GRAB A CUP AND READ THE MORNING REPORT FOR 4.5. 14 >>>

The Army released the names of the three soldiers killed by Army Spc. Ivan Lopez during a shooting spree Wednesday at Fort Hood, Texas, before Lopez, 34, turned the gun on himself.

The latest shooting at Fort Hood highlights the need to improve security on military posts across the country.

Despite evidence that suggests Spc. Ivan Lopez had an argument before going on a shooting rampage, investigators said they may never determine what compelled the Fort Hood soldier to kill three soldiers and wound 16 others before taking his own life.

Secretary of the Army John M. McHugh: Tracking "inside threats" is challenging.

How Obama lost Afghanistan.

Northeast Asia has become a potential powder keg. What should China do to prepare itself for possible conflict?

North Korea on Friday accused the United States of being "hell-bent on regime change" and warned that any maneuvers with that intention will be viewed as a "red line" that will result in countermeasures.

North Korea managed to fly (and crash) a couple rudimentary drones over Seoul. Do its drones pose a threat?

Lawmakers question utility of Pentagon's Quadrennial Defense Review.

Lawmakers are pushing back against a Navy review to potentially ban the sale of tobacco on Navy and Marine Corps facilities.

The Army along with its sister services passed along its "Unfunded Priorities List" for fiscal 2015 this week.

The Associated Press reports that a Chinese ship involved in the search for the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 has detected a "pulse" today in the southern part of the Indian Ocean.

The A-10 Warthog looks especially awesome and futuristic in this photo.

Don't forget Mike Judge's new HBO comedy Silicon Valley premieres Sunday.

Free Comic Book Day hype. We're about a month away from the most important holiday of the year (May 3), which happens to fall the day before Star Wars Day.

Toadies' have a new brew from the folks at the Martin House Brewing Company, Rubberneck Red beer.

Finally: Bacon-flavored Ritz crackers.

What are you going to do today?

FRIDAY, APRIL 4 2014 >>>

1. Some say that size doesn't matter. Tell that to the Washington Center for the Performing Arts, which is hosting a six-week-long program series with an insanely-lengthy title, "America's Music: A Film History of Our Popular Music from Blues to Bluegrass to Broadway." Each week, the AM:AFHoOPMfBtBtB (which, by the way, is pronounced AM-AFF-HOOP-EM-fuh-BEAT-BEAT-BEEEE! and should be immediately declared a musical genre unto itself) will seek to enlighten audiences by highlighting uniquely American forms of music through film. The first installment goes down at 6:30 p.m. and covers blues and gospel music and features excerpts from the almost-as-lengthily-titled documentary Martin Scorsese Presents The Blues, Episode 1: Feel Like Going Home, and cinéma vérité classic Say Amen, Somebody. Andrew "Drew" Buchman, Expressive Arts (read: Music) faculty member at The Evergreen State College, will be on hand to introduce the film portion of the evening, and lead a discussion afterward.

2. You might think swinging and flipping over high bars and prancing on two-inch-wide beams are skills only Olympic athletes such as Jordyn Wiebercan pull off with any degree of grace. But the performers of the Jordan World Circus have mastered those gymnastic feats, and much more. Their show is full of extremely flexible performers who could wow even the most jaded Olympian. The circus's troupe includes acrobats, jugglers, and contortionists between the ages of 11 and 50. Where else can you watch men your dad's age twist their bodies into pretzel shapes?  Marvel at the exotic animals, gasp in awe at the death-defying aerial acts, and be deeply, deeply frightened by the clowns at 4 and 7 p.m. at the Washington State Fairgrounds.

3. Lee Oskar founded the band WAR with Eric Burden. His harmonica can be heard on classics such as "Low Rider," "The Cisco Kid," and others. Most recently, his playing was sampled on the pop song "Timber" by Pitbull and Ke$ha. Oskar is known for his improvisational skill on the harmonica and animated stage presence. Oskar will hold a harmonic clinic and autograph session at 6 p.m. in Ted Brown Music.

4. At 6 p.m. in the Landmark Temple Theatre, Pierce County Prosecutor Mark Lindquist will kick off his bid for re-election with what we can only be described as a star-studded "kick off party" - which in the business of politics, is code for warm and fuzzy fundraising event. Lindquist promises the event will feature Peter Buck of R.E.M., actress and singer Molly Ringwald, The Beatniks, as well as speakers Gov. Jay Inslee, Sheriff Paul Pastor, Tacoma Mayor Marilyn Strickland, and Detective Ed Troyer, executive director of Crime Stoppers.

