GRAB A COFFEE POT AND READ THE MORNING REPORT FOR 8.6.14 >>>

U.S. officials prepared to fly the body of a two-star general slain in an Afghan "insider attack" back home, as a similar attack saw an Afghan police officer drug and shoot dead seven of his colleagues, authorities said.

Who assassinated Maj. Gen. Harold Greene?

History of U.S. generals killed in combat.

The Obama administration needs to boost its military support to Iraq's Kurdish minority, which has suffered a string of setbacks in the last several days battling a Sunni militant group, according to key members of Congress.

Russia has amassed around 20,000 combat-ready troops on Ukraine's eastern border and could use the pretext of a humanitarian or peace-keeping mission to invade.

The U.S. sent a small team of troops to Ukraine to aid in recovery operations for the victims of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17.

A Senate committee is holding up a plan to shift $100 million to an Air Force space-launch program, telling the service to devise a plan for a new liquid rocket engine.

A government database of known or suspected terrorists doubled in size in recent years, The Associated Press has learned. The growth is the result of intelligence agencies submitting names more often after a near-miss attack in 2009.

Paul Wolfowitz, a former senior George W. Bush official and one of the chief Iraq War architects, said the U.S. "won" the war in Iraq.

The ISIS online campaign luring Western girls to Jihad.

Leading experts in military combat-vehicle research, engineering and design gathered to discuss a single goal: reducing the weight of the Army's tanks and infantry fighting vehicles by 40 percent in the coming decades.

It's a banner year for the Air Force with the Department of Energy recently announcing that service won a lion's share of 2014 Federal Energy Management Program awards.

Court: Leaders not liable for subordinates' bad decisions.

Three current Blue Angels pilots are among the commissioned officers who circulated pornographic messages and photographs among themselves and to other members of the elite flight team, according to copies of phone texts that were part of a recent Navy investigation.

Special Agents from the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Command, commonly known as CID, are once again warning internet users worldwide about cyber criminals involved in an online crime that CID has dubbed "the Romance Scam."

Abandoned Soviet forced labor camp oddly turns into one of the most enjoyable beaches ever.

Are these the best movie fight scenes ever? You will watch all 11:20 minutes of this.

Ooh, it's an oral history of The Wonder Years.

Glamour has a video feature about The Daily Show's Jessica Williams and Samantha Bee.

What?: "chillax" and "vlog" have been added to the Scrabble dictionary.

Finally: Peter Dinklage, a mullet and a bazooka.

Did Louie C.K. shrink?

LINK: Original photo by Lance Cpl. Sullivan Laramie

FRIDAY, AUG. 8: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

Now, Michael Bay has become death, destroyer of worlds. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it's the fastest road to the emotional truth of a sea of nerds seeing what he's done to their beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There's a point that comes in every nerd's life when he or she must confront the fact that Donatello has a nose and lips, now, and there's nothing anyone can do or say to stop it. This threshold has arrived, and we must all take a long, hard look in the mirror come this Friday, when the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles splats onto the big screen. We must, at long last, admit to ourselves that we are truly the ones who are at fault.

We made Michael Bay too powerful, and now he cannot be stopped. Much like Super Shredder at the end of The Secret of the Ooze, Michael Bay has mutated into a monster after coming into contact with toxic sludge (the millions of dollars we have nonsensically decided to give him over the years), and we are powerless to defend ourselves from his rampage. Also, like Super Shredder, I suspect Bay is secretly being puppeted by professional wrestler Kevin Nash.

If we are to rejoice - which we are not, but imagine if we were - we would take solace in the fact that Michael Bay eventually backed away from his threat to forego the mutant angle of it all, and to make the turtles aliens, which is what he had previously dangled over a helpless nation. He's like a super villain with a weather machine who, instead of ravaging the world with an eternal winter, eventually just decided to make it rain really hard for a year. Thank god for small miracles.

On a related note, please do inform me when Michael Bay literally does make a weather machine. It's only a matter of time, and I need to get a heavy coat.

