DAY TWO OF TURKEY >>>

Skip the gym.

Eat a lot.

Buy this shirt.

BLACK FRIDAY, NOV. 26, 2010 >>>

1. Although the holidays are a time for joy and light, Weekly Volcano curmudgeon music columnist Bobble Tiki will spend hours trying, unsuccessfully, to string lights around his hut in some presentable fashion all day today. Bobble Tiki's fingers will grow raw and numbed as family members shout orders through a bullhorn.  This is Dante's second circle of Hell for Bobble Tiki. Typically, the Volcano staff will drive by Bobble Tiki's hut tonight, point and laugh. However, after his third eggnog, it's not safe. That's when we head to Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium's Zoolights exhbit. Billed as the Northwest's premier light display, ZooLights includes seas of dazzling lights and breathtaking displays of ice-skating puffins, a preying eagle, tiger cubs, the Narrows Bridges and the massive flame tree, among others. The lights pop on from 5-9 p.m.

2. Remember when you used to dress your dolls up and make them act out scenes from Footloose? There they were all lined up on the bed, and G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip was causing trouble and Barbie was fighting with Cabbage Patch while their passive-aggressive little stuffed animal children hid their eyes. Yep, you've always been strange. But the point of this is you're still a fan of physical agility and humor. Vashon circus/music duo Lelavision - the troupe that combines Cirque de Soleil and Stomp, and then adds its own unique vision for a humorous, musical, theatrical and dance performance unlike any other - returns to the Museum of Glass for family-friendly performances at 1 and 3 p.m. Catch their science meets musical dance with a Cabbage Patch in your pocket. Freak.

3. We love the holidays, but let's face it: shopping at this time of year can suck. Snagging your nails in a catfight over a cashmere scarf, ruining your skin in the moisture-sucking mall air, and growing monster knots of tension just to cross each gift off your list makes for a stressful season. Enter the Jada-Moon Gridley-created Gritty City Gift Fair, where local artists and crafters will offer their one-of-a-kind fairs for all at Speakeasy Arts Cooperative from 1-8 p.m.

4. Other, non-North American English-speaking countries know the film of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by an alternate title: The Worst Kids In The World. That should tell you about the quality of the characters in question, and the odds that the title will actually come true. The Herdman clan will be inside the Lakewood Playhouse at 8 p.m. to teach you all about the true spirit of Christmas by lying, cheating, stealing, smoking and other wholesome endeavors. It's a feel-good season of joy for everyone. Or something.

5. DJ Omar mash things up at the Gruv Lounge and Nightclub beginning at 9 p.m.

LINK: It's Art at Work month!

LINK: New movies have opened

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

THANKS! >>>

Here's a little love back to all Weekly Volcano and Spew readers. Happy Turkey Day! Wishing you a memorable meal with loved ones. Thanks for all the high fives!

Barring any new dogs drinking beer photos, we're going to use the holiday as an excuse to take a rare day off.

That said, we totally want photos of your family's fight to the death over your damn Tupperware. Every year someone heads to the door with your Tupperware full of leftovers. Then, they never bring the Tupp back. So email us scenes of your Tupperware tussle here.

We'll see you all back here tomorrow and remember: Baste often.

TURKEY DAY, NOV. 25, 2010 >>>

1. DJ Switch will spin at Jazzbones beginning at 9 p.m.

2. Oh, sure, you could sit around this morning and watch bad football. That's what's expected of you. But why not exceed expectations? Try Gig Harbor's Turkey Trot - a 5K or 10K run or walk designed for the whole family. Kicking off at 8 a.m., giving you a chance to actually work up an appetite for the turkey and stuffing that awaits, the Turkey Trot will fill Gig Harbor's downtown waterfront with athletic show-off types, all to the benefit of F.I.S.H. Food Banks, the local Gig Harbor food bank and college scholarships.

3. Head to the movies, yo!

4. Have your kids turkey-stoked, released from school all week and spinning amok with mounting visions of sugarplums, Barbie dolls and Xbox Kinect drilled a hole through the roof yet? There's a reason Fantasy Lights at Spanaway Park will switch on the holiday light exhibits tonight from 5:30-9 p.m.

5. Moby Grape's guitarist Jerry Miller will rock the Westgate Bar and Grill beginning at 9 p.m.

LOOSENING UP FOR THE BIG FEAST WITH RICKSON >>>

GRAPES AND GLUTTONY GO TOGETHER >>>

The holiday is the pinnacle of gluttony, a food bacchanal, an excuse to eat 20 pounds of bird. And a fabulous excuse to open a bottle after bottle of wine.

The problem is that the many different courses, side dishes, desserts and varied flavors associated with a traditional Thanksgiving meal make pairing wines to all that food quite difficult. The answer is to buy a lot of wine and spread it around the table.

Weekly Volcano Grocery Stories columnist Kris Blondin discusses the varietals of wine, what Thanksgiving dish is pairs well with, and where to buy the wine in Tacoma on our website here.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 24, 2010 >>>

1. The Grand Cinema screens 127 Hours, the harrowing true story of Aron Ralston, a rock climber whose arm was pinned to a Utah canyon wall by a boulder, at 2, 4:30, 6:50 and 9:10 p.m. "In desperation he amputated his own arm to free himself. James Franco stars in Danny Boyle's film, which is gruesome but not QUITE too gruesome to watch. It's rather awesome what an entertaining and absorbing film Danny Boyle has made here. Yes, entertaining," says Roger Ebert, who gave the film four out of four stars.

