PROF. REEVES: DRINKOLOGY >>>

Lady Luck's Cowgirl Up

A flamboyant animal, widely thought of as a country bar, its nomenclature is one of the rare instances of the use of irony in the biological world.  The place may be decked out with rustic wood, leather, wrought iron and cowgirls on top of the bar, but hip hop, Electric Slide and Top 40 make appearances often.

Drink Choice: Lady Luck's Cowgirl Up is an ideal place to nurse your sinful thoughts â�" or come up with new ones. Mine is a Dirty Girl Scout made with Crème de Menthe, Crème de Cacoa and Baileyâ��s Irish Cream, usually on the rocks, but she can also be shot straight up. 

[Lady Luck's Cowgirl Up, 14114 Pacific Ave. S., Parkland/Tacoma, 253.538.4996]

CHEESEBURGERMEISTER MEISTERCHEESEBURGER: ALFRED'S CAFE & BUBBLE ROOM >>>

I, Cheeseburgermeister Meistercheeseburger, stopped by Alfred’s Cafe & Bubble Room last week after destroying 59 toys, and decided to lift a couple of pints in the white and black diner, and have a little snack.

I know that Alfred’s Cafe has a fascinating history: blah blah once was a brothel, yadda yadda, etc. I know the place is a mix between Mel’s Diner from “Happy Days,” “Cheers” and an Irish pub. And that it offers quite possibly the best Monte Cristo in the South Sound! But seriously, when you have a burger this good, you just don't need anything else! One thick patty, done medium, with plenty of cheese on mega bun, then served on a plate with iceberg lettuce, tomato slice, three onion rings, two pickles and a side of mayo. Oh, and the sturdy, massive top bun arrives under the burger so I can make a smiling face with ketchup and mustard on the patty. That's it, and that's enough!

It rings in, with crispy fries, at $9.74.

[Alfred's Cafe & Bubble Room, 402 Puyallup Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.5491]

LINK: Cheeseburgemeister Meistercheeseburger hates this toy
LINK: Alfred's breakfast

BOBBLE TIKI: PROPAGANDA SERIES IS BACK FOR FIRST NIGHT >>>

If Bobble Tiki could turn back time, if he could find a way, he’d probably be living a quiet forest ranger life, yelling at boys in Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirts to put out their freakin’ fires. He’d soberly plod his way through the workday, finding small pleasures in stubbly snag creations.

Instead, the Stevie Nicks landslide has brought Bobble Tiki to a life of corked, isolated displeasure. Heartily aware of his divergence from productivity some 20 years ago, he nonetheless goes on, still picking at shag carpets for the cheap and banal and crying all the way to the bank.

Not to be overly dramatic but Bobble Tiki has the feeling that the end is nigh. He says this because he’s starting to notice something extremely dire in his day-to-day swish through life, equal parts fabulous and scary, and therefore necessarily apocalyptic: His life is becoming just like the color of his hair.

Bobble Tiki needs answers. He needs them now!

Bobble Tiki tends to avoid the supernatural. He has, however, had his brushes with the otherworldly. He called Miss Cleo once just to find out if her accent is real. And Bobble Tiki swears that every time he has his tarot read the Nine of Swords turns up. It’s the charming picture of a woman in bed; there are nine swords hung on the wall behind her, and she is sobbing. Coincidence? Or a chilling presentiment from the other side?

Nonetheless, Bobble Tiki needs answers now. So he’s stopping by the Mad Hat Tea Company Wednesday during First Night Tacoma to find answers in Mary K. Johnson's latest Propaganda series. Instead of rendering what she found despicable in the last two Propaganda shows, Johnson will come up with answers for this show.

"By relying on the age-old of tarot she's drawn 10 cards and laid them out in the "tree-of-life" layout and cross-interpreted the reading with a deck of angel cards â€" the angel deck is the solution â€" positive â€" highest intent aspect of this series; the tarot cards are the "answers," states the show's press release.

This series will utilize 22 televisions to provided the service of informant, messenger, distracter, entertainer and in many ways programmer of society.

Johnson may have the answers Bobble Tiki has been seeking.

[Mad Hat Tea Company, through January 2009, opening Wednesday, Dec. 31, 6-11:30 p.m., 1130 Commerce St. Tacoma, 253.441.2111]

LINK: First Night Tacoma
LINK: Hi Jack at First Night

SUZY STUMP: SOUTH SOUND ABOUNDS >>>

There’s that thing you told yourself you were going to investigate or learn about or take a class to study further, and yet you’ve never really gotten around to it.  Oh sure, you bought that book two years ago and had a fascinating conversation with that guy who is sort of already doing the thing you would love to learn about, but that was last year, and you were a bit drunk and so was he.  So here you are just looking at your shoes going, “Hmm, another year and I still don’t know squat about orchid gardening/Taoist philosophy/chakra bingo.”

Now 2009 is looking you right square in the Old Navy T-shirt and saying, “All right then, so what have we here? Are you ready to make the best of me and take me out and ply me with wine and soft and gentle yet commanding words, or shall I just shrug and sigh and watch you wither and whimper and say hey maybe next year for sure?”  Or simply hie thee to the Weekly Volcano’s Music Calendar, honeychile, scan Wednesday’s listings and then party away your paltry ideals.

