THE WEEKLY VOLCANO DIGS LIVE MUSIC >>>

Capitol Theater Olympia - Downtown. Nomeansno, Tyvek, The Dirty Birds. All Ages. 8 pm. $8-$10.

• Olympia's The Dirty Birds are consistently awesome, a musical staple for the thousands of rock-hungry partygoers who need a tight set to rattle their bones and cure their jones. The band's garage punk/surf-a-billy roots branch into states of sophistication and skank with the well-placed hum and hoot of a fantastic saxophonist. Going to a Dirty Birds show inevitably leaves you up late with more beer in your belly than planned, and a reverb of gritty vocals and tasty licks pulsing through your brain. This Friday's show is extra wicked; not only do you get The Dirty Birds, but Tyvek and NoMeansNo will be onstage, connecting synapses with quirky spastic punk, leaving listeners in a heightened state of musical being. - Nikki Talotta

Le Voyeur Olympia - Downtown. Patriot Day Eve's party with Party Killer (pdx), Last Prick Standing (pdx), Black Floyd (oly). 21+. 9 pm. NC.

Mandolin Cafe Tacoma - Central. Jam On My Muffin. All Ages. 6 pm. NC.

Northern Olympia - Downtown. The Kora Band. All Ages. 8 pm.

Puyallup Fair Grandstand Puyallup. Bret Michaels. All Ages. 9 pm. $30.

• You didn't think Bret Michaels was going to let a little brain hemorrhage stop him from touring, did you? Hell no, bro! Those brain hemorrhages happened way back in April, dude! There's no way the Bret Michaels America has come to know and love would miss all the hot MILF action in the Krusty Pup line at the Puyallup Fair. Every rose may have its thorn, but Bret Freakin' Michaels doesn't mess around when it comes to spreading his rockstar seed. Those dreamy eyes are serious, and the man's loins will never be tamed, not by diabetes, by hemorrhage or by any sign of embarrassment stemming from a wholly forgettable career. This event will function much like a reunion for Puyallup High School's classes of '87 - '89. Danny Thurston and Billy Joe Hobert will totally get laid somehow. – Weekly Volcano
  

Red Wind Casino Yelm. Sonic Funk Orchestra. 21+. 8:30 pm. NC.

Rialto Theater Tacoma - Downtown. George Winston. All Ages. 8 pm. $30 advance, $35 day of show.

SideBar Bistro Tacoma - Downtown. Saxophonist Michael Hershman. All Ages. 6-9 pm. NC.

Hell's Kitchen Tacoma - Downtown. Church Of Hate, Broken Oars, Infernal Legion, Sok & The Faggots, Enemy Action. 21+. 8 pm. NC.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. Metal Effen Friday featuring loud and local bands. 21+. 8 pm.

LINK: More live music in the South Sound

FRIDAY, SEPT. 10, 2010 >>>

Just like Puyallup as a town has grown exponentially from its small, humble beginnings - from field plowing, porch talking and cow milking to cheap beer, high school football and dusty trucks right into full-size SUVS, flat-screen televisions and suburban sprawl - the Puyallup Fair has grown up beside it. What started as a three-day "Valley Fair" in a vacant lot has exploded into a monster spectacle - occupying 169 acres and 17 days, regularly drawing crowds of 1.1 million per year and generally shocking the senses with a staggering array of ShamWows, sit-down foot massage machines, big ass cows, hot tub demonstrations, Funtastic carnie people, Krusty Pups, onion burgers, giant stuffed panda bears, hypnotist shows, guys with Janet Jackson headsets trying to sell stuff, live concerts, elephant ears, and "fun for the whole family." The Puyallup Fair opens today at 10 a.m. Read our Hipster's Guide to the Puyallup Fair here.

2. Justen Ahren, director of the Martha's Vineyard Writers Residency, will be the Distinguished Writer Series' featured poet at 7 p.m. inside King's Books. An open poetry mic will follow Ahren's performance.

3. Sleuth is a mystery. Kind of. Maybe. Which is to say, it might come down to a death that could have happened, depending upon whose account you believe. Including your own. Tacoma Little Theatre stages Sleuth at 7:30 p.m. Read our review of the show here.

4. George Winston looks like a perfect, well-proportioned pianist. Not too big, and not too small, George Winston is the type of pianist everyone can embrace. He's an inviting pianist. And a masterful pianist. Hell, he invented his own goddamn playing style, folk piano. Wait! What did you think we were talking about? Winston will perform at 8 p.m. inside the Rialto Theater, and if you're lucky he'll bust out one of his interpretations of Frank Zappa. That's no pianist joke, either.

