In writing about Battle of the Year, I find I have a battle of my own to fight: is it possible for me to review this trailer without simply spending 300 words talking about the most reprehensible man in existence - and star of this movie - Chris Brown?

This is a man whose entire nature has steadily morphed into utter repugnance and mystifying lack of self-awareness - oh he of Rihanna-beating fame and nonstop verbal diarrhea and neck tattoos. That his popularity remains unfazed by years of some of the most jaw-droppingly awful acts anyone can commit in public is a testament to how little of a shit the American public has decided to give when it comes to the morality of people who dance real good.

But back to Battle of the Year. In a terribly misguided (and woefully on-the-nose) attempt to combine the breakdance pyrotechnics of goofy fare like Step Up with the feel-good inspiration of sports movies like Remember the Titans and Hoosiers, Battle of the Year posits a world where a disgraced former basketball coach is brought in to reinvigorate the American team in what appears to be an international breakdancing competition after a 15 year losing streak.

To whip them into shape, Coach brings them to a prison (where Chris Brown should be, anyway) and shows them the value of hard work and stick-to-itiveness. Brown opines, "Dancing, for me, is like breathing," and breathing, for him, is like viciously beating women and homosexuals.

What follows is a flurry of team-building exercises and uncomfortable, rah-rah patriotism with Koreans as our sworn enemies.

In my time reviewing movies for the Volcano, my best experience at a screening was seeing Step Up 3D - an utterly goofy and enjoyable experience, bolstered by a completely frivolous plot and legitimately awe-inspiring dance sequences.

But, I mean, who wouldn't give all that up for a jingoistic Chris Brown vehicle?

QUESTION: Did you see Insidious: Chapter 2?

When talking about comic books and nerd stuff, in general, one of the first things that comes up has to be Superman. Then, you'd probably talk about Batman, Spider-Man, the X-Men, Iron Man, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, the Wonder Twins, Ant Man, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fritz the Cat, Mr. Natural, Howard the Duck and a couple hours later, you'd probably mention that shadowy organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D.

And, of course, your favorite iteration of S.H.I.E.L.D. would universally be agreed upon to be the 1998 classic TV movie, Nick Fury: Agent of Shield, starring David Hasselhoff and written, oddly enough, by David S. Goyer, of Dark City, Blade and Batman Begins. There's just no arguing with that kind of quality.

Mistaking the nation's sighs of resignation at Nick Fury and company's token cameos in the last several Marvel comic films and their involvement in the superhero jumble of The Avengers as enthusiastic seals of approval, Hollywood has taken the initiative to run this franchise even further into the ground by giving the agency of S.H.I.E.L.D. its own television show.

"Yes," a chorus of nerds will scream in unison, "but Joss Whedon is the creative force behind ABC's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! How can it be so bad?"

Read more...

TUESDAY, SEPT. 17 2013 >>>

1. Tonight, Morso converts into an Italian bistro. The Gig Harbor wine bar pulls out a special Italian menu that includes traditional favorites such as cannelloni, seafood linguine, pasta puttanesca and chicken rigatoni. No Italian dinner is complete without a glass of wine, which will be discounted to $5 while they last. Run a little pomade through your coif, and head out to enjoy a sampling of Italian dishes with a view of the harbor.

2. Martin Bonner (Paul Eenhorn) leaves his old life behind and relocates to Reno, where he finds work helping released prisoners transition to life on the outside, while trying his hand at speed dating and passing time as a soccer referee on weekends. He meets Travis Holloway (Richmond Arquette), who has just been released from prison after serving 12 years, and strikes an up an unlikely friendship that offers them reciprocal support and understanding. This is the film This is Martin Bonner. Catch it at 2:20 and 7:05 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

3. Usually when you go to the casino you just lose money - but tonight could be different. Danny Vernon's Illusions of Elvis will be at the Red Wind Casino. Travel out to Yelm and have a great time with the King's likeness, starting at 6:30 p.m.

4. If hearing the sound of your own cackling voice echoing off the walls of your shower stall has you craving the sound of something a bit more harmonious, check out the local songbirds and storytellers at Victory Music Open Mic at the Antique Sandwich Co. It's guaranteed to be jam-packed with gorgeous sounds and humbling verses, as the South Sound's greatest up-and-coming acoustic musicians bare their souls impromptu-style beginning at 7 p.m.

5. Doyle's Public House throws a "Halfway to St. Patrick's Day Party" featuring traditional Celtic tunes by The Fire Inside at 8 p.m.

LINK: Tuesday, Sept. 17 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

In 2010, a horror movie called Insidious was released. Unseen by me, Insidious garnered many positive reviews, praising it as an unexpected return to the sort of fun, slow-burn haunted house movie that had long ago disappeared from mainstream cinemas.

