A BATHROOM BREAK ISN'T OUT OF THE QUESTION >>>

Note: It is time, once again, to provide a definitely biased and possibly unfair review of a trailer for an upcoming film.

Here is something that the lunatics that actually liked the Clash of the Titans remake will be interested to hear: this time around, they've styled Sam Worthington's hair to look more like Harry Hamlin's. So, you know, take that, people who were appalled by the slick remake of the kitschy classic - they're trying, alright? Maybe take a chill pill?

Of course, everything isn't all Jheri curls and tzatziki sauce for Perseus. There's still all these monsters and stuff, you guys! As you'll recall from the first movie (but probably not, because really? You actually saw that shit?), Perseus is half-human and half-god. Because of this, he is required to furrow his brow in nine out of 10 situations and have stern talks with a crazily bearded Liam Neeson (of kicking-people-to-death-in-Europe fame).

Look, Perseus, I know that "clash" probably took a lot out of you, and you were probably all like, "Finally, now I can relax and pop in a DVD of Mamma Mia, my favorite Greece-based adaptation of a Swedish pop band's musical," BUT THIS SHIT JUST DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. These titans are pissed - even wrathful - and it's up to you to stop it, or whatever.

Here's a tip, though: Even though Liam Neeson tells you that being half-human "makes you stronger than a god," I want you to know that that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I actually now have a headache from rolling my eyes so hard.

Long story short. Actually, that's my note to the people behind these movies. This story is evidently pretty fucking looooong. Tighten it up? I'm not looking forward to the inevitable follow-up, The Passive-Aggressive Silent Treatment of the Titans.

FUTURE THINGS ARE COMING >>>

A front row seat might not be the best idea. Either you'll have to see Steven Tyler's wrinkles or guitarist Rick Nielsen will nail you in the eye with one of the 459 guitar picks he'll zing into the audience.

Oh, yes, Live Nation has announced Aerosmith and Cheap trick are coming to the Tacoma Dome Wednesday, Aug. 8 for an 8 p.m. show.

According to marketing hype, "Aerosmith, America's greatest rock and roll band, will start your summer sizzling and have you dancing around the fires of rock n' roll again. After blowing away audiences in South America and Japan, the Bad Boys from Boston are back to rock America's soul, with The Global Warming Tour playing 18 markets beginning on June 16 in Minneapolis, MN."

Tickets range in price from $39.50 to $129.50 and go on sale at 10 a.m. Saturday, March 31 at LiveNation.com, all Ticketmaster outlets or charge by phone 1-800-745-3000.

ONLINE CHATTER >>>

Today's comment of the day comes from TheRealTruth who chimes in on the chatter revolving around a blog post on Jack Connelly's campaign kickoff at the LeMay Museum.

TheRealTruth writes,

I hope that people do learn about Jack Connelly. He has been a fighter for women's rights. Today Division I of the Court of Appeals put out a decision upholding a case he won on behalf of a woman who had been killed in a domestic violence situation after obtaining an anti harassment order. He took the case on behalf of her two daughters to prevent similar domestic violence deaths in the future. Jack also recently represented a lesbian woman who had been severely injured up in Seattle. Even more importantly, Jack is exceptionally strong on the issues that matter to the residents of this District – education, jobs and the economy. I hope you also learn the truth as Jack will be an outstanding Senator for this District.

TUESDAY, MARCH 27, 2012 >>>

1. After a cold and wet winter, the cycle of seasons is finally swinging toward spring. Whether you ride five minutes to work or 70 miles every Saturday, it's time to throw your leg over the top tube and mount your saddle. The Harmon Bike Club opens its season tonight with a short ride beginning at 5:30 p.m. The group will push off from the Harmon Tap room, ride to Point Defiance Park, through the 5 Mile Drive, and back to the Tap for post ride apps and brewskis. A short program explains upcoming rides and fundraisers will be part of the fun.

2. Heralded Chinese painter Xu Yongmin will exhibit 20 pieces in the exhibit High Wind that opens today in Kittredge Art Gallery on the University of Puget Sound campus. The prize winning painter - who will lecture in Wyatt Hall Room 101 tomorrow 5 p.m. - has received many teaching and art awards, including an honor from the Excellent Young Teachers Program of China's Ministry of Education and the First Literature and Art Star Award in Hubei Province. According to pre-show hype, "Yongmin uses traditional Chinese brush methods, yet reveals a Western influence in his work."