SONY TO MAKE FEMALE SUPERHERO MOVIE

In an effort to end on a bright note, I bring you tentative news from the folks at Sony. After years of people getting more and more frustrated wondering why none of the pantheon of female superheroes have been given their own movie in our current glut of comic book movies (we're just gonna forget about Elektra), Sony has come forward to announce that they intend on padding out Spider-Man's already busy franchise with a film focused on one of Spidey's female associates.

While there's still no word as to what character will take the mantle, the film is already scheduled to arrive in 2017. Still, there's no shortage of women in Peter Parker's life, so it's now time for probably a year or two of idle speculation about who the film will center on. Black Cat seems like the early frontrunner, what with her appearance in the latest Amazing Spider-Man movie, but it's all still up in the air. Even so, it'd be nice for us to get a woman as the lead in a superhero movie, as opposed to just falling back on Black Widow's presence in Marvel movies to justify the disparity.

TUESDAY, AUG. 5 2014 >>>

1. As the last month of summer begins, it's time to step outside your air-conditioned oasis and take some time to appreciate your neighborhood. Or as this practice is referred to around the country, National Night Out, the one evening a year in which law enforcement, citizens, business owners and local officials come together to heighten crime awareness and build community morale. But more than that, NNO is a time when neighbors can come together and celebrate while enjoying free bitchin' entertainment. The Bridge, the new cooperative parish of the United Methodist Church at 56th and South Puget Sound, will host a street party, food, games and the musical stylings of Jason Kertson, Strangely Alright, Sleepy Pilot and Antihero from 6-10 p.m. Crime prevention and live music? It's a win-win situation!

2. Feed your brain at 1:40 and 7 p.m. when The Grand Cinema screens Decoding Annie Parker, an educational film about the proactive choices some women are making regarding breast cancer.

3. Pack your snacks, blankets and lawn chairs and head to Peoples Center for a free outdoor screening of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 at 5 p.m. Movie sponsor Click! Network in partnership with Metro Parks Tacoma are also bringing in jazz musician Michael Powers. So really expect clear skies with a good chance of awesome jazz.

4. Ever since the Westside Tavern won the Tournament of Burgers and Hana Klimek was named Server of the Week, the real estate agents representing Olympia's Westside have been inundated with inquiries. The Westside is happening, but that's not news to those who live up on the hill. If you want proof, drop by the Tuesday West Olympia Farmers Market from 4-7 p.m. In addition to an awesome selection of local vendors, this season features live music, raffles and special events. Drop by for fresh produce, baked goods, pastured poultry and meats, flowers, veggie starts and crafts.

5. Folksy, folk-writing folk hero John Denver - born Henry John Deutschendorf Jr. - died Oct. 12, 1997, when the experimental plane he was flying crashed into Monterey Bay off the coast of California. Tonight at 6:30 p.m. in the Red Wind Casino fans both casual (which way to the slots?) and rabid (dude, "Rocky Mountain High"!) will cheer on Ted Vigil - born Ted Vigil - as he pays tribute to Denver - both visually and musically.

LINK: Tuesday, Aug. 5 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, AUG. 3 2014 >>>

1. Little Bill Engelhart grew up on Hilltop Tacoma and learned rock 'n' roll by playing rhythm and blues with the black musicians downtown, which was unusual for a young white kid at the time. He formed a band with some of his teenage friends and had a national hit when he was 19 titled "I'm in Love with an Angel." The Washington Blues Society has awarded him numerous awards, including best band; best bass player, best blues writer and lifetime achievement award. He is a legendary Northwest blues musician and perhaps the Godfather of rock 'n' roll in Tacoma. He and his band, the Bluenotes, will perform on Johnny's Dock Restaurant's deck at 5 p.m.

2. The first annual Destiny City Film Festival ends today at the Blue Mouse Theatre in Tacoma's Proctor District. "Closing night is Copenhagen (7 p.m.), and I just loved watching that movie," says DCFF founder Emily Alm. "It's one of the best I've reviewed this year. That won Audience Award for Best Narrative Feature at Slamdance, earlier this year." For today's films, click here.

