Last year, while watching Ted, I floated a theory that I've since learned is not factually accurate, but may be spiritually true: Seth MacFarlane is a Scientologist. Yes, yes, I know that MacFarlane is an outspoken atheist, but all the warning signs are there. Is he grotesquely wealthy? Yes. Is he shunned by well-respected factions of the comedy community? Yes. Is he apparently good friends with Giovanni Ribisi? Double check.
Only Xenu could've predicted MacFarlane's sudden bid for leading man in live-action comedies, but rules are made to be broken, so I suppose it's high time for a man who can't act to be the romantic opposite of Academy Award-winning actress Charlize Theron. In a genius act of premeditated damage control, MacFarlane even appeared on The Tonight Show to predict the negative reviews his film would receive.
The thing is, what might have come off as a self-effacing bit of humble comedy instead seems like an orange, teeth-capped millionaire trying to trick the public into finding him to be an acceptable presence in the world. Lest we forget, this is the man who sang a song about how he saw the "boobs" of all of the actresses in the audience of an award show, including Jodie Foster's in the brutal rape scene in The Accused. Oh yeah? You saw her boobs? Congrats, dude.
So, what is there to say about this trailer? Now that Mel Brooks is in hiding and at least half of the Zucker brothers is a raving, conservative lunatic, I suppose there are few places to turn to for slapstick genre parody. A Million Ways to Die in the West will do amazing business, and a million souls will feel a sudden pang of emptiness. If there's a heaven, Saint Peter will be standing outside, demanding to see your ticket stubs. God save you if you paid for this garbage.
1. Ever since the Westside Tavern won the Tournament of Burgers, the real estate agents representing Olympia's Westside have been inundated with inquiries. The Westside is happening, but that's not news to those who live up on the hill. If you want proof, drop by the West Olympia Farmers Market from 4-7 p.m. In addition to an awesome selection of local vendors, this season features live music, raffles and special events. Drop by for fresh produce, baked goods, pastured poultry and meats, flowers, veggie starts and crafts.
2. As far as menopausal-crisis road-trip semi-dramas go, On My Way's hormonal launch into the provinces has several advantages, including Emmanuelle Bercot's fluid nonstop traveling camera. But primarily the film has Catherine Deneuve, who is her classically resonant self as a small-town ex-beauty queen and grandmother shattered again by romantic disappointment and who leaves her failing restaurant one day and falls off the grid. Catch the film at 2 and 6:10 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.
3. Thought-provoking reading doesn't have to come from classic authors such as Dickens and Steinbeck. Young adult literature, which continues to grow in popularity, has been producing intriguing works about society that appeal to a wide audience - a fact that King's Books hasn't missed. The Tacoma Stadium District bookstore hosts a Young Adult Book Club at 7 p.m. The group will discuss Al Capone Does My Shirts, by Gennifer Choldenko. The story is about Moose Flannagan who moves with his family to Alcatraz so his dad can work as a prison guard and his sister, Natalie, can attend a special school. But Natalie has autism, and when she's denied admittance to the school, the stark setting of Alcatraz begins to unravel the tenuous coping mechanisms Moose's family has used for dealing with her disorder.
4. Nashville recording artist Sam Hunt will perform a free show at 7:30 p.m. in the Steel Creek American Whiskey Co. in downtown Tacoma. He's penned songs for some of the biggest names in country music, such as "Cop Car" by Keith Urban, "We are Tonight" by Billy Currington and "Come Over" for Kenny Chesney.
5. Nominated for Best Documentary at this year's Academy Awards, Egyptian-American documentarian Jehane Noujaim's The Square takes you inside the Egyptian revolution centered around Cairo's Tahrir Square. Catch the film at 9 p.m. in the Capitol Theater.
1. Memorial Day is the one day of the year that we set aside to remember and honor our country's patriots, yet we owe them a debt of gratitude, every day of every year. The Evergreen State College will hold a remembrance roll-call commemoration honoring the U.S. military men and women of all races, faiths, and nationalities who have died serving in the global war on terror at noon in the Evergreen State College Library Lobby. There will also be an exhibit of names of all of the U.S. military fatalities since the start of the war. Both are open to the public. Pierce County Veterans Advisory Council and Mountain View Funeral Home, Memorial Park & Crematory present their annual Veterans Memorial Day Service at 2 p.m. at the Joint Services Memorial in Mountain View's Garden of Honor section. The general public is warmly welcomed to participate.
