Joseph Gordon-Levitt, record holder for Most Well-Adjusted Former Child Star, has revealed himself, over the years, to not only be a surprisingly capable dramatic actor, but a closet old-school showman. This is a guy who longs for the days of the triple-threat - acting, singing, dancing, with an impeccable sense of class. It would seem, then, given his druthers of writing and directing his first movie, that he would steer his ship in the direction of some winning musical in the style of Donald O'Connor or Gene Kelly.

It's befuddling, then, that he would make his directorial debut with the story of a Jersey Shore meathead and his struggle to overcome sex addiction.

Don Jon's manic energy and questionable choice of subject matter recalls Romance & Cigarettes, the genuinely odd directorial debut of John Turturro (a man who, more and more, seems like he might be a legit weirdo).

Gordon-Levitt, in voice-over, runs through the most important things in life: his car, his family, his church, his friends, his porn, his - wait, what? Soon, the picture becomes clear of a self-obsessed sex addict whose life is dominated by an insatiable need to see - just see - every naked woman that it is possible to see.

Soon, though, Gordon-Levitt's world is turned upside down by the appearance of Scarlett Johannson and her atrocious Jersey accent. Can Don Jon learn to give up his porn obsession so he can win the love of a good woman? I mean, can he? And why? And who cares?

Tony Danza pops up as Gordon-Levitt's spaghetti-slurping father - a role he was born to play. Gordon-Levitt, meanwhile, was born to never play the role he gave himself in Don Jon. If I wanted to watch a movie about a greasy-haired gym rat who refers to women in terms of whether or not they're "10s," and who refers to his friends as his "boys," and who just can't quit watching porn long enough to sleep with Scarlett Johansson, I'd, uh... No, I actually just don't want to watch that.

QUESTION: Did you see Battle of the Year?