NO HONKING BY THE TENNIS COURTS >>>

Tomorrow and Thursday, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., portions of Schuster Parkway will be closed for street repair.

According to City of Tacoma officials, "A chip seal repair will be completed on two separate days, requiring closure of northbound lanes on one day and southbound lanes the next day.
 On Wednesday, the northbound lane between South 7th and McCarver streets will be closed, and on Thursday the southbound lane between South 7th and McCarver streets will be closed."

So all you who race down Schuster at excessive speeds, which includes almost all who drive it, you'll have to take an alternative route, like Tacoma Avenue North. Warning: The Pacific Northwest Tennis Championships are being held at the Tacoma Lawn Tennis Club through Sunday. Keep your eyes on the road and not on the skimpy white clothing.

SATURDAY, JULY 17, 2010 >>>

1. Death is everywhere, and the sooner the tykes under your supervision learn about it, the better equipped they will be to deal with the chaos their own world holds in store for them. The movie Ice Age sets the standard for sensitive treatment of mass extinction - oh, and computer animation. The Grand Cinema screens the movie for free on two screens at 10:30 a.m.

2. The skies over Joint Base Lewis-McChord will be filled with MiG Fury, T-33 Ace Maker, C-17s, F/A-18 Super Hornet, Tuskegee P-51 Redtail and many more planes when the gates open at 8 a.m. for Air Expo 2010, which kicks off at 11 a.m.

3. How does rock climbing on a bike sound? Awesome? Then head down to Ruston Way today near Marine Park at 11 a.m.  The T-Town Throwdown Bike Trials Competition will take place on the rocks, beach, logs and other natural obstacles on the Ruston Way waterfront until 5 p.m. Five bad-ass courses for various levels of expertise will be marked among rocks and other natural features.

4. The streets of Olympia will be filled today with sweat and good cheer as the Capital Lakefair crowd club hops tonight: Le Voyeur on Fourth will have Lozen and Blood Bones; McCoy's down the block will have their infamous Fitz show; Fourth Ave Tav hosts The Missionary Position; The Eastside Club Tavern stages funk bands in the back; The Loft on Cherry has an All City Dance Party; The 109 and China Clipper will have karaoke.

5. The jazz quartet Rio featuring Jim MacCarthy on jazz guitar, Jim Trefethen on sax, Tom Brooks on Bass and Paul Boardway on drums will perform from 7-10 p.m. while you sip margaritas at Woody's on the Water.

Oh, and Mr. Fusion featuring Weekly Volcano scribe Joe Izenman performs tonight at 9 p.m. inside Cork!

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

SATURDAY, JULY 3, 2010 >>>

1. Like cherries, handmade knickknacks, ice sculptures and free parking for your SUV? Then you'll love the Puyallup Farmers Market, a valley institution for nearly as long as cows have been tipped. Engulfing historic downtown P-town from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday - drawing impressive crowds on a regular basis - there's no doubt Ezra Meeker would be proud of what the Puyallup Farmers Market has blossomed into.

2. The Tacoma Polo Club's Independence Cup hits the field (202 288^th St. S. in Roy) - with Mt. Rainier as the backdrop - from noon to 6 p.m. Bring a picnic lunch, pet the horses, and swing a mallet. A chukker, by the way, is a period of play in a polo game lasting 7 1/2 minutes.

3. As part of the 2010 American Harp Society conference, harpists and tango dancers from Seattle's Spectrum Dance perform works by Salzedo and Piazzolla at 7:30 p.m. inside the Pantages Theater.

4. Fingertips perform Motown, funky R&B, and blues at 9 p.m. inside The Hub.

5. The Ben Union Band performs at 9 p.m. inside Doyle's Public House.

LINK: Concerts go on sale this morning

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: What the Weekly Volcano scribes are doing today

The Weekly Volcano follows B & C-list celebrities so you don't have to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

Today, checking in with...

Marlon Wayans dishing on today's World Cup action

Earlier today: Marlon Wayans knows comparisons

"The Netherlands coach is sharp he dressed like a dutchanese Pat Riley" about an hour ago, via Blackberry

"The goalie for brazil look like a Portuguese kevin james" about two hours ago, via Blackberry

"Half the Netherlands team look like my balding 3rd grade Phys ed teacher" about two hours ago, via Blackberry

Earlier today: Marlon Wayans knows sportsmanship

"Netherlands team is funny they do foul shit then shake Brazil's hand" about two hours ago, via Blackberry

Earlier today: Marlon Wayans finally offers some in depth soccer analysis

"Boy Brazil was clustered around that net like roaches on sweet cereal" about two hours ago, via Blackberry

Tune in next week for more hot Twitter Stalking action from the Weekly Volcano.

