DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITS >>>

Kids Day: It's all about the children at the Tacoma Farmers Market today from 8:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Ninth and Broadway. The Secret Circus will set up around 10 a.m.

It's Tasty Thursday Night At Cheney Stadium: Drink $2 beers, shove down a few $1 hot dogs, and watch the Tacoma Rainiers play the Salt Lake Bees at 6 p.m.

Taco Thursdays: Rock The Dock Pub & Grill on Tacoma's Dock Street serves $1 hard shell tacos from 6-8 p.m. tonight.

Tall Cool Drink Night: Toscanos Café and Wine Bar will unleash their summer drinks for the season beginning tonight at 5 p.m.

Pop-Up Restaurant: The Noodle Bar opens tonight at 9 p.m. inside Pacific Grill in downtown Tacoma. Every late Thursday night until further notice, Chefs Gordon Naccarato and Ian Thompson will offer ramen bowls, Asian street food small plates, and Japanese sakes and beers are very reasonable prices.

Future Things Are Coming: NorthWest Vintage Wine Bar in downtown Puyallup hosts "An Evening in Italy" featuring Italian wines from Tuscan Winery-Perazetta Sunday, June 27, 5-7 p.m. The cost is $50 per person. Reserve your spot at 253.864.9463.

Food Matters: Where wild salmon really come from.

LINK: South Sound happy hours

LINK: Restaurant coupons

LINK: Join the Nosh League

WHAT WE FOUND TODAY >>>

Think before you cross Tacoma's streets.

Kevin Freitas brought his camera to the 100th Monkey party.

BP is performing more risky drilling.

American Apparel on the brink.

Masseuse accuses Al Gore of sexual assault.

The Weekly Volcano follows B & C-list celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Weird Al Yankovic

May 3: Weird Al gets all legal on our ass

"Turns out the TV show “Fox & Friends” is a complete rip-off. I smell intellectual property lawsuit!" 10:14 a.m., via Twitpic

May 1: Weird Al landscapes, or redesigns, or something...

"I finally got tired of people urinating on my lawn, so I decided to do something about it." 7:16 a.m., via Twitpic

April 27: Weird Al is just plain weird

"The street sign that inspired a thousand porn soundtracks" 12:00 p.m., via Twitpic

Tune in tomorrow for more Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Partly cloudy, Hi 67, lo 52
Saturday: Partly cloudy, Hi 72, lo 52
Sunday: Party cloudy, hi 70, lo 52

TRAFFIC ALERT: Eastbound SR 16 ramp to northbound I-5 closes from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. Friday, June 25. Construction closes three lanes on I-5 in both directions between Gravelly Lake Drive and 48th Street in Tacoma 7 p.m. Friday to 7 a.m. Saturday. Southbound I-5 between Mounts Road and Martin Way will see lane closures Friday and Saturday nights.

>>> FRIDAY, JUNE 25: UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS! 2

Drag queens tend to be a nasty lot. Bobble Tiki doesn't know if their universal bitterness stems from the pain of squeezing size 11 feet into size 9 pumps or from the irritation of persistent waxing and tweezing. That scenario will not be the case Friday night when drag divas - men dolled up as women - sashay across the Blue Mouse Theatre stage as part of Until the Fat Lady Sings! 2. Last year the drag queens brought the Mouse down with their dancing, vamping and lip-synching. You don't want to miss this one. This impersonators show benefits the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma. - Bobble Tiki

• [Blue Mouse Theatre, 8-11 p.m., $10-$20, 2611 N. Proctor, Tacoma, 253.752.9500]

>>> SATURDAY, JUNE 26: DOCKYARD DERBY DAMES CHAMPIONSHIP

The blockers have the bruises to prove it. The pivots feel the extra pressure. Saturday, returning to the Foss Waterway Seaport, Tacoma's roller derby phenomenon, the Dockyard Derby Dames, will hold their 2010 championship bout. Fans will clamor for blood (or just beer) when the Marauding Mollys and the Hellbound Homewreckers throwdown for a major grudge match, and things will get cranked up even more when the two-time champion Trampires battle the reigning champions, Femme Fianna, for total T-Town roller derby supremacy. Mark your calendars. It's going to be awesome. - Matt Driscoll

• [Foss Waterway Seaport, 6 p.m., $12 advance, $15 door, 705 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.678.1866]

