THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Partly cloudy, Hi 67, lo 52
Saturday: Partly cloudy, Hi 72, lo 52
Sunday: Party cloudy, hi 70, lo 52

TRAFFIC ALERT: Eastbound SR 16 ramp to northbound I-5 closes from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. Friday, June 25. Construction closes three lanes on I-5 in both directions between Gravelly Lake Drive and 48th Street in Tacoma 7 p.m. Friday to 7 a.m. Saturday. Southbound I-5 between Mounts Road and Martin Way will see lane closures Friday and Saturday nights.

>>> FRIDAY, JUNE 25: UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS! 2

Drag queens tend to be a nasty lot. Bobble Tiki doesn't know if their universal bitterness stems from the pain of squeezing size 11 feet into size 9 pumps or from the irritation of persistent waxing and tweezing. That scenario will not be the case Friday night when drag divas - men dolled up as women - sashay across the Blue Mouse Theatre stage as part of Until the Fat Lady Sings! 2. Last year the drag queens brought the Mouse down with their dancing, vamping and lip-synching. You don't want to miss this one. This impersonators show benefits the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma. - Bobble Tiki

• [Blue Mouse Theatre, 8-11 p.m., $10-$20, 2611 N. Proctor, Tacoma, 253.752.9500]

>>> SATURDAY, JUNE 26: DOCKYARD DERBY DAMES CHAMPIONSHIP

The blockers have the bruises to prove it. The pivots feel the extra pressure. Saturday, returning to the Foss Waterway Seaport, Tacoma's roller derby phenomenon, the Dockyard Derby Dames, will hold their 2010 championship bout. Fans will clamor for blood (or just beer) when the Marauding Mollys and the Hellbound Homewreckers throwdown for a major grudge match, and things will get cranked up even more when the two-time champion Trampires battle the reigning champions, Femme Fianna, for total T-Town roller derby supremacy. Mark your calendars. It's going to be awesome. - Matt Driscoll

• [Foss Waterway Seaport, 6 p.m., $12 advance, $15 door, 705 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.678.1866]

>>> SUNDAY, JUNE 27: URBAN ART FESTIVAL 

The outdoor Urban Art Festival will feature live art demonstrations from painter and screen-printing wiz Kenji Fulmer, who has been seen recently teaching screen-printing classes at Tacoma Art Place. Also, expect appearances from local favorites Mike Capp, Dustin Hillgrove, Jada-Moon on the henna, Ryan Loiselle, Jodi Barstad, Lithium Love, and photographer Tanya DeMots. And then there's the music. Hell of a line up this year, including main stage performers Voxxy Vallejo, Basemint, Blame it on the Girl, New Law, Hotels, Pioneers West and The Fucking Eagles. Rounding out main-stage offerings is a rare treat for Tacoma - reggae legend Clinton Fearon. – Paul Schrag

• [People's Park, noon to 9 p.m., free, Ninth and MLK Way, Tacoma]

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor
I will be mowing my lawn (for real this time!), taking off my shirt at every (slight) opportunity, and checking out The Fucking Eagles et al. at the Urban Art Fest.

PAUL SCHRAG Senior Contributor
Friday, I'm heading to Oly to help Xperience celebrate the release his new album, William VIII, with XP himself, Macklemore, Grayskul, Candidt, etc. Heading to Seattle on Saturday to see some good people. Sunday ... I think I'm hanging out with Mary K and my sister. Naps.

NIKKI TALOTTA Feature Writer
If I didn't have to sling drinks all weekend, I'd be hanging with the kids and chickens by day, and roaming downtown Olympia - looking for shows and bros - by night.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL Theater Critic
TAO's baadasssss take on Othello has been pushed back a week, so instead I'm beginning my move to Olympia proper. By this time next month I should smell like patchouli, a Sara Jane's Firebird, and shake.

STEPH DEROSA Columnist
MI will be watching men getting all dirty and sweaty from doing manly things with huge pieces of wood. That's right, I'll be at the Buckley Log Show all weekend.

THE REV. ADAM MCKINNEY Feature Writer
I will continue to wear my dad's clothes while he's out of town (not weird). At some point, I will finish my pint of bottom-shelf whiskey and stumble out on the town, possibly ending up at karaoke.

KRIS BLONDIN Food/Wine Writer
Dustin and I are heading to Mardon Resort near the Pot Holes in Eastern Washington with Aura Mae and her Hubby. Gettin' some sun!

