BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"You might be the Juiciest Man in Tacoma Thane Davis, but I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of your Smooth & Juicey joint now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "Take THIS leap and put it in your blender!"

Ensure against your bah humbugs early this year by joining us daily on Spew for Bandito Betty Lou Who's "Leap of the Day." We have gone to great lengths to capture her daily leaps (we paid Steph DeRosa to stalk her).

What a gift. Twenty-four days of leaps. You are so welcome.

Feel free to rate her jumps or provide captions in the comments sections.

And friend the Weekly Volcano's foursquare page here.

Special thanks to Matthew David Photography for snapping the shot!

Happy Holidays!

LINK: More Bandito Betty Lou Who leaps

SATURDAY, DEC. 11, 2010 >>>

1. Does prolonged exposure to tinsel in public spaces make you want to go postal?  Stop, take a deep breath, and put down the candy cane you've just sharpened into a vampire-slaying stake. You are not alone.  When the holiday bears down on us like a giant sack of toys, we turn to The Nutcracker. Tacoma City Ballet, in concert with The Northwest Sinfonietta, presents the story of Clara and The Nutcracker at 1 and 5 p.m. inside the Pantages Theater.

2. Make no mistake, we love Christmas music. Heck, our Partridge Family Christmas album practically has holes in it from excessive repeated playing. Trust us when we tell you that you don't know the true meaning of Christmas until you've heard Shirley Jones and David Cassidy's duet on "Winter Wonderland." That's why we'll hang out at the Museum of Glass, check out the Glimmering Gone exhibit, and enjoy the sounds of the season performed by the piano students of Paul Twedt at 1 and 3 p.m.

3. Zak Morgan will bring his kids-centric shtick to the Broadway Center for the Performing Arts' Theatre on the Square at 3 p.m. today and tomorrow. Morgan's work is Grammy-nominated and described as sophisticated, heavy on the witty wordplay and full of lessons. That's exactly what kids today need ... so they don't end up like us.

4. Take a step back in time to see how soldiers and ladies celebrated the holidays when Washington state was young and the land was wild. Lakewood's Historic Fort Steilacoom will host its annual Christmas at the Fort from 4-7:30 p.m. as a way to show families how people danced, talked and celebrated the holidays more than 100 years ago.

5. The Firwood Rock Lounge in downtown Tacoma will host a Toy and Clothing Drive Show with Restruct, Under Sin, From The Sea, Red Abbey, Corson Swift beginning at 8 p.m.

LINK: Wine tastings today

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

CHECK OUT THESE LIVE MUSIC SHOWS TONIGHT IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

Bob's Java Jive Tacoma - Central. Battersea, Goldie Wilson. 21+. 8 pm.

• Goldie Wilson is a band that is in the business of making super clean, sunny, AM radio pop. Sometimes, like in "Starlight Express," lead singer Mike Ball's voice snarls and sounds dryly aggressive, but most often he sings with the bright amiability of a pop singer from the British Invasion (another very strong influence on Goldie Wilson). The idea of a band resurrecting the music of the '60s is not a new one, but Goldie Wilson does an admirable job of keeping the tropes fresh and the songwriting brisk and unpretentious. Occasional forays into the styles of American alternative rock help to broaden and deepen their sound. This will be Goldie Wilson's first time performing in Tacoma. Let's hope it's not their last. - Rev. Adam McKinney

C.I. Shenanigans Tacoma - Northend. Collaborative Works Jazz. 21+. 8-11 pm. NC.

Cork! A Wine Bar Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. Suzanne Brewer. 21+. 8 pm.

Doyle's Public House Tacoma - Stadium District. Blvd Park. 21+. 9 pm. NC.

Harbor Greens/Forza Wine Bar Gig Harbor. Rick Gonzalez. 21+. 7 pm. NC.

Hell's Kitchen Tacoma - Downtown. Roy, Pioneers West, Destruction Island, Goldwing, Colonies. 21+. 9 pm. $5.

