Thursday, Oct. 28 >>>

1. Let's be honest. You love drinking. You love pizza. And you love men under five feet tall. Do yourself a favor and check out the twangy and bluesy acoustic jams of Billy Stoops tonight at Stonegate Pizza on South Tacoma Way. You love him in Junkyard Jane. You love him in Billy Roy Danger and the Rectifiers. And you'll love him all by his lonesome. He's so cute you'll want to put him in your front pocket and take him home. We promise.

2. Twig Palace started out as a recording project between Olympia regulars Colleen Johnson and Evan Hashi, resulting in their debut self-titled LP. Music-wise, it may best be described as rhythmic folk-pop. The worst sleepy nature of folk is staved off by an active percussion section and occasional dips into the jagged tones of a band like Modest Mouse. Tonight, see for yourself at Northern in Olympia.

3. The Olympia Farmers Market runs 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Thursday through Sunday until Oct. 31, when it cuts back to merely a weekend affair for November and December. This means today is your final chance until next April to catch the Oly Farmers Market on a Thursday. Just sayin... Buy some squash!

4. Oh! Wait! What!?! You want more farmers market action? Today marks the final Tacoma Farmers Market of the season. Just sayin... Buy some squash!

5. Every second and fourth Thursday of the month at Barnes and Noble in Olympia the Writers' Round Table meets at 7 p.m. It's totally free, and according to promotions, "Writers of all types and styles are welcome to develop their skills in an encouraging atmosphere." We'll see if that's still what they say when Bobble Tiki shows up with his chapbook full about his mother.

EMAIL NOW!>>>

We're giving away two sets of tickets to Saturday's Tacoma Community House Antique Quest and Wine Fest at the Museum of Glass. The event is 21+, runs 7-10 p.m.

Here's some info from this week's paper.

And here's some info from the Tacoma Community House website.

Email calendar@weeklyvolcano.com right now and tell us why you love antiques, wine - or better yet all of the above. At the end of the day we'll pick two lucky people and award each a pair of tickets to the event -- valued at $75 a piece.

Go forth and email...

When I recently stopped by K Record's headquarters in the old Beth Hatfiloh synagogue on Jefferson St. in Olympia, I captured some video while local music giant Calvin Johnson gave me a tour of their Dub Narcotic Studios. In the clip below, Calvin goes over much of the studios' esoteric gear, but-trust me-there's a treasure trove of offbeat equipment he doesn't even get around to pointing out in this overview. Read more about Dub Narcotic Studios and its enviable stash of analog gizmos in today's Weekly Volcano.

ZOMBIE PREPAREDNESS

The stench of rotting flesh is in the air.. Oh wait, it's just that pumpkin decomposing on my front porch. Either way, it reminds me that it's only a matter of time before mobs of decaying corpses roam the streets searching for live bodies to feast on.

The zombie apocalypse is inevitable, and while I'd recommend boarding your windows, hoarding canned food and playing hours of Resident Evil, it won't be enough to save your ass when doomsday comes. It's time to learn some zombie combat skills.

Lucky for you! Tacoma Tactical is hosting a zombie preparedness training course this Friday and Saturday night, all as part of National Zombie Apocalypse Awareness Month (no joke). For just five bucks you'll be put into a realistic zombie fighting scenario. Think paintball meets Zombie Land.   You can rely on your Jedi-mind tricks to defeat the enemy, or just the Airsoft guns (replica firearms that shoot plastic pellets) that will be available to rent. I'm going to keep it old school with their shotgun model.

This is also the perfect opportunity for you to organize your post-apocalypse army. I don't buy that "every man for himself" bullshit. Your alliances will be key to surviving a flesh-annihilating epidemic.

Now is the time to combine forces with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or that hot girl/guy you see every morning on the light-rail (basically, anyone you think you can tolerate in a confined bunker for however long an apocalypse lasts). Make the most of this opportunity and keep in mind that while many a fool will be out getting bombed on Jaegermeister, you will be acquiring the skills and know-how to protect yourself, your loved ones, and the hot light-rail chick from impending zombie attacks. 

Zombie Preparedness Training Course

OCT. 29 - 30, 6 p.m. - midnight

810 E F ST, Tacoma, WA 98421

253.345.1471

Tacomatactical.com

VISIT CENTRALIA>>>

McMenamin's Olympic Club in Centralia is perhaps the best-known haunted building in The Pacific Northwest. This past March, PIHA (Paranormal Investigations of Historical America) deemed The Olympic Club indeed haunted. Based on countless testimonials and evidence from EVP machines and infrared cameras, it seems The Olympic Club is the place to go get spooked. Plus, it's in Centralia - only adding to the fright factor.

