MICHAEL SWAN: PAPPI SWARNER’S JUKEBOX >>>

Every Friday, after 4 p.m., when workday decorum is thrown out, Weekly Volcano Publisher Pappi Swarner cranks his computer speakers up to 11 and plays ‘70s pop off YouTube through the office. He’s psyching himself up before he heads out to do his notorious 3 Drink Minimum column for the rag. Looks like it might be 4 Drink Minimum as he’s heading down the hall toward The Steno Pool with a scotch in his hand.

Today, he’s looping “Moonlight Feels Right.” I think Matt Driscoll is just about to lose it.

JENNIFER JOHNSON: AT HELL'S KITCHEN >>>

Imagine alien abduction, intergalactic space travel, landing on a slave planet, being immersed in alien culture and learning to live and survive. Then you escape captivity and have to figure how to get off the planet and back to Earth. That’s the premise for the concept albums from Tacoma rock band Dem Zaing who will celebrate their return to Earth Saturday, Feb. 14 with a CD release party at Hell’s Kitchen. Dem Zaing’s new CD, The Way, showcases their most thought-out and deliberate work yet, with the addition of bass player James Makela.

“We went through bass players like underwear, but finally found one that’s grounded,” says longtime drummer and percussionist Dru Hurst of Makela. “We didn’t have to teach him,” chimes in frontman, singer, guitarist and creator of Dem Zaing, Cen Xeno. “James was able to achieve the tone I was looking for.”

In co-creating this new album Xeno gave Hurst the sci-fi concept, and he ran with it. Hurst came back with lyrics for two songs, “Deceiver of the Depraved” and “In Season,” which offered Xeno the unique experience of singing someone else’s lyrics.

“ ‘In Season’ is the only song that isn’t in the concept … ‘In Season’s’ about sex,” explains the band.

But not in the typically predictable fashion of most songs these days â€" and that goes for the whole album, which features interesting chord and vocal progressions. It’s dark, a bit gothy and heavy. Dem Zaing’s sound is “Gloom and Groove, Sci-Fi Rock and Roll” says Xeno. “You can do everything from toe tap to slam dance depending on the tune.”

Dem Zaing’s first full length CD , Strange Plains, will be re-released this spring. In addition to tonight's show at Hell’s Kitchen, the band will also play Feb. 21, 27 and April 4 at Malarkey’s in Tacoma.

[Hell’s Kitchen, with Downfall, At:1, Pretty Ugly, Saturday, Feb. 14, 9 p.m., $5, 3829 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003]

MATT DRISCOLL: LOOK OUT >>>

That smoking blur in your rear view mirror? Yeah, it’s the Acme Grub Cage, and it’s burning about a gallon of diesel a minute to race up on your ass and take its rightful place â€" as Tacoma’s downest and dirtiest, ultra-hip dive bar. As Steph DeRosa points out in this week’s 3 Drink Minimum, the place has a stripper pole. That says a lot. On Valentine’s Day, a day typically reserved for meaningless Hallmark cards and boxes of crappy chocolates that really only have one or two decent pieces, the Acme offers another option â€" the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre featuring the Speans, Guns & Rossetti and the Toughtimes. You’ve heard of Guns & Rossetti and the Tough Times in these pages before, but who the deuce are the Speans, you ask. All that’s known at this point is they’re a wily bunch of punk rock motherf****s â€" a band made up of former members of My Name, Wretch Like Me, Honest Abe, Goodbye Harry and Once for Kicks. And there are only three dudes in the Speans. You do the math.

[Acme Grub Cage, 9 p.m., $3, 1310 Tacoma Ave. S., Tacoma, 253.272.1892]

MICHAEL SWAN: HAPPY V-DAY >>>

1. Music and art collide over the heart at Loved Squared.

2. Classical music and NPR and Hubble Space Telescope in the Pantages.

3. A full plate of funny as it stages Fuddy Meers.

4. St. Valentine’s Day Massacre featuring the Speans, Guns & Rossetti and the Toughtimes.

5. Imagine alien abduction, intergalactic space travel, landing on a slave planet, being immersed in alien culture and learning to live and survive â€" Dem Zaing!

For even more Valentine’s Day events, check out our ViVA entertainment calendar and South Sound Restaurant Guide.

MATT DRISCOLL: FOLLOWING THE ALL AGES ACTION >>>

In this week's Volcano Lauren Napier takes a look at the Den at urbanXchange. If you have yet to hear, Napier debuted a new all ages column last week, Rockin the Cradle.