3. The Lakewood Asian Film Fest ends today with two films as well as a performance by the Okinawa Taiko Drummers at 2 p.m. inside the Lakewood Playhouse. At 2:30 p.m. is a short documentary titled All We Could Carry, which tells the story of several Japanese-Americans who lived in the Heart Mountain relocation camp during World War II, a time when more than 100,000 Japanese-Americans were forced into internment camps with literally only what they could hold in their arms. At 3 p.m., The Front Line will follow, which is a Korean film following a South Korean army unit ordered to capture one last bit of land before the Korean War ceasefire goes into place. The film won best film, best director and several other awards.

4. The Social Bar and Grill's patio is a lovely spot to while away a weekend afternoon, sipping cocktails and old world red wine and watching condo residents walk their dogs. Come Sunday afternoon, resident DJ Mr. Melanin and rotating guests spin an eclectic and extremely tasteful selection of lounge, bossa nova and electro soul music 2-6 p.m. This triple threat of delicious happy hour specials, sun and hip tunes is known as Tacoma's only daytime summer party, "Dayclub."

5. Tacoma Comedy Club presents "Five Comic Showcase" with Jonas Barnes, Mike Coletta, Andrew Rivers, Brian Moote and MC Luke Severid beginning at 8 p.m.

LINK: Sunday, Aug. 3 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, AUG. 1 2014 >>>

1. From Aug. 1-3, the Lakewood Asian Film Fest will screen inside the Lakewood Playhouse. This year, there will be four films, each complete with the requisite movie popcorn and other refreshments, as well as a special live performance before each film that will set the stage and bring an extra edge of arts to each evening. Read Kristin Kendle's full feature on the Lakewood Asian Film Fest in the Music and Culture section, then catch tonight's film, Kahaani, an Indian murder mystery abouta London woman's journey to Calcutta in search of her missing husband. The show starts at 7:30 p.m., but show up early and catch the Chang Hee Sook Women Drummers at 7 p.m. as well as a display in the lobby by the Philippine Scouts Historical Society.

2. Spaceworks Tacoma is proud to announce the grand opening of four new businesses at the corner of South 10th and Martin Luther King Jr. Way.  The celebration of Concrete Market, The Tshirt Men Company, SPUN Clay Arts Studio & Gallery and DubCity Studios will be from 5-9 p.m. Each business will host an open house and offer a variety of awesomeness for customers.

3. The Blues Power Revue - "Jake and Elwood" and a seven-piece band - will play a dynamite show at Port Plaza in downtown Olympia from 7-8:30 p.m. The seasoned musicians and impersonators offer all the hits and humor that made the American cultural icons.

4. Yonatan Gat was recently voted "Best Guitarist of 2013" by the Village Voice. There. Now go to the show. More? Formerly of the Israeli garage rock powerhouses, Monotonix, Gat has turned his eyes to the far corners of musical expression. Incorporating a dizzying variety of cultural influences - tropicalia, Middle Eastern music, psych rock, blistering punk, African pop - Gat has emerged as a chameleonic interpreter of rock 'n' roll in its many shifting forms. Catch him with Arrington de Dionyso and Calvin Johnson at 8 p.m. in Northern.

5. Just as turntablism - the art of playing records - has made an instrument out of a medium, the movement's DJs have made the transition from enablers to performers. Tonight's "Smart People" event, organized by Tacoma's Mr. Melanin, seeks to put a little stress on that assumption by presenting DJs in an improvised setting, touching on R&B and electronica, bringing in indie rock, house and disco. Dancing is awesome, but you'll catch yourself gazing at the turntable skills of Mr. Melanin and theMAYOR. It's OK. It really begins at 9:55 p.m. at The New Frontier Lounge.