5. "Eldridge Gravy and the Court Supreme are as fun a funk dance party as I can imagine," says Daniel Landin, booker and Weekly Volcano reader-voted Best Music Scenester in its Best of Olympia issue. Thirteen strong on stage, Eldridge Gravy's incredible soul vocals blend with three back-up singers, pour over a four-piece horn section, and all this bakes to groove perfection with a relentless full rhythm section. Catch the band with DBST at 9 p.m. in The Olympia Ballroom.

LINK: Friday, April 4 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

I do a lot of indiscriminate bashing of movies (sight unseen, never to be corrected) for this column. It's fun! In the case of movies like the recent, bafflingly shitty God's Not Dead, it's both rewarding and entirely warranted. Other times, I take potshots at movies that might end up being quite good. (The Lego Movie, anyone?) My point is that I'm swinging wildly in the dark, over here. This is the nature of Judging by the Trailer.

Which brings me to the trailer for Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I would rather be writing about literally anything else. Watching this trailer, my eyes blurred and a ringing tone sounded in my ears, interrupted only by the obligatory BWOOOMPs that are required of every "dark" superhero trailer, thus decreed Christopher Nolan. Captain America appears to me only as a muscular assembly of blonde-haired pixels.

I took a hard pass at the opportunity of seeing the first Captain America movie, deciding I'd just catch up when The Avengers came out. As a result, I now find myself faced with your standard gritty sequel, populated with characters about which I couldn't care less, facing a super-villain who - though exhaustively detailed in the trailer - seems to be mostly notable for possessing a "metal arm," as Cap puts it.

Of interest to other folks who don't have an affinity for Captain America, this film is helmed by the Russo Brothers, Anthony and Joe, who directed lots of episodes of Community. That's neat! Maybe, when #SixSeaonsAndAMovie finally reaches fruition, the Russo Brothers can take a break from bathing in $100 bills to take a stab at Community's theatrical debut. Until then, I'll continue my hot streak of never seeing a Captain America movie (except for that truly awful 1990 version that starred J.D. Salinger's kid).

COMMUNITY G.I. JOE PARODY

As of this writing, Rob Schrab (creator of the cult comic Scud: The Disposable Assassin, and co-creator of The Sarah Silverman Program) is in an office, somewhere in Los Angeles, furiously working to finish animation of the G.I. Joe parody episode of Community - which is slated to air Thursday, April 3. A beleaguered Schrab, in between generally tweeting his frustration and half-jokingly calling out Community creator Dan Harmon for putting him in this position, tweeted that he has "80 shots to finish before tomorrow. We average 15 a day."

No doubt, much of the hubbub is being made in jest (anyone who's heard Schrab appear on Harmon's podcast knows that they have a delightfully contentious chemistry), but it's a healthy reminder of the sort of tyrannical tinkering that got Harmon fired from his own show in the first place, before returning for this latest season. Because he simply couldn't turn in a script before it was perfect (which ideally would have been months ago), the turnaround for animating a loving homage of a crummy cartoon has been absurdly accelerated.

Thursday will reveal the fruits of their labor. Personally, I've found that having Harmon back has done wonders for Community, especially in the aftermath of the "gas leak year." Having a wild, self-destructive comedy genius at the helm is a gift that giveth and taketh.

VOICE-OVER WORKSHOP WITH NICOLE FAZIO

Speaking of animation, I'm fairly certain that a good amount of people spend some time in their youth fantasizing about being a voice-over artist. All it takes is two decent-to-middling impressions and it's easy to fool yourself into believing that you could be the next Mel Blanc. (How many voices did he have, again? Oh, right, a thousand. But that's a cute Gollum impression you got there.)

Not everyone is blessed with the honeyed vocal chords of Don LaFontaine or Hal Douglas (both, sadly, passed away, most recently Douglas). However, your voice is a muscle that can be sculpted and trained, if you have the inclination. If you're a teen who's ever had the notion to give voice-over acting a try, you'd do worse for instructors than Nicole Fazio. A Washington-born actress, Fazio has lent her voice to hundreds of projects, from commercials to animation. Fazio will be holding a workshop to teach you the ins and outs of her craft.