• It's not every day that you get a show from Ben and Dave Verellen's band Roy. In fact, as Tacoma music fans know all too well, it hasn't happened in three years. A veteran of notable recent-rock stalwarts like Helms Alee, These Arms are Snakes and Harkonen, Ben Verellen makes music the way he makes amps - big, sturdy and with an ability to get really loud (no, seriously, Ben owns Verellen amps, makers of the "Meat Smoke" amp, among others). Loud isn't the only trick up Verellen's sleeve, however. Often pictured in woodsy settings, guitars and antique guns in hand, Roy has been described as "an ongoing experiment," an "in-joke" and an "excuse to indulge in guilty pleasures." In reality, what it ends up being is an un-nauseatingly epic, plodding roll through post-post-hardcore-folk - all while wearing a flannel. Any show with Roy set to take the stage is one to catch. Throw in Pioneers West, Destruction Island, Colonies and a CD release from Goldwing, and you've got the kind of stuff dreams are made of. Or, as the man who put the show together - Destruction Island's David Bilbrey (Rural Wolf, Xylophones) - puts it, you've got a "doozey" of a show. I'll say so. - Matt Driscoll

Firwood Rock Lounge Tacoma - Downtown. Toy & Clothing Drive Show, with Restruct, Under Sin, From The Sea, Red Abbey, Corson Swift. 21+. 8 pm.

Jazzbones Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. Cold Note, The Stax Brothers. 21+. 8 pm. $8.

• If you're looking for a show worth supporting this weekend, fans of soul, funk and the blues need look no further than Saturday night at Jazzbones in Tacoma, when Seattle's the Staxx Brothers, a strange and intriguing cross-breed of classic style rock tropes, spazzed-out funk and straight-up soul share a bill with the throwback, Motown-style groove of fellow Seattle band Cold Note. With a number of tricks up their collective sleeve, Cold Note can't be pegged as one thing - and certainly have the ability to funk it up and turn it up - but the band's best quality is perhaps its most obvious: the slow, smooth groove that seems to come pouring out of the five-piece when at its most natural. Bobble Tiki's talking about some real dank stuff here, the kind of shit you could burn some serious candles to ... dunk some serious strawberries in chocolate to ... draw a serious bath to. Read mor eon this show in Bobble Tiki's column. – Bobble Tiki
  

JR's Hideaway Belfair. MoJo Blues. 21+. 9 pm.

Mandolin Cafe Tacoma - Central. Robert Boyd, Chara Chamie. All Ages. 8:30 pm. NC.

Matrix Coffee House Chehalis. Kaitlinn Heminger, Zach Kynaston, Chris Shultz. All Ages. 8 pm. $6.

Northern Olympia - Downtown. Kenseth Thibideau, Trawler, Bycatch. All Ages. 8 pm.

• Kenseth Thibideau's name may sound familiar from the Pinback and Three Mile Pilot portions of his resume, or it may not, but whether you've heard of the dude doesn't necessarily matter - he'll be in Olympia at Northern this week, so it'd be wise to familiarize yourself. Utilizing minimalist tendencies, a few pop sensibilities, a subtle wash of reverb and a guiding bassline that achieves a chill-factor reminiscent of completely on-point soundtrack work - making for an atmospheric sound perfect for late night driving - the solo Kenseth Thibideau is an artist and composer not to take lightly. Whether adding hushed lyricism or going instrumental - he does both on his solo debut, Repetition - Thibideau has something to offer that most can't claim: individuality and hook. The all-ages gig with Thibideau and Trawler Bycatch at Northern Saturday would be an excellent way to round out your evening - or get it started. Your call. - MD
  

Rocket Records Tacoma. Thank You Darling, Pleasure Coma, OhMe! OhMy! & Heidi Vladyka. All Ages. 3-7 pm. NC.

Rock the Dock Pub & Grill Tacoma - Downtown. Billy Roy Danger & The Rectifiers. 21+. 9 pm.

The Spar Tacoma - Old Town. Tatoosh. 21+. 8 pm.

Traditions Cafe and World Folk Art Olympia - Downtown. Baby Gramps. All Ages. 8 pm. $8-$12.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. Blue 55. 21+. 8 pm.

LINK: More live music tonight in the South Sound

WEEKLY ADVICE ABOUT PET PEEVES AND TRIVIAL MATTERS >>>

Loyal readers! Loyal Washingtonians! Don't ever let them take away our states' rights! Sic semper tyrannis. Thus began the shot heard ‘round the world.

Christmas is almost here! I love this time of year. December is great. Has King 5 lit the Seattle (boo!) star thing yet? Being across the country in the place our nation was invented, I can't get the channels.

But whenever I get blue about being so far away from home this holiday season I just think of garlands, soft carols, and plane tickets for Logan to Seatac on December 20^th. Traditions bring you back home. Don't buy your tree to early or it could die.

Question time.

The Almond Roca is my favorite chocolate-toffee crunch candy. Brown & Haley, creator of the Roca, is housed in downtown Tacoma. But guess what? They don't offer tours! What gives?

---Choked Up Over Chocolate

CUOC, you need to make your own tour. There are a few options for doing this.

