RON SWARNER: OH NO YOU DIDN'T! >>>

Some chick named Ashley, who's apparently from Tacoma, and also is featured on the Oxygen Network's Bad Girls Club - will be at Jazzbones tonight throwing back $4 vodkas. 

I'm almost certain they're not filming the action. If they are, I'm counting on you, South Sound ,to check out this action and offer it a version of yourself that maybe I will enjoy seeing transformed into "reality." I expect nothing less. Or more.

[Jazzbones, 280 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169]

STEPH DEROSA: LINK MANIA >>>

Wow's Etc. has the amazing ability to make people forget they have anything important to do. When The KAke and I stop in for a quick drink we seem to re-arrange our priorities. All of the sudden that crucial errand she had to run can wait, and those 600 words about my own degree of existentialism can be written some other time. Pappi Swarner's deadlines mean nothing to me at this point, I'm at Wow's Lush Rush¬" OK?

En route to Wow's lavatory, one must shimmy between whomever is sitting at the bar and whomever is loading change into the jukebox. The typical Wow's patron will stand obsessively at the jukebox while proudly singing and dancing to every Led Zeppelin choice that dollar would buy. It's moments like this I wish I had my video camera. Dammit! Another fine moment not showcased on YouTube.

I love YouTube. There are some extremely hilarious videos cataloged within the depths of this wondrous Web site. As I rest in Wow's restroom, I remind myself of past favorite videos. I'm not talking about the gross ones or the ones that poke fun at the obese kid screaming on a roller coaster. I'm talking about simple and pure entertainment. I'm talking about the clever shit. And don't worry, none of these are Rickrolls.   

One of my favorite set of comedic men is Barats and Bereta. These yahoos are Gonzaga alumni, and they make me giggle like a naughty schoolgirl. Check out the timeless classic Mother's Day. Some of my other favorites are Bible in a Minute, Completely Uncalled For, and my favorite: Kayne Hands.

I'll embarrassingly admit that even my 6-year-old likes Kanye West. Her favorite song is Stronger,and I let her jam out to the radio-edited version on occasion. Don't judge me. Hell, I saw Grease in the movie theaters when I was 5. It wasn't until I was in college that I realized the true meaning behind the song Greased Lightning.So I doubt very seriously she will catch what Kanye means when he says, Play secretary I'm the boss tonight.

Of course Barats and Bereta's Kanye Hands video is one of the many video responses to the ever popular Daft Hands¬" Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. That dude made it big time with his little ol YouTube video. He OWNED the talk show circuit after his video his the Internetz. My other favorite Daft Hands versions are Wellesly Rugby Team, and the male version of Daft Bodies. Mmmmmmm¦hot men.

Another favorite old YouTube standby is Okay Go, but not the treadmill one. That one's cool, check out Ok Go's Million Ways to be Cruel. The treadmill video of Here it Goes Again was not initially supposed to be posted on YouTube. But after it ultimately hit the Internet video circuit the song became instantaneously popular, so Ok Go let it stay. Even high school talent shows took on the fantastic fitness routine. It was YouTube that shoved them into the limelight, so instead of fighting, Ok Go embraced YouTube.

Anyone who knows me also knows at times I like to act 12-years-old again. Really immature humor makes my sides buckle, and toilet humor always makes me double over with laughter. Mr. Methane has raw, unbridled talent that can only be captured by posting a video on YouTube. You also have to see Stoned Firefighter, and Furniture Sex.

Charlie the Unicorn is phenomenal, and it shocks me that it has yet to sweep the Oscars.

ESPN has cornered the market on comedic commercials. They're brilliant in every way. One fan has dedicated an entire YouTube channel to said commercials. I gotta say, though, being a Texas A&M fan my favorite is this one.

Jon Lajolie has some funny stuff going on like Show me Your Genitals and Not Giving a Fuck. In really bad taste one can even venture into videos like Rapist Glasses and Pedophile Beard.

Now in even WORST taste one can watch a retched video (which I refuse to link) called 2 Girls 1 Cup and then post the video of your reaction. Best reaction I've seen so far is the Grandma Reaction. 2 Girls 1 Cup is a pornographic video of two girls eating each other's poop and vomit. I don't recommend anyone watching the original pornographic video.

Was the last paragraph out of line? I think not, seeing as how this IS Toilet Tales.

And that, my friends, was the Steph DeRosa guided tour of YouTube. There's so much more out there¬" get online and click away. You'll never know what you'll run into.

LINK: Weekly Volcano's Video Hot Spot

Several things have occurred to Bobble Tiki since he stopped watching television:
1. He still sees Marcia Brady when he closes his eyes.
2. Poor Gilligan was kept down by the man.
3. Rosie O'Donnell killed Bobble Tiki's Betty Rubble fantasy. (Mostly)
4. Everything useful Bobble Tiki knows he learned from watching cartoons.

Bobble Tiki just might turn the tube on again as he has learned  The Rolling Stones' Mick Jagger is in talks to star in a sitcom pilot screened by ABC.  Mr. Jumpin' Jack Flash's part will be as a man who becomes the target of a robbery by a group of blue collars in New York.
Jeff Goldblum was originally touted for the role, but his bug eyes freaks everyone out. - Bobble Tiki

Spring is in the air, bitches. You know what that means.

Spring Break!

While it's been a long, long, long time since I've watched any real MTV, I can almost guarantee readers that I know exactly what the channel's programming is going to consist of for close to the next month. It'll be the good stuff: girls in tiny bikinis, guys sweating testosterone, beer, and debauchery - otherwise known as the American institution of Spring Break.

If there's one thing college kids need, you know, it's a break. Partying on campus and the redundancy of keg stands in your own neighborhood just take a toll.  These kids deserve it.

And lucky for you, not rich enough to travel to Florida, too old for college, or just man enough to admit you'd rather watch the whole thing on television, MTV will probably have you covered.  It's events like this that television was created for.