the pleasures of candy for children, but if your taste buds have grown up, you may no longer want to scarf waxen candy corn. The civilized adult can get sugar and chocolate fixes at blind chocolate tasting and talk Saturday at the Olympia Timberline Library (of course!). Felipe Grefa, a teacher, cacao farmer, and delegate from the Kallari cacao cooperative in the Ecuadorian Amazon, will discuss regional flavors of cocoa beans, the stages in cocoa production and bean preparation, and the process involved in chocolate making. 

• Olympia Timberland Library, 2:30-4 p.m., 313 Eighth Ave. SE, Olympia, 360.352.0595

>>> SATURDAY, APRIL 14: Blue Scholars and films from Cinemetropolis

Last year, the Seattle hip-hop duo DJ/producer Sabzi and MC Geologic - better known as Blue Scholars - embarked on their first nationwide headlining tour, a monstrous 33-city excursion spanning two months in support of their "visual soundtrack," Cinémetropolis. This past winter, the Blue Scholars gave a shout out asking filmmakers from around the universe to submit a 5-minute video or film of tracks off Cinémetropolis, awarding the top three submissions a special screening at a live Blue Scholars show. That live show goes down Saturday at the Capitol Theater in Olympia.

• Capitol Theater, with Sweatshop Union, Saturday, April 14, 8 p.m., $18-$22, 206 Fifth Ave., Olympia, 360.754.6670

>>> SUNDAY, APRIL 15: Poetry readings

Each April brings a shower of poetry to the South Puget Sound. Inaugurated as National Poetry Month by the Academy of American Poets in 1996, the entire month is dedicated to showcasing and celebrating poets, poetry, libraries, bookstores, and the literary arts community across the nation. Tacoma is truly no exception to participating in the poesy festivities. The South Sound has its own praiseworthy poets with words to spit about our own place in the American poetry scene. A few big name poets will read their works Sunday at the Museum of Glass. Tacoma's Poet Laureate Josie Emmons Turner, Washington State Poet Laureate Kathleen Flenniken, and poets Rick Barot and Michael Schmeltzer will be rhymin' and readin' their swirl of stanzas.

• Museum of Glass, 3-5 p.m., free admission, 1801 dock St., Tacoma, 253.284.4750

WHAT SOME OF OUR STAFF MEMBERS ARE UP TO

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL Theater Critic
I'm seeing two shows, Fiction at Capital Playhouse and Distracted at Olympia Little Theatre. We're also traveling to Seattle for the Polynesian Gauguin exhibit at the Art Museum. Then, if any time is left, I'd love to catch Riot to Follow's production of The Pillowman.

REV. ADAM MCKINNEY Music writer
Mostly, this weekend, I'll continue to be recuperating from Squeak and Squawk. I'm still sore from the Back Pockets, which is not to mention the eight shows that came after that. Consider me dead until next week.

ALEC CLAYTON Arts Critic
I'm going to see Fiction at Capital Playhouse Saturday night. And maybe, if I have the energy for it, I will attend the Democratic caucus Sunday.

NIKKI TALOTTA Music Writer
This weekend is going to be awesome. It started last night with a date night with the hubby in Seattle. We did a sunset kayaking tour around Lake Union. We stayed the night in a fancy hotel and then hit the EMP in the morning for the Nirvana display. On the way back to Oly, I'm getting dropped off at Matt Driscoll's going-away soiree at 4 p.m. inside Puget Sound Pizza. Then I'm hitching a ride back to O-town for drinks with some lady friends. Saturday and Sunday are reserved for sun, sleep and writing. Love it!

JOANN VARNELL Theater Critic
My goal this weekend is to spend as much time outside as possible.
(I'm hoping the weather will help facilitate that.) The only set plans
are church on Sunday morning followed by Captains Courageous at Tacoma
Musical Playhouse.

STEPH DEROSA Columnist
This weekend I have huge plans. HUGE, I tell ya. Today, my monthly delivery of bottled water will arrive, so that's exciting. And then on Saturday and Sunday mornings I'll be arriving at work just before the Sixth Avenue meth addicts pass out at around 6:30 am. Where's work, you ask? Well, I'm testing the waters at Dirty Oscar Annex while serving breakfast on the weekends. We'll see if it works out. So far my favorite part is all the cool peeps that come in for breakfast (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Time permitting, I'll escape to the KPN and drink wine with Kris Blondin for her birthday.

