Have your kids â€" turkey-stoked, released from school and spinning amok with mounting visions of sugarplums, Barbie dolls and Yu-Gi-Oh! action figures â€" drilled a hole through the roof yet? There's a reason they switch on the holiday light exhibits the day after Thanksgiving (actually Fantasy Lights begins tonight), so why not take advantage of the thoughtful gesture.
Here's a little love back to all Weekly Volcano and Spew readers. Happy Turkey Day! Wishing you a memorable meal with loved ones. Thanks for all the high fives!
I flipped past the typical Easter movies last night before landing on the mediocre Crusoe. As I watched Aidan Quinn eat a salamander I pondered The Last Temptation of Christ and Passion of the Christ â€" and the omission in those movies of the most important Easter figure: the lowly Peep, the marshmallow chicken.
Peeps’ birth is something of a mystery. As in so many other demagogic debates, many Peep peeps have divided themselves into two camps: those that believe the party line, that Peeps were introduced by the Just Born company in 1953; and those that believe that they were produced by Lancaster, Pennsylvania’s Rodda Candy Company as early as the 1920s. My exhaustive three minutes of research came up with a Road Map for Peeps that might appease both factions: The Rodda Candy Company was bought out by Just Born in 1953, which a year later became the world’s largest producer of novelty marshmallow candy. That settles it.
Like simple cuisine, the Peep tastes merely like its three main ingredients: sugar, corn syrup, and gelatin (plus some preservatives and dye, but what of it?). They’re best served in groups of 16 or 20, for popcorn-like snacking or, if you’re feeling crazy, a trip to the kitchen. Never have mutant marshmallow chickens looked so crazy as after 30 seconds in the microwave! They can be left out to dry-age, like cheese or beef, or be dipped in chocolate. Garnish a cake with them! Or don’t!
But as time progresses, even the most holy of holiday traditions become diluted and commercialized. Just Born now has Peeps for most every holiday â€" Peep ghosts, Peep trees, Peep turkets. The leaders of our most important institutions are failing us; greed and politics have made their ways past the fragile, outstretched arms of basic morality. Can we stop it? I don’t know.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is a stupid made-up greeting card day. You buy flowers, chocolates, some Colt 45, a box of Trojans and call it good. I’m sure Greek mythology can take me back to the real meaning if I dig really deep, but I really don’t care to dig at all. My thoughts are that I have to spend money â€" to buy the supplies â€" to put together cards â€" to put some candy on them â€" to hand out to my daughter’s class â€" so that everyone can have one â€" all 24 of them â€" and be happy. What a pain in the ass. Or is it?
The message that these Valentine’s cards are sending is plain and simple: You are loved. Who doesn’t love to hear that they are loved? So what if Hallmark is buying gold toilet paper with the millions they’re making off this bullshit holiday? I get to hear that people actually LOVE me, and that thrills me to no end. Nothing beats a gloomy day better than a friend letting you know they care, that they are thinking of you, that you are special.
I know I can be outspoken with my rants, my headaches, and my incessant ramblings of cynicism â€" but this time I ask you to let me speak out for a good cause: To Write Love On Her Arms. Through music, this non-profit organization brings hope to people fighting depression, drug addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
I’m not asking you to spend any money, I’m asking you to do just one thing: Spread the love. Today, on Feb. 13, tell the people you care about that you do actually care about them. Not because of a holiday, not because you just want to get laid, but because that person’s happiness is important to you. Love IS the movement.
Are you really looking for something to do tonight? Does your tenacious appetite for the wild thrills of South Sound nightlife have no bounds? Well, take a night off, for Christmas’s sake. That’s right, it’s Christmas! Enjoy the day off â€" and by the way, did anyone else notice we worked late yesterday? Christmas is always good, but it’s much better on a Friday.
Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Weekly Volcano/Spew World Headquarters.
Read Comments