2. In director James Gray's The Immigrant, Ewa Cybulksi (Marion Cotillard) and her sister, Magda (Angela Sarafyan), arrive at Ellis Island in 1921, intent on pursuing the fabled "American Dream." Their plans get derailed when Magda is denied entry and quarantined due to a lung disease and Ewa is nearly deported because of alleged prostitution on the very ship that brought her to New York. The mysterious Bruno Weiss (Joaquin Phoenix) gets Ewa out of trouble and into a dancing gig in his Bandits' Roost Theater where she can earn money for her sister's treatment. There's just one catch: Bruno's dancers dance vertically and horizontally. It's far from the glamorous new life Ewa imagined, but it's a means to an end. Catch the film at 12:15, 2:50, 5:30 and 8:45 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.
3. Creative Colloquy, which goes down at 7 p.m. at B Sharp Coffee House, encourages scribes to connect with like minds. Short stories and novel excerpts are encouraged but other prose is welcomed. Each performer will have up to 5 minutes to read. Opportunities are based upon those who arrive and sign up first. Tonight's featured storytellers include Nick stokes, L. Lisa Lawrence, William Norris Turbyfill and the work of Alec Clayton performed by actors Sharry O'Hare, Michael O'Hara and Christian Carvajal. Come imbibe in libations or sip on roasted bean concoctions and watch storytellers do the thing they do best - narrate their tales.
4. New vintage swing band Chickadee will perform tunes that invoke and satisfy dreams and passions for dancing and romancing at 8 p.m. in Rhythm and Rye in downtown Olympia.
5. Every Monday at 9 p.m. Jazzbones is packed to the brim with college kids. Party types. The type that wear tight shirts and trucker hats. Throngs of Chad Fratguys and Sarah Sororitysisters swarm the bar, line up for the bathroom and dance to the Rockaraoke - live band karaoke. The Rockaraoke band is skilled, too. Expect $2 PBR drafts, $3 Sinfire shots and $4 Smirnoff flavor vodka bombs.
1. Beginning in 1981, front man Regan Lane, along with keyboardist Robert Richholt, guitarist Jesse Seales and bassist Bob D'Angelo (now of Mechanism) brought a certain power-pop, boy-band charm (complete with '80s hair) and danceable, relatable stories and music to their hometown of Tacoma, and then to the world. Fans in Japan, Korea, Philippines and Guam witnessed the new wave glory of Strypes, and L.A. welcomed them many times over. After a successful run, in 1990, the band members went their separate ways. Now, the band will re-visit the good side of things, and what the band has at its core - great chemistry, and, of course, great music. At 8 p.m., Strypes, (with Strangely Alright's Preston Darvill on drums) will reunite to play one powerful night at Jazzbones. Read Nikki McCoy's full feature on Strypes in the Music & Culture Section.
2. The Gig Harbor Street Scramble is a treasure hunt that leads participants to 30 checkpoints throughout the community. The checkpoints are circled on a map, and each has a description such as "sculpture" or "road bend." They can be visited in any order, on foot or bike. Participants cannot use a motorized vehicle. Participants must return to the finish line before their time is up. It kicks off at 9:30 a.m. at Skansie Brothers Park.
4. A bevy of vinylists will dig through the crates and study album covers, remixes and the oh-so-sought-after UK 12-inch mix from 5-9 p.m. at the Olympia Record Show in the Olympia Elks Lodge. The show is a bargain hunter's heaven, a record show full of classics.
5. A certain rush is felt when listening to the Wheelies' garage pop, invoking a sense of wanting to be at their parties, relating to the angst, the desire to try something on one wheel instead of two, and then riding it as long as you can. Easily moving from breezy, low-fi, shoegazey to rough and raw and fast and punchy, Wheelies are must listen. Catch the band with Watermelon Sugar, People Under the Sun and Deep Kink at 8 p.m. in Bob's Java Jive.
