Some might say it's unfair to kick a film when it is so obviously down. I mean, it's hard to call a film with a reported $225m budget an underdog, but this notoriously troubled production is almost certainly doomed to commercial failure, and a prompt one-way trip to obscurity. Still, the trailer is hilarious and the film is wonderfully misguided, so it may be that 47 Ronin will live on with bad movie aficionados on home video.

So, where to start? The only logical entry point into this film is in the befuddling casting of Keanu Reeves as the lead in a retelling of a classic Japanese fable. Reeves is an actor who's spent the majority of his career getting flack for his wooden acting and surfer dude patois, but I've tended to defend the guy. See My Own Private Idaho for proof that some chops lurk somewhere beneath that beautiful visage.

The trailer opens with Reeves as a slave (referred to, here, as a "half-breed," which yikes), being rescued by a samurai so that he may be taken along in a mission for revenge. It's all a little too Django Unchained, but better that than to see this movie's take on 12 Years a Slave. What follows is a bewildering flipbook of queasy special effects as the titular 47 ronin assemble to fight a series of ribbon dancers. Reeves, tellingly, has very few lines beyond standard action movie utterances.

IMDb tells me Keanu Reeves claims that the film was first shot in Japanese, to appease the largely Japanese cast, before then being shot in English. I don't know much about the business end of filmmaking, to be sure, but that strikes me as wildly unnecessary. Oh well. A movie like this is designed to play better overseas than in the U.S. - though it's currently tanking in Japan, so oops.

47 Ronin - a movie I will never see (sober, anyway), but by which I am endlessly fascinated. Dance on, ribbons. Dance on.

See Also

A Nerd Alert! has been issued

Every Tuesday, "Check This Out" recommends movies available at your friendly local library. So you can satisfy your next film fix at the place with the books.

I once read an essay on Alfred Hitchcock's film Vertigo (currently poised at the top of my favorites list) in which the author took six pages just to analyze the first shot. Luckily for you, I won't cram an already crowded Internet with nearly that many words regarding the opening moments of 1987's House of Games. (Yay!) But basically, the shot consists of a dolly moving left, the camera gliding smoothly over the brown pebbles of a gravel path. On the soundtrack we hear footsteps, but from where we don't know.

Nothing remarkable, I know, until the camera pulls out and the path isn't a path at all, but the vertical side of a structure standing in a plaza surrounded by high-rises. Instead of looking down on the ground, we've in reality been staring straight ahead this whole time - a bit of a dizzying, disorienting feeling, something like ... vertigo? The footsteps belong to a woman running across the plaza.

Misdirection abounds in acclaimed playwright David Mamet's stylish debut feature. His script centers on successful author and therapist Margaret Ford (played by Mamet's ex Lindsay Crouse), whose promise to a suicidal patient sends her into a noir-ish world of cons and criminals. With words as smooth as his shave, Joe Mantegna plays the sharp swindler Mike, who introduces Margaret to his bag of tricks (in more ways than one). It's all fun and Games until one job goes too far. ...

Mamet's performers speak his lines in an entertainingly detached, self-conscious way; trying the English language on and breaking it in like a pair of new shoes. Double crosses pile on top of one another, the jazzy score is pure '80s, and let's not forget Mamet shot part of HofG in, of all places, Seattle. In exchange for touristy shots of Emerald City icons - except for perhaps an off-ramp sign for I-90 - you have steam rising from the sewer grates, empty city streets slicked down after a good rain - as Hollis croons in Macklemore's "White Walls," "this city never looked so bright" ... or delightfully dark.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 25 2013 >>>

1. There's nothing worse than awakening from a long winter's nap, rolling out of bed and discovering it's Christmas morning - and not a creature is stirring his coffee, not even your favorite coffee house. But you'd better not cry, and you don't need to pout, because Spanaway Park has zapped 12 million watts of power to its lights. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lights in Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park. Tune in to a special holiday radio station for a little holiday music to add to the mood.

2. Whether you want to channel your inner Winter Olympics sports nerd, capture the magic of the season in a vibrant urban venue or just have a wintery and sporty adventure, break out the ice skates, people, because the Franciscan Polar Plaza, in partnership with the Tacoma Art Museum, is open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Bring family and friends to Tacoma's holiday ice rink for holiday fun and a good time right in the heart of downtown Tacoma.

3. Have your kids - ham-stoked and spinning amok with sugarplums, Barbie dolls and Yu-Gi-Oh! action figures - drilled a hole through the roof yet? There's a reason they switch on the holiday light exhibits Christmas night, so why not take advantage of the thoughtful gesture? Lights on from 5-9 p.m. at Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium. 