THE ANNOUNCERS HURT MY EARS >>>

The usual suspects clamored outside the Foss Waterway Seaport Saturday night smoking in their too-packed clusters while the bathroom and hot dog lines collided, and inside the place felt alive as Dockyard Derby Dames mascots weaved through the crowd, kids ran around like maniacs, the announcers screamed into the PA system, the beer garden pushed against the ropes, and wives deadeyed their husbands for gawking at the skaters. The beer garden seemed a bit more drunk than they typically are at the beginning of matches - it was the Championship Bout though, so maybe they had gotten here early, had been around for a while nursing their Millers and Budweisers.

It was a fun night, to say the least.

The grudge match between the Hellbound Homewreckers and Marauding Mollys was close but the Homewreckers pulled away with the win. It was a proud win for the Mollys Homewreckers as post celebration hugs continued throughout the entire bout.

The championship bout between the Trampires and Femme Fianna was never close. The Trampires, behind the incredible skating of Paula Bunion, grabbed the lead early and trounced the Fianna by more than 100 points.

Congratulations to the Trampires. I promise to buy a better camera before next season.

LINK: Kevin Freitas took better photos

FINAL: USA 1:2 GHANA >>>

Booooo.

SATURDAY, JUNE 26, 2010 >>>

1. The Mob Ride presents "Freedom Ride 2010" - another bicycle booze cruz - pushing off from The Red Hot at 7 p.m. If the past rides have been any indication you can expect 30-plus riders on a wide variety of bike models visiting four pubs/bars with a traveling distance of 1.5 miles between drinks.

2. Tacoma Hempfest begins at 10 a.m. in Wright Park with hemp products, information and people pushing Initiative 1068 to legalize marijuana for adults.

3. Lakewood Summerfest continues from noon to dusk with entertainment, vendors and food at Fort Steilacoom Park.

4. Author Norman Northrup will sign his Christian fiction novel, The Ashes of Castlemont - the story of one man who struggles with the ease of the life he used to know and the fear of daring to do what is right - from 1-3 p.m. at Last Word Books in Olympia.

5. Characters such as Lt. Stryk-her, Lush-Ace Harms, Knuckleberry Finn, Anita Hit Sum Won, Lola Pistola and Paula Bunion will be throwing elbows beginning at 6 p.m. when the Dockyard Derby Dames Championship Bout begins inside the Foss Waterway seaport. expect a beer garden, Three Chicks Catering barbecue, Last Stand hot dogs and an afterparty at Rock The Dock Pub & Grill.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Concerts go on sale today

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Partly cloudy, Hi 67, lo 52
Saturday: Partly cloudy, Hi 72, lo 52
Sunday: Party cloudy, hi 70, lo 52

TRAFFIC ALERT: Eastbound SR 16 ramp to northbound I-5 closes from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. Friday, June 25. Construction closes three lanes on I-5 in both directions between Gravelly Lake Drive and 48th Street in Tacoma 7 p.m. Friday to 7 a.m. Saturday. Southbound I-5 between Mounts Road and Martin Way will see lane closures Friday and Saturday nights.

>>> FRIDAY, JUNE 25: UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS! 2

Drag queens tend to be a nasty lot. Bobble Tiki doesn't know if their universal bitterness stems from the pain of squeezing size 11 feet into size 9 pumps or from the irritation of persistent waxing and tweezing. That scenario will not be the case Friday night when drag divas - men dolled up as women - sashay across the Blue Mouse Theatre stage as part of Until the Fat Lady Sings! 2. Last year the drag queens brought the Mouse down with their dancing, vamping and lip-synching. You don't want to miss this one. This impersonators show benefits the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma. - Bobble Tiki

• [Blue Mouse Theatre, 8-11 p.m., $10-$20, 2611 N. Proctor, Tacoma, 253.752.9500]

>>> SATURDAY, JUNE 26: DOCKYARD DERBY DAMES CHAMPIONSHIP

The blockers have the bruises to prove it. The pivots feel the extra pressure. Saturday, returning to the Foss Waterway Seaport, Tacoma's roller derby phenomenon, the Dockyard Derby Dames, will hold their 2010 championship bout. Fans will clamor for blood (or just beer) when the Marauding Mollys and the Hellbound Homewreckers throwdown for a major grudge match, and things will get cranked up even more when the two-time champion Trampires battle the reigning champions, Femme Fianna, for total T-Town roller derby supremacy. Mark your calendars. It's going to be awesome. - Matt Driscoll

