GRAB A CUP AND READ THE MORNING REPORT FOR 5.27.14 >>>

Ukrainian forces fought with separatists in Donetsk for a second day, after inflicting heavy losses on the rebels. 

Vietnam and China traded accusations today over who was the aggressor in a clash that led to the sinking of a Vietnamese fishing boat in the South China Sea.

Lawmakers are introducing measures to ensure the White House keeps a close watch on Moscow.

U.S. Special Operations troops are forming elite counterterrorism units in four countries in North and West Africa that American officials say are pivotal in the widening war against Al Qaeda's affiliates and associates on the continent.

The rollout of the Army's new gas mask is underway, but researchers already have plans for the next-gen model: An integrated mask-helmet design with a battery-powered, fan-driven air filtration system.

Prodded by Congress, the Pentagon has promised a better count of its bullets and missiles.

Lawmakers are sounding the alarm over Russia's arms control commitments and introducing measures to ensure the White House keeps a close watch on Moscow.

Special Report: Arlington National Cemetery, like you've been seen it before

Cases involving the appeal of veterans benefits rulings take almost 19 months to resolve, Department of Veterans Affairs records show, and advocates say the crush of new claims is hurting older veterans.

Interview: Eric Fanning, U.S. Air Force undersecretary

Interview: Adm. Robert Papp, U.S. Coast Guard commandant

This bunk bed sofa out-transforms even Optimus Prime.

Flash flood inundates city in just five minutes.

If Darth Vadar had a car, it would be this Cadillac.

Swallows learn to open automatic doors to create nests inside a parking garage.

7-Eleven has jumped on the mustache bandwagon.

It seems the British aren't fans of Macaulay Culkin's band.

What?: Margaret Cho and Fred Armisen chat with Bob Mould in this video.

Finally: The most iconic fast-food chains in each state.

Finally: Doughnuts that look like people.

Time to go back to work ...

LINK: Original photo by Staff Sgt. Johnathan Hoover

TUESDAY, MAY 27 2014 >>>

1. Ever since the Westside Tavern won the Tournament of Burgers, the real estate agents representing Olympia's Westside have been inundated with inquiries. The Westside is happening, but that's not news to those who live up on the hill. If you want proof, drop by the West Olympia Farmers Market from 4-7 p.m. In addition to an awesome selection of local vendors, this season features live music, raffles and special events. Drop by for fresh produce, baked goods, pastured poultry and meats, flowers, veggie starts and crafts.

2. As far as menopausal-crisis road-trip semi-dramas go, On My Way's hormonal launch into the provinces has several advantages, including Emmanuelle Bercot's fluid nonstop traveling camera. But primarily the film has Catherine Deneuve, who is her classically resonant self as a small-town ex-beauty queen and grandmother shattered again by romantic disappointment and who leaves her failing restaurant one day and falls off the grid. Catch the film at 2 and 6:10 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

3. Thought-provoking reading doesn't have to come from classic authors such as Dickens and Steinbeck. Young adult literature, which continues to grow in popularity, has been producing intriguing works about society that appeal to a wide audience - a fact that King's Books hasn't missed. The Tacoma Stadium District bookstore hosts a Young Adult Book Club at 7 p.m. The group will discuss Al Capone Does My Shirts, by Gennifer Choldenko. The story is about Moose Flannagan who moves with his family to Alcatraz so his dad can work as a prison guard and his sister, Natalie, can attend a special school. But Natalie has autism, and when she's denied admittance to the school, the stark setting of Alcatraz begins to unravel the tenuous coping mechanisms Moose's family has used for dealing with her disorder. 

4. Nashville recording artist Sam Hunt will perform a free show at 7:30 p.m. in the Steel Creek American Whiskey Co. in downtown Tacoma. He's penned songs for some of the biggest names in country music, such as "Cop Car" by Keith Urban, "We are Tonight" by Billy Currington and "Come Over" for Kenny Chesney. 

5. Nominated for Best Documentary at this year's Academy Awards, Egyptian-American documentarian Jehane Noujaim's The Square takes you inside the Egyptian revolution centered around Cairo's Tahrir Square. Catch the film at 9 p.m. in the Capitol Theater.