JOSH RIZEBERG Music Columnist
Friday I'm performing with Mr. Von at Louie G's in Fife. The Breaklites are also on the bill. It's all-ages with a 8 p.m. start. Saturday, I'm performing at Tahoma Tea Company. This show is also all-ages. It's the album-release show for the Puget-Sound Mixtape Volume 3. Too many artists to name. I think this is going to be one of the best all-ages shows this year. Sunday, I have some work with the D.A.S.H. Center for the Arts I need to do, but mostly it'll be a family day.

JOE IZENMAN Theater critic, music writer
Man, what am I NOT doing? Terminus at The Space? Check. Poker night? Check. Light hanging at TLT? Birthday party in Parkland? Mariners game? Check, check and check.

STEVE DUNKELBERGER Photographer
saturday, it's all about the Daffodil Parade and Gray Sky Blues Music Festival with the chiilons, then Captains Courageous at Tacoma Musical Playhouse. Oh, and as many episodes of Doctor Who as we can watch.

LINK: Even more local events that we recommend

LINK: Comprehensive South Sound Arts & Entertainment Calendar

SATURDAY, APRIL 14, 2012 >>>

1. Woody Guthrie is undeniably the most revered songwriter to ever strike a chord. Following his death in 1967, his son, Arlo, emerged as an anti-establishment songwriter and performer. He was a key component in the '60s folk protest scene as he penned socially conscious songs about his personal political leanings with humor and candor, and in doing so, he established himself as an artist; not just Woody's son. Come hear him sing "Alice's Restaurant" and other tunes at 7:30 p.m. inside the Pantages Theater.

2. Directly following the Daffodil Parade this morning, the Tacoma Events Commission and South Sound Blues Association will host the Gray Sky Blues Music Festival at venues all over Tacoma, like The Swiss, Stonegate Pizza, the Harmon Brewery and Cutter's Point Coffee. Performers include headliners The Karen Lovely Band, Chester Dennis Jones Band, James King and the Southsiders, The Billy Shew Band and a boatload more. The Harmon Brewery will also be hosting the Third Annual Custom and Rod Car Show. And the after party will be at Stonegate Pizza with an all-ages and adult jam, both kicking off at 8:30 p.m. For more information, read our Q&A with South Sound Blues Association King Gary Grape.

3. The GLBT Book Club was founded by Matt Lemanski in May of 2011, but recently teamed with Tacoma Book Club magnate King's Books. Read the Weekly Volcano's interview with Lemanski in our Arts Section. This afternoon at 2 p.m. the GLBT Book Club will thumb through Becoming a Man by Paul Monette. Don't be surprised if the club hauls the chairs outside on the sidewalk.

4. In the summer of 1787, delegates from the 13 states convened in Philadelphia and drafted a remarkable blueprint for self-government - the Constitution of the United States. The first draft set up a system of checks and balances that included a strong executive branch, a representative legislature and a federal judiciary. After they kicked some British ass, the American people wanted strong guarantees that the new government would not trample upon their newly won freedoms of speech, press and religion, nor upon their right to be free from warrantless searches and seizures. So, the Constitution's framers heeded Thomas Jefferson who argued: "A bill of rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on earth, general or particular, and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference." Tonight from 5-9 p.m. inside King's Books, Timothy Smith, national vice president of the Bill of Rights Defense Committee, will lead a discussion on the future of government surveillance and detention in the Pacific Northwest along with several organization. At about 7:30 p.m., most of the room will wish they were at the Arlo Guthrie show.

5. Tacoma's burlesque troupe the Gritty City Sirens take it off and shake it twice tonight at Jazzbones in performances that includes ballet dancer Joel Myers plus returning Siren Miss Pistolita. For the sweet details, read our Q&A with Gritty City Siren Rosie Cheeks.

PLUS: More entertainment options today in our Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours

CD RELEASE PARTY >>>

Dave Calhoun: Come for the bottomless piña coladas, stay for the tropical rock classics.

Tonight at 5 p.m., hopefully on its deck, Johnny's Dock will host the Parrothead Vice Chair, Dave Calhoun for the troprocker's release party for his new CD, Rated Rrrrrr.

We also recommend getting there as early as you can, especially because it's Saturday, and soaking up all the Parrothead prefunctioning before your liver gives out. You know someone will show up in Bermuda shorts with a beach ball.

