OWEN TAYLOR: BREMERTON BAND SET TO DESTROY OLY >>>

So if you Google Kane Hodder, you’ll receive one of two main finds. Number one: Actor in a generation-spanning performance as Jason in the penetrating myriad of films called Friday the 13th. He wore the hockey mask and never really died. Nothing will ever beat Corey Feldman getting smashed into a tree at the heavy end of a sleeping bag. Nothing. Not even Lost Boys. Number two: Post-hardcore Bremerton nerds, recently re-signed and re-tooled, with a penchant for wailing excessively on their instruments until the fans are whipped into a froth and let loose on grange halls and various fabled institutions of Northwest rock chicanery with wanton abandon, the teeming topping on a latte of aggression. They still crush heads and are worthy of their namesake.Tonight, Kane Hodder (the second description, anyway) will play the Capitol Theater in Olympia. Come and get the fear.

[Capitol Theater, with Violent School, Burning Twilight, and Todd Luque, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $6, 206 Fifth Ave., Olympia, 360.754.5378]

PAUL SCHRAG: JUNKYARD GANG TONIGHT IN OLY >>>

It may very well become the question of the ages: Where in the World is Tyler Jones, that ubiquitous Olympia kid â€" known for disappearing for years at a time â€" who raps under the name Phazer? The answer can be found tonight at the China Clipper, when Oly’s own Junkyard Gang celebrates the release of its debut album, aptly titled Where in the World is Tyler Jones.

“I think he’s probably in Oakland somewhere,” says emcee Nicatine, friend of Jones, front man for Junkyard Gang, and one-time arrestee for hugging Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki in the middle of a home game. “My guess is he’s at the mall looking at new shoes with an electric guitar that he doesn’t know how to play.”

Meanwhile, post- Jones woes haven’t stopped Nicatine, emcee and producer Q Storm, emcee D-Minus and DJ Deadbeat from knocking out the album named for their wayward homey. A year in the making, the album features guest shots by Xperience and A.K.A., and beats by Smoke of Oldominion, Xperience, Q-Storm and Deadbeat. Junkyard Gang has been doin’ it since 2006, when Nicatine and Q started writing tracks and performing with a rotating cast of emcees running through Olympia. The name Junkyard Gang grew from the alias of one of its founding members.

“I was nicknamed Mushmouth for years, ‘cause I was always stoned and had a beanie on,” says Nicatine. “Plus I kind of mumbled.”

The album itself if full-on party music. Or more precisely, party music for mf’ers six shots, two joints and half a can of nitrous deep. Meanwhile, Junkyard is already six tracks deep into their next album, including tracks with Grynch and Greyskul’s Onry Ozzborn. We hope Taylor’s back before the next one’s done.

If you’re out there Taylor, Q Storm has a message for you.

“I hope you’re doing good,” says Q. “And check album, cause it’s got your name on it.”

[The China Clipper, Junkyard Gang CD Release, with Xperience, The Balls Out Booze Band and Deadbeat on tha cuts, special appearance by Dance Broomz, hosted by Billy the Fridge, Friday, March 20, 9 p.m., 21+, $5 or $10 w/CD, 402 E. 4th Ave., Olympia, Wa. 360.943.6300]

BOBBLE TIKI: BREAKFAST WITH BOBBLE TIKI >>>

Traffic on the Narrows bridge has declined, and with it so has the revenue that is collected. The Narrows Bridge Toll Citizen Advisory Committee might sock it to you this summer.

Washington state’s chief economist Arun Raha delivers $9 billion of bad news.

The House of Representatives passed a bill that would basically recoup the AIG bonuses by just taxing the hell out of them. In other news, many Republicans’ heads exploded yesterday.

Obama offers Iran “new beginning.”

Crazy talk: Australia to ban Google?

Top 10 craziest sex laws in America

Hey, Microsoft is funny!

MICHAEL SWAN: WANKERS OF THE DAY >>>

Gangs with smart phones

David Appleby

The economy’s affect on Boeing

The chicks on VH1’s Tough Love

Oh screw it â€" ALL the reality shows on VH1!

JAKE DE PAUL: FRIDAY FOOD LINKS >>>

Dining Out For Life is April 30.

Obamas to plant vegetable garden at White House.

Chow.com offers a guide to cooking with the new season's best ingredients.

Can Burgerville bring the local food movement to the masses?

Today’s South Sound Specials

Fridays Uncorked, 5-7:30 p.m., $12, Bayview School of Cooking, 516 Fourth Ave. W., Olympia, 360.754.1448.

