MARK THOMAS DEMING: DOCKYARD DERBY DAMES RECAP >>>

I had no idea...

Tough babes on skates â€" that’s what I expected.  And, yes, there were plenty of tough babes on skates in The Soccer Center last night for bout two of the 2009 Dockyard Derby Dames home season. But there was also a Celtic drum corps.  And calypso dancers. And a crazy speed-freak announcer. And a beer garden.  And a bunch of cowboy bouncers keeping things under wraps. And lots and lots of people.

This is what I love about Tacoma: Weird shit goes on. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on the place, just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you stumble upon something that blows it all to hell. You find some unknown enclave of fanatics. You meet some insane genius. You walk into a building you’ve driven past dozens of times and find a scene from a late-night TBS ‘70s B-flick. The gloomy, rickety old barn is shaking. You half-expect to find a dogfight, or maybe an old-school bare-knuckles match. But instead you find this: Tough babes on skates on a makeshift track. Wearing fishnets. Grunting. Slashing. Crashing. Then the bagpipes start. You see a beer and tray of nachos in your future.  Somehow â€" just like that â€" you too have become this. 

MICHAEL SWAN: MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2009 >>>

1. DJ Jason Diamond spins roots reggae at 9 p.m. as part of The New Frontier Lounge's free "Rebel Monday" night.

2. Chandler O'Leary's To The Letter show at the Collins Memorial Library on the UPS campus.

3. Centered around the book Tacoma is reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: "Around the Kitchen Table" is a community conversation about the food we eat beginning at 7 p.m. inside the Olympic Room at the Tacoma Public Library's downtown branch.

4. Brightwood, Sleep For Sleepers, Span The Circuit, Alpine Vista and Dewey Lybecker perform at an all-ages show at The Viaduct.

5. Rockaraoke at Jazzbones

LINK: Live music and DJs tonight in the South Sound

STEPH DEROSA: GET ON YOUR BAD MOTOR SCOOTER AND RIDE TO THE ACME MONDAY >>>

Much like the critically acclaimed show Mystery Science Theater 3000, which openly ridiculed mediocre science-fantasy movies from 1988 to 1999, the newly formed Tacoma Cult Film Club will honor only the best B-movies one beat-up VCR can handle. Only this time you’re not alone on your Dorito-stained futon laughing at other people’s jokes and cringing at the sight of coagulated, fake ketchup-type blood. This time you’re amongst friends. Friends who are just as cinematically demented as you.

Apparently a partner in the love of cult classic movies is not something that is easy to find. Just ask Mary K. Johnson. It was by accident that she and friend Colin Sannes, best known for emceeing Puget Sound Pizza’s weekend karaoke nights, discovered mutual adoration for all things sci-fi, satire, and lowly graded on the cinematography scale. I say it’s about time these two partnered up with one of my all-time favorite Tacoma bars, The Acme,and offered the rest of society a glimpse at just how fun watching these obscure movies can be with a beer in hand and well more than a handful of people around you.

Ladies and gents, I bring you something new to do on a Monday night. I bring you something FREE. I bring you something you’ve always dreamed of, yet never thought other people enjoyed as much as you â€" I bring you the newly formed Tacoma Cult Film Club. Like I said, it’s free, it’s on a Monday, and it’s at The Acme.

“Each night will entail at least two full length movies â€" based upon a theme â€" plus short subjects, raffles, free popcorn, and general silliness,” explains Sannes. "This month's theme is biker films. Make no mistake, it's unlikely that any of these films will even have been considered for an Oscar, but sometimes, that's exactly what we're looking for.”

I warn you the same, just as Mary K. Johnson has warned me, “Wear your smoking jacket ... you might just meet a nine-foot Manatee”. Oh, if I could only be so lucky.

[The Acme, Monday, April 13, 7 p.m., free, 1310 Tacoma Ave. S., Tacoma, 253.272.1892]

STEVE DUNKELBERGER: A NIGHT IN THE 253 >>>

One of the reasons I dig my gig at the Weekly Volcano is I get to rub shoulders with interesting people. I speak of the fine people of Tacoma rather than the rag's staff, of course.

The weekend was shoulder rubbing over load.

I hopped around Tacoma Saturday absorbing its art and music. The marathon began at Kulture Lab for visual art, artist conversations and-quite frankly - witnessing women barely dressed for Mardi Gras. I was not disappointed on any of those counts. Sons of Ivan rocked the Lab's balcony as I floated like a wanna-be social butterfly.

Next, I dropped by Jazzbones to catch Tim Reynolds of Dave Mathews fame doing what he does best. Wow, women do so love their red wine and dancing. I enjoyed myself.

On the other scale of the musical spectrum, I headed over to Hell's Kitchen to see Agent Orange. If loud is good, the band was great. The crowd surge came and went like a gigolo at a Sting concert.

The night ended with a quick stop at Chopstix to see the battle of the pianos.

Off to bed at 2 a.m. and it was rise and shine at 6 a.m. to walk Chambers Bay during sunrise.

All in a day's work at one of the best alt rags in the free world.

LINK: More photos from my night in Tacoma on MySpace

LINK: Tonight's live music and DJs in the South Sound.