4. If "attending more cultural events" is on your list of 2014 resolutions, why not kick it off a bit early. Temple Beth Hatfiloh and the Olympia Film Society present Hava Nagila (The Movie), a documentary about the song played at millions of Jewish weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs every year. (We trust the filmmakers delve into hard-hitting statistics about how many injuries occur during the chair-hoisting hora dance.) So quit kvetching and get to it at 7 p.m. inside the Capitol Theater.

5. Olympia drummer Jerry Zeigler will be playing his annual Merry Fitz-mas show at McCoy's with Fitz of Depression raging two sets beginning at 10 p.m. Never seen Fitz play? Well, expect to get ripped a new one. The band seriously tears into the nether-regions and squiggle their reverb around, getting all deep and fast and punk rock. Also, this is a good time to see Zeigler turn into a full-fledged octopus on the drums. Enjoy.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Wednesday, Dec. 25 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

THURSDAY, DEC. 26 2013 >>>

1. Nine fortnights and four days ago the Karpeles Manuscript Library brought forth in this city documents, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men (and women) should come see them. We are now engaged in a great holiday war, testing whether we, or anyone, can endure long enough through this holiday to visit the Karpeles before "The Final Days of the American Civil War" exhibit closes. We have come to dedicate a portion of the Karpeles Manuscript Library as a final resting place (at least until Dec. 30) for these Civil War documents about those who gave their lives that this museum might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we cannot duplicate, we cannot regurgitate, we cannot own these documents. They are collected here, far above our poor power to add or detract. Or do any other kind of math to. The world will little note, nor remember what we said here - unless they go to the Internet version, which'll be around forever. But these documents won't. They're gone Saturday. So go forth and view them from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Karpeles Manuscript Library.

2. Tonight marks the 200th running of the Tacoma Runners. The group will depart from the Harmon Tap Room at 6:30 p.m. The routine is the same every Thursday - run 3 easy miles on simple-ish routes with a sprinkling of hills and stairs (sometimes), followed by good times back at the bar after the run. This group has been running and growing like crazy over the last nearly four years. Join them for a run and the celebration.

3. Sated? Maybe it's time to dig out from under the spent wrapping paper, tinsel and ham to spend a few moments in reflection. In the meantime, here's Christian Doyle doing Frank Sinatra and a beat poet. Here's Amy Shephard in a clown suit and roller skates, like ya do. Maggie Lofquist has a lovely alto singing voice, which sounds great with Shephard's. Mark Alford pulls off a fabulous Elvis but overacts manically throughout the show. The music's executed with polish and conviction. It's The Stardust Christmas Blizzard at 8 p.m. at Harlequin Productions. Read Christian Carvajal's full review of The Stardust Christmas Blizzard in the Music & Culture section.

4. Christmas might be over, but good ol' Saint Nick's got one more present for all you country music fans. Steel Creek in downtown Tacoma presents "Saint Nick's Last Gift" featuring free line dance lessons starting at 8 p.m. plus free cover and free bull rides all night long. And to make the party a little merrier, Steel Creek's little country elves will be pouring $3 Fireball Whiskeys starting at 9 p.m. Yeehaw! 

5. Every Thursday night at 9 p.m. in Puget Sound Pizza, the Volcano's music critic Rev. Adam McKinney hosts a karaoke session showcasing a Tarantino-like mix of downtown denizens seriously singing Bill Withers and glasses-wearing gals squawking out punk rawk, plus appearances by local rock stars. 

LINK: Thursday, Dec. 26 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, DEC. 27 2013 >>>

1. Longtime rhythm and blues sensation Randy Oxford Band hits the infamous Midwest Blues Highway to kick off 2014 with one really important stop along the way. The band will represent Tacoma at the International Blues Challenge in Memphis this January. It's the largest gathering of blues bands in the world and a big deal: bands had to compete locally and regionally to get the honor. Expecting more than 300 acts from around the world, IBC is five days of bluesy goodness. Add in the launch of the band's highly lauded and buzzworthy new CD, ... it feels good, and it's extra bluesy special. Before hitting the road, the band will perform at its annual Night After Christmas show at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones. Read Kim Thompson's interview with Randy Oxford in the Music & Culture section.

2. Because electronica is a style that functions effectively removed from the traditional guitar-drum-bass mold, enabling the creation and exploration of a whole new range of sounds, it becomes helpful to find distinctions: is it aggressive like drum 'n' bass and jungle, cartoonish like chiptunes and glitch, cerebral like IDM and trip-hop, or mellow like dream-pop and chillwave (which, ugh, not a fan of that word, either). Lobsana falls more on the latter end. Anna Moore is the artist behind Lobsana, a project that began back in 2011 as more or less a lark. Catch Lobsana with Field Trip and Hana and the Goose at 8 p.m. in Metronome Coffee. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on Lobsana in the Music & Culture section.