>>> SUNDAY, JUNE 27: URBAN ART FESTIVAL 

The outdoor Urban Art Festival will feature live art demonstrations from painter and screen-printing wiz Kenji Fulmer, who has been seen recently teaching screen-printing classes at Tacoma Art Place. Also, expect appearances from local favorites Mike Capp, Dustin Hillgrove, Jada-Moon on the henna, Ryan Loiselle, Jodi Barstad, Lithium Love, and photographer Tanya DeMots. And then there's the music. Hell of a line up this year, including main stage performers Voxxy Vallejo, Basemint, Blame it on the Girl, New Law, Hotels, Pioneers West and The Fucking Eagles. Rounding out main-stage offerings is a rare treat for Tacoma - reggae legend Clinton Fearon. – Paul Schrag

• [People's Park, noon to 9 p.m., free, Ninth and MLK Way, Tacoma]

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor
I will be mowing my lawn (for real this time!), taking off my shirt at every (slight) opportunity, and checking out The Fucking Eagles et al. at the Urban Art Fest.

PAUL SCHRAG Senior Contributor
Friday, I'm heading to Oly to help Xperience celebrate the release his new album, William VIII, with XP himself, Macklemore, Grayskul, Candidt, etc. Heading to Seattle on Saturday to see some good people. Sunday ... I think I'm hanging out with Mary K and my sister. Naps.

NIKKI TALOTTA Feature Writer
If I didn't have to sling drinks all weekend, I'd be hanging with the kids and chickens by day, and roaming downtown Olympia - looking for shows and bros - by night.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL Theater Critic
TAO's baadasssss take on Othello has been pushed back a week, so instead I'm beginning my move to Olympia proper. By this time next month I should smell like patchouli, a Sara Jane's Firebird, and shake.

STEPH DEROSA Columnist
MI will be watching men getting all dirty and sweaty from doing manly things with huge pieces of wood. That's right, I'll be at the Buckley Log Show all weekend.

THE REV. ADAM MCKINNEY Feature Writer
I will continue to wear my dad's clothes while he's out of town (not weird). At some point, I will finish my pint of bottom-shelf whiskey and stumble out on the town, possibly ending up at karaoke.

KRIS BLONDIN Food/Wine Writer
Dustin and I are heading to Mardon Resort near the Pot Holes in Eastern Washington with Aura Mae and her Hubby. Gettin' some sun!

JOE IZENMAN Music/Theater Critic
I'll be heading out Friday night to catch the awesome and fun Shotgun Kitchen at Malarkey's pool hall. OK, that's kind of a lie. I am IN Shotgun Kitchen, and I'm just trying to trick you all into coming. Sunday it's off to that city in the North for Idaho singer-songwriter Josh Ritter.

JENNIFER JOHNSON: Lifestyle/Leisure Writer
Friday evening I'll hit the Belles at the Ball inside Sanford & Son. Saturday morning features an ass-kicking workout at LA Fitness followed by lunch at The Taste of Tacoma. Sunday afternoon I'm attending Bria McCoy's wedding and Urban Art Fest followed by Hilltop Trot at Fulcrum.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

FRIDAY, JUNE 25 2010 >>>

1. The tall ships Lady Washington and Hawaiian Chieftain welcome visitors for walk-on tours and three-hour public sails featuring cannon fire and hands-on learning from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Percival Landing in Olympia.

2. Until The Fat Lady Sings 2 drag benefit show for the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma starts with a 6:30 p.m. VIP reception followed by the 8 p.m. show inside the Blue Mouse Theatre. This show will feature some of the best impersonators from the Northwest including Ms. Gay Vancouver, Diva Deveraux, Taylor Courtour, and Victoria Eyslie.

3. The Mark Olympia hosts an art reception for Olympia artist Nikki McClure, featuring acoustic sounds by Tony Alva and Big Nick of Los Riddimitos with sets in between by DJs Sweet Elite and Chet Cobra at 8 p.m.

4. "Miracle on 48th Street" show is actually guitarist Steve Stefanowicz performing at 8 p.m. inside the 48th Street Pub.

5. The Tempest Lounge hosts Vinonly - A Night of Wax featuring '90s house/electronic music played strictly on vinyl records at 9:30 p.m.

LINK: New movies open today

LINK: Concerts go on sale today

DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITS >>>

(Closed) Military Discounts: Neo Wood Fired Pizza at 8425 S. Hosmer offers free 7-inch pizzas and 99 cent draft beers to all returning troops - every day.

Taste of Tacoma: The annual Taste of Tacoma usually leaves us feeling a little chafed, like we were just stuffed into an obese pigpen like a bunch of caged idiots, and all we can do is wander around buying ungodly amounts of marginal food, offered by "local" restaurants that aren't even local. Then we get bitter and head to the beer garden, before inevitably going home for a nap. Yes, we like to bitch about it. And, yes, we'll do it again this year from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. at Point Defiance Park.