LINK: New Year’s Eve parties

STEPH DEROSA: PUSH THEM BACK, PUSH THEM BACK, WAAAAY BACK! >>>

I hear people cheering, and it’s for me! But why do they cheer only when I’m leaving? I’m hoping that question will be answered this Saturday, Jan. 3, at the North Thurston High School Cheerleading Clinic.

Girls and boys in grades Pre-K through eighth-grade are invited to yell, cheer, jump, and exhibit spirit in any and all ways possible as the North Thurston High School cheerleaders hold a clinic from 8:30 a.m. to noon in their North Thurston High School gym this weekend. Registration is accepted the day of the event at the door and is $20 payable by cash or check. With this exciting, positive and motivating cheer clinic participants will walk away with a new T-shirt, new moves, and lots of new friends.

What’s better is that these energetic kids will perform their newfound tricks Jan. 9 during a basketball game halftime!

For me, I’ll be at the clinic to buy some of those old cheer uniforms they’ll have for sale. Something’s gotta come out of the new book I just bought: 101 Ways to Feel Better About Not Fitting Into an Eighth-Grader’s Clothes.

[North Thurston High School, Saturday, Jan. 3, 8:30 a.m. to noon, $20 at door, 600 Sleater-Kinney Road N.E., Lacey, 360.239.3361]

PAUL SCHRAG: HI JACK PREVIEW >>>

It will happen during First Night Tacoma in front of Sanford and Son on Broadway. They will gather before what people at the port call a TEU â€" or 20-foot-equivalent â€" container. Audience members are encouraged to bring an instrument made from recycled plastic of some sort â€" a milk jug filled with gravel will allow you to participate, says organizer Lynn Di Nino. Audience members also are invited to bring a piece of bread or toast, which will be toasted atop the container in a bank of special toasters. We don’t know what makes them special, or what they’ll do to your toast, but we promise you’ll end up with some magic mf’n toast. So you can toast in the New Year. Got it?

They will call the event "Hi Jack."

Today, we snapped a few shots of "The Ice Queen of Tollefson Plaza" who will grace the Hi Jack event during First Night Tacoma. Hey, that looks a lot like Mary K Johnson.

For more information on First Night Tacoma, check out www.firstnighttacoma.org.

[Sanford and Son, Wednesday, Dec. 31, 8:30-10 p.m., between Seventh and Ninth on Broadway, downtown Tacoma]

STEPH DEROSA: COYOTE STEAK SALAD >>>

Crouton rating - three out of four

Somehow having peanut shells all over a restaurant's floor makes it ââ?¬Å?Texan.ââ?¬Â? Iââ?¬â?¢m sorry, but I donââ?¬â?¢t remember seeing copious amounts of peanut droppings in any venue during my Texan upbringing. I saw shit and hay on the floor of the rodeo stables, but no peanuts. Only here in the Pacific Northwest, at Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse, is southern culinary depicted by a trashed-up, peanut-infested floor. My apologies to all potential BBQ fans with peanut allergies, but you will never be able to grace these Texan-themed dining establishments within your lifetime.

Meh, you�re not missing much.

Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse's Coyote Steak Salad

Description: Perfectly grilled strips of sirloin steak, cooked to your preferred temperature, rest atop an even mound of green salad, cheddar cheese, bell peppers, and saut�©ed onions. This Coyote Steak Salad is also garnished with what I consider to be by far one of the best bread/crouton alternatives ever â�" Potato skins. A deep peppercorn ranch dressing is drizzled and richly hidden within the lettuce leaves while shallowly swimming at the bottom of the salad bowl.

Taste: The meat really is cooked to ordered perfection, and every bite comes out even. I don�t feel like I have too much of one ingredient while lacking on another. Although, I will say that their shredded cheddar cheese is borderline. While it is shredded fine enough to melt along with the other ingredients, it�s obviously your standard flavorless food service cheese. The dressing is original and not lacking in kick by any stretch of the imagination.

Conclusion: I really like this salad, as Iâ��ve had it almost every time I dine at Jimmy Macâ��s Roadhouse in Federal Way. Iâ��m a huge fan of the hot toppings on a cool bed of greens. My favorite part, and most unhealthy, are the potato wedges. With the bit of dressing and random salad toppings that manage to thrive at the bottom of the bowl â�" these wedges make for perfect scooping. Even with the lunch-sized portion, I leave feeling full and satisfied.

Dressing on the side
I was just engaged in a semi-conversation on Facebook concerning gelatin (JELL-O). Last night a typical bout of insomnia had struck, and my thoughts wandered toward JELL-O. I began to question its history and composition. After extensive online research (also involving mass distraction and work procrastination), I was mortified at what I found. Go look for yourselves! I mean it when I say that gelatin is pudding�s evil sibling. Pudding involves milk, and both gelatin and milk are just wicked. Through very clever marketing over the centuries companies have made people believe the shit can better your health. It�s almost as wrong as the marketing genius that decided to plaster a business logo on the side of a PT Cruiser. Nauseating.

[Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse, 34902 Pacific Hwy. S., Federal Way, 253.874.6000]

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide