NEWS TEAM: WANKERS OF THE DAY >>>

Downtown shooting

Cowardly And Crazy Pilot-Man

Gisele Bundchen’s wedding

Ezra Merkin

JOE MALIK: SCREWING WITH BUYOLOGY >>>

So one of the things about being unemployed is that you don’t make any money. Which sucks. Unemployment insurance, which is supposed to provide enough cash to keep you afloat, doesn’t always do the trick. Most people are drowning in debt, so savings is out.

So what’s left?

Spending less money. It’s weird, I know.

Americans don’t like to save money. They like to spend it. Our national savings rate â€" the amount of money we spend versus the amount we save â€" dipped below zero for the first time in history during the past few years. Most people’s solution to being broke is to figure out how to make more money, rather than simply spending less of it. Our voracious need to buy stuff has a lot to do with the financial disaster we’re in now. I’m not chiding you, dear reader. I’m just sayin’.

So, continually looking for the bright side of this massive financial meltdown, I’ve decided to use my predicament to develop a new habit â€" being frugal. Blissfully and extravagantly frugal. Trust me, with a little ingenuity, being poor can actually be kind of awesome.

It all begins with a cliché â€" figure out the difference between what you want and what you need. As Burroughs is fond of harping, “How long does it take a man to learn that he does not, can not, want what he wants?”

We have an overblown sense of need, largely because we are bombarded by billions of dollars worth of advertising that tells us we need stuff. Literally, there is an entire industry employing some of the brightest minds in the world. Those people are deeply aware of how your head works. They dedicate their time and energy to manufacturing desire - the so-called utopian trace â€" the promise that the next thing you buy will satisfy that sublime itch we all feel. They just never tell you that the people who are selling you the solution are the same ones who created the itch. Oh, and they don’t tell you that you’ll never really be satisfied, no matter how much you buy.

We are well trained, folks. If you don’t believe me, check out Martin Lindstrom, who wrote a book called Buyology about how to exploit awareness of how the human nervous system works to sell us crap. He’s literally written a book about how to brainwash folks to sell them stuff. He’s used the techniques in the book to help McDonald's, Nestle and Microsoft become some of the most powerful and profitable stuff sellers in the world. His most recent book “unveils the results of a….pioneering three-year, $7 million dollar study that used the latest in brain scan technology to peer into the minds of over 2,000 people from around the world.”

It’s kind of funny that Lindstrom’s book was released during a time when a lot of companies won’t be able to put his “pioneering research” into any sort of useful practice.

We have a window, those of us who don’t have enough money to sate the need created by the ambient mind-fuck that Lindstrom and his ilk are transmitting. We have a chance to learn new habits â€" habits that are healthy, habits of our own choosing.

See if you can do it. See if you can find satisfaction without spending money. It may be harder than you think. Of course, more and more of us don’t have a choice….

NEWS TEAM: GOOD MORNING SOUTH SOUND >>>

Sen. Dale Brandland, R-Bellingham, wants his insurance lower … ya know, for all state employees.

University Place cancels golf tournament at Chambers Bay Golf Course due to, ya know, the economy.

We're ready for this to come down: U.S. jobless rate hits 8.5 percent as more than 600,000 jobs are lost in March.

Does this mean we can call them french fries again?

Unlucky Star: Madonna’s attempt to adopt a second child from the African nation of Malawi blocked by court.

Pepa of Salt N Pepa pitches a reality show. We weep for the future.

Hey Google! Over here!

Hey Google! Never mind.

NEWS TEAM: GOOD MORNING SOUTH SOUND >>>

Lakewood City Manager Andrew Neiditz is a wise man.

The University of Washington Tacoma be lovin' the State Senate.

The G-20 overlords are STILL meeting to decide the world’s economic fate. Last time worked SO well.

You will not be able to see theLight come September.

Wake the hell up.

Sweden became a little cooler.

What happens if you sneeze while watching porn?

PAUL SCHRAG: STATE LEVEL CUTS ARE BAD >>>

And you thought the county budget situation was bad.