Sun Block Party: The Varisty Grill in downtown Tacoma hosts a summer beer tasting today from 5-9 p.m. on their patio. Expect a limbo contest around 8 p.m.

Fresh Fridays: Every Friday, 3-6 p.m. folks sell, buy, trade or barter fresh produce, plants and flowers on a small grassy spot with a picnic table in front of the gravel parking area on the south side of Garfield Street in Parkland.

Fridays Uncorked: The Bayview School of Cooking hosts a Rose - The Everyday Summer Wine tasting today from 5-7:30 p.m.

Benefit: The Mark Olympia holds a fundraiser at 8 p.m. tonight for local farm Left Foot Organics as their farm office was recently broken into.

LINK: South Sound happy hours

LINK: Restaurant coupons

LINK: Join the Nosh League

LIVE MUSIC IN TACOMA >>>

The title of DoughKain's album is blunt: Bitch You Got Options. But he says it and he means it! "‘Bitch, you got options' is my saying," DoughKain laughs.  His debut album features hip-hop, some G-ism, some street tales and it's "definitely lyrical," he proclaims. Tacoma's Viaduct will host DoughKain's CD release party Friday night with an all ages show also featuring Business As Usual, Darxiide, Lebowski, Conflict, Golden Brown, Whikid and Josh Rizeberg - in an all-out Tac-Town banger of a show. With Bitch You Got Options, Doughkain enters the realm of up-and-coming, elite MCs from The 253. Check him. With Josh Rizeberg, Golden Brown Entertainment, Darxiide, Whikid, Business As Usual, Marcel Jones, Friday, June 25, 7 p.m., all ages, $7, The Viaduct, 5412 S. Tacoma Way, Tacoma, 253.226.1820 - Jose S. Gutierrez Jr.

Tacoma is establishing itself as a prime spot on the rap star afterlife tour. Earlier this year Coolio and his male-pattern, "Gangsta's Paradise," balding were in town. Saturday, MC Hammer shakes up the Emerald Queen Casino (see below). And Friday, perhaps the most exciting name of them all - Tone Loc - will be at Jazzbones offering up classics like "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina." Prediction: After the show, Van Halen will seek a settlement with Tone Loc, claiming the song "Wild Thing," and its sample of "Jamie's Cryin'," was the main reason all 37 people at Jazzbones on Friday paid $15-$18 to see the show. After negotiating, Van Halen will receive $28.50 and a Jazz Burger. With EvergreenOne, Todd Sykes, and DJ Reign, Friday, june 25, 9 p.m., $15-$18, 2803 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169 - Michael Swan

LINK: More live music tonight in the South Sound

The Weekly Volcano follows B & C-list celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Weird Al Yankovic

April 12: Weird Al's got Bieber Fever

"What’s going on here?? I wake up this morning, and Justin Bieber’s NOT TRENDING. I don’t want to live in a world like this!" 10:23 a.m., via Web

March 28: Weird Al whips out the innuendo

" …where every trip has a “happy ending”…" 11:07 a.m., via Twitpic

March 25: Weird Al hangs with other funny people

"Patton Oswalt has decided to just go with this look permanently. Bold move, sir." 10:19 a.m., via Twitpic

March 12: Weird Al hangs in the Yo Gabba Gabba green room.

"The hardest part about show business is all the waiting around." 1:11 p.m., via Twitpic

Tune in next week for more Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano

BONUS WEIRD AL TWITTER PIC!!!

THIS KIND OF FREAKS ME OUT >>>

Here are some facts about slugs:

1. Number of eggs one gray garden slug can lie in a year: 400
2. As hermaphrodites, slugs have both male and female sex organs which allow any two to mate.
3. Speed: 2 feet in 43 seconds. Man can run a 100 yard dash in less than 10 seconds; it would take a slug almost 2 hours.
4. Slugs are territorial and will attack caterpillars and other slug "intruders"  ... at very slow speeds.
5. Many predators-birds, squirrels, and mice stay away from slugs and snails because of their horrible taste.
6. When slugs' teeth wear out new rows move forward and replace them, conveyor-belt style.
7. Favorite foods include: strawberries, leafy plants, and some root vegetables.
8. Only 5 percent of the slug population appears above ground at any time.
9. In heavily infested fields there are approximately nine slugs per square foot. This means 392,040 slugs per acre. Slug cycle their feeding habits so that only 20 percent are feeding at any given time.
10. Slugs don't think it's funny when humans pretend to be slugs, especially when humans wiggle into leatherette sleeves with no armholes and race on a slimed tarp as spectators sing the slug anthem during SlugFest at Northwest Trek.