2. For whatever reason, most of you (and us) will be up until the wee hours tonight getting hammered. Like, seriously obliterated. Because there's no way we want to wake up before the parade is over. Not this year, Philbin. There's no shortage of places that want our business, but one of the better pre-Thanksgiving bumps will be at the new Gruv Lounge and Nightclub. Local boys J-Fresh and dAb will spin during Gruv's '80s old-school night beginning at 9 p.m. It'll almost be enough to make you forget how much you hate spending time with your family.

3. You knew there was a reason to hold on to the Christmas-light-laden and obscenely geometric printed green-and-red sweater. You once thought even the one with reindeer had potential. Now it's time to explore your closets because, ladies and gentlemen, the bad holiday sweater contest is back at Doyle's Public House beginning at 7 p.m. Prizes will be awarded for individuals, couples and groups.

4. Have you ever seen a grown man draw? It's not always pretty. Sometimes, it's beautiful. Tacoma's CLAW - or Cartoonists League of Absurd Washingtonians - meets every fourth Wednesday of the month at the Amocat Café. While the CLAW meets often and mysteriously, this one is "open to the public" - when "non members can be brought and introduced to the group." Sound intriguing? Show up at 7:30 p.m. and see it live.

5. Vicci Martinez and Danny Barnes plan an 8 p.m. show at Jazzbones.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

GET READY FOR THE HOLIDAY TOMORROW NIGHT AT JAZZBONES >>>

If Bobble Tiki had a nickel for every time Vicci Martinez has been written about in the pages of the Weekly Volcano, he'd be a much more well-to-do Tiki, probably with a fancy collection of stocks and bonds and real car insurance. Sadly, Bobble Tiki doesn't have a nickel, or even a penny, for every time Martinez has graced the pages of this prestigious bird cage liner, but that's OK -- he's still got her music, which has always been enough.

Suffice to say, as a Tiki growing ever more old and creepy, Bobble Tiki has been following Martinez for a long damn time. He clearly remembers watching Martinez compete on Star Search (or, as clearly as he remembers anything). He remembers BEFORE Star Search. He remembers the way Martinez basically grew up on stage, in front of Tacoma's lucky eyes, transitioning from a child with immense talents and potential to a legitimate and successful working musician, performer, rock star (basically) and all around top-notch human being. Bobble Tiki remembers when Martinez released the On My Way Record, way back in 2005, and how he knew she was right. Three records and a live DVD later, not to mention what seems like a lifetime, Bobble Tiki thinks she's proved it.

"Now my whole goal is to stay human and not let it go to my head," Martinez told the Weekly Volcano almost four years ago.

She's done a pretty good job. With Martinez set to take the stage tomorrow night at Jazzbones in Tacoma, partying down with Martinez on the night before Thanksgiving seems like a sure bet proposition. It always has been in Tacoma, and probably always will be.

YO PEPPERMINT-SCHNAPPS BREATH! >>>

Bobble Tiki speared Christmas shopping.  Not "eased it"; not "did it early."  Speared it.  In one all-night, online hurricane of holiday goodwill.  A monster bag of Tim's chips and a two-liter bottle of Dew (a salute to the creators of the Net), Bobble Tiki demolished his nagging list and reclaimed the month of December for actual living! The first stop? Doyle's Ugly Holiday Sweater Party. Wednesday, the Stadium District pub champions the most repulsive seasonal knits.

Despite its frat-party subtext, there are three things Bobble Tiki really loves about Doyle's annual party: 1) The ugliest sweaters worn by a female, male, couple and group will be rewarded; 2) It's an excuse to cruise vintage and thrift shops; 3) They make for great Weekly Volcano community photos.

Oh, wait, here's another thing Bobble Tiki will love: Doyle's will be serving discounted White Russians and Smith & Kerns throughout the night. Bloated Tiki!

Ugly Holiday Sweater Party

Wednesday, Nov. 24, 7 p.m. to midnight
Doyle's Public House,
208 Saint Helens Ave., Tacoma
253.272.7468
website

MONDAY, NOV. 22, 2010 >>>

1. Roots reggae describes a style that began taking off on the world stage in the early '70s; by the time it hit the pop charts with Bob Marley, numerous Jamaican studios and producers were regularly adding to the genre's already enormous discography. The cornerstone of that legacy was Studio One, known as the Motown of Jamaica. Founded by Coxsone Dodd in the late '50s, Studio One gave birth to legends such as Marley and the Wailers, Lee Perry, Burning Spear and Dennis Brown. DJ Jason Diamond spins roots reggae every Monday at 9 p.m. inside O'Malley's Irish Pub. Check it out, mon.

2. Shopping-mall North Poles have long been accused of harboring bad Christmas tidings: pinched hindquarters, peppermint-schnapps breath, bribery to skip the line and go straight to the lap. And that's just the elves. Certainly, the North Pole inside The Commons in Federal Way isn't like that. Bring the little ones to see Santa from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.

3. Mandolin Cafe hosts an Open Mic at 6 p.m. with Denny Foreman and friends.

4. The theme for the Tacoma Cult Movie Club screenings tonight is "Talking Turkey." We have no idea what that means, but EXCITING! As always, besides the main theme flicks, TCMC screens trailers and shorts serials, as well as holds a raffle. It all goes down at 7 p.m. inside the Acme Grub Cage.

5. Imperial Dragon Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. The 16-piece S.R.O. swing bandwill play jazz from '30s and '40s from 7-9 p.m. inside the Imperial Dragon restaurant on Sixth Avenue.

LINK: It's Art at Work month!

LINK: More art and entertainment events in the South Sound