1. Lights! Camera! Acne! Here is a unique film event for local cinephiles to support. This could be your chance to meet the next Scorsese, or at least DePalma. The Tacoma School of the Arts seniors Dylan and Dustin Rich will produce the Tacoma High School Film Festival, in partnership with the Tacoma Film Festival and The Grand Cinema. The program will include the screening of a collection of original short films by filmmakers who are students at local high schools followed by a film discussion with the filmmakers in The Grand's lower lobby. Our words of advice: Remember these kids' names - chances are you'll be seeing them again soon enough. The Grand turns on the projector at 6:45 p.m.
2. King's Books hosts a special reading from the new anthology Reverberations from Fukushima: 50 Japanese Poets Speak Out at 7 p.m. The U.S. editor, Leah Stenson, will read selections from, and talk about, this important new collection about the horrors of the century's first nuclear disaster and the empathy required to heal our communities.
3. We're not certain if they'll be school hazing inside Tacoma Community College Building 2 Auditorium, be we're certain awesome music will be performed when the TCC Symphonic Band and Jazz Band host the Eastern Washington University Wind Ensemble, Jazz Band, and Code Red (pep band) for a 7 p.m. concert.
4. What happens when you fuse spoken word with deep, funny, tender, raucous Broadway tunes? Claudette Evans, an alumnus of AMDA College and Conservatory of New York City, brings her heavenly powerhouse voice to the B Sharp Coffee House in collaboration with Tacoma poet Lucas Smiraldo, beginning at 7 p.m. "Being Alive" explores the life of one lonely soul in the aftermath of the 911 attacks.
5. Oregon-based folky Alice DiMicele will drop by Traditions Café at 8 p.m. to bust out a soothing blend of acoustic-soul and folk-rock. She's shared the stage with some of music's best, including Bonnie Raitt, Joan Baez, JJ Cale, David Grisman, Arlo Guthrie and Steve Winwood. Don't screw up.
It's my distinct pleasure to share with you yet another presumed tax write-off from the good folks at Happy Madison. Adam Sandler has spent the past decade, or so, creating a tidy cottage industry of tricking movie studios into giving him money to take his friends on vacations, and Blended sees him pull this scheme with his frequent costar, Drew Barrymore.
As an onscreen couple, Sandler and Barrymore created two of Sandler's most warmhearted efforts, with The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates. It's discouraging, then, to be confronted with the trailer for Blended, which literally begins with Barrymore spewing French onion soup all over the place. The soup-spewing moment caps off a disastrous first date between our two leads, and simultaneously caps off any desire I might have had to continue watching this preview. Being the intrepid journalist I am, however, I soldiered on.
Explaining how these two single parents both find themselves and their children on the same African vacation may require some kind of flow chart, but let it be said that it seems to involve a mutual friend of theirs apprently having EIGHT plane tickets that he suddenly couldn't use. What fresh Groupon bullshit is this?
And now, we find ourselves in Adam Sandler's comfort zone: shaky racial politics, deadeningly unfunny slapstick and cloyingly maudlin melodrama. Any illusions that might have remained that Sandler is, in some way, superior to Tyler Perry, should be summarily stricken from the record. At least Perry writes and directs that garbage; Sandler just breeze through in basketball shorts on his way to the bank.
I'd rather watch a million trailers for shitty found-footage horror schlock than site through the entirety of Blended. To make one man feel so gross in two minutes is, in some way, a laudable achievement, but not one to be celebrated. Blended is like the invention of weaponized chlorine gas: I guess it's neat that you managed to create it, but did society really need it?
1. Each year, the American Library Association's Office for Intellectual Freedom compiles a list of the top 10 most frequently challenged books in order to inform the public about censorship in libraries and schools. Between May 2011 and May 2012, John Berger - a novelist, storyteller, poet, screenwriter and art critic - had his To the Wedding dinged by some parents for dropping f-bombs to describe sexual relations. That doesn't sit well with King's Books owner, sweet pea. The Berger novel will be front and center at King's Banned Book Club 7 p.m. discussion in neighboring Doyle's Public House. Expect much worse language inside Doyle's if a televised soccer match turns nutty.
The Palestinian Oscar nominee for best foreign language film has the title character, Omar, climbing over the Israeli separation wall to visit his romantic interest Nadia, her brother Tarek and his other childhood friend Amjad. Without much thought, the three men conspire to kill an Israeli soldier, and Amjad is the one to do the shooting. When Omar is captured and tortured by the Israelis, they give him an ultimatum. Find out what happens at 1:55 and 6:30 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.