In preparation, why not check out the endearing comedy, In a World..., which explores the very particular world of voice-over artists. 9:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., Friday, April 4, ages 12-18, Tacoma Public Library Main Branch, 1102 Tacoma Ave., Tacoma, free but registration required, 253.591.5666

TUESDAY, APRIL 1 2014 >>>

1. Just look at us South Sounders, would you? Are we not the most adorable creatures ever? The most perplexed and beautiful and yes, sometimes, lost? Look at us, with our mountains and our mushrooms. Mushrooms? Surely you have trudged through the forest on a damp, cold day, its dreariness punctuated by water dripping from the rain-soaked newly leafing trees. Occasionally one of these frigid droplets would plummet directly down the back of your jacket collar, making you wish you had spent that particular day in the DuPont Library listening to wild foods expert Langdon Cook discuss his new book, The Mushroom Hunters, about Pacific Northwest commercial pickers. Oh glory be, astonishing wonderfungi! Cook will, indeed, be in DuPont Tuesday, to discuss hunting for mushrooms in the rain. No joke.

2. Smooth & Juicey will reopen at 7:30 a.m. in the same downtown Tacoma spot. That's right, the variety of freshly squeezed juice drinks and smoothies are back. In celebration, S & J will offer 41 off any smoothie or juice all day. Also, the first 25 people who drop by between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. will receive a complimentary Mimi's Cake Pop. It's a rewarding place to check in and recharge.

3. Making magnificent use of the Laotian landscape and tribal traditions, Australian director Kim Mordaunt's The Rocket is a coming-of-age tale infused with fantastic elements as it tells the story of young Ahlo who - with the help of a drunken former soldier known as Uncle Purple - decides to enter a local rocket contest, in which the winner gets a cash prize. The stakes are actually broader: It is hoped the rockets will anger the sky gods and force necessary rain upon the farming town. Catch the film at 2:15 and 7 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

4. Olympia female hardcore band Hysterics joins The New Flesh, Darto and Dirty Joe & the Brick Walls for an all-ages show at 6 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

5. Randy Linder and David Christensen will pay tribute to Bob Seger, Mick Jagger and Tom Petty at 6:30 p.m. in the Red Wind Casino.

LINK: Tuesday, April 1 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

If gopher wood could withstand a world-killing flood, you'd think we'd be using still be using the stuff. Well, maybe Noah took the last bit of it with him for his boat.

Here we're, once again, greeting another entrant in 2014's Year of Religious Movies^TM. This time, though, we're going about as Old Testament-y as you can get. No washing of feet to be had in Noah, just blood-soaked soil and the madness of Darren Aronofsky.

Even before its release, Noah has garnered more than its share of controversy - from jumpy studio executives, to confused test audiences, to scores of Christian groups who bristle at the (Biblically accurate) telling of Noah's story - and will now arrive at theaters bearing the following disclaimer:

"The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis."

No doubt, if all of these huffing and puffing Catholics would ever follow that disclaimer's advice and, you know, actually read the story of Noah, I'm sure they'd find a much more complex tale than the one they were told in Sunday school. Many-armed fallen angels, a drunk ark-builder and an epically violent, petty god - these are just a few aspects of the story that don't quite gel with cartoons about fluffy animals having a boat trip (and those poor dinosaurs who got left behind).

If the trailer for Noah is any indication, this a return for Aronofsky to the batshit operatics of The Fountain, and less a somber character study of a man on the brink, like The Wrestler. If religious groups are incensed already, I wonder what'll happen once they finally see the thing.

TUESDAY, MARCH 25 2014 >>>

1. The Salon Professional Academy is playing host to a special benefit, hair, makeup and fashion show and silent auction to support 2014 Ms. Wheelchair America Jennifer Adams' platform, "Inclusion Revolution," at 6:30 p.m. The event, "Shine Bright Like a Diamond Hair Show and Auction" will be held at the academy, which is located at 3702 S. Fife Street in Tacoma. This special evening will feature a runway haute couture hair and makeup show that showcases the extraordinary student talent at the academy. Featured clothing from up-and-coming designer Victor Aguirre will also be featured. Adams will be on hand to serve as master of ceremonies and will wear one of Aguirre's custom creations.

2. When it comes to documentaries, it's nothing short of the Wild West out there. There are just so many, from theatrical to television to stuff that just shows up on Netflix or Hulu one day in your recommended list. And while we're a bit perturbed Pink Hearts! Yellow Moons! Orange Stars! Green Clovers! White Toe Tags! didn't make this year's list, The Grand Cinema does have quite the Documentary Week going. Check out today's screenings here.

3. Sinatra-esque crooner Chris Anderson takes his show to the Red Wind Casino at 6:30 p.m., hitting all the notes and making the ladies swoon in the process. Anderson has repeatedly proven to offer a throwback good time.