Calhoun, founding and sole member of the Pacific Northwest's only Jimmy Buffett tribute band, takes pride in calling this his "real job." As Weekly Volcano scribe Steph DeRosa wrote, "With his very real-looking animatronic parrot, Squawkers McCaw, by his side, Calhoun was able to quit his job selling boats in Gig Harbor several years ago.  Now with an average of 15-20 shows a month during the summer, and almost every weekend booked in the winter, Buffet fans in the PNW need not look far for a taste of tropical paradise."

Songs off Calhoun's new CD include "What Happens In Key West (never Happened)" by Mike Broward, "Let's Talk Dirty In Hawaiian" by John Prine and "Drinking Song #46" by Jim Morris.

So, grab some surf-and-turf and ready yourself for a "Why Don't We Get Drunk (and Screw)" sing-along, because Johnny's Dock will be rockin' tonight.

[Johnny's Dock & Marina, Saturday, April 14, 5-8 p.m., no cover, 1900 E. D St., Tacoma, 253.627.3186]

VISIT THEM TODAY AT THE PROCTOR FARMERS MARKET >>>

Do you miss Tacoma's beloved Upper Crust Bistro & Bakery? I know I do. After losing the lease on their former brick and mortar location on North 21^st in July 2011, fans have been wondering about the future of the bakery and café.

I caught up with co-owner Leo Nichols at the Proctor Farmers Market, where they now sell their baked goods and pizza every Saturday. Nichols informed me that he and co-owner Loren Robinson are still looking for the perfect space to relocate, but that for now they're baking out of the commercial kitchen at Burning Cupcakes.

Look for their moist, flaky scones in a variety of flavors, including raspberry, blackberry, lemon-ginger, bacon cheddar, jalapeño mozzarella and my favorite, sun-dried tomato basil.

Drop by their booth for lunch and grab a slice of their regular pepperoni or cheese pizza, or the flavor of the day, such as artichoke heart, sun-dried tomato and feta.

Sweet treats like chocolate croissants and various cookies fly off the tables each weekend. Their donuts come in inventive flavors such as coconut cream, mango peach orange, toasted coconut and blackberry.

While the lovable chef statue that once stood outside of their bakery might have to remain a memory for now, I'm thrilled to still be able to fulfill my weekly scone fix. You can find Upper Crust Bistro & Bakery at your local farmers market this season: Proctor (Saturday, 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.), 6th Avenue, South Tacoma, and Broadway starting in early May, as well as possibly Lakewood.

LIVE MUSIC TONIGHT IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

4th Ave Ale House Olympia - Downtown. Science! 9 pm. $5.

Capitol Theater Olympia - Downtown. Blue Scholars: Live Music & Films from Cinematropolis, featuring Sweatshop Union. All Ages. 8 pm. $18-$22.

• Last year, the Seattle hip-hop duo DJ/producer Sabzi and MC Geologic - better known as Blue Scholars - embarked on their first nationwide headlining tour, a monstrous 33-city excursion spanning two months in support of their "visual soundtrack," Cinémetropolis. This past winter, the Blue Scholars gave a shout out asking filmmakers from around the universe to submit a 5-minute video or film of tracks off Cinémetropolis, awarding the top three submissions a special screening at a live Blue Scholars show. That live show goes down Saturday at the Capitol Theater in Olympia. – Weekly Volcano
  

C.I. Shenanigans Tacoma - Northend. KC Brakes. 7 pm.

Hell's Kitchen Tacoma - Downtown. 2 Against Critics, Leezy Soprano, Champion, Controversy, Convic, Coup D. Santana, hosted by Chris Arrington. 9:30 pm. $5.

Johnny's Dock Restaurant Tacoma - Dome District. Dave Calhoun CD release party. 5-8 pm.

Louie G's Pizzeria Fife. Madlife, Post Modern Heroes, The Fail Safe Project. All Ages. 8 pm.

Mandolin Cafe Tacoma - Central. Big Huge. All Ages. 6 pm. Kels Boreen Project. All Ages. 8 pm.

The New Frontier Lounge Tacoma - Dome District. Ever-So-Android, Sliide, DJ Darren Selector, DJ Guldi, Delicious Brown and Ninja Monique. 9 pm.