LINK: Tuesday, May 27 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Vice Chief of Staff of the Army Gen. John F. Campbell will host a Soldier For Life (SFL) Facebook Town hall from 11 a.m. to noon EDT, Thursday, May 29. SFL initiative highlights the "lifecycle" of the Soldier at four points: "Start Strong, Serve Strong, Reintegrate Strong and Remain Strong." SFL is designed to assist transitioning active, USAR, and National Guard soldiers and their families by assisting in the reintegration to the private and public sector. SFL also assists in post Army opportunities through credentialing, certifications and licensing programs that directly link civilian recognized skill sets with Army training.

Participate on Gen. Campbell's Facebook May 29.

Read more at the SFL website.

GRAB A CUP AND READ THE MORNING REPORT FOR 5.28.14 >>>

Two Americans were injured today in Afghanistan when a U.S. Consulate vehicle was attacked while traveling through the western city of Heart.

Obama wants to set up a new $5 billion counterterrorism fund.

The White House announced it is finalizing its request for war funding in 2015.

About 44,000 service members will see a pay cut effective June 1 when the Defense Department makes one of its periodic revisions to, and issues new restrictions for, imminent danger pay.

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has ordered a comprehensive review of the Military Health System.

The U.S. military presence in Afghanistan will fall to about 9,800 troops by January, a sharp decline from the 32,000 U.S. uniformed personnel in country.

The version of the fiscal 2015 defenseauthorization bill that the House approved last week would cut some controversial nuclear weapons spending in a bid to help veterans.

The retiring chairman of the House Armed Services Committee responded to critics who characterized his final defense bill as a sop to parochial interests.

The new danger in Benghazi.

Militia fighters stole hundreds of American-supplied automatic weapons and other equipment in a raid on a Libyan base where the US was training local forces, bringing an abrupt end to the secretive program.

Rep. Chris Collins (R-N.Y.) has introduced legislation to give all veterans access to hospice care through the Department of Veterans Affairs.

The future of military robotics may not look much like a robot. It may just be a truck that drives itself.

The Army and the rest of the Defense Department are on notice from Congress that they will be audited soon.

Automotive engineers explore Army's future mobility, protection.

Army tests network capabilities at Network Integration Evaluation, or NIE, 14.2, the seventh in a series of semi-annual field evaluations which focused on improvement and simplification of the Army's networked capabilities.

Beefier carbines en route to soldiers.

No, It's True: All the Saturn V rockets launching at the same time in a signal video.

Forget coolers and store your beer in an underground elevator.

Mad Men: Matt Weiner talks about the finale, and here Weiner explains the final scene.

Norm Macdonald wants Craig Ferguson's show.

Most American comedy movies suck and here's why.

Popular musicians' somewhat embarrassing pre-fame heavy metal bands.

Have you played Netflix Roulette?

Finally: Video of a dog flying in a wingsuit!

What make him so wise in his ways?

LINK: Original photo by Staff Sgt. Jonathan Hoover

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28 2014 >>>

1. Come gather ‘round, people, wherever you roam. Like many writers and critics who prophesize with our pens, we keep our eyes open for new books about Robert Zimmerman, better known as the one and only Mr. Bob Dylan. But The Dylanologists: Adventures in the Land of Bob isn't, strictly speaking, a tome about the Bard of Minneapolis, it's an insider's look at geeks like us who adore him. Author David Kinney will stop by the downtown Olympia library at 7:30 p.m. to promote it. And don't think twice, it's all right: he will have copies available for purchase.

2. Learn how artists have responded to the mountains, valleys, and vast plains of the western United States over time, influencing perceptions of the West, when Tacoma Art Museum Curator Laura Fry discusses "The Western Landscape in Art" at 11 a.m., as part of Tacoma Art Museum's Lunch & Learn series. The lecture is in conjunction with TAM's exhibit, "Northwest in the West: Exploring Our Roots."