What shocked me even more than the positive reviews was that they were attributed to a film directed by James Wan, the schlockmeister responsible not only for the further proliferation of the torture-porn genre, beginning with his Saw, but for the return of the beat-it-to-death philosophy of sequels, with the subsequent six Saw installments.

So, no surprise, then, that he would ruin the good will of Insidious the first by releasing Insidious: Chapter 2.

The first film put a spin on the haunted house story by having not a haunted house, but rather a haunted child (how this is different from a possessed child will be up for historians to decide). In the trailer, we return to the family from the first film, happy with their lives and rejuvenated by the fact that they will never ever have a run-in with another spooky g-g-g-ghost.

Ah, but this bliss is short-lived, as ominous music starts to fill the soundtrack, and people make worried looks on their faces. Soon, actors with pancake makeup start getting all creepy, and it's up to Patrick Wilson (oh he of good acting chops and unreliable acting choices) to figure out why his teeth are falling out.

Ghostbusters (not the trademarked kind) and psychics are called in to help, and the most eye-rolling use of "happy music playing over scary stuff because of irony" ever occurs when the dulcet tones of Tiny Tim appear, as he croons "Tiptoe Through the Tulips."

Someone says, "Whatever was haunting my family, it's not done with us," which makes sense. Even ghosts know a cash cow when they see one. If I were a betting man, I'd guess that the ghosts won't let up until the fourth or fifth outing, or at least until the audiences diminish. Whichever comes first.

Until then, just leave Tiny Tim alone, OK?

QUESTION: Did you see Riddick?

TUESDAY, SEPT. 10 2013 >>>

1. A Hijacking, the latest from Danish writer and director Tobias Lindholm, finds practically every member of the cast acting as a negotiator, in both minor disputes and one VERY major dispute, between the opening and closing credits. This theme of negotiating is so prevalent throughout the film that it opens, appropriately enough, in the middle of a negotiation. The cargo ship MV Rozen is heading for harbour when it is boarded and hijacked by pirates in the Indian Ocean.Find out what happens at 2:15 and 7 p.m. at The Grand Cinema. Read Jared Lovrak's full review of A Hijacking in the Music and Culture section.

2. Stanley and Seafort's invites you to Dine Out For No Kid Hungry through the month of September. Help raise awareness and funds to conquer childhood starvation and malnutrition by eating out or making a pledge. Restaurants Unlimited will be donating $150,000 to the Share Our Strength, No Kid Hungry Campaign in 2013. Find out more at www.nokidhungry.org.

3. Composite materials are engineered materials made from two or more constituent materials with significantly different physical or chemical properties and which remain separate and distinct on a macroscopic level within the finished structure. We have no idea what that means, but Dr. George Mayer does. The research professor in the Department of Materials Science and Engineering at the University of Washington lives and breathes composite materials. In fact, he'll review some of his work on the toughness of composite materials found in nature at 7 p.m. in Orca Books. You'll never look at a seashell the same way again. Well, you probably will, but at least hear the good doctor out.

4. Jazzbones has put together 10 of its house favorite comics to come out and give you their best 10 minutes tonight during its Ha Ha Tuesday comedy show at 8:30 p.m. In addition to the 10 by 10 entertainment value, Jazzbones will be filming a promotional video that night. Taking the stage are Ralph Porter, Nate Jackson, Susan Jones, Tyrone Hawkins, "Big Irish" Jay Hollingsworth, Michael Walter, Rodger Lizaola, Travis Simmons, Kelsey Cook and Justin Hayes.

5. Pheasant is a band of contradictions: while their music is unabashedly joyful and fun, full of driving beats and irresistible hooks, there is an undercurrent of ... something. It sounds sometimes like anger, or maybe bitterness, or depressive resignation. The Portland band lavishes their tunes with horns, sing-along choruses and strummy guitars, but lead singer Matt Jenkins has a hidden depth beneath his swagger, which makes him a compelling frontman. Catch the band with Jake Bellows and One F at 10 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

LINK: Tuesday, Sept. 10 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Yo, our weekly baggie of Blue Sky is back, bitch! Nerd Alert is the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

I have to admit I'm rather jealous of Rev. Adam McKinney, who alternates weeks with me preparing this column. Next week he gets the release of Stephen King's novel Doctor Sleep, a sequel to The Shining, and the debut of Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on network TV. I, on the other hand, get the mid-September doldrums. It's enough to make me curl up with my new pile of Star Wars comics, including the long-overdue The Star Wars miniseries from J. W. Rinzler, based on George Lucas's first (and intriguingly different!) draft of the screenplay. The Force of Others is strong with this one!

Read more...