Every so often, we come across the argument that rosé lacks merit as a wine, and, therefore, has become over-hyped. To the residents of southern France, rosé equals lifestyle; we doubt they would agree their Provençal existence isn't deserving of recognition. Pour At Four knows this. The Tacoma Proctor District wine bar will pour complimentary tastes of six roses from three regions from 5:30-8 p.m.
This might be hard to believe, but you can't go see The Beatles live anymore, unless you have some sort of resurrection or time traveling technology. If you do have said technology and are using to see The Beatles, you've got some problems, so let Red Wind Casino help you out. It hosts Beatles tribute band British Export at 8 p.m. Go scream your head off.
The 1230 Room probably has you at "$3 You Call Its," but you also may be interested in the downtown Olympia club's Tuesday deep, tech and progressive house night "The Deep End." It launches at 9 p.m. with drink specials, no cover and resident DJs Alex Bosi, Evan Mould, Chris Paro and Braxxus.
BAMF! (And no, not the acronym.) This is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.
THURSDAY, MAY 8
Thursday night brings the TV premieres of Labyrinth on the CW (sorry, no Bowie) and Gang Related on Fox. No one cares, not even the person who should've put a hyphen in Gang Related.
FRIDAY, MAY 23
As we all know, the X-Men (but let's not be sexist: X-People) have endured mixed success on the silver screen. It's tough to gripe about director Bryan Singer's first two efforts, but then Brett Ratner took the reins on 2006's threequel X-Men: The Last Stand and ... well, it almost was. For my money, the first standalone Wolverine film, in which Hugh Jackman squared off against Sabretooth, a wretchedly misconceived Deadpool, and suck-tacular special effects, was even worse. Then, notwithstanding January Jones' predictably glassy-eyed performance, Matthew Vaughn steered the franchise back onto the rails with X-Men: First Class three years ago. Finally, like a time-traveler from days of future past, Singer returns to the fold, adapting the Sentinel storyline from Chris Claremont and John Byrne's 1981 run of Uncanny X-Men. Hey, speaking of "uncanny," how much do you want to bet Fox is sweating the timing of those child molestation charges against Mr. Singer? Of course, the man should be considered innocent until proven guilty, and that's always a generous attitude to retain when new superhero movies hit cinemas as well. This time, the early buzz turns out to be good.
Thanks to a bit of temporal translocation, both Patrick Stewart and James McAvoy get to play Professor X, Ian McKellen and Michael Fassbender can play Magneto, and Rebecca Romijn who? As if that isn't super enough, the cast adds Peter Dinklage (as Bolivar Trask) and two people named Fan Bingbing and Booboo Stewart as, I'm guessing here, pandas. I can pretty much promise you it'll be better than X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, or, let's face it, The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Oh, Paul Giamatti, you deserve so much better.
SUNDAY, MAY 25
Sunday night marks HBO's first airing of Normal Heart, the most controversial movie of 20 years ago. That said, the script, based on Larry Kramer's off-Broadway 1985 play, is terrific, and the cast is superhero-movie good (try Alec Baldwin, Alfred Molina, Jim Parsons, Julia Roberts, and Mark Ruffalo for starters). I'd be stunned if this isn't a major Emmy contender next year. The play's belated 2011 debut on Broadway earned the Tony for Best Revival, plus two acting awards for Ellen Barkin and John Benjamin Hickey. Essentially, it's about an early-1980s crusade to push AIDS awareness - literally, an awareness and acknowledgement that the virus even existed - into public conversation and governmental action.
TUESDAY, MAY 27
A new season of America's Got Talent begins on NBC, which would be much more exciting if America, which judges the show, also had taste. (Wouldn't America Has Talent - or even better, Americans Have Talent - be preferable?) Luckily for our purposes, Syfy also gave former Enterprise-D helmsman (helmsperson?) Wil Wheaton a weekly comedy show, The Wil Wheaton Project, and that debuts Sunday at 10. He calls it "Talk Soup for geeks." Um ... I thought that was called Talk Soup?
WEDNESDAY, MAY 28
Come gather ‘round, people, wherever you roam. Like many writers and critics who prophesize with our pens, I keep my eyes open for new books about Robert Zimmerman, better known as the one and only Mr. Bob Dylan. But The Dylanologists: Adventures in the Land of Bob isn't, strictly speaking, a tome about the Bard of Minneapolis, it's an insider's look at geeks like me who adore him. Author David Kinney will stop by the downtown Olympia library tonight to promote it. And don't think twice, it's all right: he will have copies available for purchase.