4. It's nice existing so close to Mama Nature, but living in the city - surrounded by concrete, neon, strip malls and bikini espresso shacks - it's still easy to be oblivious to the natural world. If you're looking for a little salt, breeze and fresh air action, David Kaynor's tour of lighthouses will make you see the, er, light. Washington state has a long saltwater coastline and many of its lighthouses are inaccessible and difficult to view. At 7 p.m. in the Olympia Center, Kaynor will present a one-hour slide tour that will take you to 10 of the more accessible lights starting from the south sound. Handouts include directions and maps so you can bust out of the city.

5. On any night of the week, one can meander past the main bar in Olympia's China Clipper Club Cafe, to the back room where a disco ball, stage, stellar PA system, extensive song list, savvy DJ and lively, often tipsy, crowd scribbles on tiny, colorful paper then waits ... for Clipper Karaoke. "We're different - at least that's the ambition," says Steve Yonkers, who has been hosting Clipper Karaoke since 2007. "We want to run more of a variety show. We don't just call up your name and sing. I interact with the audience. I think its more interesting. "It's not a diva contest here," he continues. "I want it to be fun and relaxing and encourage people to have a good time." Get in on the party at 9 p.m. 

LINK: Tuesday, March 25 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

As you wish, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

FRIDAY, MARCH 28

There's something inherently goofy about the story of Noah's Ark. For geeks of a certain age, it calls to mind Bill Cosby making "voopah" sawing noises and wondering, "What's a cubit?" You may be more familiar with Ricky Gervais reading a children's picture-book summary of the Great Deluge. Either way, it's likely nothing about that story made you think, "Hey! Y'know who'd be great at directing the movie version of this? Darren Aronofsky! Yeah, something about Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan just screams Biblical epic to me." And yet here we are. For good measure, let's have Hermione Granger play Noah's daughter. Righteous. Early reviews are mixed, but at least Russell Crowe doesn't sing.

And of course there's Emerald City Comicon, running all this weekend in Seattle's Washington State Convention Center. While San Diego's fable con slides more into the realm of movies and TV, this is one gathering that keeps its primary focus on the comics. Featured writers include Mike Allred, Kurt Busiek, Erik Larsen, Jim Lee (Friday only), Mark Miller and Jeff Smith. Star Wars novelists Kevin J. Anderson and Dave Wolverton will be on hand, as will John Scalzi, whose Redshirts: A Novel with Three Codas won the Hugo last year. It's about a security officer aboard the Universal Union Capital Ship Intrepid, Ensign Andrew Dahl, who suddenly realizes his colleagues don't fare well on away missions. Think 320 pages of "Guy" from Galaxy Quest, and if that doesn't make you desperate for a copy then I don't know what.

Have no fear, TV and movie geeks, you haven't been exiled into the Phantom Zone. Celebrity guests include Richard Dean Anderson (who'll fashion a crude Orion vehicle from two paper clips and a Hot Pocket), Michael Biehn (who'll claim to be from the future, then impregnate a coffee shop waitress), John de Lancie (Q who?), Michael Dorn, Eliza Dushku, Cary Elwes, Kelly Hu, Nichelle Nichols, Ron Perlman, Lance Reddick, Alan Tudyk and Karl Urban. I'm tellin' ya, you put those people around a mic for two hours, and you've got a pretty good LEGO Movie sequel. Did LEGO ever make a Hellboy set? Because that'd be awesome.

SUNDAY, MARCH 30

After last week's history-heavy installment, Cosmos explores "A Sky Full of Ghosts." Patrick Stewart voices astronomer William Herschel, best known for his catchphrase "You go, business pro." Also, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson's Ship of the Imagination buzzes the event horizon of a black hole, beating Disney's reboot department by years.

Meanwhile, in the improbably walker-ful woods around Atlanta, Sheriff Rick is in for an even less happy installment than usual in the season-four finale of The Walking Dead. Shortly thereafter, Nerdist Chris Hardwick will admit even he's not sure what's going on with this show anymore.

Next week, of course, it's back to Westeros for season four of Game of Thrones.

Tuesday, April 1

Avoid obnoxious April Fools' Day pranks by hiding in your living room with a fresh supply of cinematic brain candy. New on Blu-ray and DVD this week: 47 Ronin, Anchorman 2 and Knights of Badassdom.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may we all be reunited in Terminus.

