WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Teri Hatcher has teamed up with Disney Family to launch her own women's lifestyle Web site. I bet women are so pumped.

Crosscut wrote about unsolved Northwest mysteries.

This is only half of CNN.

As technology screws with their livelihoods, 18,000 rickshaw drivers in India remain loyal to their jobs despite warnings.

A hotel custodian calls in a bomb threat so he could have a day off.

Happy birthday Slow Hand!

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

After escaping last week to Texas - the land of Oak wilt, Lone Star Beer and George W. Bush - I'm back this week with what's sure to be another enthralling installment of The Prefunk.

How could it not be? "Enthralling" is The Prefunk's middle name.

For those unschooled in the whimsical methods of The Prefunk, here's how it works: Every Friday I choose a couple events happening over the weekend and provide suggestions for ways to prime you and your liver for them - in classic Prefunk fashion. Prefunking, after all, is the art of partying before the party - and it's this madness that The Prefunk is based on.

Then, to top it all off, I include a picture of a household pet drinking beer - the drunken icing on the drunken Prefunk cake.

Here we go...

KEITH SWEAT @ The Emerald Queen Casino

Saturday, March 27

If you're anything like me, you feel oppressed by shirt buttons - they're just always there, always trying to keep my sexy-ass chest down.

Keith Sweat feels me on this - I'm certain. There's a reason 75 percent of Keith Sweat photos available online feature unbuttoned dress shirts - the man's silky (dare I say Sweaty) chest just can't be contained.

On Saturday, proudly announcing his membership in the annals of hip-hop's gone-but-not-forgotten, Sweat will swagger into Tacoma for a performance at the Emerald Queen Casino. It's an evening that seems certain to be "Twisted".

PREFUNK: Sweat's musical resume was built in the ‘90s, so it's only appropriate to pay tribute to the bygone era before heading out the EQC.

Here are a few suggestions:

Freshen up on the first season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Carlton jokes still hold water today.

Get your belly button pierced.

Get the "Rachel" haircut from Friends.

Can you say "Hypercolor"?

Dig out that old Kriss Kross record.

Log onto dial up AOL

Go to a rave.

Play Magic the Gathering

EASTER BUNNY PHOTOS @ The South Hill Mall

Sunday, March 28

You knew the Easter Bunny wouldn't stand it for long. Constantly relegated to second-class holiday icon status, the Easter Bunny watched for years and years as Santa Claus ate up all the good mall photography action. The Easter Bunny just sat there - all fluffy - biding its time, munching on carrots, and silently plotting revenge.

Well, the Easter Bunny mall infiltration is upon us, and this Sunday, a week before "He is Risen" once again, the Easter Bunny will hop up to the South Hill Mall in Puyallup for a day full of fun photo-ops for the kiddies. Be there, be square.

PREFUNK: Did you know Peeps pack a buzz? Well, they do - trust us. Just like that kid at sixth grade camp that got drunk off mouthwash in attempt to illustrate his maturity, if you down four or five boxes of yellow marshmallow bunny rabbits you will start to feel a little messed up. It's awesome. Trust us. And it'd be a great way to get your Sunday at the South Hill Mall off to a good start. Trust us.

Until next week...

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

It's Sarah Jessica Parker's birthday! Square Pegs!

How Republicans learned to stop worrying and love climate change denial.

US Marines find themselves in a difficult situation: If they destroy opium crop fields, they may very well likely lose the support of Afghanis. Awkward.

Check out this parody of music biopics about parody king Weird Al Yankovic.

WHAT WE FOUND TODAY >>>

Courtney Love has issued a heartfelt apology online to Billy Corgan.

The health care vote is coming. Details of the final bill.

Punk hacker, meet punk'd hack: discuss.

Don't call 911 to get 411 on a bartender.

Scientists show off real invisibility cloak.

Producer sues Lady Gaga.

WHAT WE'VE FOUND TODAY >>>

How on earth did we miss this: Barbie Mad Men dolls!

Massive aftershocks rock Chile during presidential inauguration.

Proposed education guidelines would, for the first time, create national standards for all American students.

OMG! The new Twilight: Eclipse trailer. Yes. Yes! YES!

WHAT WE'VE FOUND TODAY >>>

Nerd Alert! Whatever happened to the cast of Revenge of the Nerds?

RIP: Cory Haim

Rosemary Ponnekanti reports that MLKBallet founding director Kate Monthy will move after MOVE! #16.

The Weekly Volcano's jetpacks are ready.

X Sigma Partners LLC introduced a new iPhone app 'Tiger Text," inspired by the Tiger Woods scandal, which allows users to permanently delete texts that have already been sent.

Fuhgeddaboudit being mayor. Mayor Pringle of Belmar, N.J., announces that he will not run for re-election this November after 20 years of office, after he made fun of Jersey Shore guidos in his blog.

Bank of America is ending overdraft fees on debit cards. Really?

Seriously? Halpert from The Office is playing Captain America?

WHAT WE FOUND TODAY >>>

Nestle is giving away five new Golden Tickets inside their new line of candy bars. Instead of touring the Nestle factory, winners will get a free trip around the world and $12,500 to buy chocolates!

Kingdom of the Little People is populated by small adults in fairy costumes.

The disastrous wave of earthquakes continues in Taiwan, which recorded a 6.4 magnitude quake on Thursday. So far, no one has been reported killed.

A man was arrested when his plane "touched" down in Denver for masturbating next to his female seatmate, whom he didn't know. For the record: If you do it by yourself, you have not joined the Mile High Club.

Why are acting awards still based on gender?

It's Catherine O'Hara's birthday!

MICHAEL SWAN: TUESDAY, AUG. 11, 2009 >>>

1. Captain America visits Comic Book Ink from 9-11 p.m. after a full day of massive discounts as part of Marvel's 70th Birthday Party.

2. Jewelry artist Nancy Worden incorporates non-traditional materials such as seed pods and plastic hair curlers into her jewelry to tell a story from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Tacoma Art Museum.

The Makedonians perform an all-ages show at 7 p.m. in front of the fireplace at The Mandolin Café

Jazz saxophonist Kareem Kandi hosts an open mic tonight at 7 p.m. inside SAX Restaurant and Lounge.

Ralph Porter hosts Ha Ha Tuesdays with guest comic Roy Haber at 8 p.m. inside Jazzbones.

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: Local movie starting times

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

Why? ... Why? ... Bye?

MICHAEL SWAN: OPRAH SIGNS ON TOMORROW >>>

Oprah announced, via her her Facebook page today, that she will send her first tweet tomorrow on air. As of this writing, the Twitter username @oprah has 36,120 followers, all anxiously awaiting her first 140 character announcement.

Will this change Twitter?