3. Most people know the lasting legacy of Harry Belafonte, the entertainer. A handsome man with the dazzling smile who starred in many a film, he remains ingrained into your memory as the singer of the Caribbean folk tune "Day-O" - the last melody you heard before passing out underneath the ping pong table during the Sigma Chi's St. Barts Simpson party. Belafonte also worked tirelessly in support of the civil rights movement in America and to social justice globally. Director Susanne Rostock champions the big life of Belafonte in her documentary, Sing Your Song. The doc revisits moments in Belafonte's career, from playing clubs in New York City to starring in Hollywood films to his work with Civil Rights. The Grand Cinema screens Sing Your Song at 1:50 and 6:35 p.m. as part of its Tuesday Film Series.

4. Every Tuesday at 7 p.m. Victory Music hosts the grandaddy of open mics inside the bean-sproutin,' free-trading Antique Sandwich Company in Ruston.

5. The New Frontier Lounge will host Argonaut, Lozen, Hot Victory and X Suns on a Tuesday night at 9 p.m. Cool.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

>>> VOTING CLOSED FOR MARCH 27 <<<

For the last two weeks we presented you with a compelling question: Who makes the best breakfast in the South Sound? And you have responded in droves. Sick days have been used. Friendships have fallen apart. Kellogg's is considering producing South Sound Mystery Crunch - mass hysteria!

The competition has been whittled down to the Scrambled 16. Yes, 16 South Sound breakfast joints are poised to make the final push to the Final Four, which will be held Friday.

So, read up on yesterday's action, and then vote on the first four games of the Scrambled 16. It’s in your hands, mouth, and stomach, folks. Do us proud.

Yesterday's Tournament of Breakfast Results

Here were the match-ups:

Fife City Bar & Grill (Fife) vs. Rock The Dock Pub & Grill (Tacoma)

Dixie's Home Cookin' (Sumner) vs. Boxcar Grill (Tacoma) 

Shakabrah Java (Tacoma) vs. C.I. Shenanigans (Tacoma)

Masa (Tacoma) vs. Hob Nob (Tacoma)

Fife City Bar & Grill figured its game against Rock The Dock Pub & Grill to be low scoring, a natural expectation with two of the Port of Tacoma area's best breakfasts butting heads. Dominating the griddle, Fife City delivered an amazing New York steak skillet breakfast - topping it with cheese - and pushed its Polish sausage to anchor a stifling defense that helped Fife City Bar & Grill knock off Rock The Dock and its deck with 53 percent of the votes. Fife City has one big advantage in the Tournament of Breakfast: Chef/owner Diana Prine and her Culinary Institute of American training.

Dixie's Home Cookin's friendly service gave Boxcar Grill fits all day. Instead of promoting the big-ticket items - The Caboose, The Boxcar Steak and Eggs and The Freight-Train - like it normally does, Boxcar Grill played a bait-and-switch game with the Build-Your Own Omelet, with the awesome combination of three category ingredients. The idea was to confuse Dixie's with the combinations and, hopefully, wear them out. It worked, in large part because corned beef was an omelet option - a move rarely seen in build-your-own-omelet offenses. Boxcar Grill, with the largest percentage point win of the day - 60 percent - moves on to the Scrambled 16.

Shakabrah Java shifted gears. It had to go big against Shenanigans big ol' brunch. To open this game, Shakabrah went to its four big Shaka-Combos players - all with its signature potatoes. Its quick breakfast sandwiches did the trick in earlier matches, but it needed more girth for this battle. Shenanigans followed pushing its in-house pastry chef hard, winning hearts with mini tarts, which countered its typical slow-down offense and ran Shakabrah reckless. Shakabrah gave in, and went to its quick The Brian breakfast sandwich with its French toast base. "He played an exceptional game," said Bob from Tacoma's Trafton Street. The Brian did indeed, and in the end, Shakabrah Java squeaked by 51.2 percent of the vote. Wow.

Masa co-owner John Xitco coaxed this win out of his breakfast by making his chefs pound Masa's huevos rancheros and insisting on the kind of defense that Masa played during this remarkable run, but which often got overshadowed by the Hob Nob's Side Door Lounge theatrics. Xitco's biggest offensive highlight: Probably when 10 Masa Smirnoff Jalapeno Marys hit the floor all at once. However, the Hob Nob's strawberry French toast was on fire, keeping the game close. In fact, Masa's 51 percent of the votes victory wasn't secured until the final 20 minutes of the game. Masa wins and will face Shakabrah Java in the Scrambled 16.

Let's take a look at the stack. The following are advancing to the next round:

• Fife City Bar and Grill
  
• Boxcar Grill
  
• Shakabrah Java
  
• Masa
  

The daily breakfast battles here on Spew are sponsored by Shakabrah Java on Tacoma's Sixth Avenue.