3. The Tacoma Comedy Club hosts Nigel Larson at 8:30 p.m. The club would like you to put that pair of holiday footie jammies back where they belong: way waaaay back in the closet, get out of the house and laugh it up with this comedian who at one time was a single, unemployed college dropout living in his parents' basement in Rochester. Wanting to make more of himself, Larson left the safety and security of that basement for the safety and security of his grandparents' basement in Tacoma. His act is largely autobiographical, turning a lifetime of failure into consistent on-stage success with honest stories and sophisticated material.

4. You have been digging the Monday night jazz jams at The New Frontier Lounge with Nate Dybevik on keys, Cameron Arneson on bass and Peter Tietjen on drums as the core group. At 9 p.m., the trio takes it to the next level in what they like to call the Friday Night Jazz Super Jam. You will Marvel at the talent.

5. The Spider Ferns are a duo that aim to hypnotize. Made up largely of just electric guitar and bass, with no drums, there is very little to prevent you from getting lulled into their bubbling tones. Without percussion, the sounds tend to just wash over you, lively though they may sometimes get. The band performs with Elbow Coulee and Dionvox at 9:30 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

LINK: Friday, Dec. 27 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SATURDAY, DEC. 28 2013 >>>

1. Imagine soulful music of yesterday being forcibly pumped out of Janis Joplin's larynx and then lathered with the silkiest velvet, and you've a pretty good idea of the kind of groove Kim Archer can make. Archer has a strong, emotional voice, a robust musical sense and a willingness to work outside the tightly proscribed boundaries of the genre. Tonight, from 7-9 p.m. you may ice skate to Archer's heavy soul and groove when she performs at the Weekly Volcano's Electric Salchow Stage inside the ice rink at the Franciscan Polar Plaza in downtown Tacoma. Bonus: Archer will play several tunes off her new children's album, Music From Planet Cool. 

2. There are some hobbies better kept quiet. You know, the ones you do alone in your basement late at night. And then there are some truly cool hobbies, like model railroads. These should be celebrated and dragged out in the open for all to admire - which is why the Model Train Festival, downtown Tacoma's biggest model railroad exposition (taking into account, of course, the relatively small size of the subjects at hand because they are, of course, models) has a 10-day run. This gives you plenty of time to enjoy every floor of the Washington State History Museum filled with operating modular layouts. And, remember to look both ways before crossing, and keep your pennies to yourself.

In the weeks leading up to local singer-songwriter Stephanie Anne Johnson's appearance on The Voice, word had spread through the rumor mill that she had auditioned for the show. Instantly, the situation was reminiscent of when Tacoma's own Vicci Martinez had her stint on the singing competition. Johnson, like Martinez, was about to embark on an absurd journey through the twists and turns of reality competition television - a hallowed realm of heightened verisimilitude where people's lives are stories and their voices are sung dialogue. Ultimately, Johnson made it to the top 20, and into the first week of the public voting on who leaves and who stays. It was on her final night that she busted out a fantastic version of "Georgia on my Mind," but it seems as though it was just too late. The following Thursday, Johnson was voted off of The Voice. Before catching her show at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones, read Rev. Adam McKinney's full interview with Stephanie Anne Johnson in the Music & Culture section.

It's the Saturday before New Year's Eve, and conventional thinking has it that you're going to sit home and go out Tuesday to trip the night fantastic. But maybe you're not. Maybe you subscribe to the New-Year's-Eve-as-amateur-night theory. Maybe you're the type who is thinking "Hey, let's do something tonight" and stay in and cuddle Tuesday away from the madding crowds. Tonight would in fact be a good time to take in the "Almost 2014 Masquerade Ball" at 8 p.m. in The Social Bar & Grill. DJ Midnight will supply the beats while you swirl around this modern dining spot, tossing back Latin fusion delights and $4 Svedka vodka drinks all masked up like Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut. Parties are more fun behind a mask.

5. The Acme Tavern hosts the Bronco Buddies Rosie Fanny Day at 9 p.m. OK, we made up the title. It makes sense, though. At the root of the Acme's show is Blanco Bronco's record release - their first full-length release, on 12-inch vinyl. The trio from Hilltop Tacoma incorporates punk, new wave and '90s indie rock into their sound. Also on this bill at the ... Acme Furry Face Cheex Blanco ExtravaKwanzaa? (OK, maybe not) ... at the show will be the Broncos' bandmates from last summer's Music & Art in Wright Park - the Furry Buddies. Finally, two of the Gritty City Sirens burlesque members, Rosie Cheex and Funny Face Fanny, will be performing too. See, our titles make sense.