DAVID KINNEY, 7:30 p.m., Olympia Timberland Library, 313 eighth Ave., Olympia, free, 360.352.0595
Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may the answer be blowin' in the wind.
1. Ever feel like walking into a room and watching people sing and dance? Cultura Cabaret, self-proclaimed as Tacoma's only dinner theater cabaret, will present the opportunity for the first time when it pulls back the curtain at 6:45, 8:45 and 10 p.m. in the Cultura Events Center. Channeling the 1920s, the vaudevillian show will see emcee Armitage Shanks introduce singer Pearl Posh, pole dancer Lusty Zinns, circus performer Jenny Penny and burlesque performers Sofia Delish, Boom Boom L'Roux and Rosie Cheex in a theater-in-a-round, intimate dinner setting. Diners are so close to the performance they will feel as if they are part of the show.
2. Only Lovers Left Alive is the latest from writer-director Jim Jarmusch (of Coffee and Cigarettes and Ghost Dog fame). The film focuses on Adam (Tom Hiddleston), and his wife, Eve (Tilda Swinton), a married couple who, despite being very much in love, are separated. Several centuries of familiarity breeds a lot of contempt and a few years of absence might make their hearts grow fonder, provided no one puts a stake through them. Adam and Eve are vampires that don't squander the gift of eternal unlife slap-fighting with Taylor Lautner for Kristen Stewart's affections. They do what most people would do if given limitless time and opportunity: Everything. Catch the film at 1, 3:40, 6:20 and (;05 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.
3. Hailing from Oakland, Steel Cranes are a no-nonsense duo composed of Tracy Shapiro and Amanda Shuckle. Their brand of wiry, nervy post-punk recalls badasses such as PJ Harvey and Patti Smith. The assault of guitar and drums is dialed in to a degree that would be exhausting if it weren't so exhilarating.Catch the band with the Redwood Plan and Japanese Game Show at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.
4. Louisiana guitarist/vocalist Tab Benoit specializes in old-school Cajun blues - soulful, spicy stuff from the deep Bayou blended with elements of Texas-style blues-rock and vintage New Orleans funk. Catch him at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones.
5. The F---ing Eagles, Blanco Bronco, Raptor Tractor and masonsapron help Tacoma booking guy Chuck Gosk celebrate his dirty 30, so expect debauchery and beers beginning at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge. We mean a lot of beers.
Now that we've settled into the unlikely chapter of our collective history, titled "The Reign of Matthew McConaughey (or, the 'McConaissance')," it's high time we begin exploring the frustrating state of American Treasure Jon Hamm's film career. While Hamm remains a shining, handsome beacon of light on one of the greatest TV shows of all time, he's never managed to take his rightful place as a successful leading man.
Since Hamm's Mad Men coming out party, it seemed like an almost forgone conclusion that he would follow in the footsteps of George Clooney, and Cary Grant before him. Funny, great acting chops, once again blindingly good-looking, Hamm was a shoe-in to take Hollywood by storm.
It's surprising, then, that Hamm has mostly seemed content to be relegated to stealing the show in supporting roles (The Town, Bridesmaids) and making glorified cameos in dreck (Sucker Punch, The Day the Earth Stood Still). Opening this week, Million Dollar Arm is an unexpectedly uncommon thing for the man: a starring role in a feature film.
Instead of capitalizing on Hamm's almost wood-carved gravitas, Million Dollar Arm is a light and fluffy Disney sports movie that explores the (apparently real) journey of a sports agent looking for baseball pitchers in India. The agent surmises that young Indian men would be natural pitchers, seeing as how cricket and baseball are almost identical (minus cricket's five-day games and breaks for tea, of course).
While Million Dollar Arm doesn't seem particularly offensive (minus the sad realization that this is once more an immigrant's story being told from the perspective of a rich, handsome white dude), it also feels like a step in the wrong direction. Denzel Washington made Remember the Titans eight years after Malcom X, not the other way around.
Still, if it takes Disney fluff to remind audiences of the talent we're currently wasting, I guess it couldn't hurt.
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