STEPH DEROSA: THE BIRDS AND BEES AND HOTEL MURANO >>>

Whoa baby! Who knew the Tacoma’s posh Hotel Murano had it in them? In a bored effort to stumble upon something entertaining for the over-21 Internet crowd, all I had to do was search the word “naughty” (give or take a few other descriptive words) and voila â€" up popped Hotel Murano offering their “Naughty” overnight package.

For anywhere in the $250 range, naughty Hotel Murano guests can do naughty things in their own naughty privacy behind closed naughty doors. The folks at Hotel Murano will even hook you up with a little alcoholic sumpin’ sumpin’ to get your partner in naughtiness nice and loose for the evening. They cleverly call it “love poison” and suggest multiple places within their establishment to get your pre-naughty drink on: the bar, the restaurant, or your hotel room.

With a bottle of champagne, breakfast in bed, late checkout, and beautiful hand-blown glass surrounding your room â€" what more could you ask for? I think Hotel Murano knows what I would ask for, because they’ve included it in their “Naughty” overnight package: A true, genuine, Hotel Murano “Naughty Love Box” full of mischievous surprises.

Gulp.

Never in my life have I had a hotel make it so easy for me to be naughty, and for that, I have something to say: Hotel Murano, I love you.

Oh, by the way, Murano bell captain Dale Rush will be giving away fresh-cut tulips today between noon and 1 p.m.

[Hotel Murano, 1320 Broadway Plaza, Tacoma, 253.238.8000]

MATT DRISCOLL: KEN GRASSI BECOMES PRESIDENT OF THE DMG >>>

Despite far less hype than other “presidential elections,” the Tacoma Downtown Merchants Group cast a few ballots of their own earlier this month electing Ken Grassi of Grassi’s Flowers and Gifts to lead the group as the new president. Grassi replaces former Downtown Merchants Group president Patricia Lecy-Davis â€" the driving force behind Embellish Multispace Salon among other notable, Tacoma-centric ventures.

For those that don’t follow the ins and outs of Tacoma’s business world or rub elbows at Tacoma-Pierce County Chamber of Commerce luncheons, the main gist of the Tacoma Downtown Merchants Group is simple â€" to promote and foster downtown Tacoma businesses and back business issues through advocacy and community building â€" while promoting economic opportunities for businesses in T-town.

While Tacoma has needed an organization like the Downtown Merchants Group for what seems like forever, in economic times like these the role of such a collective becomes especially important. Wednesday news broke that Sea Grill and the UPS store at the Convention Center in downtown Tacoma will both be closing â€" just a couple of signs of how the current economic meltdown is wreaking havoc on local businesses.

For his part, Grassi is ready to take charge.

“With everything that’s going on, we have to make sure our merchants survive,” says Grassi from his store on South 17th and Pacific Avenue.

Among the strategies the Downtown Merchants Group will employ to help do that, according to Grassi, is embracing the Go Local Tacoma movement, planning a yearly event, as well as marketing Tacoma’s charm to folks both near and far.

“We want to give people the reason to go local, stay local, shop local and sleep local,” explains Grassi. “We want people to rediscover downtown Tacoma a different way.”

“Personally, being Tacoma born and raised, I have really fond memories,” says Grassi of the days before strip malls ruled the world. “I have a real big heart for downtown Tacoma.”

Considering the circumstances, that’s just one of many things Grassi’s new role is going to require.

PAUL SCHRAG: GO LOCAL ASKS FOR $100,000 >>>

As city officials ruminate on how much money to give upstart business advocacy organization Go Local, some might argue with the notion that Tacoma needs another business advocacy group. I mean, let’s be real. We already have 14 neighborhood business district associations, a Cross-District Association, the Tacoma-Pierce County Chamber, the Business Improvement Area, various localized Chamber affiliates, the city’s Community and Economic Development Department, Downtown Merchants Group, a small business incubator, several college-affiliated programs, several Small Business Administration programs, an independently-owned newspaper dedicated to small businesses, and a couple dozen networking groups. I probably missed a few.

But this Go Local thing is different. Read why on the Weekly Volcano Web site.

MATT DRISCOLL: HAD TOO MUCH TO THINK LAST NIGHT >>> 

JAKE DE PAUL: THURSDAY FOOD LINKS >>>

Sea Grill will close after dinner service Sunday.

Steph DeRosa gets naked at Frank’s Family Drive-In

History of the American mixologist on the Atlantic’s food site.

A pizza parlor in your kitchen

A new online course teaches students to identify, pair wines.

South Sound Food Matters

Today’s South Sound Specials

Washington Six Pack tasting, 5:30- 8 p.m., complimentary, Pour At Four, 3814 N. 26th St., Tacoma, 253.761.8015.

Wine tasting, noon to 6 p.m., complimentary, Walter Dacon Winery, 50 S.E. Skookum Inlet Road, Shelton, 360.426.5913.

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

ANNOUNCER: DELICIOUS ITALIAN FARE IN GIG HARBOR >>>

Where once deep green forests of evergreens stood in Gig Harbor, now behold a Target. Gig Harbor’s Chamber of Commerce touts the area’s many business districts as great for shopping, dining and tourism in a well-planned branding effort though its never been known for many good restaurants. I’m talking real, sit-down, table cloth, linen napkin restaurants.

Can a great restaurant survive in a tired pseudo-strip mall?

One brave couple, chef Michele “Mike” and Azusa Simone, are attempting just that at Il Lucano Italian Restaurant in what’s been dubbed the Historic District along the waterfront.

JASON: Man, the smell in there was delicious and comforting. Opening the door of Il Lucano Italian Restaurant must be similar to walking into an old-school Italian mama’s kitchen. The restaurant’s soft lighting, tasteful decorations and soothing wall colors were ambience balm on my ragged soul after last week. The wait-staff all appeared to be in their 30s or older, and I anticipated dining with true, mature service.

ANNOUNCER: Read the rest of the review on the Weekly Volcano's Web site.

Photo: J.M. Simpson

KEN SWARNER: THE ENGLISH EAT SIX THINGS A WEEK >>>

Researchers for the What’s for Dinner Club in Britain recently discovered after conducting a survey of 1,440 people that most British families eat the same six meals every week.

According to the research, 30 percent of homes eat roast chicken every week. The next popular is spaghetti bolognese (27 percent) followed by stir fry (12 percent), sausage and mash (12 percent), curries (10 percent) and pork chops (seven percent). All in all, 98 percent of the homes admitted they ate the same six dishes, whatever they were, every week.

In the South Sound we have Doyle’s and Paddy Coynes to keep us connected to the Old Country; however, if you want to eat like a modern Brit, check out my recommendations on the Weekly Volcano Web site.

BOBBLE TIKI: BREAKFAST WITH BOBBLE TIKI >>>

Weekly Volcano Stadium High School?

Pierce County road projects back on.

Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay.

Obama Administration wants to go all Chris Brown on large financial corporations.

This is Ground Control to Charles Simonyi: You’ve really paid the grade ... again.

Wax on, whack off