MOVIES THAT DIDN'T SUCK THIS YEAR ... KINDA >>>

I've had the bittersweet duty of reviewing movies for the Weekly Volcano since April. In that time, I've been forced to witness more than my share of cinematic atrocities. Who could forget Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore in 3D? I certainly can't. Much like young Alex in A Clockwork Orange, a strong physical reaction is summoned in my stomach every time I recall Paws and his steel jaws. *

Or how about A Nightmare on Elm Street, which looms so large in my memory as not only my first official film review, but perhaps the worst thing to ever happen to me, ever, ever, ever ...

These unfortunate occurrences should, in theory, be balanced out by some good film-going experiences. Yet, as I sit and try to think of what I reviewed this year and what could, potentially, occupy a space on a year-end best-of list, I'm coming up awfully short. I find myself reaching back to movies like The Karate Kid and-if you can believe it-Step Up 3D (which may end up being the most fun I've had at the movies this year).

Unquestionably, my favorite movie of the year has been The Social Network, with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World coming in a close second. I was impressed with Inception after I saw it, but it has faded from my memory in the months since (as I expected it might).

This can't be all there is, right? Certainly, I've missed certain movies that show at the Grand Cinema or Capitol Theater, but I should think that, even then, my eight months reviewing films would have produced something that stands out more than Step Up 3D.

With just a couple weeks left of reviewing films in 2010, The Fighter and True Grit are still to come. Anything to round out a year of mostly disappointments, if not catastrophic failures ...

I'm looking at you, Secretariat.

*I mean, goddammit, Jaws was called Jaws because he had steel jaws, so why does Paws have steel jaws and not steel paws?! Erg, I'm feeling sick...

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Rain, hi 46, lo 40

Saturday: More rain, hi 45, lo 44

Sunday: Even more rain, hi 53, lo 51

>>> THURSDAY, DEC. 9: DICK DALE

For the uninitiated, guitarist Dick Dale initially rose to fame during the high tide of the '60s surfing craze. While some peg "surf music" as synonymous with the sunny pop of the Beach Boys, for many it's Dale's turbulent, violently fast guitar sounds - coupled with the reverb effects developed by Fender Instruments and trial-tested by Dale - that truly define the genre. On early recordings like 1961's "Shake-N-Stomp," Dale debuted what would come to be known as his signature style: insistent, relentless 16th-note picking meant to evoke, as he once put it, "the sound of waves chopping."

• Hell's Kitchen, with the Fucking Eagles, Rat City Brass, 928 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003

>>> SATURDAY, DEC. 4: BILLY STOOPS

Billy Stoops will literally rock the dock (acoustic style) Saturday at Rock the Dock in Tacoma. If you know Junkyard Jane - and most Tacoma music fans do - you know Billy Stoops. Coincidentally, we're pretty sure we saw Stoops in full-spandex biking attire the other day at Stadium Thriftway, but that's really not important. One thing that is important is Stoops will be joined by the venerable Jim King

• Rock the Dock, 535 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.272.5004

>>> SUNDAY: TWO FIVE TREES

Look, there's a decent chance you need a Christmas tree. Or, at the very least, you know someone who needs a Christmas tree. But acquiring said Christmas tree doesn't have to cost you at least $65 for anything that doesn't look ghetto, and more importantly it doesn't need to be a huge pain in the ass. Head on down to the rarely-used Tollefson Plaza and check out Two Five Trees - the best use of this space since Volcano editor Matt Driscoll got drunk before Showcase Tacoma 2009 and totally bombed his introduction of the Helio Sequence.

• Tollefson Plaza, South 17th and Pacific Ave., Tacoma, info here

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor (aka - the guy to blame)
Well, I got sick last Sunday and missed my appointment with the famed Northwest Convergence Zone, so I'll ACTUALLY be doing that this weekend. Otherwise, I expect some frantic consumerism in the spirit of Christmas, ANOTHER todler birthday party (What's with these toddlers and all their incesant damn birthdays?), and another dissapointing loss by my Denver Broncos (although not as dissapointing as usual, with a new coach and all...). Good times.

RON SWARNER Publisher
Although my moves lean more toward the dos-y-dos, I'll be shakin' what my momma gave me to rare funk and soul grooves Friday at Rare Groove Night inside the Tempest Lounge. Saturday, the annual day trip to a city corner tree lot should go down, followed by the obligatory wrestling match with tree lights. Although I've seen the phrase "Tacoma get smashed" a thousand times, it's now the official name for this Sunday night at The New Frontier. I might be seen at The New Frontier on said evening covered with scratches and a pint stuck to my pitch-covered hands.

NIKKI TALOTTA Features Writer
I'm letting my new tattoo of tumbling dice heal, getting a Christmas tree, making a ton of hot toddies at the bar, hitting up Duck the Malls at the Capitol Theater, and hosting a Christmas party while a DVD of a fake fire loops in the background and five little boys run around with light sabers. Good times.

BRETT CIHON: Meat Market Correspondent
This weekend looks fairly typical: club, booze, party, booze, relax. On Friday evening I shall visit whichever establishment Mr. Driscoll deems appropriate for next week's Meat Market. Saturday I'll be attending a friend's third annual holiday sweater party. I look forward to an evening of cashmere, eggnog and tacky Santa prints. I might head up to White Pass on Sunday, but more likely I'll be nursing a hangover and watching football.

JOANN VARNELL: Theater Critic
Friday night I'll be playing the part of The Wife and attending a dance concert at School of the Arts with Mr. Varnell, SOTA teacher extraordinaire. Saturday will be a blur of house cleaning while juggling my amazingly beautiful (and possibly teething) four month old to prepare for our annual "Yuletide on the Eastside" party. Sunday follows, naturally, with church, football at Masa and putting the house back together after our aforementioned festivities.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL: Theater Critic
I'm paying a second visit to the March sisters of Little Women, courtesy of Olympia Family Theater, and my girlfriend and I are attending a friend's semi-naked graduation from Burlesque 101 in Seattle.

PAUL SCHRAG: Senior Contributor
I'm working on the next round of edits for my book, organizing a sustainable business seminar, and trying to figure out how to pay my bills next month. If I'm lucky, I'll get to see my old pal Gabe for a minute.

STEVE DUNKELBERGER Meat Market Photographer
I will be going to country western dance lessons tonight at Big Whisky before heading out of town for vacation.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

A TASTE OF WHAT'S IN STORE IN PRINT & ONLINE >>>

Like a Fed-Exed fruitcake from Aunt Charlene or a Wesley Snipes prison sentence, this week's Volcano music section is going to hit you like a ton of proverbial bricks.

Here's what to be on the lookout for:

THE FUCKING EAGLES

Over the years, The Fucking Eagles have worked hard to make a name for themselves, not only in the supremely ubiquitous genre of garage rock, but in a city like Tacoma - where garage rock bands seem to fall from trees. - Rev. Adam McKinney

From Gran Turismo 5 ... feel free to tune out Jeff Gordon

SEAPONY

Inspired by greats like the Softies, the Field Mice and Beat Happening, Seattle trio Seapony's confectionary lo-fi pop has already caught the attention of DJs and bloggers nationwide, despite the band's relative infancy. - Jason Baxter

BETTER LIVING THROUGH MUSIC: Roy, Goldie Wilson, Kenseth Thibideau, Tacoma Gets Smashed

ROY

Ben Verellen makes music the way he makes amps - big, sturdy and with an ability to get really loud. - Matt Driscoll

GOLDIE WILSON

Goldie Wilson is a band that is in the business of making super clean, sunny, AM radio pop. - Rev. AM

Listen here

KENSETH THIBIDEAU

Utilizing minimalist tendencies, a few pop sensibilities, a subtle wash of reverb and a guiding bassline that achieves a chill-factor reminiscent of completely on-point soundtrack work - making for an atmospheric vibe perfect for late-night driving - the solo Kenseth Thibideau is an artist and composer not to take lightly. - MD

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"Alright Emily Cook. You've worked at Jazzbones so long that I guess you can join me as the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of Jazzbones!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "I'd like to see KRY cover this leap every Thursday!"

Ensure against your bah humbugs early this year by joining us daily on Spew for Bandito Betty Lou Who's "Leap of the Day." We have gone to great lengths to capture her daily leaps (we paid Steph DeRosa to stalk her).

What a gift. Twenty-four days of leaps. You are so welcome.

Feel free to rate her jumps or provide captions in the comments sections.

And friend the Weekly Volcano's foursquare page here.

Special thanks to Matthew David Photography for snapping the shot!

Happy Holidays!

LINK: More Bandito Betty Lou Who leaps

FRIDAY, DEC. 10, 2010 >>>

1. Nationally-touring Singer-songwriter Camille Bloom returns to the Mandolin Café for an all-ages show beginning at 8 p.m. There's a $10 cover.