LINK: Friday, Aug. 1 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

TUESDAY, JULY 29 2014 >>>

1. Local Southern rockers SweetKiss Momma has been asked by their European press agency and tour company Teenage Head Music to produce a video for the song "Dirty Uncle Deezer." The band grabbed Tacoma super videographer Kris Crews and will shoot the video at 8 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge. Of course, concert videos are cooler with a crowd laughing, cheering and drinking. If laughing, cheering and drinking isn't enticing enough, SweetKiss Momma will be raffling off two spots on their guest list to Friday's Watershed Festival, a show at the Gorge that sold out in 20 minutes. Here is the Facebook event for tonight's video party.

2. A sensorial stunner that transcends space and time, Manakamana is a ride that showcases the awesome grandeur of nature and the contradictions of contemporary Nepalese life. Via cable car, the film takes us up and down one of the vast valleys of Trisuli in the Gorkha district of Nepal, where the famous Manakamana Temple attracts pilgrims and tourists from the world over. These rides unfold in real-time, revealing a subtle interplay among passengers and landscape ... at 1:35 and 6:40 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.

3. Sinatra-esque crooner Chris Anderson will take to the outdoors, hitting all the notes and making the ladies swoon in the process as part of Gig Harbor's Summer Sounds series from 7-8:30 p.m. at Skansie Brothers Park. Anderson has repeatedly proven to offer a throwback good time.

4. Stephen Steinbrink's music is pristinely recorded, gorgeously melancholy folk-pop. Immaculate harmonies and chiming guitars bridge the gaps between Beatles-esque pop, CSNY's tuneful folk and the Shins' serenely modern drift. There's a stately reserve to the music of Stephen Steinbrink that lends it a classic feeling, and the feeling of an instant classic. Catch him with Whales Wailing and Johanna Warren at 8 p.m. in Northern.

5. Comrades could just as easily be called adventurers as opposed to a band. Since forming in 2009, the trio - with married couple Joe and Laura McElroy at their core - have traversed North America countless times, exploring many off the beaten path locales and playing their unique brand of mostly instrumental music for anyone willing to listen, including an all-ages 8 p.m. show at Le Voyeur.

LINK: Tuesday, July 29 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Still incensed for Tatiana Maslany, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

FRIDAY, AUG. 1

I admit it: I resisted the Guardians of the Galaxy bug as long as I could. Trisyllabic trees? Chris Pratt as a leading man named, of all things, "Star-Lord?" Space raccoons?! In spite of my lifelong devotion to space opera from Asimov's Foundation to Brian K. Vaughan's Saga, I found Guardians' teaser trailer silly and its action unpersuasive. Then the first screening was followed by a barrage of tweeted accolades. OK, well, fanboys get overexcited sometimes. (I myself was once temporarily duped by an advance crew screening into thinking Roland Emmerich's Godzilla was worth a flying frak. These things happen.) As I write this, though, major critics have begun weighing in, and RottenTomatoes.com has Guardians of the Galaxy at a staggering 100 percent positive. I can no longer maintain my skeptical stance. We appear to be looking at this summer's Avengers, a four-quadrant supernova that'll soon be part of our cultural mythos.

So here, then, is your Guardians backstory. Their first appearance (in January 1969) was in a clip-show comic, Marvel Super-Heroes, in which 31st-century "Vance Astro" and company fought an alien species alongside a chrono-ported Captain America. That team lasted through 1980, then was revived for a few months in the early '90s. They were followed by a new team, the one seen in the movie, which was compiled from existing minor characters in May of 2008. (The print Guardians add Adam Warlock and Phyla-Vell, aka Quasar.) Whether the movie hews closely to that modern comic storyline, which also features Cosmo the telepathic dog and Bug the Galactic Warrior, remains to be seen. We are sure that Thanos, a death-worshipping warlord first glimpsed in The Avengers, will turn up, as will a 1969 Guardian named Yondu Udonta. Both are fun to say while trying to keep a straight face.

If you knew none of those factoids five minutes ago, you're not alone. I had to look them up, and I read every issue of Entertainment Weekly cover to cover and keep half a toe in the comics scene as well. My overriding point is this: Marvel appears to have hit one out of the park yet again. Oh, but hey, DC! I'm sure your Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will be, you know, a thing we can watch.

In two years. Way to go.