Wine tasting, 6-8 p.m., $7.50-$10, WineStyles Wine & Gifts, 2665 N. Pearl St., Tacoma, 253.756.1922.

Future Things Are Coming

Artful Cooking
Chef Danielle Klinkhamer will whip up a Pacific Northwest gourmet meal in 20 minutes â€" inside the Tacoma Art Museum. She will incorporate ingredients from local markets for you to taste, then send you on your way with a gift basket full of the meal ingredients and a bottle of wine.

The cooking demonstration includes a menu tasting, wine pairing and a dessert created by Rock Hushka, curator of Contemporary and Northwest Art at Tacoma Art Museum, and Northwest Biennial artist Debora Moore.

The cooking demonstration costs $75 for two people, $70 for members. You can skip the gift basket for $45 and $40, respectively.

The class size is limited; reserve your space by calling 253.722.2455.

LINK: Happy Hour in the South Puget Sound

RON SWARNER: CHAT WITH JAMES HUME >>>

You may have found yourself ... staring at a naked belly dancer painted green. You may have found yourself ... in a confessional booth unaware that the entire party is watching you on video. You may have found yourself ... hypnotized by the naked baby swimming toward a dead president on a projection television. You may have found yourself ... shaking your groove thing to the sounds of Tacoma’s hottest bands. You may have found yourself ... drinking like a fish in the company of fashion models and drag queens.

And you may have asked yourself ... why must it end?

Because James Hume believes its run its course. With 10 surrealist extravaganzas under his belt, the maestro behind Kulture Lab, Hume, is ready to pack it in after one more show: his magnum opus â€" the Penalty for Removal Redux â€" which will include 20 burners from some of the Pacific Northwest’s premier graffiti artists, live performances by Can-U and Josh Rizeberg, and a rotating cast of amazing DJs this Saturday at The Warehouse in downtown Tacoma.

What Hume and his cohorts â€" Jeff Olson, James Bender, Jim Price, Dave Davidson and Rob Anderson and others â€" created was genius. They grabbed “culture,” shook it until the “C” fell off, replaced it with a K, paired it with a lab and introduced Tacoma to a new medium in which to view visual art, live performance art, music, fashion and film. One, long, thrilling experiment, if you will.

I caught up with Hume for his thoughts, random as they may, on the Kulture Lab series.

WEEKLY VOLCANO: What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up this morning?

JAMES HUME: Why is Houston S. Wimberly lll Esquire Jr. laying next to me?

VOLCANO: What do you have for breakfast?

HUME: Jack on the Rocks and a fistful of Saltpeter.

VOLCANO: Where do you feel most inspired?

HUME: Europe

VOLCANO: Saturday is your last Kulture Lab party. Are you sad?

HUME: I have a mixed bag of emotions. Woeful despair and suppressed glee to name a few. It's been a good run and I'm proud Tacoma has embraced such an underground event.

VOLCANO: Why do you think they have been successful in Tacoma?

HUME: A few things. A low cover, Tacoma does not like to pay a lot at the door. Variety, we have tried our best (within the confines of a box) to make each show unique in its own way. Tacoma does not like monotonous, predictable events. Availability, we don't stick around long enough for people to get sick of us.  Tacoma has a short attention span and what's cool today, is not tomorrow. And above all, we hang great underground artists from Tacoma.

VOLCANO: You held a graffiti-themed Kulture Lab before. What will be different this Saturday?

HUME: Almost everything. Larry Huffines and Ivan Cunningham have spent months building huge sets that are truly artworks in themselves. Once they are tagged, they will make an unforgettable and ominous display unlike anyone has ever seen at Kulture Lab. Bring your cameras. It's a shame it will all be landfill by Monday.

VOLCANO: If you could go back and start the series over what would you do different?

HUME: There was never any naked dancing midgets. Bummer!

VOLCANO: If you could save only one item from your Kulture Lab parties what would it be?

HUME: My integrity.

VOLCANO: If you could choose to come back as person or thing, who or what would it be?

HUME: I would come back as Paul Newman, John Huston, Jack Kerouac or Anita Ekberg's boobs.

VOLCANO: What’s next for James Hume?

HUME: First off, an enema and a week’s sleep. After that, excessive masturbation. 