The historic club offers overnight stays, movie showings in the couch-filled theater and delicious eats. Just be prepared to share any of these activities with the hotels' resident ghost, Louis Galba, the spirit of a man badly burned in a fatal fire on June 26, 1908.

Beautifully preserved with a mahogany bar, period fixtures and antiqued billiard tables, the hotel and restaurant are a history buff's dream. Throw a ghost in the mix and groups such as PIHA are in ghost-hunter's heaven. As seen in a video on king5.com, the findings of PIHA's investigations show chilling voices, mysterious knockings and paranormal presence through tangible evidence, like cold brushes and hair pulling.

Others that have been visited by Louis Galba describe spontaneous opening and closing of oven doors, extinguishing and igniting of candles and brushes of cold against their skin.

Now, I don't know about sound and camera doohickeys or the difference between ghost orbs and light reflections, but I do know that my husband and I stayed at the Olympic Club a few years ago and at one point, as we rounded down the back staircase, we were scared shitless as a door slammed behind us when no one else was around.

Plus, did I mention we were in Centralia?

Boo!

Olympic Club Theater and Hotel

112 N. Tower Ave., Centralia
360.736.5164

FRIDAY, OCT. 29>>>

1. Blues and soul. A classic combo. Tonight at the Washington Center for the Performing Arts Ruthie Foster and Eric Bibb, together on the "Thanks for the Joy" tour will be doing what they do best. Each performer has been celebrated in their own right. Together, judging by reports, they're phenomenal. Action starts at 7:30 p.m.

2. David Sedaris' highly imaginative, ridiculous, true and frequently heartbreaking content is derived from commonplace observations and events. The invitation you'll have tonight at the Pantages to pull up a chair and hear the stories Sedaris has to tell is a wonderful thing. Dude is hilarious and genius all wrapped into an awesome, captivating, little package.

3. Jason Rim's Gruv Lounge and Nightclub officially opens tonight. Los Angeles DJ Uberzone will join local DJs dAb, Jason Diamond and Mr. Clean for the club's big launch. The party goes all night.

4. The strength of a play cannot rely on a good script alone. Likewise, good actors cannot make up for terrible writing. Thankfully, eleemosynary, on stage at Tacoma Little Theatre tonight at 7:30 p.m., is a great script with a trio of delightfully talented actors bringing it to life. It's not just for women, either.

5. We've got one more pair of tickets for Saturday's Tacoma Community House Antique Quest and Wine Fest. Make your Friday special by winning them! Email us at calendar@weeklyvolcano.com if you want the tickets, which go for $75 apiece on the street, and we'll pick one lucky winner at noon.

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Partly sunny, hi 56, lo 46

Saturday: Sun breaks with a little rain, hi 56, lo 50

Sunday: Rain. Blah, hi 54, lo 51

>>> FRIDAY, OCT. 29: DAVID SEDARIS

David Sedaris' highly imaginative, ridiculous, true and frequently heartbreaking content is derived from commonplace observations and events. The invitation you'll have Friday at the Pantages to pull up a chair and hear the stories Sedaris has to tell is a wonderful thing. Listening to Sedaris on This American Life is always entertaining, and we adore his books, but seeing David Sedaris live and watching his facial expressions and gestures as he reads and speaks is just awesome.

[Pantages Theater, 7:30 p.m., $32-$78, 901 Broadway, Tacoma, 253.591.5890]

>>> SATURDAY, OCT. 30: ANTIQUE QUEST AND WINE FEST

Personally, our all-time favorite PBS TV show has to be Antiques Roadshow. There's just something about watching those old folks get excited or crushed by the appraisals that's way more entertaining than it should be. Saturday, the Museum of Glass hosts Tacoma Community House's 4th Annual Antique Quest and Wine Fest - an event that promises all of the intrigue of the Antiques Roadshow, with tasty food and wine thrown in - not to mention the jams of Pearl Django.

[Museum of Glass, 7-10 p.m., $75, 1801 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.383.3951]

>>> SUNDAY OCT. 31: HARLEQUIN'S HAUNTED HALLOWEEN WILD WEST CABARET AND AUCTION

In a year that marks their 20th, Harlequin will throw a "Haunted Halloween Wild West Cabaret Auction" Sunday, and, yes, the price of admission includes an open bar. What's a Haunted Halloween Wild West Cabaret and Auction, you ask? Well, it's billed as a "fun-raiser," and in addition to said open bar it'll feature lots of great food and wine, a costume contest and the cast of the current Harlequin production of Taming of the Shrew belting it out cabaret-style in a spectacle the likes of which you've probably never seen before.