It freakin' rules.

Tonight, PWRFL POWER will play the Den. To see what Lauren had to say about the joint in this week's paper, click here.

MATT DRISCOLL: JOKES ABOUT BIDEN, PORN TAX, DARK SUNGLASSES, AND PLENTY OF DOUBT >>>

Oh, dear lord, how I love Saturday. The alarm clock doesn’t go off, and the coffee isn’t rushed. There’s no kiss goodbye necessary for my wife and kid. There’s no anxiety about whether Pappi Swarner woke up on the right side of the bed or not, because there’s no need to trek in to the office on Saturday.

However, Saturday morning isn’t all rest and relaxation. There’s also some absurdity (and a few questionable pictures from the Internet).

That’s what the Weekly Volcano’s Week in Review is all about.

Let’s get started…

Monday, Feb. 9

Though it seems like a distant memory, Monday meant back to work for most, and it meant press conference time for President Obama. Our leader of Hope and Change spent most of his time behind the podium pimping his economic stimulus package â€" which despite initial dreams for bipartisan support from the Obama camp has been called almost every name in the tired Republican (spending is a tool of the devil) playbook by the conservatives that oppose it

Whether you agree with The Stimulus or not, it was nice to see a president display an actual command of the English language, unlike that last asshat.

Mark Nickolas dissected the difference on the Huffington Post.

Perhaps the only one not impressed by Obama’s way with words was Joe Biden, who is quickly becoming the Obama Administration's version of that kid who eats glue.

Tuesday, Feb. 10

Nobody has any money.  I get it. Really, I do.

But this sin tax thing is getting out of hand.

A few weeks ago it was Sen. Rodney Tom (D-Medina) proposing a $1 per pack tax hike on cigarettes. Even though Washington already has the fifth highest cigarette tax in the nation, Tom’s argument is that smoking costs the state so much that it’s only fair that smokers foot the bill â€" plus more expensive cigarettes will equal less smokers. Tom says the proposed tax has nothing to do with revenue. (I’m sure.)

Now it’s Mark Miloscia (D-Federal Way). On Tuesday we learned of his proposal to levy an 18.5 percent on pornography â€" be it visual or audio. The money raised would apparently go toward restoring the proposed cuts to the General Assistance Unemployable program in Gregoire’s budget.

Look, I’m not a fan of sin taxes â€" at least until they find a way to make it fair. Smokers are surely a heavy burden â€" but let’s not forget just how fucked up the health care system is in the first place. How much credence can we give the monetary cost values anyway?

More importantly, it’s one thing to say smokers should pay for the costs that their habit inflicts on the state â€" as at least Tom’s legislation gives the appearance of â€" but how can you tell me that Washington’s masturbating masses should fit the bill for GAU?

Wednesday, Feb. 11

What happened today? Oh, not much. Other than when…

Joaquin Phoenix went batshit crazy!


Thursday, Feb. 12

Who doesn’t like a good retreat? There’s nothing quite like getting a way from the hustle and bustle, and unwinding a little bit somewhere picturesque and relaxing.

Unless, that is, you’re County Executive Pat McCarthy and the Pierce County Council. When they retreat, they retreat hard fucking core!

On Wednesday during a retreat on Hood Canal, the council and McCarthy discussed a massive and growing $8 million hole in the budget â€" a shortfall that’s likely to get worse before it gets better.  Sales tax income and interest earned income are both lower than expected.

At one point during the retreat, the Weekly Volcano has learned council member Shawn Bunney posed the question, “Does this mean we’re going to have to give up Egg McMuffin Monday?”

It is believed McCarthy told Bunney and the others that her office would do everything in its power to keep Egg McMuffin Monday. “In my Pierce County, we are dedicated to McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches,” McCarthy is believed to have said.

Friday, Feb. 13

The Stimulus passes the House! The Stimulus passes the House! Balloons and confetti fall from the sky, and Pappi Swarner and I exchange text messages.

“Does this mean it’s all over, Pappi?” I type with my thumbs.

“I hope â€" hug a butterfly,” he replies.

I don’t know what he means, but I remain strangely reassured.

Until I read about stagflation, that is. Then I get pissed because I have to learn what another economic term means. This is getting old.

With that, here’s a random picture from the Internet. You’ve got to love that place. See you next week.