JOE IZENMAN Music/Theater Critic
I'll be heading out Friday night to catch the awesome and fun Shotgun Kitchen at Malarkey's pool hall. OK, that's kind of a lie. I am IN Shotgun Kitchen, and I'm just trying to trick you all into coming. Sunday it's off to that city in the North for Idaho singer-songwriter Josh Ritter.

JENNIFER JOHNSON: Lifestyle/Leisure Writer
Friday evening I'll hit the Belles at the Ball inside Sanford & Son. Saturday morning features an ass-kicking workout at LA Fitness followed by lunch at The Taste of Tacoma. Sunday afternoon I'm attending Bria McCoy's wedding and Urban Art Fest followed by Hilltop Trot at Fulcrum.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

BEING WILLIAM WALLACE >>>

We here at the Weekly Volcano think it takes a real man to wear a skirt and wear it proudly.  That's why we're piling into the Weekly Volcanomobile and heading to the 41st Annual Tacoma Highland Games to watch some manly men flash their legs and flip some fucking big logs in the Heavy Field Events and Caber Toss.  If all that testosterone gets to be too much, we'll head for the Parading of the Clans or dancing, piping and drumming competitions.

And don't forget the bagpipes. Lots and lots of bagpipes. Did I mention the bagpipes?

Tacoma Highland Games

Saturday, June 26, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., $8-$10
Frontier Park, 217^th and Meridian East, Graham

Hey, did I mention the bagpipes?

LINK: More Tacoma Highland Games details

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

I'm going to be brief. The weekend is basically here, I've got a wedding to attend later this afternoon at the Museum of Glass, and Monday marks the official start of summer. There's really very little time to fuck around. The time for freedom is here.

Even though my iPhone weather predictor is calling for rain all weekend, I won't be deterred. That fucking thing is never right. Plus, raining or not - it's the weekend, which by very definition is SO MUCH better than the workweek.

Here's your Prefunk, a weekend primer for you and your liver - with a complimentary picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

Enjoy.

DIRTYCHANGEUP, NAKED BACON, ZE KRUSTACEANS @ BOB'S JAVA JIVE

Saturday, June 19

Mmmm... bacon.

If it's been a while since you've checked into Bob's Java Jive - say, years and years perhaps - the time has come for you to re-acquaint yourself.

Trust me. It'll be quick. Not much has changed, unless you go back to the smoking-chimp era.

Saturday, you'll have a prime chance to see the Jive in all its glory when three hardworking, relatively modest bands fill the beer-serving coffee pot with a few of their friends, a few regulars, a bartender or two - and, voila! - the entire place feels packed. Tacoma's DirtyChangeUp and Seattle's Naked Bacon are both jam bands (didn't see that coming, did you?); while Tacoma's Ze Krustaceans lean a little more in the surf direction - and just might steal the entire show.

PREFUNK: If you want to be a real rebel, smuggle in your own Red Vines and get at the snaking early, so you're not tempted to buy a handful of them from the bar after two or three PBRs. I can tell you from experience: Heartburn City. It's a bad scene.

As they say, "Licorice before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before licorice, you're probably going to vomit frothy red stomach bile onto a Teddy Haggarty painted wall after the last band."

CANNON BALL TRICYCLE DOWNHILL RACE

Sunday, June 20.

OK. This one has already been touched on a couple times by the Volcano, by writers far more worried about "professionalism" and "accuracy" than me.

The Cannon Ball Tricycle Downhill Race, allegedly organized by T-Town's infamous TW the custom vintage bike maker, will go down Sunday. You can find all the info you need here, here and even here.

PREFUNK: Drinking and driving is never, EVER cool... unless you're on a pink, powder-coated tricycle and wearing assless-chaps and a top hat. Just sayin'. Do your homework, and come prepared!

See you next week.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD >>>

A long time ago, in - basically - the same place, I wrote for a snarky, gritty little rag known as the Tacoma Reporter. Even back then, Tacoma was Tacoma. I was a lot younger. The landscape was full of metal and mud wrestling. People still preferred cheap beer. There was a place in Ruston called the Shoboat - no "w".

Times were good.