SATURDAY, AUG. 2

Following directly on the iPad-generated tail fins of Sharknado 2: The Second One, Syfy proudly (are we sure about that?) presents Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda Saturday at 9. This is not a stellar week for TV, folks. If, then, you're sitting around the crizznib looking for something to do, might I suggest rooting through your cable provider's movie rental offerings for a little feature called Snowpiercer? Yes, I'm referring to that South Korean sci-fi action flick, which you may not realize was shot almost entirely in English. Hell, its star is Chris Evans, better known as Vance Astro's super-patriotic pal. Uncertain how to market the film to Americans, mega-producer Harvey Weinstein settled on concurrent theatrical and pay-per-view distribution. Director Bong Joon-ho, best known here for his awesome (and eco-friendly!) monster movie The Host, has clearly been studying the collected works of Terry Gilliam. I describe Snowpiercer as Brazil meets Dredd with a side of bulgogi. A Facebook friend countered with "Jean-Pierre Jeunet meets The Matrix Reloaded with a special act-three rewrite by Damon Lindelof." That works, too, but paints an unflattering portrait the film doesn't deserve. It's fairer to say it's bananas in the best possible way. Like Innerspace or Tampopo, it's so inventively bonkers it may be wedged in my noggin for years to come. Watch for blissfully over-the-top performances from Tilda Swinton and Sex Bob-Omb percussionist Alison Pill. It's worth an eight-buck rental, I can promise you that.

I'm writing this on the eve of my wife Amanda Stevens' 30-mumbleth birthday. Oncoming 40s be damned, she's still the coolest geek grrl I ever met, so we'll be spending part of it in Seattle for The Book of Mormon. Hasa diga eebowai, honey! That means "happy birthday," right?

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may your Groot costume go over huge at Comic-Con 2015.

GRAB A CUP AND READ THE MORNING REPORT FOR 7.23.2014 >>>

Israeli forces pounded Gaza, meeting stiff resistance from Hamas Islamists, as U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry pushes ceasefire talks.  

The costly Iron Dome missile defense system is proving its worth and the need for laser missile defense systems.

To deter Hamas, the military plans to destroy the homes of Palestinians accused of violence - displacing families in the process.

Hamas won't back down. And Israel refuses to stop until it feels the job is done. What is Israel's endgame in Gaza?

Senior U.S. intelligence officials said Russia was responsible for "creating the conditions" that led to the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, but they offered no evidence of direct Russian government involvement.

Russian statements expressing skepticism that the U.S. can produce satellite images showing a surface-to-air missile shooting down the Malaysia Airlines jet on July 17 shows 'desperation' on Russia's part.

Brits investigating assassination of the spy who warned us about Putin.

A bipartisan group of lawmakers is urging President Obama to do more to prevent the French government from selling warships to Russia after the crash of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17.

China's recent unrelenting drive to use coercive and intimidating state power, short of direct application of military force, to advance control of disputed territory in the East China Sea and the South China Sea poses a major problem for the United States.

Shadow Wars: U.S. military - with its signature aircraft carriers, submarines, jet fighters and heavily armored vehicles - may be too deeply invested in very expensive capabilities poorly designed to deal effectively with these new threats.

Budget cuts are forcing the Pentagon to send "pink slips" to thousands of military personnel, including some currently serving in Afghanistan.

VA nominee Bob McDonald: "Change can be achieved"

Air Force launching satellites to spy on other satellites.

The outgoing head of the U.S. Air Force Space Command said the time is right for a new rocket engine to be developed in the United States.

Congress must extent brain rehab program for veterans.

A World War II officer who trained the country's first black Marines was laid to rest at the Roseburg National Cemetery Annex.

SilencerCo's New Shotgun Suppressor: The Salvo 12 is a modular design that allows the shooter to add or remove sections to balance length and weight.

Seeing real U.S. Navy SEALs moving underwater is way cooler than any movie.

This amazing tree produces 40 different kinds of fruit.

All the supernovas ever photographed in one spectacular collection.

List: Here are 10 of the most awesomest movies stunts in film history.