LINK: Wine and beer tastings

LINK: Catch a flick

RON SWARNER: CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE PROPHET OF RAGE >>>

Sure, there was a measure of Jew-baiting and a less-than-high regard for white folk tucked into their albums, but from its inception in the '80s, Public Enemy, through leader Chuck D., exhibited a serious concern for its community and expressed it intelligently. And then there was the sound â€" loud, bombastic, angry and originalâ€" that ruined more than a few sets of my speakers as it demanded to be played at peak volume.

Chuck D. will speak at the Schneebeck Concert Hall on the University of Puget Sound campus at 7:30 p.m. Feb. 4 as part of the university’s celebration of Black History Month. 

Tickets are $10 through the university. Get into the flow at 253.879.3419.

Photo: MySpace

MICHAEL SWAN: HOLY SHIT. I WANT ONE. >>>

Try this if you can't read it.

MICHAEL SWAN: JON STEWART RIPS INTO BUSH >>>

Pres. George Bush hits it hard as though Jan. 20 is the day his album drops.

NATASHA GORBACHEV: THIS JUST IN! >>>

Two local teens from Marysville will be featured on an upcoming episode of MTV's MADE - a show where dreams come true for today's youth. With the help of accomplished subject-matter experts and often celebrities, MADE turns tomboys into beauty pageant queens or jocks into figure skaters.

So, why should you give a rip about the two Marysville gals that will be featured on this show?

The episode will include Tacoma's very own Masa.

MTV was scouting the area, and they asked their confidants here about where they could find a cool restaurant with food that wasn't too terribly expensive. Whoever referred MTV to Tacoma and Masa, THANK YOU!

The filming took place this weekend, and included plenty of food and shots of the girls having fun - not to mention the front of the building. You can also expect to see some of the Masa servers that we all know and love.

MTV would kill me if I spilled the beans on what these girls are being "MADE" into, so instead I'll just say that you should keep an eye out for this episode that will be appearing in March. Very cool.

Until then, Masa has a big week ahead with events that you won't want to miss.

Wednesday: Captain Morgan's college night. The best gal and guy pirates will win prizes.

Thursday: Live music for a winter break and deejay sessions and crew will bust out the classics.

Friday: DJ Girl 6 from Las Vegas will be spinning (arrive early!).

Saturday: Masa Video Lounge upstairs with DJ Niros and crew spinning videos and tunes.

[Masa, 2811 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.254.0560]

LINK: MTV's MADE

MICHAEL SWAN: WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE >>>

My mama was always worried that I'd go off and join the circus. I spent countless hours swinging from the monkey bars. My dream shattered when my jury-rig trapeze contraption ripped from the garage ceiling and smashed the windshield on our 1965 Plymouth Barracuda.

Show over.

I still dream of leaping from the perch, then flying in the knee hang. Unfortunately the only hanging my knees will allow today is against The Brotherhood Lounge’s shuffleboard with a Pabst in hand.

Call it, hell I don’t know what to call it but The Brotherhood will be hosts trapeze artists Wednesday, Dec. 3. The Tallhouse Arts Consortium will be hanging at the hip Olympia bar the first Wednesday of every month. Come join me for a night of acrobatics and aerial dance.

Show on.

[The Brotherhood Lounge, Wednesday, Dec. 3, 8 p.m., no cover but tips are appreciated, 119 Capitol Way N., Olympia, 360.352.4153]

SUZY STUMP: I INTERRUPT MY WORK FOR THIS ANNOUNCEMENT >>>

Here at the Weekly Volcano deadlines hit us like a ton of bricks. Bricks with nails sticking out of them. Rusty nails! Dipped in anthrax! By Frenchmen! The days get hectic is what we’re saying. There’s always a rat-scurry of minor details underfoot, none of them life-changing, all of them requiring attention. So we round them up with one hand while manhandling a 10-pound to-do list with the other. And with our third hand, we answer the phone â€" it’s a publicist with an ill-timed pitch or our youngest son tattling on his brothers. And then our e-mail beeps ...

The Broadway Center interrupts our work with an announcement of new shows for the season.

So we put down the pencils and pens and glue to tell you the following new shows will go on sale Monday, Dec. 1:

k.d. lang will perform in the intimate setting of the Pantages Theater on Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 7:30pm.  Tickets are $68, $88 and $119; the $119 tickets include a complimentary private, pre-party from 5:30-6:30 p.m. at Maxwell's Speakeasy and Lounge.

Theatre Northwest Group will present seven performances of The Final Toast beginning on Feb. 13 at Theatre on the Square.   Tickets are $22 and $34.

Theatre Northwest Group will also present seven performances of Educating Rita beginning on May 15 at Theatre on the Square.  Tickets are $22 and $34.

Defending the Caveman is back in Tacoma April 16-19 at Theatre on the Square.  Tickets are $22 and $34.

Several local blues icons will join forces in A Celebration of Little Bill and the Blue Notes on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at the Rialto Theater.  Tickets are $19, $29 and $50.  The $50 tickets include a VIP Reception prior to the performance.  By the way Little Bill Engelhart kicks ass. His son, Tony, writes for the Weekly Volcano. It’s all good.

Other community events are in the works: the Broadway Center will partner with a local coalition of hip-hop enthusiasts to present a festival of hip-hop in late spring.

Tickets are on sale Nov. 12 to Broadway Center members (how nice!) and on sale Dec. 1 to civilians.  Call 253.591.5894 to join the fun, won’t you?

LINK: ViVA South Sound arts and entertainment guide