Matt Youngmark, a supremely talented dude and author and creator of Zombocalypse Now - a nerdy-hip, choose-your-own adventure zombie book conveniently released by Chooseomatic Books - was the editor, er, creative director, er, co-owner, er, all of the above at the Reporter. Basically, he was the guy behind the computer screen 22.5 hours a day, somehow creating a paper every week while running on caffeine and being denied basic human necessities like sleep and food that doesn't come from a vending machine and end in the sound "-os". Before the Reporter, Youngmark was one of the people behind Pandemonium Magazine.

Basically, he was the shit. And he was my boss. And - at least I liked to think - he was my friend.

Anyway, to make a long, somewhat sappy story short - almost a year ago Youngmark sent me a copy of Zombocalypse Now for review in the Weekly Volcano. I told him I'd do it because, let's be honest, a choose-your-own-adventure zombie books for adults is a fucking brilliant idea, and - as I said - he's my friend.

Problem is, I never reviewed the book. Shortly after Youngmark sent it to me - or perhaps right before (it's kind of a blur) - my dad passed away. I only mention this because my dad, Frank Driscoll, as a staff writer at the Reporter, is the person that introduced me to Youngmark and the connection that got me a shot I probably didn't deserve at the paper. Really, if it wasn't for my dad having that job, and the Reporter being desperate and overwhelmed enough to a) give me a chance, and b) keep me around out of sheer desperation even when I made inevitable mistakes, there's a very good chance I wouldn't have the job I do today.

But back to Zombocalypse Now. I carried it around for a long time. I told myself I'd get around to reviewing it. I really did. Eventually, I became ashamed of myself. But even that never spurred me to action. The guilt just grew and grew and grew.

For all I know, Youngmark and I may not even be friends anymore.

Luckily, he's going to forgive me. Why? Well, because I know you. After reading the preceding touching and heartfelt Spew post, you'll be moved enough not only to buy multiple copies of Zombocalypse Now immediately, but to show up Saturday at Comic Book Ink for the "Homegrown Heroes" book signing event and get your multiple copies of Zombocalypse Now signed by Youngmark himself.

That's right! Youngmark will be in attendance, and participating in HIS FIRST EVER BOOK SIGNING! Come meet the legend! And help me move on!

The "Homegrown Heroes" event also includes appearances by members of The Dockyard Derby Dames, local cartoonist Mark Monlux and James Stowe - and plenty more. If I'm not mistaken (and, yes, it is my job to know such things), the Volcano's Joe Izenman is working up some words on the event right now, for publication on Spew soon.

Youngmark blogged about the Homegrown Heroes signing earlier today. Since we're not back on speaking terms yet, I'll just still a few juicy quotes.

"John Munn at Comic Book Ink has been a tremendous supporter of Zombocalypse Now, and I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be signing at his store. I'm not just saying that, either - John was the very first retailer to stock the book, was instrumental in helping me get picked up by Alliance Games and Diamond Comics, and sold books for me at this year's Emerald City Comic Con. Without his tireless support, there's no chance that the book would have had a fraction of the success it's enjoyed so far," writes Youngmark.

"The Homegrown Heroes event is a bit of a homecoming for me, since after 18 years of T-town bliss I moved northward to Seattle last year to be closer to the day job (and shack up with my sweetie)."

Welcome Youngmark back to Tacoma in style, from 2-5 p.m. Saturday. Also, help me erase some of this guilt. Buy the damn book!

Over and out.

TACOMA TWILIGHT CRITERIUM >>>

Think all bike racing has to offer is stories of Lance Armstrong blood doping between romps with Sheryl Crow?  Think again.  Better yet, let the first Tacoma Twilight Criterium prove it to you. A criterium, or crit, is a short, intense bike race - usually less than 5K - run on closed-off city streets.  The Tacoma Twilight Criterium, a first for Tacoma, will feature seven categories of racing, a beer garden (for spectators), an art bike parade beginning at 7:20 p.m. and an appearance by Olympia JR Celski.

Tacoma Twilight Criterium

Saturday, June 12, 3-11 p.m., free
Downtown Tacoma, starts at Eighth and Pacific

SATURDAY, JUNE 12, 2010 >>>

1. The Grand Cinema will screen the rockumentry Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage at 9:15 p.m.

2. The artist formerly known as Rejjie will display his hand-built ocarina (whistle) ceramics series and combine it with a potluck from 6-9 p.m. inside the Library at Sanford and Son Antiques.

3. As part of the indie rock Squeak and Squawk festival on this weekend at The New Frontier Lounge, MLKBallet will present their latest MOVE! contemporary dance showcase, with live music by Goldfinch, Travis Barker and Olivia de la Cruz at 8 p.m.