Rob Reiner reflects on Spinal Tap in the latest ep of Sound Opinions. 

Get ready for the seedless mango.

Did you know they've now introduced Peanut Butter Cheerios?

What are the happiest and unhappiest cities in America?

The United States will fall to pieces beginning Aug. 21 ...

LINK: Original photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Joshua Nistas

"Weird Al" Yankovic's Mandatory Fun

This week finds "Weird Al" Yankovic finishing up his victory lap following the release of his latest album, Mandatory Fun. To celebrate his new release, Yankovic released eight music videos in as many days, ending with his "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" parody, "Mission Statement." As an album, Mandatory Fun finds "Weird Al" at his most mature and musically daring. Sure, he parodies all of the mega hits you'd expect, but he approaches them in a way that actually gives one insight into the way the man feels.

"Word Crimes" and "Tacky," in particular, accomplish more than their inspirations ("Blurred Lines" and "Happy," respectively). The former is a grammar nerd's dream, taking apart infuriatingly common mistakes in speech; "Tacky," meanwhile, breaks down just how garish and nonchalantly terrible and narcissistic people have become.

One of the most delightful songs on the album, "First World Problems," is interesting even apart from its social commentary. The song is a style-parody of the Pixies, which is an unexpected thing, even if you know that "Weird Al" has always been into alternative music. With jagged, surfy guitars and yelping lead vocals, it's as much of a dead-on homage as Yankovic's style-parody of the Doors ("Craigslist") was, last time around.

McG's Shel Silverstein

Now that your heart has been warmed by the resurgence of "Weird Al," it's time to balance that out with this catastrophic blow to your childhood: there is a Shel Silverstein biopic in the works, and, there's just no other way to say this, but McG is behind it. Yes, everyone's favorite absurdist children's book writer (not to mention gloriously profane and silly songwriter) is being teamed up with the man that brought us This Means War, 3 Days to Kill and the Charlie's Angels franchise.

I know there's no way to spin this as great news, but it is possible that this won't be the worst thing in the world. I mean, right? At least the notion that someone with as fascinating a life as Silverstein's is getting the film treatment is heartening. But there's a McG-shaped shadow that looms over this news, and that's just gonna be a hard one to shake. My advice: close your eyes, lock yourself in your bedroom, and recite "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout" as fast as you can, over and over again, until our long, national McG nightmare is over.

TUESDAY, JULY 22 2014 >>>

1. A few years ago, Canadian filmmaker Brent Hodge was at dinner with friends when one of them, Ashleigh Ball, started talking about a curious side-effect of her job. Ball is the voice of Applejack, Rainbow Dash and other characters on the TV series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Her biggest fans? Little girls ... and grown men. "Bronies" are mostly men who are fans of the show. They get their day in the sun in A Brony Tale, a documentary screening at 2 and 7 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

2. Join film critic Robert Horton for a conversation about some of the wildest book-to-movie adaptations and how they can show us something new at 6:30 p.m. in the Olympia Timberland Library. Horton will touch on some notably creative adaptations. How did The Tempest become Forbidden Planet? How did Jane Eyre turn into I Walked with a Zombie? And how on earth did the Coen Brothers take Homer's Odyssey and come up with O Brother, Where Art Thou? See how a wild adaptation cannot only illuminate the original, even when we barely recognize it, but also teach us about being open to the unexpected.

3. The Beatniks, Seattle's most famous cover band ('60s-'80s) will perform an outside concert at Skansie Brothers Park in Gig Harbor beginning at 6:30 p.m.

4. Every Tuesday night at Stonegate Pizza on South Tacoma Way Leanne Trevalyan hosts an acoustic open mic at 8 p.m.

5. The Washington Center hosts the legendary Joan Baez for an evening encompassing five decades of music. Baez, a fixture of the 1960s folk and protest movements as well as concert companion to Bob Dylan, remains a musical force of nature whose influence is incalculable. Her earliest recordings fed traditional ballads into the rock vernacular with appeal extending far beyond folk music. She takes the stage at 8 p.m.

LINK: Tuesday, July 22 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area