MONDAY, MARCH 24 2014 >>>

1. Weekly Volcano scribe Jackie Fender has created Creative Colloquy aiming to share Tacoma's rich literary talents and foster relationships built upon mutual admiration of the written word. The inaugural Creative Colloquy, which goes down at 7 p.m. at B Sharp Coffee House, encourages scribes to connect with like minds. Short stories and novel excerpts are encouraged but Fender encourages other prose. Each performer will have up to 5 minutes to read. Opportunities are based upon those who arrive and sign up first. Featured storytellers include Joshua Swainston, Melissa Thayer, Nick Stokes, Titus Burley, William Norris Turbyfill and Dick Dorsett. All featured readers have pieces posted on creativecolloquy.com, although their readings could differ from the posted material. Come imbibe in libations or sip on roasted bean concoctions and watch storytellers do the thing they do best - narrate their tales.

2. The Grand Cinema has long been a ground zero of cinematic art in Tacoma, and that title has only grown with the addition of its fourth screen. With that new screen, The Grand Cinema is able to showcase films every Tuesday that would otherwise not be able to sustain a full week run. Here is where the Documentary Week comes in.

3. Sister Spit all-girl spoken word road show drops in on Olympia's Eagles Ballroom at 7:30 p.m. If you’re envisioning a bunch of gray-haired professors reading Dickinson and Shakespeare in low, expressionless tones, drooling, you’ve it wrong. Whew!  This tour features eight, 20-something queer female writers. Expect musical, rhythmic monologues about issues such as class, race, gender and sexuality.

4. Saxophonist Cliff Colon, keyboardist Peter Adams, bassist Rob Hutchinson and drummer Brian Smith are known as Velocity, a jazz fusion and Latin funk band that will bring it at 8 p.m. in The Swiss.

5. Every Monday Jazzbones is packed to the brim with college kids. Party types. The type that wear tight shirts and trucker hats. Throngs of Chad Fratguys and Sarah Sororitysisters swarm the bar, line up for the bathroom and dance to the Rockaraoke - live band karaoke. The Rockaraoke band is skilled, too. Expect $2 PBR drafts, $3 Sinfire shots and $4 Smirnoff flavor vodka bombs.

LINK: Monday, March 24 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, MARCH 23 2014 >>>

1. Are you ready to run yourself rugged? The Titlow Mud Run offers you multiple obstacles during a 2-mile run, beginning at noon. During those 10,560 feet, you will crawl through the mud, climb over logs, jump fire, and jump wires. However, all obstacles are optional through the trails and woods of Titlow Park. This run was specially made for all types of people, the ones who love to get down and dirty, and the ones who like to keep their feet dry as they jump over puddles and go around mud. For lots of sweaty fun, register at metroparks.com, to receive a complimentary run towel and guaranteed timing for your little jaunt. For people who don't register but still participate, the towel and timing is not guaranteed.

2. The Spring Fairy Festival, the yearly "magical weekend of fae," returns to the Freighthouse Square in Tacoma from noon to 5 p.m. Celebrating fantasy, magic and, of course, faeries, this annual event of pixie dust and gossamer wings provides everything a faer-folk enthusiast could want. Host Crescent Moon Gifts gathers artists, musicians, performers and 45 vendors to cater to the varying tastes of those who adore the faerie realm - meaning tricksy goblins, faeries, beguiling bellydancers, lost boys, steam punks and horned ones.

3. These days, thanks to streaming services like Netflix, there are more people than ever lazily consuming documentary films. What was once viewed as a wasteland of heart-rending Shoah's has been transformed into an easygoing world of pop-docs. Still, the art of the documentary is growing, as technology expands and allows more filmmakers the ability to carry out their vision. As a result, the cream is increasingly rising to the top. Documentaries of merit are coming out of the woodwork, and they're spreading ... including today at The Grand Cinema.

4. Saxophonist Kareem Kandi's sound is virtually unrelated to the roomy traditions of soul saxes, honking saxes or deep-chested boudoir ballad saxes. It derives from the classic, free, often enthusiastic tradition of Joshua Redman as filtered through Dexter Gordon and Sonny Stitt, all of whose shadows can be traced-Redman in Kandi's funky organicism, Gordon in his dynamic harmonics, Stitt in the intensity that coats his every note with a Gritty City finish. Kareem Kandi will be joined by bassist Osama Afifi and drummer Andre Thomas at 6:30 p.m. in the Cliff House Restaurant.

5. The Tacoma Comedy Club presents Bundt Cake Comedy, a carefully curated snapshot of Seattle's sprawling standup scene featuring only the best emerging and established comics and sprinkled with sketches, storytelling, videos and other amusements, beginning at 8 p.m.

LINK: Sunday, March 23 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area