4. The Capital City Pride festival continues today from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. in Sylvester Park in downtown Olympia with food, information booths and music from Kimya Dawson (1 p.m.), Captain Smartypants (2 p.m.) and others.

5. Maurice the Fish Records hosts a showcase of its talent from 5-7 p.m. inside The Matador in downtown Tacoma.

LINK: Concert go on sale today

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

After a much needed, and moderately deserved week off (Hey, making jokes in poor taste takes a toll!), the Weekly Volcano Prefunk is back: a weekly guide to Saturday and Sunday excitement for you and your liver - with a picture of an alcoholic pet thrown in for good measure.

Here we go...

OLYMPIA EXPERIMENTAL MUSIC FESTIVAL @ NORTHERN

Saturday, June 12

For seemingly as long as I can remember, I've been a supporter of - and writing stories about - the annual Olympia Experimental Music Festival. In this - the festival's 16^th year - much has changed since the beginning, yet still more remains the same. Founded by L.  Jim McAdams, and later carried (perhaps to its highest point so far) by Arrington de Dionyso - who I made a yearly ritual out of interviewing during his time as festival headcheese - this year's festival starts Friday at Northern, and will fill the space every night through Sunday with some of the strangest, and all around inspiring, racket you're liable to come across. With this incarnation of the Olympia Experimental Music Festival - which over its history has established itself as the very definition of a DIY event - directed by Nathan Markiewicz, of Tacoma's LA Lungs fame, and wholly supported and sponsored by KAOS and the Olympia Strange Music Society, things are sure to be as off-the-hook as ever.

Saturday night's performance at Northern will feature KnotPineBox, The Sexbots, Aural Resuscitation Unit, Big Tom The Lithuainian, Soup Purse, Horde Of Two and Daniel Menche.

Awesome.

PREFUNK: Honestly, if you mix Prefunkatory drugs into the Olympia Experimental Music Festival mix, it might explode your brain - and not necessarily in a good way. It could be way too much. I'm not saying it's never been done before - because it surely has - I'm just saying be careful out there, strange music fans. Sometimes, when it comes to experimental music and drugs, it's better to be safe than sorry.

BOOZE AND BOOTY SCAVENGER HUNT @ Speakeasy Arts Co-op

Sunday, June 13

This is one you'll have to RSVP to attend, and plop down a $10 entry fee, but it may be totally worth your while. A mix of pirate costumes (does that EVER get old?), good times, scavenging, photography and drinking, the Booze and Booty Scavenger Hunt starting at 2 p.m. at Tacoma's Speakeasy Arts Cooperative has all the making for a Sunday spectacular - and a startlingly early bedtime, as being buzzed on Sunday by 4 p.m. rarely leads to late nights.

Here's a taste from the description (note the team aspect, and "competitive" nature):

A day of capers, treasure-hunting, photo-missions and bar-hopping for your pleasure, treasure and rewards. Teams will be formed and be sent off to collect as many points as possible. Points can be earned by finding booty, schmoozing local bartenders, and completing photo assignments (activities and locations.) Earn your team 20 extra points if you are dressed like a pirate. 10 if you at least make a nod toward it. No driving will be allowed, and your team must stick together. The hunt may lead you downtown, through Hilltop, and toward Stadium district. The team who finishes with the most points wins the cash prize (tbd. The more, the merrier!). Many other gift certificates and prizes will be awarded. At the 6pm finish line, join again at Speakeasy for drinks, mingling, and counting your loot as all the photos of the day are projected in a larger than life slide show, points are tallied and prizes awarded. Please email moonevent@live.com to RSVP. Sponsored by The Acme, PSP, 1022, The Corner Bar and Malarkey's. Other stops may include the Hob Nob, The Mix, Doyle's, The Silverstone, The Swiss, The Parkway, The Hub.

PREFUNK: Look, this is a competition, right? A competition for booze and booty. I know you're no loser, and if you're going to do something - YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO IT RIGHT. Or at least cheat.

If the purpose is booze and booty, and grabbing as much of both as possible, I see no reason why you can't start early. Sure, the official event doesn't kick off until 2pm, but why wait? Start procuring booze and booty as early as Saturday night, that way when game time rolls around - you'll be ready!

See you next week.