If Senate Democrats’ budget proposal is any indication, the impacts of proposed cuts at the state level will be deep and widespread â€" felt heavily in education at all levels, in social services, and state employment. What’s more concerning, however, is how cuts by the state will be felt on the local level.

The recently unveiled 2009-2011 budget recommendations would use $3 billion in federal stimulus money, part of Washington’s Rainy Day savings, reallocation of some capital project funds, and a substantial wage freeze for state and public school employees. After all that, they only have to cut an estimated $3.85 billion from various state-funded programs. Under the Senate Dems’ plan, about 7,000 state and public school jobs would be cut, college enrollment would be cut by 10,500, as well as state-run Basic Health funding, and several other state-funded health care programs, including care for state employees. The Basic Health Plan, which serves low-income families, would be cut by $250 million, reducing the number of people covered from 106,000 to 60,000. Funding for public schools would be cut by $1.2 billion. 

Ouch.

Read the rest of my findings on the Weekly Volcano Web site.

NEWS TEAM: GOOD MORNING SOUTH SOUND >>>

Negotiators from the House, Senate and Governor's Office will move back behind closed doors in Olympia to work out a compromise.

Delivering the Weekly Volcano tomorrow is going to suck.

Obama will go to China.

Laughing at the political junkies.

April Fool’s Day no joke in recession.

The Internet sucks on April 1.

Financial Fools: Thousands of G-20 protesters break into the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Looks like we can put away the dried food, duct tape and shotguns.

Flori-duh: Panama City gives the wrinkled hand to Osbournes: Reloaded.

You will be able to lick Homer.

Dorks love this day.

ERIK EMERY HANBERG: BEYOND "MATH AND SCIENCE" >>>

It seems like everyone wants more “math and science” education these days. Echoing a long list of politicians, last week President Obama called math and science education “vital” and noted that “we're falling behind other countries on that front.”

Our community doesn’t only have to worry about falling behind other countries, we don’t want to fall behind other counties. Math and science education that prepares students to use, interact with, and create technology is critical to the long-term prospects of Tacoma and Pierce County.

Fortunately, our colleges and universities are up to the task.

Andrew Fry, an instructor at the Institute of Technology at University of Washington, Tacoma, said that they are seeing “record enrollment.”

Mary Jane Kelly, one of his former students, didn’t know the first thing about computers when she started at the Institute. “When I started my first programming class, I was clueless,” she said. “I had no idea about anything computer-related except that there was a magical box that would run MS Word and Excel and if you did things right you could get on the Internet.”

After some initially difficult classes Kelly eventually hit her stride. She became interested in cyber security--the art of defending against hackers and ne’er-do-wells and keeping computers safe--and joined a cyber security club on campus. Eventually she became its president. She landed an internship at a cyber security company and turned it into a job in the field.

Kelly, who has since moved on to another security consulting job, loves what she does so much that she volunteered at her alma mater this past weekend, helping with a “Cyber Defense Competition,” where a team of students attempts to hack into the website and servers of another team of students. The days of thinking about her computer as a magic box are long gone.

Perhaps just as important as teaching students to be programmers or computer experts are classes that use technology to teach other subjects.

Andy Duckworth, Director of eLearning for Tacoma Community College, told me about some of the creative ways TCC faculty is bringing technology into the classroom.

One beginning level English class created video reports instead of writing final papers. (Those reports have been uploaded to iTunes U, where they are free to the public.) One group reported on public opinion about gay rights; another about celebrity and media influence over consumers. Duckworth said that the students were truly engaged with the project. “These are skills they will be able to use later,” he said. “It’s about more than just editing video.”

Duckworth told me about another instructor who set up an emergency room in the online world Second Life. He programmed a virtual patient to display symptoms for nursing students to observe, diagnose, and treat. It might not be the same as being in a real ER, but it’s a good way to test a student’s knowledge before he or she sees a flesh-and-blood patient.