SATURDAY, SEPT. 7 2013 >>>

1. Today's Tacoma Craft Beer Festival features 75 breweries with craft-brew concoctions, including five craft ciders and even a winery for those who don't want to fill up on the brewskis alone. And it's not just the quantity of breweries participating that has taken on the "go big or go home" motto; it's the location as well. Cheney Stadium will host this year's event from noon to 9 p.m. Among this year's beer lineup, drinkers will find local favorites such as 7 Seas Brewing, Engine House No. 9 Brewery, Harmon, Wingman Brewing and others alongside newcomers such as Narrows Brewing, Pacific Brewing & Malting Co and Oregon-based McMenamins, which is slated to move into the Elks Building ... someday. The sheer variety of potions is mindboggling.

2. The Film Forward Festival ends today with a gumbo of melting snow caps, fragile father-daughter relationships, locavorism, Katrina conspiracy theories, and giant prehistoric pigs, or what director Benh Zeitlin calls Beasts of the Southern Wild. Catch the film at 2 p.m. in the Tacoma Public Library downtown branch. A post film discussion will be moderated by Dr. Joanne Clarke Dillman of the University of Washington Tacoma.

3. Whitney Otto's recent novel, Eight Girls Taking Pictures, explores the ambitions, passions, conflicts and desires of eight female photographers throughout the 20th century. Get a better picture of the book at 3 p.m. when she visits Orca Books in Olympia.

4. On tour to promote their second album on Jell Biafra's Alternative Tentacles, Turn Me On Dead Man brings their heavy psychedelia to Olympia. Do we hear a little Pink Floyd meets The Smiths? A landscape of groovy reverb, grounded with blazing licks and tricked out with heavy, loud-ass space jams, people should be stoked to catch them live - especially since the line-up consists of tour mates The Spiral Electric who bring their own brand of psychedelic rock. To round off bill is Olympia's The Big Red Sun and Tacoma's From the Sea. The show kicks off at 9 p.m. in McCoy's.

5. NWCZRadio.com presents "Tacoma Rock Night" with local darlings Big wheel Stunt Show, Cody Foster Army and Blanco Bronco at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge.

LINK: Saturday, Sept. 7 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, SEPT. 6 2013 >>>

1. Every year, more than a million people pour into the Washington State Fair (previously the Puyallup Fair) not only as a tradition, but also for the fresh and innovative experiences the fair offers, like this year's feature, Luminasia - described on the fair's website as "an exquisite take on the timeless tradition of Chinese lantern making, combining high-tech material and state-of-the art lighting and production techniques." Other new highlights are the Bavarian Beer Garden and SillyVille Soda Shoppe. Also for the kiddies are two free interactive experiences: Tractor Tracks, where kids pedal antique tractors through a maze, and Crazy Worlds 5D Adventure, where participants navigate through an imaginary world while wearing 3D glasses. The latest ride to show up at the fair is Rainier Rush, which can be described as a looping inversion coaster and "a nice contrast to the classic wooden roller coaster." Today, the Fair runs 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. Read Nikki McCoy's full feature on the Washington State Fair in the Music and Culture section.

2. Dirty Oscar's is joining forces with Team Hammock to help kick cancer's ass! This is Team Hammock's first year participating in the "Light the Night Walk," a 2-mile walk Sept. beginning at Marine Park in Tacoma where every dollar raised goes to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Drop By Dirty Oscar's between 4-6 p.m. for happy hour and help kick cancer's ass.

3. The Sundance Institute's Film Forward series continues today with The Loving Story screening for free at 6 p.m. in Jason Lee Middle School. The film tells the story of Richard and Mildred and examines the drama, the history and the current state of interracial marriage.

4. Two ardent supporters of the analog movement are touring up the West Coast, and will find their way to Olympia's Northern venue at 8 p.m. Calling their tour "Analog Resurgence," Rakehell and Go Pills are traveling with their salvation show, preaching the gospel of low-tech. Musically, they could reductively be described as pop-punk or New Wave, with quirky lyrics and unpredictable style shifts. Go Pills, in particular, might play around with twisted '50s novelty music like the kind Bobby "Boris" Pickett would play ("It Came From Outer Space"), and then jump over to lo-fi punk anthems ("I'm So Tired [It's Not Funny]"). Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on the Analog Resurgence in the music and Culture section.

5. Tacoma band Strangely Alright, who recently signed to Maurice the Fish Records, and released a hot-seller debut album, The Time Machine is Broken, will be shooting a video for their song, "If I Don't Laugh I'm Only Going To Cry" at Tacoma's antique store Rampart Sept 14. The band requests folks to come in costume and have a good time. There aren't any criteria for costume; coming as you is cool by the band. If you need a Strangely Alright fix before the shoot, the band hosts an all-ages CD release party with Sleepy Pilot and Stone Age Thrillers Friday at 8 p.m. tonight in Louie G's in Fife. Read Nikki McCoy's full feature on Strangely Alright in the Music and Culture section.