3. It's Wednesday, which means Pour at Four pours complimentary tastes of its favorite wines. From 5:30-8 p.m., The Proctor District wine bar will showcase wines from Foris Vineyards and Winery in Southern Oregon. Expect Alsacean style whites and Pinot Noirs.

4. The Telephone Projects is Brennon Gage, of San Diego, a band that seems to mostly revolve around Gage and his Casiotone, churning out vaguely miserablist indie pop with a tongue-in-cheek attitude of carefree defiance. Catch the band with Gage's other band, the gothy Witch Prayer, plus Apollo Ried Sygmund, and Follies and Vices at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

5. As the cliché goes, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." And such is the case with Margaret Cho, who somehow parlayed the poignant failures of her early career - namely, the cancellation of '90s sitcom All American Girl, a gig that, literally, almost killed her - into one of the most successful standup careers. At 8 p.m., Cho will bring her raunchy comedic stylings to The Evergreen State College's Recreation Center.

LINK: Wednesday, May 28 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

In the magical back room at Le Voyeur Café and Lounge, where all kinds of artistic dreams come into fruition, a dozen ladies and a few men gather to discuss proper arm-wrestling technique.

Smack talking and muscle flexing is encouraged, and costumed characters and their entourage parade about the floor, practicing for the first big match for the Olympia chapter of the Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers, or Oly CLAW, set for Friday, May 30. Characters such as Ivana KrushU, Cold As Isis, Vegan Villain and more will go head-to-head, or should I say arm-to-arm, in a full-out fight to raise money and awareness for Safeplace, an advocacy agency and confidential shelter for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Thurston County.

>>> Elly Slay Clamp-It, Bambi SpiceBush and Crystal Light cock their guns. Photo credit: Nikki McCoy

For many of the women involved in CLAW, this is their first time in the performance arena.

Katie Meyer, aka Elly Slay Clamp-It, says there is no room for nervousness, and being in a room full of like-minded ladies helps.

"Once you get in the flow, it's all adrenalin," she confesses. "I'm not intimidated."

And while the women all have guns and puns - Stone Cold Stevie Nicks threatens, "This landslide is gonna bring you down," and Vegan Villain claims to have "broccoli biceps" - each arm wrestler brings something unique to the group.

"It's cool to spend time with women in this town who I have never met before and who come from all walks of life," says Meyer.

Competition and compassion run equally strong for the group, which plans to do more events for charity.  

"Am I tough? I'm the toughest of them all," says Meyer. "But, really, the most important thing is that this is all for a good cause."

One hundred percent of proceeds benefit Safeplace.

Betting on arm wrestlers encouraged.

OLY CLAW WOMEN'S ARM WRESTLING, 7 p.m., Friday, May 30, Le Voyeur, 404 Fourth Ave., Olympia, $10 at brownpapertickets.com or at the door, 360.943.5710

OlyClaw Teaser from john manini on Vimeo.

The tale of an immigrant arriving on American shores seeking opportunity and a better life is one that's been oft-told. Usually, the story goes like this: a family in a far-off land realize how hard their lives are and decide to embark on a bold adventure to the New World, where life will be so much better. BUT when they get there, they find there are still cats who will chase them around and the streets are not paved with cheese. ... This is the template that Seattle author Claire Gebben works with in her historical novel The Last of the Blacksmiths (well, maybe not the parts about cats and cheese). Though instead of a family of 19th century Russian mice landing in New York, Blacksmiths borrows from Gebben's family history of 19th century Germans landing in Cleveland. The story's protagonist Fievel Michael Harm has sailed to the New World to apprentice as ... well, a blacksmith.

Gebben discusses her novel, as well as genealogy research for historical novels, at Wheelock Library this evening. Maybe she'll reveal details for the sequel, Blacksmiths II: Michael Goes West. ...

CLAIRE GEBBEN, 7 p.m., Wheelock Library, 3722 N. 26th St., Tacoma, free admission, 253.617.7811

One of the more interesting, possibly sketchy things about the deluge of comic book movies we find ourselves inundated with, is the prospect of Marvel and DC expanding their reach to include B-list titles, such as the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy adaptation. These production companies are so glut with profits that they now feel comfortable plumbing the depths to bring the moviegoing public characters they never knew they wanted to see.