Listening to Fry, Kelly, and Duckworth, I was heartened to hear that “math and science” education was about more than just calculus equations and chemistry labs. It’s about taking math, science, and technology and applying it in ways that will help students with future jobs and careers.

ABOUT HAZARDOUS BUSINESS: Erik Emery Hanberg's Hazardous Business column - which looks at the business of technology and the environment in Tacoma and the South Sound, and how it will shape our future, appears every other Tuesday here on Spew. For previous Hazardous Business columns, click here.

NEWS TEAMS: GOOD MORNING SOUTH SOUND >>>

House Democrats think State Senate is nuts.

Gregoire nixes WASL’s math test.

L8R House Bill 2029
 
More than 200 African migrants believed dead after a boat capsized.

Want to be all that you can be? You can’t fatty!

Ghostbusters 3 is a go, with the original cast on board!

Word of the Day: Pwned

JOE MALIK: LET 'EM SUFFER >>>

So Wall Street built on a major rally this week as bits of good news began to bolster investor confidence, giving stock traders an excuse to start buying again. The Wall Street Journal reports that Best Buy Co. and ConAgra Foods Inc. are selling well. And I could care less. In fact, it concerns me. Why would I be concerned about the stock market making a come back?

Well….

Earlier this week I was pulled over by a Tacoma motorcycle cop. Apparently my mad hustle this past month distracted from the fact that I needed to renew my license tabs. The officer is required to hand out citations for outdated tabs, but when I told him my situation, he told me how to push out the payment schedule and get the fine cut to about $25, which would cover court costs. He gave me a sympathetic smile when he handed me the green slip. It’s the first time in my life I actually felt good about getting a ticket. When I read about this Wall Street rally, I began to wonder. What will happen when stocks are stable again? What happens when the clouds pass? Will acts of kindness like this fade? Will we slide comfortably back into daily routines, where everyday acts of charity and goodness are simply too much trouble?

I sure hope not. Because the more I read, the more I realize what’s happening to people in the face of this protracted disaster.

A police officer in New Hampshire, for example, chose not to arrest a man who was caught shoplifting sandwiches. The man admitted to stealing the sandwiches, and said he had done so because he was homeless and hungry. After convincing his superiors not arrest the man, officer Jeffery Wholley bought the would-be jailbird the sandwiches he had been trying to steal. Wholley received a letter of commendation from his boss, and Cumberland Farms followed up this week with a donation of $1,000 in Wholley's honor to the Laconia Police Relief Fund and $2,500 to the New Hampshire Food Bank.

In Boston, a group of families are hosting birthday parties for kids in homeless shelters. The group calling itself Birthday Wishes brings cake, goodie bags and planned activities for kids staying in Bean Town shelters. So far, more than 1000 kids have celebrated a birthday that probably would have sucked otherwise.

A pharmacist in Alabama, meanwhile, gave his staff $16,000 in bonuses to help stimulate the local economy. And here’s the really cool part â€" he required his employees to spent 15 percent of the bonuses on charity, and demanded that the rest be spent locally. He paid them all in $2 bills so they would be noticed as people passed them from hand to hand.

In Bell County Los Angeles, a group of citizen volunteers organized a push to help a local food bank shore up its stock. Fliers distributed about a local food program’s extreme shortage led to 3,000 pounds of food flooding in.

In Illinois, Dr. Gary Turpin placed a small ad in a newspaper saying he would treat, for free, all of his regular patients who had lost their jobs.

Now I’m not getting sappy about this stuff; if for no other reason than my belief that charity and goodness shouldn’t be made a spectacle of. Acts of kindness shouldn’t be accompanied by a press release, if you know what I mean. Like in the stories above, charity and acts of good will belong in the realm of every day life. If there’s an upside to this damn recession, it’s that people are moved to help in simple, small, gloriously inspiring ways. For real, let the fucking stock brokers struggle some more. I’m kind of digging all this humanity.

LINK: PREVIOUS UNEMPLOYED IN TACOMA COLUMNS ON SPEW

MATT DRISCOLL: HAD TOO MUCH TO THINK LAST NIGHT >>>