OK, let's check out today's Scrambled 16 breakfast battles. Vote for one breakfast joint per battle. Voting for today's breakfast battles ends at 11:45 p.m.

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Battle Over Tacoma Cop's Pension: Victim's family wants Gov. Gregoire's help. (News Tribune)

Tacoma Public Schools Deputy Superintendent: Joshua Garcia receives the nod. (News Tribune)

Syria: It accepts a plan to end violence. (CNN)

When Fake Billionaires Visit Dollar Stores: Paul Allen's ID got hijacked. (Seattle Weekly)

Obamacare Vs. Supreme Court: May Congress decide to regulate how people pay for the health care they will almost inevitably need? (The New York Times)

Soundgarden: It's first new song in 15 years will be for The Avengers. (USA Today)

The Borgias: Here comes the season premiere. (TV Guide)

The Perfect Gift For That Recently Deceased Loved One: Own Beetlejuice's The Handbook for the Recently Deceased. (The Atlantic Wire)

The Well Is Dry: The cast of Glee visits Inside The Actors Studio. (Zap 2 It)

DJ Drawing Machine: Wave your Sharpie in the air like you just don't care! (CNET)

Kill Us Now

REASON NUMBER TWO WHY THIS SHOW IS AWESOME >>>

I could write about the HIDE/SEEK show at Tacoma Art Museum every week from now until June and not exhaust the topic. I won't do it but I could. Today I want to talk about two photographs in the show, Berenice Abbott's portrait of Janet Flanner and Cass Bird's I Look Just Like My Daddy, 2. (There's a reason for the number "2" tagged onto the end of the title; this is part of a large series by that title.)

These two portraits, one from 1927 and one from 2003, are indicative of huge shifts in the way sexual orientation and gender identity were viewed in the early 20^th century and how they are viewed now in the early 21^st century; and that is, in essence, the theme of the exhibition HIDE/SEEK: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture.

Prior to the 20th century homosexuality was hardly talked about and gender identity was an unknown concept. If heterosexual males had sex with homosexual males (they weren't called gay) the hetero partner was not particularly frowned upon, but the "gay" partner was reviled and ridiculed. This attitude, which may seem bizarre today, is illustrated in many of the paintings in the exhibition.

There was a shift in attitude in the early 20th century, and GLBT folks were forced into the closet where they had to use code phrases and images to safely out themselves to the select few. They wore masks in public. The great photographer Berenice Abbott showed this in a very stylish manner in her portrait of Janet Flanner. She is wearing not one but two masks, and not on her face but on her top hat. Her unmasked face becomes a third mask, the one she habitually wears in public. And her entire outfit is a kind of mask, men's clothing and a man's short haircut. Flanner is of ambiguous gender in this photograph. She was openly bisexual.

Abbott had been an apprentice to the great Dadaist Man Ray in his Paris studio and along with Ray and Duchamp and other Parisian bohemians of the day would have known many people who enjoyed pretending to be someone other than who they were, including gender bending (Duchamp had a female-persona alter ego named Rose Salévay).

Berenice Abbott, "Janet Flanner," 1927. Photographic print. Prints and Photographs Division, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C. Photo courtesy of Tacoma Art Museum

Cass Bird is a contemporary photographer who documents alternative lifestyles and mores. She's known for portraits of people who manipulate gender roles. The Brooklyn Museum described her photographs as portraying "the beauty and the positive existence of these individuals, their male or female origins overridden by their own will to define their gender, sexuality, and place in society."

Bird's photograph in this exhibition depicts a young person of ambiguous gender, short hair, full lips and just a hint of what may be female breasts under a checkered shirt, the photo cropped so the viewer can't tell for sure. Some of the subjects in the series are clearly transgender or of no obvious gender, while others are unmistakably male or female; i.e., cisgendered. They are all equally and unabashedly what they are.

Bird's photographs illustrate that many young people today defiantly obscure accepted gender roles and identity. Quite a change from the days of Janet Flanner.

These two photographs provide a glimpse into the complexity of themes and ideas explored in this large exhibition. The show runs through June 10 at Tacoma Art Museum.