One is a violent overthrow of the government of the United States of America, which I neither recommend nor condone you consider.

The easiest option is probably just to stage the world's most eloquent, well-dressed break-in and steal all the money at once. But that's...that's impossible. It's sealed shut. (I can get in.)

No way, man. Don't you see the engraving? That's a Tomakyuchi design. You can't get past those. Can't be done. (I can do it.) No way. (Pass the Milanos?)

You'd need some crew. (Already got a crew.) You'd need the best. (I've got the best.) You'd need someone you can trust. (I can trust them.) What...us? We all agreed after the Neapolitan gig, no more jobs. (This is the last job.) Sure, and Leftie's a rightie. (Come on, I already bought the plane tickets.) And you thought we weren't coming? Give me those tickets. (Call the Fourteen. The jet's on the tarmac now.) You're a real son of a bitch, you know that Fox? (You can pilot one of these things, right Spin? You've still got a license?)

So anyways CUOC, try that.

I play a lot of guitar in my free time. When my parents sent me away to college, I naturally wanted to take the guitar with me. But every time they get around to actually shipping the thing, the semester ends and there's no point. I'm losing all my finger calluses. I don't want to disrespect my parents, and I know school is for hitting the books, but my parents are acting like real yahoos. What should I do?

---Bottleneck Blues

Those first days at university can be tough. Who's my new best bud? Where's the cafeteria with all my old high school buds? Is getting an "easy A" really worth it in the long run? Well BB King, when my imaginary friend Jen first got to college she... Oh, I'll just let her tell it.

Walking down the hall, Larsson 3-East, I couldn't find my room. No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... No... I checked my rooming sheet again. Larsson 3-North-Northwest. This wasn't even the right school.

I felt lonely. My parents waving goodbye to me from the car in Heaven, my baby sis running around trying to manage a household of five other children for the first time, all on her own, let alone snag a date for the Sadie Hawkins dance. I felt so distant from them, tens of meters at least. I was going to cry without stage tears or anything. Get a grip, Jen. It's dog-eat-dog here at Dog College. Amazon woman prime directive: survive.

It was a long road full of womyn's scholarships and healing festivals. But now I was here. Clear-Eyed Jen the Albino was back in action and ready to take on a new kind of challenge: the freshman fifteen. This would be tough considering that albinos are unable to exercise under light, and are historically fat.

Zoobooks didn't do this place justice. Stairs, windows, walls, objects in all three dimensions: this really was prestigious. And the slides! A slide to your bedroom! A slide to Dean LePrincipal's office! A slide to fooseball! A slide that resembles the fooseball slide from afar but really is a secret slide only for ghosts. My house has no slides.

It was hard for Mum and Pup to understand what was going on. Why did I need to go so far from home? Why did I need to drag that home into foreclosure? When could they leave the tarp shelter? They couldn't accept that their little girl was all grown up. Nothing made sense to them. My parents came from a different time. A caveman time. I cannot pronounce their names.

Coming soon: "Blood or Bust." Next week, 2010.

Please direct questions to: askpettyquestions@gmail.com

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"Oh my. Gee Whiz. Tutti-frutti! I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of Knapp's Restaurant now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "All you Knapp's diners might want to look away. My amazing leap might shock you off your seat and you won't be able to get up!"

Read more...

SUNDAY, DEC. 12, 2010 >>>

1. This time of year heralds many things, including Seasonal Affective Disorder, ugly sweaters, Rankin Bass TV specials and, for music aficionados, the sweated-over year-end "best of" lists. In a similar spirit, Tacoman Andrew Childs has assembled his own Best of Tacoma 2010 compilation CD, which he'll be releasing at The New Frontier Lounge beginning at 6 p.m. To commemorate the release, Brotherhood of the Black Squirrel will perform, comp artist Trees Without Leaves will make their live debut, a piñata (courtesy of the crafty "Tacoma Gets Smashed") will be destroyed in faux-effigy, all proceeds will go to charity, and there will be an ugly sweater contest. Because, you know, the holidays.

2. It's the night before Christmas inside the Olympia Little Theater - at 1:55 p.m. – so the story begins in darkness, both literal and metaphorical. Jacob Marley, played with empathy by Christopher Cantrell, is in Hell. Providentially, there's a way out, but it's nigh on impossible: He must find a way to get Ebenezer Scrooge (Dennis Rolly), the only man in London stingier than himself, to recognize the error of his ways by Christmas morning.