[State Theater, 6:30 - 10 p.m., $100, 204 Fourth Ave., E, Olympia, 360.786.0151]

>>> SUNDAY, OCT. 30: FREAKIN' HALLOWEEN

Duh! It's Halloween. All the ghouls, goblins, vampires and slutty (fill in the blank)s will be out in full force!  You could trick-or-treat, you could hunt zombies, you could get totally bombed, or you could just sit at home with a bowl full of candy that we all know isn't going anywhere but your midsection... It's totally your call.

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor and asshole

I will be spending the weekend concocting exciting sounding possible adventures and fantastic would-be hi-jinx so that in future weeks I might come off as less of a lame ass in the Weekend Hustle. Also, it's time for the monthly trip to Costco, so that's on tap too...

REV. ADAM MCKINNERY Features Writer

Halloween creeps menacingly closer, and it comes time that I am forced to wear a costume. I've never quite enjoyed it, and I've lost the figure to just dress up like a lady, which has always been my cheap go-to costume. So, I'll wear a funny hat or something and hit up some Halloween party, at which point I will head straight toward the bar where I will stay for the remainder of the night. Wooo! Holiday!

NIKKI TALOTTA Features Writer

Lots of Halloweeny stuff. Saturday I will be taking the family to see Caspar Babypants at The Loft on Cherry - a little rocking out for the kids should be fun, plus we found Star Wars costumes for everyone (thank-you Goodwill). And, yes, I'm wearing a little boys clone trooper costume. Next, some jack-o-lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's (only 6.99) and then the ol' switcheroo from family costume to slutty-working-at-the-bar costume, where I will be a guitar, dolling out the Halloween Ball drinks at the Broho and keeping the bar open an extra hour later. I will probably go into sugar shock on Sunday after eating all the children's good candies. (They are too young to know the Snickers for Smarties trade is a loosing proposition.) Good times.

JOE IZENMAN Music/Theater Critic

I am rocking sunny Wisconsin for an event that is geekier than you are likely to imagine. Let me know if you can imagine it, because I want to be your friend.

JENNIFER JOHNSON: Lifestyle/Leisure Writer

Friday yoga, luncheon, costume, dinner, shake it shake it dance. Saturday elliptical hell, hot yoga heaven, homework, luncheon, homework, costume, house party, boo-rah! Sunday rest.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL: Theater Critic

My busy Halloween weekend begins Friday with a visit to He Who Walks Behind the Rows at the Rutledge Corn Maze. Then it's off to Seattle the next morning for its simulacrum of the Rally to Restore Sanity, and a quick return trip to Oly for my friend Tim and Ingrid's wedding.  Finally, I'll catch the Sunday night performance of The Transylvanian Clockworks.  My car is already scared.

STEPH DEROSA: 3 Drink Minimum Correspondent

As you're reading this (while on the toilet, I assume) I am just finishing up Cinderella duties consisting of: floor sweeping, floor mopping and toilet scrubbing. This comes in preparation for a weekend filled with visitors and sleepovers.  While the sleepovers consist of me not necessarily waking up next to some random hot dude I met during a Friday night happy hour, they do consist of my mild inebriation, girls in a hot tub, pillow fights, and..... endless episodes of Hannah Montana.  Gotta love eight-year-olds. Someone kill me.

ALEC CLAYTON: Visual Arts Critic

This weekend I'm going to the Rally to Restore Sanity at River's Edge Restaurant in Tumwater.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

BRING ON THE WEEKEND>>>

Boo! It's Halloween. Or basically Halloween. Or whatever. The time has come for grownups to dress up in all sorts of bizarre and uncalled for costumes (my favorite so far is the slutty Chilean miner), and drink crazy amounts of Jagermeister in a pagan-like ritual the likes of which are seen but once a year.

Or something. Or whatever.

Anyway, the time has also come for The Prefunk, a weekly weekend primer for you AND your liver (with an added picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure).

The Brotherhood's Halloween Ball

Saturday, Oct. 30

There are a lot of places you can get tanked on Halloween, or the night before Halloween for that matter. Your apartment. A friend's house. Your stepdad's basement. Work.

But few of those places will leave you with satisfaction that getting drunk at the Brotherhood in Olympia will Saturday night.

Not only is the Brotherhood on the short list of top places to drink and hangout in Oly, but Saturday it's also the place to find, without a shadow of a doubt, the best Halloween Ball in town.

And the kicker is 50 percent of proceeds from the night will go to SafePlace, a domestic violence advocacy group that deserves all the help it can get.

Basically, it's a win-win-win-win. And there's probably another win in there somewhere. You really can't go wrong.

DJ MSG will be in the house, and costumes are strongly suggested. The Weekly Volcano's Nikki Talotta, as noted in "The Weekend Hustle," will be behind the bar dressed as a Slutty Guitar. So look for that. It all kicks off at 9 p.m.