HIDE/SEEK

Through June 10, Wednesdays–Sundays, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Third Thursdays 5–8 p.m., adult $10, student/ military/senior (65+) $8
family $25 (2 adults and up to 4 children under 18), 5 and younger free
Tacoma Art Museum, 253.272.4258
TacomaArtMuseum.org

LINK: Alec Clayton's feature story on HIDE/SEEK

LINK: Alec Clayton's review of HIDE/SEEK

POKING AROUND AFTER THE MOTHER OF ALL GLOBAL WARS >>>

My journey to Koinonia, the new feature by Tacoma's Andrew Finnigan, begins last Thursday. Mount Rainier looms larger and Highway 410 gets narrower as I head toward my destination. Buildings melt away, replaced by nothing but trees in all directions. I brake for a train of deer leisurely crossing the road. Every movie is a transport to another place; Koinonia hasn't even started shooting, and already I feel swallowed up in my surroundings.

But "roughing it" does take some time to adapt to. I arrive at the snowy, spacious cabin in Greenwater Finnigan has rented for the crew, and see director of photography Sam Graydon trying to find Internet service. Others wander through the rooms, phones in hand, searching for a signal. (I get one bar if I stand ... right ... here.) Finnigan's 2-year-old battles her own ennui by hopping from couch to couch and slapping everything within arm's length - including Daddy's junk. Twice.

This technology-deprived scene could have easily made it into Finnigan's latest script. Koinonia (coin-oh-NEE-uh) takes place in a future where global war has disintegrated nearly all traces the civilization we all know and love. Though title finds its roots in a Greek word meaning "fellowship," none seems to exist for the protagonist John, a wanderer forced to endure nature's beauty and hostility alone. One tiny hint to a former relationship exists if you look closely - the wedding ring on John's hand (on loan from the director himself; his wife and Executive Producer Brooke didn't seem to mind too much). 

Finnigan's film fellowship, on the other hand, consists of about a dozen professionals from the local industry who quickly fall into working as a team. He's brought back some of the same people from his last project, Fantastic Confabulations (which won Audience Choice at the 2011 Tacoma Film Festival), like Scott Waters on sound and actress Carollani Sandberg (now filling the role of 1st assistant director).

Director of Koinonia Andrew Finnigan with his wife (and executive producer), Brooke.

But besides a mostly fresh crew, Koinonia marks new cinematic territory for Finnigan. Gone are the multiple locations, the dialogue-driven scenes, the extensive lighting setups, even the steady tripod shots of FanCon. Now the main action happens almost entirely in and around a cottage John stumbles across very early in the film. And he doesn't carry around a volleyball like other Crusoe-esque characters I know, so why talk?

Lead actor Tony Doupe (a favorite in local indies including The Off Hours and Safety Not Guaranteed) barely mutters a few lines in the whole 9-hour shooting day last Friday. This anti-talkie philosophy finds its fullest expression in the very first scene filmed, where Doupe, in take after take, dunked his head under the frigid waters of a bubbling stream. Boy, and I thought I had the hard job as PA (which could mean Production Assistant, or, if you happen to see this article, Press Agent).

The cinematography also contributes to a story stripped down to its essentials. Without neglecting his characters, Finnigan has chosen to let visuals more than dialogue tell his tale. And his camera of choice - the RED EPIC®, which packs about twice the resolution of full HD - does a lot of talking. Going with a handheld aesthetic, Graydon, as far as I see, doesn't bust out his tripod more than once during the first day. He and Finnigan also decide to leave the lights in gaffer Rory Emmons's truck and trust in nothing more than sunshine for illuminating the exterior scenes.

A moment of down time for actor Tony Doupe.

I mentioned before that early in Koinonia, John reaches a house as isolated as he in the wilderness. What does he find inside? Dusk approaches on Friday, leaving us with no time left to shoot our first interior. I suppose I could look ahead into the script, but why read when I can see (and help make) the movie?

Part Two of my tale picks up next week; in the meantime, follow Koinonia on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/koinoniamovie

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28, 2012 >>>

1. Writing from a lesbian and/or feminist perspective is easier today than it was 30 years ago, thanks in large part to the sustained work of women activists and by growing mass acceptance of their arguments. The level of anger and revolt and solidarity is not the same today as it was in the '70s or '80s. Or is it? Internationally acclaimed slam poet, full-time writer, performing artist and activist, Tony-nominated Staceyann Chin probably can answer the question. The strong and versatile self-described out-poet with a Caribbean-accent and huge, parted Afro has seen and experienced the light and dark of life of plantation-era Jamaica, and carries a worldly perspective, identifying with Caribbean and Black, Asian and lesbian, women and New Yorkers. She speaks about her experiences of growing up in Jamaica and the consequences of her coming-out at 7 p.m. inside Schneebeck Concert Hall on the University of Puget Sound campus.

2. A Hope Not Forgotten, Darasuum, I/Delilah, Beneath All Kaos and Silent Planet rock the all-ages Red Room beginning at 7 p.m.

3. As far as virtuosic young piano prodigies go, Ran Dank is totally dank, yo. And by that we mean he's the bomb. Even better, he's performing at 7:30 p.m. inside the Washington Center.

4. Watch 10-20 comedians try out their new material during Tacoma Comedy Club's open mic beginning at 8 p.m. It don't cost nutin'.

5. Want to get into the habit of doodling dudes? Tonight at 8:30 p.m. The Mix hosts live body painting giving Tacoma's creative community an opportunity to socialize, sip and scribble. Most succinctly described as figure-drawing sessions with a gay twist, the sessions are open to the public, as long as you're of drinking age. Oh, there will be drinks.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours

>>> VOTING CLOSED FOR MARCH 28 <<<

You know how yesterday we said you, much-appreciated readers, had responded in droves to our Tournament of Breakfast so far this year.

Well, we lied. We hadn't seen anything yet.

Yesterday was droves, people, perhaps more. Yesterday was just plain freakin' nuts. When it comes to breakfast, it's obvious you really care.

Maybe too much ...

On to today's Tournament of Breakfast action and yesterday's results.

Yesterday's Tournament of Breakfast Results

Here were the match-ups:

Marcia's Silver Soon Cafe (Tacoma) vs. The Homestead Restaurant (Tacoma)

Affairs Cafe and Bakery (University Place) vs. Moon Rise Cafe (Lakewood) 

Norma's Burgers (Lacey) vs. Hawk's Prairie Restaurant (Lacey)

McMenamins Spar Cafe (Olympia) vs. Cicada Restaurant (Olympia)

Once this game began it reaffirmed our opinion that there is no substitution for seeing a game like this in person, despite all of the advances in home entertainment technology. No screen or monitor can adequately capture the vividness of the strawberries, or convey the towering physical presence of a stack of pancakes. On television, hash browns look like an afterthought. In person, hash browns look ferocious. And according to statistics, hash browns were the deciding factor in this game. Twelfth seed Homestead Restaurant, behind its spuds, knocked off number one seed Marcia's with 54 percent of the votes.

The Moon Rise's raspberry jam has been surprisingly quiet throughout this tournament. Created in-house by owner Christine Curren, the jam was a key factor in bringing the Lakewood restaurant into the tournament. For most of the second half in its battle with Affairs Cafe, it was a different story. The jam came to life for the Moon Rise - as did many of Moon Rise's Benedicts. Affairs didn't want to go to its truffles, but it had to in the final six hours of voting. But the chocolate awesomeness wasn't enough. The Moon Rise Cafe grabbed 59 percent of the votes, and will battle The Homestead Thursday in the Poached Eight.

The Weekly Volcano's food tournaments mean everything - perhaps too much, as a team that dominates its regions during regular season play can have one bad day and see its season go down the drain. Certainly there is drama of the highest kind when it comes to mixing batter. The breakfast quiche kept pouring out of sixth seed Hawk's Prairie Restaurant's kitchen all day. It's only 450 calories! What was Hawk's Prairie thinking? You can't expect to start 450 calories and beat a powerhouse like number one seed Norma's Burgers. Seizing the opportunity, Norma's pulled in its I-5 Pile Up -  large buttermilk biscuits on top of hash browns and topped with two eggs then smothered with sausage gravy - and pounded the Hawk's quiche until it squeaked out a win with 52 percent of the votes.

McMenamins Spar Café got demolished by Cicada Restaurant, which was mildly surprising not because they lost but because they lost so badly - by 1,200 votes. The Spar Cafe kept all three of its Benedicts on the floor most of the game, with the Dungeness crab variation using the grilled tomato to its advantage.  For crying out loud, the Spar even pulled its Willapa Bay oyster shooter off the bench. What the hell happened to this Olympia institution? Cicada's green eggs and ham is what happened. The breakfast dish was unstoppable. It was ordered in the dining room. It was ordered in the fancy lounge. Someone even ate it at the hostess stand! Who says it's not easy being green? Cicada moves into the Poached Eight Thursday for a breakfast date with Norma's Burgers. Oh boy.

Let's take a look at the stack. The following are advancing to the next round:

• Homestead Restaurant
  
• Moon Rise Cafe
  
• Norma's Burgers
  
• Cicada Restaurant
  

The daily breakfast battles here on Spew are sponsored by Shakabrah Java on Tacoma's Sixth Avenue.

OK, let's check out today's Scrambled 16 breakfast battles. Vote for one breakfast joint per battle. Voting for today's breakfast battles ends at 11:45 p.m.