3. Celebrate the holiday season with the South Sound Classical Choir as they "Bring Light to Our World with Song," singing holiday favorites old and new, and featuring works by Mendelssohn, Faure, Bach, Rutter, Lauridsen, Ticheli and more beginning at 3 p.m. inside the First United Methodist Church of Tacoma.

4. The D.A.S.H. Center's winter recital/fundraiser dinner show begins at 4 p.m. inside the REACH/Goodwill Industries Building. The $10 admission fee goes to help support the center's mission of bringing quality arts education to under-served youth at an economically efficient price.  

5. The Tacoma Cult Movie Club is a collective of people who enjoy cinema on the outer fringe of the spectrum. They'll convene at 7 p.m. inside the Acme Grub Cage to enjoy a double feature based on a theme "It Came from Japan" with assorted shorts, trailers, film serials, and the lifeblood of the TCMC: the raffle.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"You better head back inside and attend to your Madrona coffee Ben Rubke because I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of your Beyond the Bridge Cafe now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "I mean it! Get back inside and make me one of your infamous and ever-popular bagel sandwiches while I pull you a shot of ... THIS!"

Read more...

MONDAY, DEC. 13 >>>

1. See Straight to Hell Returns at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma. What? That's not good enough for you? OK - see Straight to Hell Returns at the Grand in Tacoma AND meet and discuss the film with famed director Alex Cox. Ask for anything else and you're just being greedy (though popcorn will be available).

2. Talent shows are awesome. And perhaps you haven't seen a good one since middle school. All the more reason to check out "Tacoma's Best Holiday Talent Show" at the Broadway Center tonight at 7 p.m. - brought to you by the Broadway Center's Ensemble 915. Expect audience participation and a gong.

3. New to the graphic novel game? An old pro? It really doesn't matter - Tacoma's Graphic Novel Book Club, which meets on the second Monday of every Month at 1022 South, has something for everyone. And guess what!?! It's the second Monday of the month! See what's up tonight, when the club discusses December's book - A Gods Somewhere by John Arcudi and Peter Snejbjerg.

4. It's movie night at Le Voyeur in Olympia.

5. According to the Volcano's impeccable collection of South Sound event info, until Thursday you've got a chance to meet - and have your photo snapped - with Santa Claus ... at the Commons at Federal Way of all places. Make today YOUR day for a session on Santa's lap. Open 10 a.m. - 8 p.m.

CULT FILM ABOUT HOT DOGS, PUNK ROCK AND COFFEE >>>

There's a certain "what the fuck" grandeur to Straight to Hell Returns. Absolutely nothing beyond the first couple minutes (in which some greasy gangsters hide out in the desert after robbing a bank) makes one lick of sense, but that's all right. The vague notion of a story is present, as is the misty sense that the plot is moving forward, but every scene succeeds in upending every expectation and leaving the viewer with the sensation of having just woken up from one seriously whacked dream.

Some elements involved in Straight to Hell Returns that you might find interesting: Joe Strummer; pre-Cobain-acquainted Courtney Love; coffee; absurd bloodshed; Dennis Hopper; Jim Jarmusch; a beautiful woman washing a motorcycle; coffee; Elvis Costello; combing hair with gasoline; The Pogues as cowboys; Grace Jones; a drunken group-singing of "Danny Boy"; and more coffee.

To describe what happens in Straight to Hell Returns (an extended director's cut of Straight to Hell) would be an exercise in futility. Like many cult films, it mostly just amounts to watching a bunch of cool people having a great time in the desert. Unlike many cult films, Straight to Hell Returns also functions well as a time capsule of that period in the ‘80s when American independent film directors were going fucking nuts. People like Straight to Hell's Alex Cox and Jim Jarmusch were bringing a punk aesthetic to the screen in a way that hasn't quite happened since.

When Straight to Hell Returns screens at the Grand Cinema tonight, director Alex Cox will be in attendance. Stand near him and soak in the punk rock aura.

[The Grand Cinema, Straight to Hell Returns with director Alex Cox, 7 p.m., $5 -- $ 8.50, 606 S. Fawcett, Tacoma, 253.593.4474]

AS SEEN IN THE WEEKLY VOLCANO >>>

A few weeks ago the Volcano's Kristin Kendle provided readers the lowdown on the new public art installation next to Pacific Plaza -- Projecting Drop, by Canadian artist Jill Anholt. If you happened to miss the article, click here and see what's up.

This Thursday, Dec. 16, from 4:30 - 6 p.m., there willbe a dedication ceremony for Projecting Drop, including Tacoma mayor Marilyn Strickland and the Tacoma Arts Commission.

Here's the lowdown from this morning's press release:

Read more...