LINK: Friday, Sept. 6 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

THURSDAY, SEPT. 5 2013 >>>

1. There was an Olympia-based emo-bending indie punk band in the early '90s called Lync. After sporadic recordings on K Records, and only one full-length release, Lync disbanded, leaving frontman Sam Jayne to find another project to pour his burgeoning talent into. Jayne's new solo project, Love As Laughter, emerged in 1996 with a debut LP, The Greks Bring Gifts. Eschewing the lo-fi thud of his earlier work, and bringing the sweet melodies closer to the surface, Jayne's latest incarnation brought him further into the emerging zeitgeist of underground American indie rock. Soon, other members would join Love As Laughter, and the textures and tangents of the band would grow more complex and compelling. Catch the band at 8 p.m. with Braindead, Spaceneedles and Happy Noose in Northern. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on Love As Laughter in the Music and Culture section.

2. If you're thinking about attending Bates Technical College this fall, then this is your chance to fast-track enrollment. On Thursday, Sept. 5, the college will hold an Enrollment Fair from 10 a.m. to noon in the college's Downtown Campus Auditorium, 1101 S. Yakima Ave. in Tacoma. The free Enrollment Fair includes two Express Information Sessions and two Financial Aid Workshops aimed at helping prospective students learn more about the college, its programs and admission process, and how to complete and submit financial aid forms.

3. The Sundance Institute's Film Forward series continues today with three free movies:

Bones Brigade: An Autobiography, 3:30 p.m., Tacoma Public Library, 1102 Tacoma Ave. S. Post film discussion: Ryan Spence, skateboarder and skate park designer; Robert Boyle and Kevin Carlton, Grit City Grindhouse; Ben Warner, Alchemy Skate Center; moderated by Taylor Woodruff, Grit City Grindhouse

The Light in Her Eyes, special screening with director Julia Meltzer, 4:30 p.m., Collins Memorial Library, University of Puget Sound, 1500 N. Warner St. Post film discussion: Julia Meltzer, director for The Light in Her Eyes; moderated by Dr. Turan Kayaoglu, professor of Middle East Studies at University of Washington Tacoma

Town of Runners, special screening with director Jerry Rothwell, 7:30 p.m., The Grand Cinema, 606 S. Fawcett Ave. Post film discussion: Jerry Rothwell, director of Town of Runners; moderated by Dr. Bill Kunz, University of Washington Tacoma

4. The city of Tacoma's Shoreline Master Program, updated in 2011 after four years of study and stakeholder discussion, received conditional approval by the Washington State Department of Ecology August 19. In accordance with the State's guidelines, the City has 30 days, until Sept. 18, to accept or propose alternatives to WSDOE's conditions.  To learn more about the Department of Ecology's conditional approval, residents are invited to a community meeting at 6 p.m. in Room 708 of the Tacoma Municipal Building, 747 Market St.

5. Besdies being all fancy, the Hotel Murano is dang smart. It knows a good thing when it hears it. The Kareem Kandi Band is back to fill the lobby with jazz from 8:30 to 11:30 p.m.

LINK: Thursday, Sept. 5 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

If the race to determine who would be the next Sylvester Stallone hadn't already been decided in Vin Diesel's favor, that dubious honor would surely be awarded to him just on the basis of the trailer for Riddick.

Ah, yes, the third in what was surely always intended to be an epic trilogy. After the modest sci-fi flick Pitch Black, and after the bloated sci-fi embarrassment that was The Chronicles of Riddick, self-styled auteur of dumb stuff Vin Diesel is back with the stupidly succinct Riddick.

In a world where green screens have grown sentient and taken over the universe, there is only one chosen man with a voice gurgly enough to stand up against intergalactic tyranny: Sly Stallone! Er, I mean, Vin Diesel.

Diesel, looking like a big old hunk of meat in a slightly-too-small meat sack, returns as Riddick: Tough Guy of Space! Armed with the ability to see in the dark-a skill somehow not yet developed by other future-people-he must fend off bounty hunters on a desolate planet, with only his trusty space-dog at his side.

Fighting, gurgling, more fighting, still gurgling, and Riddick has been captured by the bounty hunters. How's he gonna get out of this scrape?!

Surprise of all surprises, it turns out this remote outpost on an alien planet is totally crawling with aliens! Better free up the meat sack so he can help defend the humans from those Prometheus penis-monster things.

One thing the trailer for Riddick really wants to get across is that seeing in the dark is basically the best super power you could ever have. Yeah, Wolverine has those adamantium claws and unstoppable regenerative ability but, like, what if it's super dark outside?

"You're not afraid of the dark, are you?" intones Vin Diesel's neck, once again pushing the issue, as the nonsense word Riddick flashes on the screen, practically begging me to make a "ridiculous" joke.

Not this time, Riddick. Not this time.