• Something I've not quite seen before is the utilization of the loop pedal in service of atmospheric post-punk. Seattle's Ever-So-Android takes a cue from Reggie Watts, building a foundation of beat-boxed vocals over which to layer moody guitar lines. "I played in bands for a long time, on the East Coast," says Ever-So-Android guitarist Drew Murray. "I came out here, and met Hope (Simpson), who was a barista. We became friends, and she told me she could sing. One day, she sat down on the floor with an acoustic guitar, Indian-style, facing away from me, and played me a song. I really liked her voice, so I said we had to do something together. It eventually evolved into this whole looping thing. ... I was inspired by Dub FX and Reggie Watts, and it was something that I was thinking of doing by myself, but I prefer not to sing. I mean, I can't Hope can sing." Read the full feature on Ever-So-Android in the Music section at weeklyvolcano.com. – Rev. Adam McKinney
  

Pantages Theater Tacoma - Downtown. Arlo Guthrie: Boys Night Out Tour, with Junkyard Jane Duo. All Ages. 7:30 pm. $26-$59.

The Spar Tacoma - Old Town. Rockodiles. 8 pm.

Stonegate Pizza Tacoma - South. Gray Sky Blues Festival Afterparty, featuring Chester Dennis Jones Band, Jumpin' Josh Violette. All Ages. 8:30 pm.

Traditions Cafe and World Folk Art Olympia - Downtown. Back Porch Swing. All Ages. 8 pm. $8-$12.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. Devil on a Leash, Half Of Infinity, Far From Given. 9 pm.

Uncle Thurm's Finger Lickin' Chicken Tacoma - Lincoln District. 2Three4. All Ages. 8-11 pm. NC.

Urban Grace Tacoma - Downtown. Warehouse presents the Candle Lit Series featuring Ivan & Alyosha, OK Sweetheart, Elk & Boar and Ben Fisher performing in a candle-lit room. All Ages. 7:30 pm. $8.

• Citing whimsical, prolific, minor-key songwriters like Randy Newman and Harry Nilsson as influences, OK Sweetheart's M.O. seems to consist of crafting delectable nuggets of pop music that equally serve the heart and the brain. Frontwoman Erin Austin's delicately lovely voice stands front and center and is buoyed by light-as-air instrumentation that drives with a gentle touch. It's all so clean and pristine, which helps to direct attention toward the modestly heartbroken lyrics. When an offbeat piece of production slips in (like the slightly blown-out drums on the title track of OK Sweetheart's debut LP, Home), the effect is novel, instead of distracting. OK Sweetheart has seemingly mastered the creation of the crystalline pop song - it's all refracted light and fragile form, constantly defying the ever-present possibility of shattering. – Rev. AM
  

LINK: More live music tonight in the South Sound

LINK: Download free South Sound happy hour app

SUNDAY, APRIL 15, 2012 >>>

1. Watching a good independent film at a festival is a bit like meeting The One, then losing his/her number - you may never run into each other again. But The Grand Cinema, our local cinematic Cupid, believes in second chances, and second screenings. So in case you missed Losing Control at the Tacoma Film Festival last October, or just want to rekindle your pleasure for writer-director Valerie Weiss's romantic comedy, her movie hits the theater again at 4:30 and 9:10 p.m.

2. What started as Paul Manuel's outgrowth of monthly youth jams at Jazzbones on Sixth Avenue has turned into something much more involved; kids of all ages are forming bands, learning to play new instruments, performing and competing through their affiliation with the Puget Sound Music For Youth Association. See it in all its glory at 2 p.m. inside The Swiss.

3. Each April brings a shower of poetry to the South Puget Sound. Inaugurated as National Poetry Month by the Academy of American Poets in 1996, the entire month is dedicated to showcasing and celebrating poets, poetry, libraries, bookstores, and the literary arts community across the nation. The South Sound has its own praiseworthy poets with words to spit about our own place in the American poetry scene. A few big name poets will read their works from 3-5 p.m. at the Museum of Glass. Tacoma's Poet Laureate Josie Emmons Turner, Washington State Poet Laureate Kathleen Flenniken, and poets Rick Barot and Michael Schmeltzer will be rhymin' and readin' their swirl of stanzas.

4. Randy Oxford's trombone skills are front and center as he showcases his brand of blues - an upbeat, funky, jazzy, high-energy sound - backed by some of the best musicians in the region at 5 p.m. inside the Marine View Church. 