2. The Waldorf's Marimba band will jam at Two Five Trees in Tollefson Plaza beginning at 4:30 p.m. this Friday at 4:30!

3. Up to 30 Native American artists and vendors will participate in the Holiday Native Arts Fair from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. inside the Longhouse Education and Cultural Center in Olympia. The fair will also feature fry bread and Indian tacos, which is nice.

4. The TCC jazz band will perform awesome standard big band tunes, and some holiday favorites at 7:30 p.m. inside the TCC Building 3 Auditorium.

5. In the grand, and unusual, tradition of skinny English boys bopping about in even skinnier ties to American soul and jazz music, local DJs Bobby Galaxy and dAb offer a night of soul, funk, jazz and rare grooves under the tag Rare Groove beginning at 9:30 p.m. inside the Tempest Lounge.

LINK: New movies open today

LINK: Concerts go on sale

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

DONATE TO A LOCAL CHARITY >>>

There's no better way to support your community than supporting your neighbors in need, especially during the holiday season. We'll feature local charities on Spew throughout this holiday season with links to donate your money, supplies and time.

Give the karmic wheel a spin for today's charity focus:

Lakewood Area Shelter Association

Open 10 a.m. to noon Monday-Friday
8956 Gravelly Lake Drive, SW, Lakewood
253.581.8689

The Lakewood Area Shelter Association is a support agency that works to prevent homelessness and the recurrence of homelessness.

The agency faces a constant challenge during the current economic times.

"The need for housing does not stop," said Janne Hutchins executive director of LASA.

Read more...

NO TEARS WITH KRY >>>

I arrive at 9:30 p.m. and KRY, a modern music cover band, is already rocking the joint - as they do almost every Saturday night at the Swiss. Donning Chuck Taylors and faded jeans, the band wails out some of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures: Bloodhound Gang, Everclear and, I'm embarrassed to admit it, Fall Out Boy. KRY's heavy use of a fog machine and questionable choice of certain songs (again, Fall Out Boy) might not please Tacoma's harshest music critics, but I'm a sucker for an energetic performance. I'm not the only one stoked on the band, either. Ladies of all ages crowd the floor and groove to the crunchy guitar riffs. - Brett Cihon

Read the full article here.

And feast your eyes on the magic that is KRY's fog machine below (we're sure the person we lifted this from on Youtube apologizes for the sound)...

THE SPEANS, PIONEERS WEST, HANDS OF TOIL TO HELP REIGNITE QUINTESSENTIAL TACOMA SPOT'S LIVE ROCK >>>

Right in the thick of things on Tacoma Ave., and with an exterior motif that's enough to scare away and posers and all pretense, the Acme Grub Cage is the kind of bar that simply IS Tacoma. Rough around the edges, scary until you get close enough to appreciate it, and as blue-collar as they come - there's little mystery behind why many of Grit City's finest connect with this watering hole and hangout spot.

In what might be the good news of the week, the Volcano has recently learned live music is set return to the Acme Grub Cage Saturday, Dec. 18 with a show featuring the Speans, Pioneers West and Hands of Toil. The cover will be $3 and the action will start at 9:30 p.m., according to the Grub Cage's booker, Denise Casson, a schedule she says is sure to allow "enough time after the bands have played to celebrate (the Grub Cage's) return."

Sounds like a great idea to us.

As you may recall, the Grub Cage ceased live music when Washington's sprinkler law - requiring sprinkler systems at dance clubs and music venues to prevent Great White type disasters - went into affect a little over a year ago, on Dec. 1, 2009. This, of course, is the same sprinkler law that inspired Hell's Kitchen to move from its former Sixth Ave. location to the new digs on Pacific Ave. - allowing the club to avoid the cost of installing a sprinkler system by finding a spot that already had one.

Acme Grub Cage owner Steve Campagna says his bar initially stopped hosting live music because of fear over the sprinkler law, but has since made adjustments based on the wording of the legislation that he says allow the Grub Cage to comply. At the root of all of this is the sprinkler legislation's verbiage, which mandates any dance floor or open area larger than 350 square feet specifically intended or designed for dancing or watching performances is required to have a sprinkler system. While the Acme does have a floor area larger than 350 square feet, it's covered with unfixed tables and seating - which Campagna says allows the Acme to be in compliance based on the way other clubs and live music venues are currently dealing with the law.