LINK: Saturday, Dec. 28 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

LIVE MUSIC TONIGHT IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

The Acme Grub Cage Tacoma - Downtown. Blanco Bronco Record Release Party with Furry Buddies. Gritty City Sirens burlesque also in the house. 9 pm.

Bob's Java Jive Tacoma - Central. SEACATS, The Echo Echo Echoes, Hearts Are Thugs, Luxe Canyon. 8 pm. 45.

• I can't be certain, but it seems likely that SEACATS may have the distinction of being the first band I've covered that were born out of a comedy web series. Formed by Kelso, Wash., by brothers Josh and Mike Davis, SEACATS make boisterous power-pop that recalls the guitar heroics of Fang Island and Surfer Blood, with a dash of the humorous self-deprecation of Weezer. While SEACATS describe themselves as "funny guyz," their songs don't make the mistake of drifting into a full-on comedy act. Despite their onstage antics and clearly tongue-in-cheek writing, these songs are by and large legit anthems that can be enjoyed by those people that tend to dismiss anything even close to comedy bands - even ones that were erroneously labeled as such, such as They Might Be Giants and Ween. But don't get me started on those people. - Rev. Adam McKinney
  

B Sharp Coffee House Tacoma - Triangle District. Kimball and the Fugitives. 7-10 pm. NC.

Doyle's Public House Tacoma - Stadium District. World's Finest featuring Steve Swatkins, Brett Cummings, Josh Hegg, Camron Arneson, Jesse Turcotte, Jeff Berghammer and Kevin Blackwood. 9 pm. NC.

Franciscan Polar Plaza Ice Rink Tacoma - Downtown. Kim Archer on Ice. All Ages. 7-9 pm. NC, $4-$8 ice skating.

Jazzbones Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. Stephanie Anne Johnson (of The Voice) Welcome Home Show. 8 pm. $8-$15.

Le Voyeur Café and Lounge Olympia - Downtown. Culcullen. 9 pm.

Louie G's Pizza Fife. Echoes: Tribute To Pink Floyd. All Ages. 8 pm.

Maxwell's Restaurant + Lounge Tacoma - Downtown. The Kareem Kandi Band. All Ages. 8 pm. NC.

The New Frontier Lounge Tacoma - Dome District. Amber's Birthday Party, with Death By Stars, People Under The Sun, Oh Dear, Milk. 9 pm. NC.

• The New Frontier Lounge is hosting a free birthday bash for some chick named Amber, who is now apparently old enough to join Betty White and the rest of the Golden Girls, at least according to the Facebook event page. While I don't know Amber (Happy Birthday anyway!), I do know the line-up looks smokin'. Death By Stars is one of four bands set to play, and one of my personal Tacoma faves. Number one reason they are on the fave list? They make me want to dance. I'm listening to them right now, and I'm having trouble typing because it's out of sync with their synth-y, catchy beats and I'd rather be bouncing with the rhythm, riding the groove, closing my eyes and getting into the vibe. But hey, there's work to do, so back to reality. But, come this weekend get ready to let loose and party with the best of 'em. - Nikki McCoy
  

The Spar Tacoma - Old Town. The One & Only Ramains. 8 pm.

Traditions Cafe and World Folk Art Olympia - Downtown. Los Flacos. All Ages. 8 pm. $10-$15.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. Klasx. 9 pm.

LINK: More live music Saturday, Dec. 28 in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, DEC. 29 2013 >>>

1. "The first thing I saw was my drums, although I didn't recognize them," said Tacoma musician Dean Tsapralis, also known as "Dean the Dreamweaver," after he opened his storage unit door in September. Tsapralis' life-long collection of musical instruments from around the world, along with many personal belongings, was below 9 feet of mud and water. "I was devastated," said Tsapralis. For the past three months he has worked hard to salvage what he can. This process and the consequent loss of work have left him both physically and financially drained. As Tacoma does, a benefit concert will be held at Benefit Central, also known as The Swiss, beginning at 3 p.m. featuring Dakota Bob, Tatoosh, Jerry Miller, Tim Hall, Steve Cooley, Spin Cycle and a 9 p.m. open jam.