One such property is the upcoming Ant-Man adaptation, which recently received a blow in the form of director Edgar Wright leaving the project. For many, the only reason anyone would even consider seeing an Ant-Man movie (despite the character being one of the original Avengers, back when the notion of "he's got all the powers of an ant!" seemed like a nifty idea) was the inclusion of the kinetic auteur, Wright, being involved. Wright's Cornetto Trilogy - Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and The World's End - along with his previous comic book adaptation, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, all seemed like indications that, if anyone could breathe goofy life into this middling superhero, it would be this man.

While no one has been announced to take the director's place, fellow nerd heroes Joss Whedon and James Gunn have taken to social media to mourn Wright's departure, which was reportedly amicable. The fate of Ant-Man, however, seems sealed - no one knew they wanted to see Ant-Man, and now most people should be assured that, in fact, they do not.

MAY 29-31: JACKIE KASHIAN

Jackie Kashian's recent comedy album's title serves as a nice litmus test to see if you're gonna be on Kashian's wavelength. It is titled This Will Make An Excellent Horcrux, and if that last word sounds like gibberish to you, then you're just not dorky enough.

As the host of The Dork Forest podcast, Kashian takes her nerdy obsessions seriously. Every episode finds her bringing another funny guest on to discuss what they nerd out over, and it can be a fascinating peek into areas of dorkdom that you possibly haven't given much thought to.

As a comedian, Kashian has a Midwestern charm that transcends the nerdier aspects of her material. With wordy jokes that are brimming with ideas and blink-and-you'll-miss-them mini-punchlines, Kashian can sometimes come across as a more affable Patton Oswalt. If you haven't seen her or heard her, you're really missing out.

JACKIE KASHIAN, 8 p.m. May 29, 8 and 10:30 p.m. May 30-31, Tacoma Comedy Club, $10-$15, 933 Market St., Tacoma, $10-$15, 253.282.7203

Last year, while watching Ted, I floated a theory that I've since learned is not factually accurate, but may be spiritually true: Seth MacFarlane is a Scientologist. Yes, yes, I know that MacFarlane is an outspoken atheist, but all the warning signs are there. Is he grotesquely wealthy? Yes. Is he shunned by well-respected factions of the comedy community? Yes. Is he apparently good friends with Giovanni Ribisi? Double check.

Only Xenu could've predicted MacFarlane's sudden bid for leading man in live-action comedies, but rules are made to be broken, so I suppose it's high time for a man who can't act to be the romantic opposite of Academy Award-winning actress Charlize Theron. In a genius act of premeditated damage control, MacFarlane even appeared on The Tonight Show to predict the negative reviews his film would receive.

The thing is, what might have come off as a self-effacing bit of humble comedy instead seems like an orange, teeth-capped millionaire trying to trick the public into finding him to be an acceptable presence in the world. Lest we forget, this is the man who sang a song about how he saw the "boobs" of all of the actresses in the audience of an award show, including Jodie Foster's in the brutal rape scene in The Accused. Oh yeah? You saw her boobs? Congrats, dude.

So, what is there to say about this trailer? Now that Mel Brooks is in hiding and at least half of the Zucker brothers is a raving, conservative lunatic, I suppose there are few places to turn to for slapstick genre parody. A Million Ways to Die in the West will do amazing business, and a million souls will feel a sudden pang of emptiness. If there's a heaven, Saint Peter will be standing outside, demanding to see your ticket stubs. God save you if you paid for this garbage.

This just in from concert promoter Live Nation:

Unfortunately, as a result of severe bronchitis, the Lady Gaga performances previously scheduled for this evening - Wed. May 28^th at Seattle's KeyArena and in Vancouver this Friday, May 30th at Rogers Arena are postponed, it was announced today by Live Nation.

Fans are instructed to retain their tickets to these events as they will be valid for the rescheduled performances in each city.  Information on the rescheduled show dates to be announced.

For complete tour and ticket information, visit: www.ladygaga.com or www.livenation.com.