5. Chalet Bowl hosts Rock ‘n Glow bowling featuring black lights, bumpin' music and sharks with freakin' lasers on their heads beginning at 10 p.m.

Oh, and there's a Back To School party at the Speakeasy Arts Cooperative tonight, too.

LINK: New movies open today

LINK: Concerts go on sale today

THE FERVOR IS BUILDING FOR THEIR PUYALLUP FAIR SHOW >>>

"I'm at the point in my life and my career where I can do exactly what I want," John Oates told Reuters earlier this year. "And that's all any creative person wants to do."

The Weekly Volcano can only assume Oates was referring to the fact he shaved off his moustache.

But what we're not sure of is what look, exactly, Hall & Oates will don Sept. 22 when they take the stage at the Puyallup Fair. In honor of The News Tribune's brilliant Lady Gaga fashion poll, the Weekly Volcano has compiled a gallery of some of the most striking looks Hall & Oates have sported over the years. Check out the looks below and vote on your favorite. We don't have the Trib's deep pockets for a vote tally mechanism thingy, so tell us your favorite in the comments section at the bottom. Be sure to tell us your favorite Hall & Oates experience too.

LOOK 1

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LOOK 11

LOOK 12

The Weekly Volcano will be at the Hall & Oates show next month with our cameras at the ready - snapping shots of all the folks sure to be dressed as the popular pop duo, or the people Daryl and John like to refer as the "Out of Touchers." Whether this will result in an 18-page pictorial, we're not sure of. What we are sure of is it'll be awesome.

LINK: Hall & Oates Puyallup Fair show information

DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITS >>>

Take Out: HG Bistro in Puyallup offers a Take out Tuesdays program featuring two take-dinners for $20. Click here to see the menu. Orders take 30 minutes. Call 253.845.0290.

Two Dollars: Every Tuesday Hell's Kitchen serves $2 tacos, $2 wells and $2 beers beginning at 4 p.m.

All. You. Can. Eat!: Happy Days Casino in Lakewood  offers an all-you-can-eat fried chicken deal every Tuesday for $9.99 with purchase of a drink (non-alcoholic or alcoholic).

Steak Deal: Every Tuesday night Harmon Brewery & Eatery serves a 6-ounce sirloin steak or half pound of rib tips - both on a bed of fries - for $5. Check it at 1938 Pacific Ave. in downtown Tacoma.

Early Bird Deal: Salty's at Redondo Beach offers three courses - soup or salad, entrée (salmon, crab mac and cheese, kabobs, chicken) and dessert - for $25 from 4-6 p.m. Monday through Thursday and Sunday.

Future Things Are Coming: Primo Grill in Tacoma will host a cooking class using local farm goods Saturday, Aug. 21 at 2 p.m. The $65 fee includes recipes and instruction, lunch, a glass of wine, dessert, tax and gratuity. Reserve your spot at 253.383.7000.

Food Matters: East Coast beats West in burger battle, Zagat decrees. 

LINK: Hell, who doesn't need a happy hour today

LINK: Oh my, look at all the restaurants

RAMPING UP FOR OUR ANNUAL ARTS GUIDE >>>

Whoa, check out the calendar. Fall is on the way. And with the fall comes a slew of fun things to do, buy, eat, hear and more.

Our annual Fall Arts Guide will hit the South Sound streets Thursday, Sept. 9 chocked full of dance, theater, classical music, visual arts, literary suggestions - as well as where to eat and drink before and after the performances.

Added bonus: Tacoma artist Lance Kagey will design the guide's cover.

If you’re a South Sound arts organization, please send us your entire season's calendar here. We don’t want to leave anyone out. Please submit schedules by Friday, Aug. 27.

If you would like to support the Weekly Volcano's keepsake Fall Arts Guide, and reach our powerful, niche market, contact our advertising department at 253.584.1212 or by e-mail here.

Look for the Fall Arts Guide in the Weekly Volcano and at your favorite hangout Sept. 9.

DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITS >>>

Wine Mixer: Justin Basel of Basel Cellars will visit Swing Wine Bar tonight from 5-7 p.m. to pair five wines with light appetizers for $30 per person.

All. You. Can. Eat!: Happy Days Casino in Lakewood  offers an all-you-can-eat pasta deal every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays for $9.99 with purchase of a drink (non-alcoholic or alcoholic).

Booze In A Cone: Tocanos Café and Wine Bar will served sno cones loaded with booze Wednesday, Aug. 18 at 4 p.m. Remember don't lick and drink!

Future Things Are Coming: Primo Grill in Tacoma will host a cooking class using local farm goods Saturday, Aug. 21 at 2 p.m. The $65 fee includes recipes and instruction, lunch, a glass of wine, dessert, tax and gratuity. Reserve your spot at 253.383.7000.

