WEDNESDAY, DEC. 22, 2010 >>>

1. The Coen Brothers adapted yet another classic western - Charles Portis' dark comedy True Grit - in which a young girl teams up with two weird-ass lawmen to avenge her father's murder in the Wild West. The film screens at 2:10, 4:35, 7 and 9:25 at The Grand Cinema.

2. The Nutcracker - with its sugarplum fairies, dancing snowflakes, and magical toys - is a holiday tradition for many families. But most kids can't fully appreciate the whimsical ballet set to Tchaikovsky's score - they're too stuck on the name. Years ago, when a friend's mother announced that she wanted to take a group of us to experience the timeless work, we fell into peals of laughter as soon as she was out of earshot: "The Nutcracker! We 'bout to see somebody's nuts get cracked! NUTS!" The silliness died down in the weeks before the performance, and when the curtain rose, we were captivated - eyes wide and glassy, mouths gaping. But it wasn't the ballet that had us transfixed - it was the constricting tights on the male dancers. "Hey," whispered a friend sitting next to us. "I guess we know now why they really call it The Nutcracker!" Create your own memories at 1 and 5 p.m. when the Tacoma City Ballet stages its version inside the Pantages Theater.

3. Comedian W. C. Fields once quipped, "Never work with animals or children." Fortunately, Tacoma Little Theatre ignored his admonishment and stages Annie at 2 p.m. TLT not only chose a classic story, they put together a cast that is great to watch. This cast is so good, in fact, they received a standing ovation on opening night. Read our full review of the show here.

4. Chances are you've now suffered through the dreaded office holiday party - unless your company is so parsimonious that the party isn't happening. Either way, please accept our sympathies. These company soirees force you to mingle with the same jejune folks you see every day while pawing a plate of thawed shrimp and sipping watered-down martinis. Bored if you do, damned if you don't. Reward yourself tonight with a real party, rockabilly fans. The Baxters - formerly The Dempseys - will fill Jazzbones at 7:30 p.m. with bass fiddle stunts, instrument swapping, a flaming trumpet with enough a good-humored repertoire to pull us away from the bar (ha ha ha, good one). 

5. Geeks Who Drink pub quiz at 8:30 p.m. inside the Ram Restaurant and Brewery on Ruston Way consists of eight rounds of eight questions and is played in teams of up to six people. Questions are read aloud by the quizmaster; teams write their answers on provided sheets and turn them in at the end of each round. The team with the most points after eight rounds is the winner. Oh, and there's drinking involved, too.

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NEWS IN FILM AND VIDEO, REGURGITATED HERE >>>

These days in Tinseltown, comedy icons are dropping like flies (or really old white males in poor health). A few weeks ago we mourned the passing of 84-year-old Leslie Nielsen, which I commemorated by renting Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, and aiming heavenward votive candles arranged to read "RIP Shirley."

Then on Dec. 15, pneumonia struck another blow to the old-school funnyman ranks and took writer-director Blake Edwards, husband to Julie Andrews and best known for the roughly 9,000 Pink Panther movies he made with Peter Sellers. Other directors of Edwards' time wouldn't touch the lowbrow slapstick or political incorrectness in which he happily wallowed for much of his career, and still don't even today (not counting Dinner For Schmucks). Edwards' efforts made the world a little more insane, which I thank him for.

And finally, we lost a third funny artist earlier this month, Wesley Snipes - not to the Reaper's cold hand but to the chillier confines of federal prison. Apparently the IRS doesn't find tax evasion amusing. But how can you lock up an actor who accumulated such a collection of classic lines in the ‘90s?

Demolition Man: "Simon says, ‘Bleed.'"

Blade: "Some motherf***ers are always trying to ice-skate uphill."

Passenger 57: "Always bet on black!"

Snipes better hope his fellow inmates don't call him Noxeema.    

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS WEEK'S VOLCANO >>>

Christmas time - and Christmas vacation, if you're lucky enough to get one - is a great time for movie watching. It's also a great time to release a movie, if you're a big time studio or famous director - people will be sitting around, trapped with their families, and looking for ways to burn a couple hours as painlessly as possible. It's the perfect storm.

This week, the famed Coen Brothers release their take on the John Wayne classic, True Grit. Early indications are it's pretty good. The Volcano's own Adam McKinney - one of the only remaining local movie critics around - will have a review of the film in this week's paper.

Until then, here's a peak at the trailer, followed by a refresher on the movie that came before it ...