PREFUNK: Now is the time to finally unveil your Cornel West costume. Put the finishing touches on it (do you have a pocket watch yet?) and go forth and celebrate!

SATURDAY, OCT. 30, 2010 >>>

1. What does a costume party on South Tacoma Way look like? You'll want to check out Stonegate Pizza tonight to find out. Frequent bill companions Big Wheel Stunt Show, Brotherhood of the Black Squirrel, SweetKiss Momma and Vile Red Falcons will be rocking the crap out of Stonegate's Halloween themed Saturday night extravaganza. In addition to the rock - served classic and searing - expect a hotly contested costume contest with a $200 "Best Costume" prize. We'll be going dressed as the men of "The Men of Puyallup" beefcake calendar. Wait?! What? SweetKiss Momma beat us to it? Crap.

2. With all of us Generation X and Y-ers who used to listen to Offspring now having offspring, it's important that we have an alternative to the usual Barney or Bob the Builder ditties. Good thing there's Caspar Babypants. Caspar Babypants is fun. Caspar Babypants rocks. And Caspar Babypants is Chris Ballew, co-founder of the Presidents of the United States of America. He's in Oly today, playing Wind Up Here Toy Store at 11 a.m. and the Loft on Cherry at 4:30 p.m.

3. Find out if all that old stuff your grandma left you when she died on that whitewater rafting trip is worth anything. Or just drink wine. It's the Tacoma Community House Antique Craft and Wine Fest tonight.

4. Honestly, if you're in Oly, you know what to do. It's Night of the Living Tribute Bands. L7, Heart, Pat Benetar - the list is incredible as usual. There's a reason this thing's an Olympia institution. Check into the Capitol Theater at 8 p.m.

5. We let the Rev. Adam McKinney write a blurb about Dead Man's Feast tonight at The New Frontier. Turns out he knows nothing about electronic music. In fact, it turns out none of us do. Except maybe Jason Baxter, because that guys just kind of a show off. Anyway, luckily the always-astute Tacoma icon Laura Eklund showed up in the comment section of Adam's blurb to set the record straight. We have no idea what she's talking about, but she's surely correct. To quote:

FYI: Dub Step, Drum and Bass, Folk Glitch and House are all different types/styles of techno music. As far as I know none of the DJ's playing at Deadman's Feast will be spinning House music. So if you're really into House or Side Trance or Speed Garage you might be disappointed because you won't be hearing any of that. There will be some awesome Folk Glitch, Dub Step and Drum and Bass though.

Thanks, Laura!

Got that, everyone? Good. New Frontier tonight, people.

LINK: More good stuff in the Weekend Hustle

LINK: Check The Prefunk for the scoop on the BroHo's Halloween Bash tonight

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

The rain is whipping down. It's like the inside of a carwash out there, so you and your date decide to keep it inside for the night. You could watch It's the great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown for the 22^nd time, but I suggest you snuggle up on the couch with a Halloween classic that features a lot more blood, ripping out of intestinal tracks, and maiming of unnecessarily nude bodies.

In my opinion, you haven't properly celebrated Halloween until you've watched an over-the-top, badly-acted, terribly-scripted, cheaply-made horror flick. I've made it a yearly tradition, and I think you'd be the wiser to do so as well. Here's a countdown of my all-time favorites:

5. Zombie Strippers (2008)

This film's fantastically stupid plot begins when a governmental experiment goes awry and a deadly virus is unleashed. The virus infects the town's local strippers turning them into zombies (Now the title makes sense!). Jenna Jameson stars as the brainy leader of the bunch. (Out of all the films starring Jameson, I'm pretty sure this is the only one where you'll see her reading Nietzsche.) Oh yeah, and there's a ping-pong scene that's about as classy--and frightening-- as a Tijuana donkey show.

4. Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)

The film features alien clowns that arrive in a circus tent spaceship. They attack earthlings with cream pies and wrap them in cotton candy cocoons that turn their victims into Jell-O. Need I say more?

3. Street Trash (1987)

Want to see a cop purposefully puking on a mafia hit-man, junkyard bums playing hot-potato with a man's severed penis, along with necrophilia, gang-rape, exploding hobos and other general offensiveness? This one's for you.

2. I Drink Your Blood (1970)

This was the first film to be rated X by the MPAA based solely on violence. This is probably because of the nude Satan worshiping, the rabies-infected zombies, the senior citizens force-fed acid, and the aggravated assault of pregnant women.

1. Idle Hands (1999)

This film, starring Devon Sawa and Seth Green, tells the tale of an ultra-lazy pothead whose right hand becomes possessed by Satan (best plot-line ever!). Before he knows it, his right hand is out of control, causing him to do some pretty bad things, such as brutally murdering his family and friends.

This movie wins for most creative death scenes.