[The Warehouse, Kulture Lab presents the Penalty for Removal Redux, with walls of amazing graffiti, performances by Can-U and Josh Rizeberg, fashion, film, dance and more, Saturday, March 21, 7-11 p.m., 21+, $5, 1114 Court E., Tacoma]

LINK: Weekly Volcano previewed Saturday's Kulture Lab

STEPH DEROSA: SLOW BURN >>>

Red Robin
Burnin’ Love Burger
Price: 9.69
Burn Factor: Two out of four Molotov cocktails

Much to my surprise, Red Robin had added two new, peppery and delicious items to their huge, annoying cardboard table tent advertisement. The server actually had to point out the Burnin’ Love Burger and Southwest Ancho Chicken Salad seeing as how it’s not even on the hard menu yet.

As I perused the ingredient list, the Burnin’ Love Burger had all the makings of one spectacular and spicy-as-hell sandwich: fried jalapeño rings, salsa, pepper jack cheese, cayenne-seasoned beef burger, and chipotle mayo â€" all on a jalapeño cornbread Kaiser roll. I’m assuming Food Services of America doesn’t carry habanero, or that imported pepper would be on the Burnin’ Love Burger as well.

This Red Robin burger, much like the rest of their burgers, was juicy, delicious, and (my favorite part) â€" messy. Even though it didn’t necessarily burn my mouth, the flavor that this pepper combination put together was undeniably delectable, and right up my alley.

[Red Robin, 3901 S. Steele St., TAcoma, 253.473.7447]

PHOTO: My apologies for the shoddy cell phone picture. I had no idea I would be running into anything Slow-Burn worthy at the local Red Robin, so excuse me for leaving my camera at home that night. You’ll get over it, I’m sure.

CHRISTOPHER WOOD: THE GRAND CINEMA WANTS YOU! TO MAKE A MOVIE! WHY AM I SHOUTING? >>>

Maybe my cynicism is peeking through, but our little corner of the globe doesn’t hold much hope for aspiring moviemakers. A thousand miles from La-La-Land, this group must pursue more pragmatic goals (finish school, find “real” job, raise family) while quietly waiting for the next opportunity to show off their creative side.

Wait no longer, filmmaker. Time to dust off the family camcorder and brush up on Eisensteinian montage theory â€" The Grand Cinema’s 72-Hour Film Competition, aka “Tacoma’s Oscars,” has reared its celluloid head once more. The city’s favorite movie joint continues its tradition of giving citizens one weekend to whip up five-minute Brilliant Pieces of Cinema. And with the Showcase Party at the Rialto on May 8, there’s no bigger celebration of local talent in the South Sound.

Sounds like a hoot, you think. But it’ll probably take me 72 hours just to find the RECORD button on this fucking camera.

First off, that language is uncalled for.

Second, the handy checklist below will guide you safely along the road to cinematic glory.

I.    Assemble a ragtag group of diehard film fanatics that will commit a weekend of their lives to help realize your artistic vision. Politely ask friends and family to try a hand at acting â€" resort to coercion if necessary.

II.    Get camera batteries juiced, test those microphones and stock up on plenty of miniDV tapes (or flash drives for the High-Definition elitists among us). And would it kill you to use a tripod from time to time? The audience left its Dramamine at home, so save the handheld wizardry for J.J. Abrams.

III.    Sign up your crew. The $50 registration cost gets you four free tickets to the Rialto screening. The competition allows only 28 teams, so visit The Grand soon.

IV.    Contest begins at 7 p.m.  Thursday, April 30. Pace yourself. Though everyone works differently, I recommend this panic-free schedule: write Friday, shoot Saturday, edit Sunday.

V.    Each submitted film requires a specific prop, phrase, location and action. Says Grand Executive Director Philip Cowan, “The films that really impress me are the ones that use (the four elements) in some unique way.” So make Cowan happy, and your short might walk away with a Slumdog slew of awards.

VI.    RECORD is the big red button.

To register, stop by The Grand Cinema at 606 Fawcett Ave. in Tacoma. For more details, give them a buzz at 253.593. 4474

LINK: Previously on Spew

RON SWARNER: CUPCAKES HELP >>>

Hoo-freakin’-gray.

After one of the longest winters in memory (that whole worldwide economic meltdown was a bit of a bummer) spring officially begins today.

Seriously, that’s what my Scenes From Tollefson Plaza calendar says.

Further proof was provided by a hello, cupcakes e-mail this morning:

I drove down (no freakin’ way I’m sustaining in this shitty weather) to the downtown Tacoma den of delight for their new lemon with lemon buttercream cupcake.

These tasty, moist lemon cupcakes have the lightest lemon kissed buttercream frosting swirling on top of them. It’s exactly the taste of sunshine.

[hello, cupcakes, 1740 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.383.7772]