MONDAY, DEC. 20, 2010 >>>

1. So the tree and the fairy lights are up, you have enough booze and unhealthy snacks to sink the Titanic, and your television is about to explode in a flurry of consumerism and romantic schmaltz. But there's something missing. That's right, folks: it just wouldn't be a happy holiday without some singing about God. And for that, there's no beating Handel's "Messiah," a piece for choir, orchestra and soloists that has delighted audiences worldwide for more than 250 years. As 18th-century music historian Charles Burney once said, ""Messiah" has fed the hungry and clothed the naked, fostered the orphan, and enriched succeeding managers of Oratories more than any single musical production in this or any other country." We're not totally sure what that means, so check it out yourself at 7:30 p.m. inside the Washington Center when the Student Orchestras of Greater Oympia presents their version, which so happens to be a sing-along. Nice.

2. "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." growls the tongue-in-cheek voice-over during the trailer for Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, a Finnish import screening at 3 and 7:45 p.m. inside The Grand Cinema. Will this sinister Santa flick unravel into nostalgic camp like its '80s predecessors, Christmas Evil or Silent Night, Deadly Night? Find out for yourself.

3. The Harmon Brewery and Eatery has launched a Monday night blues series kicking it off with HD Hobson from 7-10 p.m.

4. The Tacoma Cult Movie Club is a collective of people who enjoy cinema on the outer fringe of the spectrum. They'll convene at 7 p.m. inside the Acme Grub Cage to enjoy a double feature based on a theme "Don't Feed The Plants" plus with shorts, trailers, film serials, and the lifeblood of the TCMC: the raffle.

5. The Jerry Miller Band will perform at 8 p.m. inside The Swiss.

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SATURDAY, DEC. 18 >>>

1. There's a sweet all-ages show today at Rocket Records on Tacoma's Sixth Ave featuring Rooftop Warrior. As long as you dig rock, this should be one all ages can enjoy.

2. Check out the Click! family flick this morning at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma - a free screening of A Christmas Story. Will Ralphie shoot his eye out this year? Find out in style, not just sitting on your couch watching TBS.

3. The Nightgowns play tonight at the New Frontier. Anyone paying attention knows this will be awesome.

4. Like bikes? Like booze? Check out this hot piece of action - the Troll Crank Holly Jolly Bicycle Booze Cruise.

5. Spend time checking out photos from the Third Thursday Art Bus - which was in full effect this week. Pay special attention to Buddy the elf. He looks much like Volcano publisher Ron Swarner, no? Surely just a coincidence ...

THURSDAY, DEC. 16>>>

1. Rare Exports opens at the Grand today with a free screening starting at 7 p.m. The only catch: You need to pick up your free tickets at either Doyle's or Comic Book Ink.

2. Well hot shit! The Fabulous Wailers play the Swiss tonight - and they're promising a big bash. Expect extra horns and some boogie piano.

3. Still shopping for the holidays? Who's not? Try the 25 and Under Sale today at the 253 Collective Showroom (1901 S. Jefferson). "New art, new artists and new excitement," it promised.

4. Need a laugh? I'm sure we all do. Chances are, the comedy open mic night at Big Whisky Saloon in Tacoma will provide a few. Giggles start at 8:30 p.m.

5. Get your fiddle on with The McKassons and the Haggis For the Holidays Benefit at the Mandolin Café.

RARE EXPORTS DEBUTS AT THE GRAND WITH FREE SCREENING THURSDAY >>>

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." growls the tongue-in-cheek voiceover during the trailer for Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, a Finnish import debuting at The Grand Cinema with a Dec. 16 free screening. Will this sinister Santa flick unravel into nostalgic camp like its ‘80s predecessors, Christmas Evil or Silent Night, Deadly Night? Or, like Sweden's popular vampire yarn Let the Right One In, will it instead offer American audiences a fresh take on another centuries-old myth? Either result would have pleased me, but Rare Exports decides on the higher road and reexamines its origin story with an unrelenting air of seriousness.

In the bowels of a remote mountain in Finland, an excavation by Subzero Incorporated and its craggy-faced Dickensian owner unearth...something. Pietari, a boy from a small village nearby, automatically pegs this discovery as the final resting place for one Saint Nick. And disturbing a legend's slumber, whether a mummified Egyptian or a frozen Finn, means only one thing for unsuspecting grave robbers: swift comeuppance. Other strange phenomena also occur: a farmer's collection of potato sacks vanishes; an unknown creature slaughters the town's yearly haul of reindeer. Probably just wolves, right?