The show with the Speans, Pioneers West and Hands of Toil will be the first live music event at the Acme Grub Cage since November of '09.

"I'm really excited," says Campagna. "I love the Speans."

Campagna says regulars and local music fans can expect the Acme to host about one show a month, as was the norm prior to the implementation of the sprinkler law and the musical hiatus at the bar.

THE GOOD NEWS KEEPS ON COMING >>>

South Sound blues legend Randy Oxford announced today that the jams are returning to Jazzbones - specifically, two monthly jams the horn-blower will host.

According to Oxford, an "adults-only" jam will be held on the last Wednesday of every month at Jazzbones starting January 26. This will be a jam intended for the 21+ crowd, featuring Oxford as host and a revolving door of special guests. The action will kick off at 8 p.m.

Perhaps more exciting, however, is the news that Oxford also plans to reintroduce a monthly jam for the underage crowd - appropriately titled the "Jazzbones Kids Jam." These events will take place on the last Sunday of every month, starting Feb. 27 according to Oxford - hopefully continuing the good work the musician's previous all-age jams at Jazzbones have done over the years.

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Sometimes I think The Prefunk is really just some sort of sick joke ... and I'm at the center of it. Every week this blog post starts with some sort of proclamation that freedom's on the horizon, and the weekend is here, but I make this proclamation from my lonely office at Weekly Volcano World Headquarters, well after hours, as the day has already become night and everyone else has gone home for the weekend.

Thing is, The Prefunk never does quite make my list of priorities; somehow the jokes about getting high before book readings and posting pictures of alcoholic household pets is always the LAST thing I do. Perhaps I did something in a past life to deserve this ...

But chin up, self! It could be worse. It could be MUCH worse - I could have a REAL job. It's important to remember this.

With that, and the knowledge that I'm now doing positive self-affirmations in the reflection of my laptop right now, here's this week's Prefunk - as usual, with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

Mutherfuckin' Pokemon City Championships

Saturday, Dec. 11 at Game Matrix in Lakewood

In truth, I know absolutely nothing about Pokemon.

Scratch that ... just looked it up on Wikipedia.

Pokémon is a media franchise published and owned by the video game company Nintendo and created by Satoshi Tajiri in 1996. Originally released as a pair of interlinkable Game Boy role-playing video games, Pokémon has since become the second most successful and lucrative video game-based media franchise in the world, behind only Nintendo's own Mario series...^.The name Pokémon is the romanized contraction of the Japanese brand Pocket Monsters as such contractions are quite common in Japan. The term "Pokémon", in addition to referring to the Pokémon franchise itself, also collectively refers to the 649 fictional species that have made appearances in Pokémon media ...Like the words deer and sheep, the word "Pokémon" is identical in both the singular and plural, as is each individual species name; in short, it is grammatically correct to say both "one Pokémon" and "many Pokémon" as well as "one Pikachu" and "many Pikachu"..."

OK. Now I feel a little better. Not sure if you put two and two together, but a member of the Weekly Volcano's staff who shall remain nameless had a girlfriend in the ‘90s who was really into Pokemon - specifically Pikachu (which, admittedly, is one of the more adorable Pokemon). She was also really into warehouses, sleep deprivation, hugs, incessant techno music and - quite naturally - ecstasy. You have to remember, it was the 90s: ecstasy was all the rage. The ‘90s were dumb on a lot of levels.

Anyway, this particular Volcano staffer (who, again, shall remain nameless) has never understood if there's some sort of connection between Pokemon and ravers. Perhaps this is the weekend to find out ...

PREFUNK: Sorry, gang. I can't quite pull the trigger on even jokingly recommending people pop a handful of ecstasy before heading out to the Pokemon City Championships at Game Matrix in Lakewood tomorrow. I may be the kind of guy that's tied to a weekly blog post in which he recommends ways to get drunk, high or creative ways to get messed up before seemingly ordinary weekend happenings, but even I know when a joke isn't worth the possible resulting lawsuit(s).

However, THIS garbage claims to be completely legal everywhere in the world. Maybe you could give it a try? Trust me, though; I'm sure it REALLY is complete garbage.

For one, how often do you REALLY need to do a handstand?

But still... if you're already into Pokemon, maybe this crap would make it just that much better.

So go for it. Besides, we won't know until you find out and have a totally bad experience and end up suing the shit out of the Volcano and getting me fired for a blog post where I thought I was taking the high road by recommending herbal ecstasy instead of the real deal.

See you next week.