RON SWARNER: IT’S RECORD RELEASE DAY >>>

Pearl Jam, Ten (Collector’s Edition)

Radiohead, OK Computer (Collector’s Edition)

The Decemberists, The Hazards of Love

Busta Rhymes, Back on My BS

Papa Roach, Metamorphosis

Sarah Borges & The Broken Singles, The Stars Are Out

Indigo Girls, Poseidon and the Bitter Bug

Peter Doherty, Grace/Wastelands

LINK: KUPS DJs review music

MICHAEL SWAN: WANKERS OF THE DAY >>>

South Hill bus shelter vandals

Mr. Red Scarf Barista Hater

Car cloners

China … again

Joseph Hazelwood ... still

CHUCK DULA: ME VS. THE STAIRMASTER >>>

Editor's Note: As you may recall Weekly Volcano scribe Chuck Dula struck a deal with a bisexual female friend of his. If he can lose 25 pounds by May 1, then said friend - and another female to be determined later - will have a three-way with Mr. Dula. That's what I call inspiration. Chuck will be chronicling his weight loss efforts every Tuesday here on Spew. Below you'll find the latest installment in Chuck's quest to be less fat and have sex with two women at the same time. Enjoy.

Beginning Weight: 183.5

I know that machines don't have feelings. I have never watched television and wondered how jealous it was making my cell phone. That would be idiotic.

This outlook almost changed last week.

I came one step closer to not only believing that workout machines had feelings...but that they were sadists. As I climbed to the 200th floor of a non-existent building I had an emotion myself...hate. If you ever want to watch Terminator with a deep and personally rooted anger, I suggest doing the Stairmaster on fat-burner level 11 for one hour. This will truly put you on John Conner's team for the upcoming rise of machines. If my Stairmaster ever decides that humans are a blemish on this earth and they must be exterminated, I will lace up my sneakers and prepare for battle. On another note, the girl who is setting up the threesome, should I lose the allotted amount of weight, added my music page on Myspace - so I know she's down to fuck.

Ending weight: 180

PREVIOUS 25 POUNDS TO FREEDOM COLUMNS ON SPEW

LINK: Vegas sucks, like spinning
LINK: Jared can suck it
LINK: Chuck gets fatter
LINK: Racquetball is hard
LINK: Losing weight and three way sex

RON SWARNER: SOTA ESSAY PROJECT >>>

Tacoma musician/artist/poet Daniel Blue sent me the following note concerning the Tacoma School of the Arts' “This I Believe” essay project:

Blue discusses what he believes at Exit133. Check it out here.

RON SWARNER: THE INCREDIBLE, EDIBLE BOOK >>>

Collins Memorial Library at the University of Puget Sound dedicates itself to protecting books, but come April 1 (no joke) it will eat them at the University's third Edible Book Festival.

Eat this up:

Drop by on April Fool’s Day and browse for a story you can really dig into.

[Collins Memorial Library, Wednesday, April 1, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., entry drop-off 7:30-11:30 a.m., people’s choice voting 11 a.m. to 12:40 p.m., awards ceremony 12:45 p.m., University of Puget Sound, 1500 N. Warner, Tacoma, 253. 879.2651

PHOTO: "Sisterhood of the Traveling Ants" by Liz Howell (2008

JAKE DE PAUL: WEDNESDAY FOOD LINKS >>>

World Water Day demonstration planned in Olympia today.

Nominate your fave pastry chef to win Golden Scoop.

McJean-Georges

A Sideways remake is on the way,only this time the characters speak Japanese and don't fucking hate Merlot.

Today’s South Sound Specials

The Red Hot’s Dry Hop Fest begins at 11 a.m.

The Elysian Brewing Company consumes the Parkway Tavern’s tap from 6-9 p.m. with prizes, too.

Half-price Wine Night, 4 p.m. to close, Brix 25, 7707 Pioneer Way, Gig Harbor, 253.858.6626.

Sample two beers for $1, 4-9 p.m., 99 Bottles, 35002 Pacific Hwy. S., Federal Way, 253.838.2558.

Half-price Wine Night, 4-9:30 p.m., Primo Grill, 601 S. Pine, Tacoma, 253.383.7000.

Half-price Wine Night with every bottle on regular wine list is half price, 5-9 p.m., Il Fiasco, 2717 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.6688.

Half-price Wine Night, 5-10 p.m., Woody’s On The Water, 1715 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.272.1433.

Wine tasting, noon to 6 p.m., complimentary, Walter Dacon Winery, 50 S.E. Skookum Inlet Road, Shelton, 360.426.5913.

Future Things Are Coming

Pour At Four poked around on their shelves and grabbed six Washington wines that they feel are pouring well right now. Drop by tomorrow from 5:30-8 p.m. for complimentary pours. Pour At Four is at 3814 N. 26th St. in the Proctor Business District in Tacoma. If you get lost, call them at 253.761.8015.

LINK: South Sound Happy Hours

BOBBLE TIKI: BREAKFAST WITH BOBBLE TIKI >>>

Auditors and assessors and councils, oh my!

Commissioners and sheriffs and budgets, oh my!

The Beluga whale known as Qannik, who makes his home at the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, is sick. Real sick.

Obama attempted to inspire confidence in a nation of critics.

Bobble Tiki now knows how to score a cool $2 mil.

Do animals enjoy sex? DUH!

MC Willy Wonka goes off on the stolen fizzy lifting drinks

MICHAEL SWAN: ART SHOW OPENS TOMORROW >>>

Tad Crawford’s installation Bounce opens tomorrow at 5 p.m. inside The Robert Daniel Gallery at 2501 S. Fawcett in Tacoma. It's part of the gallery's Signs of Spring show.