SlugFest

Saturday, June 26-Sunday, June 27, 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., activities free with admission
Northwest Trek, 11610 Trek Dr. E., Eatonville
360.832.6117

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Well, we still haven't been sued by PETA, and my bosses insist this column is still a good idea, so it's time for another installment of The Prefunk - a primer to the weekend for you and your liver (brought to you by the Weekly Volcano, Michelob Ultra, Smirnoff Ice, Ovaltine and Depends).

Oh, and we always throw in a picture of an alcoholic household pet for good measure. If you'd like to see YOUR four-legged friend with a drinking problem immortalized forever in The Prefunk, send drunk-pet photos to me at mattd@weeklyvolcano.com.

I swear; it'll be awesome.

MULTIPLE TACOMA HEMPFEST AFTER-PARTIES

Saturday, June 26

The rumors and smoke signals you've heard and seen are true; Tacoma's first annual Hempfest goes down Saturday at Wright Park. You can learn all you need to know about Tacoma Hempfest right here.

However, while there's only one Tacoma Hempfest, there are at least 37 Tacoma Hempfest after-parties. It's tough to know which one to choose. The good news is: If you've got a favorite local music venue or bar, there's a 73.9 percent chance it's holding a Tacoma Hempfest after-party.

Here are three of the better ones:

Hell's Kitchen: The punk-and-metal-edged Tacoma institution has supported weed since before it was cool. There's no way Pacific Avenue's newest and loudest resident was going to let a chance to revel in Tacoma's first annual Hempfest pass it by. Starting at 9 p.m., the "Official Afterparty for the 1^st Annual Tacoma Hempfest" at Hell's Kitchen will include the stoner-approved sounds of Domination, De-Krep-It, In These Hands and Koz of Konfusion. All these bands are Hell's Kitchen favorites, so expect the after-party celebration to be mighty.

The New Frontier Lounge: While it's not the "official" after-party, The New Frontier Lounge in the Dome District is also jumping into the Tacoma Hempfest after-party action with one of its own, starting at 8 p.m. and featuring Valis, Legend of Bigfoot and Flight of the Phanuel. Again, this is stoner-friendly music in what should be a stoner friendly environment. The only trouble is acting cool when you're high is a lot harder. Skinny jeans look like shit with Cheeto smudges.

Doyle's Public House: Hell's Kitchen has the "official" after-party, and The New Frontier simply has an after-party; but Doyle's Public House in Tacoma - currently flexing its World Cup muscles - has the only "T-Town Hempfest Follow-up" I can find.

What's a "follow-up," you might ask? Well, it's a lot like an after-party.

The T-Town Hempfest Follow-Up at Doyle's has jam-happy bands High Ceiling and Mighty High set to take the stage - which should be a masterful fit for the more stereotypical, dreadlocked, shoeless inhabitants of Saturday's Hempfest.

Jam on, my brothers.

PREFUNK: Shit. Go to Tacoma Hempfest. This one is self-explanatory.

GULF RELIEF @ THE SWISS

Sunday, June 27

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

That pretty much sums up the feeling the runs through my head every time I think about the BP created mega-disaster currently ravaging the Gulf Coast. It's pretty much all there is to think.

But, how do we help? With previous massive disasters like the earthquake in Haiti or even Katrina, it was kind of obvious what needed to happen. But with the current BP-eco-clusterfuck, it's hard to even know where to start. I mean, THE OIL IS STILL GUSHING OUT. It's not even over yet.

That said, like almost anything in our capitalist created universe, as good a place to start as any is through financial donations. Sunday at The Swiss in Tacoma you'll have that chance, as well as a chance to see a bunch of top-notch local bands.

A benefit for the Gulf Restoration Network  - www.healthygulf.org - Sunday's show at The Swiss carries a $10 suggested donation, and a lineup including China Davis, The Jerry Miller Band with Lee Oskar, High Rollers, Mojo Overload, Malcolm Clark, Rich Wetzel's Groovin' Higher Orchestra and Kim Archer and Nick Sandy. The action starts at 1 p.m., and expect a pretty major raffle and giveaway to accompany the festivities.

PREFUNK: Coat you and your loved ones in 10W-40. Make sure to get your pets too. Then, cover your lunch in 10W-40, your bed in 10W-40, your toilet in 10W-40, etc. See how you enjoy it.

Then, head to The Swiss to help out the Gulf, which has been dealing with a similar - albeit far more devastating - situation for two months now. I'd recommend cleaning yourself up first, though, which you'll find is pretty fucking difficult.

See you next week.