2. The film Inside Llewyn Davis showcases a week in the life of its titular character. Llewyn (Oscar Isaac) is a down-and-out folk singer struggling to find fame and fortune, or maybe just earn a living, in 1961 New York. Despite enjoying a small degree of success early in his career, things aren't going well for Llewyn when we meet him. Mike (sung by Marcus Mumford), Llewyn's musical partner, committed suicide some time before the film's opening. Llewyn, unable to find solo success, is reduced to playing sleazy juke joints and couch-surfing amongst a rotating roster of friends and vague acquaintances. Catch the film at 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:25, 6:45 and 9:05 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

3. Make Sunday the day you check out Zoolights or Fantasy Lights - both South Sound institutions. Zoolights, the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium's holiday light show and extravaganza, offers a stroll through more than half a million lights, crafted whimsically throughout the zoo from 5-9 p.m. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lights in Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park from 5:30-9 p.m.

4. Let's be honest. You love The Spar. You love drinking beer. And you love rockin' blues. Do yourself a favor and check out the twangy and bluesy rock of Billy Stoops & the Rectifiers at 7 p.m. in The Spar. You love Stoops in Junkyard Jane. You love him every Thursday at the Stonegate. You just love him.

5. At 8 p.m. the Tacoma Comedy Club hosts Jay Hollingsworth's True Comedy Show. Immediately following each comedian's act, Hollingsworth will probe comics Duane Goad, Rodger Lizaola and Aaron Kirb ywith questions to reveal what's true and what's fiction in their material.

LINK: Sunday, Dec. 29 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

MONDAY, DEC. 30 2013 >>>

1. Our ears perked up and our stomachs flipped a little when we heard the phrase "ultra cool spy themes." It sounds dangerous and sexy. Blues, that most American of musical forms, will receive a dose of spy music, as well as surf tones, at The Swiss' Monday Blues Night at 8 p.m. Seattle guitarist and singer Chris Stevens will fill the downtown Tacoma watering hole with electric blues lines via a big Gibson archtop. Taking their unusual name from a song title by legendary blues guitarist Freddy King, Stevens' back band, the Surf Monkeys, keep a firm footing in the blues while stretching the boundaries with "ultra cool spy themes," reverb drenched surf twang and Chris' own "blues on the edge of jazz" originals.

2. Whether you want to channel your inner Winter Olympics sports nerd, capture the magic of the season in a vibrant urban venue or just have a wintery and sporty adventure, break out the ice skates, people, because the Franciscan Polar Plaza, in partnership with the Tacoma Art Museum, is open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Bring family and friends to Tacoma's holiday ice rink for holiday fun and a good time right in the heart of downtown Tacoma.

3. Make Monday the day you check out Zoolights or Fantasy Lights - both South Sound institutions. Zoolights, the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium's holiday light show and extravaganza, offers a stroll through more than half a million lights, crafted whimsically throughout the zoo from 5-9 p.m. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lightsin Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park from 5:30-9 p.m. 

4. Get out your dancing shoes and join in the whimsy of a country western shuffle dance from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Olympia Elks Lodge, hosted by the Evergreen Country Dancers. What is a shuffle, you say? It's the country western version of polka - the primary difference being that the style of shuffle is less hoppy than the polka. The basic step consists of a triple to the left followed by a triple to the right.  The shuffle is sometimes called double two-step or traveling swing, for it also uses components of two-step and the popular East Coast swing. This makes shuffle a very versatile dance, allowing a mix and match of patterns, which can result in some exciting variations - and there's nothing wrong with that.

5. It's a quiet Monday before New Year's Eve in Tacoma, but inside The New Frontier Lounge, the night is cooking. Pianist Nate D., bassist Cameron and drummer Peter T. host the city's Monday jazz jam inviting talent to sit in as the house trio explores straight ahead, funk and space beginning at 8 p.m. Not all gigs qualify as a hang, but this one has the precise alchemy that could draw the area's best players: a high level of musicianship, a relaxed atmosphere and a sympathetic intergenerational crowd. Ask any working jazz musician, and the hang is what it's all about. Be a part of history.

LINK: Monday, Dec. 30 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

You weren't the only one lit last night in honor of the Seahawk's 27-9 win over the Rams yesterday, thus clinching the NFC West Division title. A huge tree strung with lights in Seahawks' blue and green lit up the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium plaza entrance at Zoolights. And the tree is topped with a large lighted "12" in honor of the 12th Man, the term representing the team's loyal and exuberant fans - meaning you.

The team colors on the tree are just some of the more than half a million lights decorating the zoo for the holiday season. And the show continues into 2014. Zoolights is open from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. nightly through Jan. 5, except Jan. 1. Tickets are available online at www.pdza.org and at the Customer Service counters in Puget Sound-area Fred Meyer stores for $7.50 per person.