CAPITAL CITY PRIDE >>>

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" (heh, heh) and head on down to Capital City Pride, Olympia's lesbian/gay/bi-/trans pride festival held in Sylvester Park from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday, June 12, and the parade will take place Sunday at noon. Even if the only coming out you'll be doing will happen when you exit your home, there's still plenty for you to do with 70 food vendors, arts & crafts, advocacy and local business vendors, and the follow activities:

Friday, June 11

• CabarGAY! at Jake's on 4th, 7 p.m. Tickets available online or at the door.
• The Urban Onion: DJ Turtledove, 9 p.m., 115 Legion Way
• Dancing at Jake's on 4th Ave., 311 4th Ave. E.

Saturday, June 12

• Pride Festival at Sylvester Park, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.
• Boozegrass, live bluegrass party band, The Urban Onion, 4:30 p.m.
• Pride Film Festival at Capitol Theater, 206 5th. Ave. Word is out, 6 p.m., Priscilla Queen of the Desert, 9 p.m.
• Marlayna McBride & the Jakettes, Jake's on 4th Ave. 7 p.m.
• Masquerade Ball, at 317 4th Ave. E., 18+ event. 9:30 p.m. 

Sunday, June 13

• LGBT Brunch at The Urban Onion, 116 Legion Way
• LGBT Brunch at Cicada, 700 4th Ave.

• Family picnic and entertainment at Sylvester Park, 11 a.m. to noon and following parade. Food booths open.
• Pride Parade starts at noon
• Kim Archer Band at The Urban Onion following parade
• Sunday afternoon Tea Dance at Jake's on 4th Ave.

Come help celebrate all that hard-earned pride.

FUTURE THINGS ARE COMING >>>

The City of Gig Harbor sent the following press release to the Weekly Volcano World Headquarters:

Gig Harbor, Washington (June, 2010) - It's time to celebrate the ingredients of the Good Life in Gig Harbor.  The inaugural 2010 Gig Harbor Wine & Food Festival (Aug. 7, 2010) presented by the Harbor History Museum and the Gig Harbor Historic Waterfront Association, will feature the culinary talents of Fabio Viviani, Owner and Executive Chef at Osteria Italian Restaurant and Martini Bar in Los Angeles California.  Fabio was recently a contestant and Fan Favorite on Top Chef, season five.

In addition to Fabio's food preparations, the festival will feature a grand tasting tent, gourmet foods from the region, cooking classes and demonstrations, wine tastings and classes, food samples, and an auction.  Fabio will participate in a Celebrity Cook-off competition with another regional celebrity chef.  There will be book signings as well by Mr. Viviani and other celebrated local and regional authors.

The festival will take place on the grounds of the Harbor History Museum.  This inaugural destination event showcasing the talents of the nation's finest wine producers, chefs and culinary personalities promises to be a remarkable wine and food experience.  The festival will be a haven for foodies and wine connoisseurs, a celebration of  "the good life."

Proceeds from the event will benefit the Harbor History Museum and the Gig Harbor Historic Waterfront Association.  Both are committed to preserving Gig Harbor's rich history and charming waterfront district.

GO FOR THE GOLD ... AND GLITTER >>>

The Tour de France might be one of the coolest things on two legs operating two wheels, but it's such a commitment of time, effort and frequent flyer miles to check it out. Then they ride by and it's over. Fortunately, there are other options in bike racing-whether you're a participant or a spectator - a bit closer to home.

The Tacoma Twilight Criterium is a breakneck loop around Pacific and A Streets between 8th and 11^th Saturday June 12 from 3-11 p.m. Grab a cooler and a lawn chair and watch amazing athletes do their thing. With $3,000 in cash and prizes to winners in seven categories, the stakes are high and the competition stiff.

The event also includes a kids' bike race, beer gardens, live music, DJs, a logical appearance by U.S. Olympia speedskating bronze medalist J.R. Celski, and an art bicycle parade.

An art bicycle parade?

Yup, a gaggle of human-powered art bicycles will parade through downtown Tacoma Saturday, no doubt including at least three gorilla men on bikes and a bicycle pulling a canoe tented in green fabric and supporting a large Egyptian head. They might be bicycles built for two, or four, or maybe just involves the cannibalized corpses of multiple bikes welded into a towering hulk, but whatever they'll be, they'll undoubtedly going to be fabulous.  Tacoma's "first" Art Bike Parade will launch at 7:10 p.m., riding from South 8^th to South 12^th Street, in conjunction with the criterium cycle street race.