Drinks Matters: Gary Shteyngart's rules for vodka drinking.

LINK: Wine deals tonight

1. Does it come as a shock that the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire (notice the "e") is held in Buckley? It shouldn't. This weekend, and the following two weekends, 10:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., hordes of renaissance faire enthusiasts (read: virgins) will gather for a bunch of make-believe jousting, jostling, wenching and facial-hair admiring at Maris Farms in Buckley.

2. Hotrod-A-Rama will launch into its second day Saturday, featuring a whole crapload of cherry pre-1965 classic cars, as well as music from the Scuzztones, Basemint, Red Hex and more. The action starts at the Swiss, shortly after noon, and runs all day.

3. Tacoma and Seattle band Colonies have pinned their game on smart but not snooty songwriting and a penchant for the atmospheric that's strikingly easy on the ears - and it works. They'll play The New Frontier in Tacoma tonight with guests, starting at 9 p.m.

4. Go old school in Puyallup tonight at another Retro Skate Night at Tiffany's Skate Inn. Retro is all the rage these days, from Atari to tube socks, and Retro Skate Nights at Tiffany's - featuring tunes from the '70s, '80s and '90s - are probably better than both of those things. Get funky from 7:30 - 10:30 p.m.

5. Every year the University of Puget Sound, along with lots of help from the Dugan Foundation, puts on Woofstock, an all day free festival dedicated to solid pet ownership, outdoor music, and most importantly getting fuzzy, wuzzy animals adopted and in the arms of new owners. Last year's event resulted in 115 adoptions. This year expect more. From 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at Todd Field at the University of Puget Sound. 

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Is it August already? Well, no, not technically - but by the end of the weekend it will be. The bottom line is summertime's a wastin', whether the sun is out or not. You'd be well advised to take full advantage of your fleeting moments of freedom.

With that in mind, here's another installment of the Prefunk, a weekly guide to weekend fun with you and your liver in mind - with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure (and because it's funny).

Enjoy.

National Dance Day/ Pierce County Dances Together

Saturday, July 31

I'll shoot straight. I had NO IDEA there was such a thing as "National Dance Day." And even if I HAD known there was such a thing as "National Dance Day," I surely wouldn't have suspected that it's, "being recognized with an official act of Congress after being created by Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer and co-creator of the FOX series So You Think You Can Dance."

Oh, but it's true - unless the Tacoma Regional Convention and Visitor Bureau is sending out really funny fake press releases.

And they're not.

No, rather, Saturday is the first annual "National Dance Day," and all this prodded moving and shaking is the creation of the minds behind So You Think You Can Dance. Apparently, at locations all across the country, counties and townships so desperate for any spotlight that even having constituents filmed in mall parking lots doing a poor rendition of the cha-cha sounds appealing will engage in mass dance demonstrations, all in an aim to "empower, challenge and inspire everyone to try various styles of dance," according to the press release.

So You Think You Can Dance will be filming these mass dance spectacles, and the best-looking and/or least pathetic towns and counties will be featured on an upcoming episode of the show.

Yes, Piece County is getting in on the action. Naturally! On Saturday, from 10 a.m. to noon in the South Hill Mall parking lot in front of Competitive Edge, a swath of Pierce County's dancing hopefuls will gather to dance their asses off and hopefully end up on TV - calling the event "Pierce County Dances Together."

Here are the details:

So You Think You Can Dance will be filming National Dance Day events around the country to air on an upcoming episode of the show. If our community is chosen to appear on the show Pierce County will earn nation-wide recognition.

Join the Tacoma Regional Convention + Visitor Bureau [TRCVB] at "Pierce County Dances Together" from 10 a.m. to noon on July 31, 2010 at South Hill Mall in Puyallup. Dance festivities will be held in the parking lot in front of Competitive Edge, near the 9th Street SW entrance.

Be a part of the county's largest Cha-Cha Slide. The TRCVB is working with community partners to encourage the support of dance and the healthy benefits it provides. This opportunity to participate in National Dance Day will bring together individuals, families, organizations and communities through creative expression in dance.  So You Think You Can Dance is going on tour this fall and will be performing at the Tacoma Dome on Nov. 6, 2010.

Dances include:

•            Dance group performances

•            Zumba instruction

•            Pierce County's largest Cha-Cha Slide

•            Free-style dance

"Pierce County Dances Together" encourages everyone to get up and move in a place where all dance styles are welcomed. Join the fun - this event is free and open to the public. For more information visit www.traveltacoma.com.

PREFUNK:

There's Krispy Crème in that same parking lot.

With a drive through, I believe.

Just saying...