Then one day Pietari's father finds a filthy, gaunt old man on his property - has Santa Claus finally come to town?

Director Jalmari Helander deftly milks every ounce of tension from the script's original premise. His film captures a mood similar to that in There Will Be Blood - beautiful cinematography masking a pervading sense of unease among characters and events. The brutal environs and driving score seem to plunge son and father toward an evil they can't comprehend. Small details such as a calendar date or drawings from a children's book carry ominous overtones. Even a recurring visual, the countdown to Christmas Day, bears a mark of impending doom. All these elements succeed in whisking viewers along for 84 minutes toward a surprise twist and satisfying finale, making Exports that rare alternative to traditionally sunny Yuletide cinema.     

WORKIN' HARD FOR HIS MONEY >>>

It may not seem like we like our local movie critic, the Rev. Adam McKinney, very much - what, with all those crappy rom-coms and Chris Pine movies we send him to - but that's not actually the case. As he's said himself, there just haven't been very many good movies this year.

This week Mark Wahlberg has a new flick coming out - The Fighter, which also stars the angry-on-the-inside Christian Bale. It's a movie about a washed up boxer with great abs.

And, yes, McKinney will be reviewing it - because there's nothing he likes more than riding the bus to Seattle to see a Marky Mark joint. Trust us. It has nothing to do with whether we like him or not.

Here's a trailer from The Fighter to get you all pumped up.

And here's a clip of some of Marky Mark's best work ever.

CULT FILM ABOUT HOT DOGS, PUNK ROCK AND COFFEE >>>

There's a certain "what the fuck" grandeur to Straight to Hell Returns. Absolutely nothing beyond the first couple minutes (in which some greasy gangsters hide out in the desert after robbing a bank) makes one lick of sense, but that's all right. The vague notion of a story is present, as is the misty sense that the plot is moving forward, but every scene succeeds in upending every expectation and leaving the viewer with the sensation of having just woken up from one seriously whacked dream.

Some elements involved in Straight to Hell Returns that you might find interesting: Joe Strummer; pre-Cobain-acquainted Courtney Love; coffee; absurd bloodshed; Dennis Hopper; Jim Jarmusch; a beautiful woman washing a motorcycle; coffee; Elvis Costello; combing hair with gasoline; The Pogues as cowboys; Grace Jones; a drunken group-singing of "Danny Boy"; and more coffee.

To describe what happens in Straight to Hell Returns (an extended director's cut of Straight to Hell) would be an exercise in futility. Like many cult films, it mostly just amounts to watching a bunch of cool people having a great time in the desert. Unlike many cult films, Straight to Hell Returns also functions well as a time capsule of that period in the ‘80s when American independent film directors were going fucking nuts. People like Straight to Hell's Alex Cox and Jim Jarmusch were bringing a punk aesthetic to the screen in a way that hasn't quite happened since.

When Straight to Hell Returns screens at the Grand Cinema tonight, director Alex Cox will be in attendance. Stand near him and soak in the punk rock aura.

[The Grand Cinema, Straight to Hell Returns with director Alex Cox, 7 p.m., $5 -- $ 8.50, 606 S. Fawcett, Tacoma, 253.593.4474]

MONDAY, DEC. 13 >>>

1. See Straight to Hell Returns at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma. What? That's not good enough for you? OK - see Straight to Hell Returns at the Grand in Tacoma AND meet and discuss the film with famed director Alex Cox. Ask for anything else and you're just being greedy (though popcorn will be available).

2. Talent shows are awesome. And perhaps you haven't seen a good one since middle school. All the more reason to check out "Tacoma's Best Holiday Talent Show" at the Broadway Center tonight at 7 p.m. - brought to you by the Broadway Center's Ensemble 915. Expect audience participation and a gong.

3. New to the graphic novel game? An old pro? It really doesn't matter - Tacoma's Graphic Novel Book Club, which meets on the second Monday of every Month at 1022 South, has something for everyone. And guess what!?! It's the second Monday of the month! See what's up tonight, when the club discusses December's book - A Gods Somewhere by John Arcudi and Peter Snejbjerg.

4. It's movie night at Le Voyeur in Olympia.

5. According to the Volcano's impeccable collection of South Sound event info, until Thursday you've got a chance to meet - and have your photo snapped - with Santa Claus ... at the Commons at Federal Way of all places. Make today YOUR day for a session on Santa's lap. Open 10 a.m. - 8 p.m.