5. The LGBT elder film series sponsored by SAGE Olympia in collaboration with Olympia Film Society continues with Southern Comfort, playing at the Capitol Theater at 5 p.m. SouthernComfort is a 90-minute feature-length documentary about the life of Robert Eads, a 52-year-old female to male transsexual who lives in the back hills of Georgia.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours

MONDAY, APRIL 16, 2012 >>>

1. We're all reading W. P. Kinsella's classic baseball novel, Shoeless Joe, not because Mayor Marilyn Strickland demands it as part of the community reading initiative Tacoma Reads Together, but because it's about dreams and hope and trust and the fulfillment of long-buried desires. But, It's not all fun and games, at least according to the professionals who play the game. Grueling travel schedules, the day-to-day routine, the loneliness and the fear you could be traded or dropped grinds on the players. At 7 p.m. inside the Tacoma Public Library Downtown Branch, in conjunction with Tacoma Reads Together, former professional baseball players Jim Nettles, Doug Sisk, John Pregenzer and Wes Stock will share stories and take questions from moderator and broadcaster Bob Robertson as part of a community conversation about baseball.

2. Home, Itself, Strange is Liz Sales' series of 69 synthetic images converted from a 30-second video portrait. Sales combines the data in each still frame with audio data from the Magnetic Field's three-volume album, 69 Love Songs. Watch it from 12:305 p.m. at Galerie Fotoland inside the Daniel J. Evans Library on the campus of The Evergreen State College.

3. How can a society come to terms with collective trauma? Alice Nelson, Ph.D. will explore the political and moral economies of memory production in Chile following Augusto Pinochet's fascist regime at 4 p.m. inside Harned Hall on the campus of Saint Martin's University.

4. You've found your passion, now you want to make a living doing what you love. But how? Four local artists and crafters will discuss how to start your own creative small business, where to sell and market your products, the joys and pitfalls of self-employment and how to find local support and education from 6-8 p.m. inside the Puyallup Public Library.

5. If you seek a mellower atmosphere to share your knowledge of actor Abe Vigoda or the difference of a traverse stage from a three-quarter thrust, may we suggest Monday trivia nights at the Mandolin Café. From 6-8 p.m. host Jeff Ross tosses out random trivia questions about movies, sports, news and geography to teams of players - while students study in the corner, ladies knit and that one guy dozes next to the fire. The winning team of each round - six total - receives a bowl of candy. The overall winning team scores a free drink, which means beer and wine. It's a challenging, fun night.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Screw You Concrete: The City of Puyallup to buy nearly 9 acres of wooded land that's part of the Maplewood Springs watershed. (News Tribune)

Exit 133 Will Be Closed at Night: WSDOT show you how to navigate the closure. (News Tribune)

Thank You Bill And Dr. Jo Harding: Tornado warning system had helped prevent a higher number of fatalities over the weekend in the Midwest. (The New York Times)

Ballsy Write Offs: Fancy dresses, boob jobs, body oil ... (Neatorama)

Rad Rides: The best BMX bikes of all time. (Cool Hunting)

Finger Foods: Tony food sculptures that look good enough to eat. (Buzzfeed)

By The Book: David Sedaris, the author of Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, on his reading habits. (The New York Times)

Oh Gees: Robin Gibb is in a coma after contracting pneumonia. (USA Today)

Did You Miss Radiohead's Set At Coachella? It's on YouTube. (Pitchfork)

Female Version Of Entourage: HBO will let you in on the secret lives of Girls. (Zap 2 It)

Happy Monday!

HELP US FIND THE SEXIEST PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

Once again, the Weekly Volcano is unleashing The Sexy Issue, giving one and all the chance to gaze at the sexiest people in the South Sound - as voted on by all of you, our dear readers. The great thing about the Volcano's annual Sexy Issue, if we do say so ourselves, is how it manages to prove, year after year, that you don't have to be on a Kia Super Bowl ad to be smoking hot. Our annual Sexy Issue is the Weekly Volcano's way of showcasing the South Sound's sexiest denizens - and by denizens we don't mean celebrities; we're talking about regular dudes and dudettes who just happen to look sexy as hell when taking us on test drives, trimming our meat or brewing our beer. These folks can be just as hot - and a hell of a lot more accessible, theoretically - as anyone you typically see on TV and in magazines. 

This year, we are asking you to nominate the person who makes you all hot and bothered in the following categories: Actor/Actress, Artist, Brewer, Karaoke Host, Lead singer, Lawyer, Butcher, Car Salesperson, Blogger and Personal Trainer.

On Thursday, June 7, the Weekly Volcano will publish The Sexy Issue, immortalizing the sexy, chosen few forever.

Help us find them.

Voting ends May 11 at 5 p.m. - so help the Weekly Volcano find the South Sound's hottest citizens. Vote today!

Vote for the South Sound's sexiest people