SATURDAY, JULY 24, 2010 >>>

1. It's time again for Ethnic Fest, an annual event that's brought Pierce County's diversity together in celebration since 1986. Some of the best festival feeding you'll find, as well as visual arts, performing arts, dance, crafts and fun into two days of multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-adjective-for-awesome action from noon to 7 p.m. in Wright Park. Sealing the deal: Ethnic Fest is free.

2. Not many things go together as well as a beautiful weekend and classic, tricked-out, pimped-out hot rods. Luckily, the Pacific Northwest Nationals hot rod show  - presented by Goodguys Rod & Custom Association - will rev up at the Puyallup Fairgrounds from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

3. Tacoma's all women, flat track roller derby league - the Dockyard Derby Dames - hold its All Stars Bout #1 from 5-10 p.m. at Pierce College in Lakewood. The all-ages event, which features a beer garden with ID, will donate a portion of the proceeds to charity.

4. The Tacoma Tide Football Club takes on the Kitsap Pumas Soccer Club at 7 p.m. on the field at Curtis High School Stadium.

5. For 10 years strong Stonewall Youth has been providing support and empowerment to the Olympia area's gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-gender, questioning, intersex, and asexual community - through programs and support groups that serve a valuable need. Saturday, the 10^th annual Stonewall Youth Drag Show Extravaganza will up the sass-o-meter to 11 inside the Capitol Theater beginning at 7 p.m. According to hype, expect a "West Side Story themed show is filled with drag, glitter, song, dance, and revolution."

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Oh, fuck yeah, dude! The weekend is soooooo close. Not sure when quitting time is in your cubicle, but this hack writer has t-minus three hours until freedom, with shorts, flip-flops and a frosty adult beverage waiting for him at home. And, yes, by "him" I mean "me" - perhaps a little Bobble Tiki has rubbed off.

Anyway, before I can get to the aforementioned shorts, flip-flops and frosty beverage, I have to provide you - faithful reader - with yet another installment of The Prefunk - a primer for you and your liver for the coming weekend (with a photo of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for pure comedic value).

Pacific Northwest Nationals

July 23-25 @ the Puyallup Fairgrounds

Not many things go together as well as a beautiful weekend and classic, tricked-out, pimped-out hot rods. Luckily, the Pacific Nationals hot rod show - presented by Goodguys Rod & Custom Association - will rev up at the Puyallup Fairgrounds this weekend, going Friday through Sunday.

If you're into classic cars, or simply hanging out with a bunch of people that are REALLY INTO classic cars, this could be your bet.

Sweetening the deal, the Weekly Volcano has learned none other than Melanie Rushforth of Rushforth Wheels - voted Tacoma's Sexiest Local Business Owner in the Volcano's 2010 Tacoma's Most Sexy Issue - will be there with her husband, Jason - the other half of the Rushforth Wheels puzzle. They're also reportedly bringing their 1964 Buick Skylark, so that should be pretty awesome.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: Cars are so yesterday, bro. And aren't tricked out wheels just for Fast and Furious d-bags?

Wrong, laser breath. Melanie Rushforth spoke about misconceptions like this and more in March, as part of the Tacoma's Most Sexy Issue.

"I own a custom wheel company with my husband, Jason.  Wheels, you ask?  Like Pimp My Ride?  No.  Not at all.  That shit is not sexy.  Our wheels are classy and timeless," said Rushforth. "When I'm not pushing wheels, I'm pushing Tacoma!  I'm the founder of the Tacoma City Kids Marathon, and one of the founding members of one of the most fun events in all of T-Town: Tap into T-Town.  It's coming up soon - you should join me."

She didn't mention spending time in Puyallup for things like the Pacific Northwest Nationals, but you can find her there too.

As well as the fantastic Rushforths, according to promotions those that mosey on down to Puyallup for the Pacific Northwest Nationals will find, "over 2,500 1972 & earlier rods, customs & classics, vendor exhibits, indoor car show, Builder's Choice awards by Art & Craig Morrison, a giant pin stripers brush bash, a swap meet & cars for sale corral, Friday Night Drags at Pacific Raceways, nightly stage shows and parties, cruising - you name it it's happening at the 23rd Pacific Northwest Nationals!"

Vroom. Vroom.

PREFUNK: Nothing beats the high that comes from filling up the ol' tank with petrol - and it's even better if you get a good deal. Sadly, there are no good deals left to be had on gas, so you'll just have to settle from the momentary buzz that comes from dropping three dollars a gallon to juice up the Explorer. It's a bummer, but it still beats walking - at least until nations are run by eye-patch wearing warlords that trade what oil we have left like babies on the Shanghai black market. Then we'll walk.

Right now, drive to Puyallup and see some hot rods.