• [Foss Waterway Seaport, 6 p.m., $12 advance, $15 door, 705 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.678.1866]

>>> SUNDAY, JUNE 27: URBAN ART FESTIVAL 

The outdoor Urban Art Festival will feature live art demonstrations from painter and screen-printing wiz Kenji Fulmer, who has been seen recently teaching screen-printing classes at Tacoma Art Place. Also, expect appearances from local favorites Mike Capp, Dustin Hillgrove, Jada-Moon on the henna, Ryan Loiselle, Jodi Barstad, Lithium Love, and photographer Tanya DeMots. And then there's the music. Hell of a line up this year, including main stage performers Voxxy Vallejo, Basemint, Blame it on the Girl, New Law, Hotels, Pioneers West and The Fucking Eagles. Rounding out main-stage offerings is a rare treat for Tacoma - reggae legend Clinton Fearon. – Paul Schrag

• [People's Park, noon to 9 p.m., free, Ninth and MLK Way, Tacoma]

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor
I will be mowing my lawn (for real this time!), taking off my shirt at every (slight) opportunity, and checking out The Fucking Eagles et al. at the Urban Art Fest.

PAUL SCHRAG Senior Contributor
Friday, I'm heading to Oly to help Xperience celebrate the release his new album, William VIII, with XP himself, Macklemore, Grayskul, Candidt, etc. Heading to Seattle on Saturday to see some good people. Sunday ... I think I'm hanging out with Mary K and my sister. Naps.

NIKKI TALOTTA Feature Writer
If I didn't have to sling drinks all weekend, I'd be hanging with the kids and chickens by day, and roaming downtown Olympia - looking for shows and bros - by night.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL Theater Critic
TAO's baadasssss take on Othello has been pushed back a week, so instead I'm beginning my move to Olympia proper. By this time next month I should smell like patchouli, a Sara Jane's Firebird, and shake.

STEPH DEROSA Columnist
MI will be watching men getting all dirty and sweaty from doing manly things with huge pieces of wood. That's right, I'll be at the Buckley Log Show all weekend.

THE REV. ADAM MCKINNEY Feature Writer
I will continue to wear my dad's clothes while he's out of town (not weird). At some point, I will finish my pint of bottom-shelf whiskey and stumble out on the town, possibly ending up at karaoke.

KRIS BLONDIN Food/Wine Writer
Dustin and I are heading to Mardon Resort near the Pot Holes in Eastern Washington with Aura Mae and her Hubby. Gettin' some sun!

JOE IZENMAN Music/Theater Critic
I'll be heading out Friday night to catch the awesome and fun Shotgun Kitchen at Malarkey's pool hall. OK, that's kind of a lie. I am IN Shotgun Kitchen, and I'm just trying to trick you all into coming. Sunday it's off to that city in the North for Idaho singer-songwriter Josh Ritter.

JENNIFER JOHNSON: Lifestyle/Leisure Writer
Friday evening I'll hit the Belles at the Ball inside Sanford & Son. Saturday morning features an ass-kicking workout at LA Fitness followed by lunch at The Taste of Tacoma. Sunday afternoon I'm attending Bria McCoy's wedding and Urban Art Fest followed by Hilltop Trot at Fulcrum.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

TACOMA ROLLER DERBY LEAGUE FINALS >>>

I couldn't think of a better way to spend a summer Saturday than on a hot date with myself tossing back beer and watching tough-as-nails roller derby chicks knock each other on their asses. Yes, my Saturday will be spent with the Dockyard Derby Dames characters like Lt. Stryk-her, Lush-Ace Harms, Knuckleberry Finn, Anita Hit Sum Won, Lola Pistola and Paula Bunion crammed at the front of the flat track, jumping around, screaming my lungs out, picking fights and hocking loogies. With a beer garden, girls in fishnets, Three Chicks Catering barbecue, Last Stand hot dogs – this will be the perfect post-Tacoma Hempfest spot for me.

After the bout everyone will head to Rock The Dock Pub & Grill for the afterparty.

<H3>Dockyard Derby Dames Championship Bout</H3>

Saturday, June 26, 5 p.m. doors, 6 p.m. bouts, $15, $12 at Brown Paper Tickets, 7 and younger are free
Foss Waterway Seaport, 705 Dock St., Tacoma
dockyardderbydames.com

ON THE SCENE >>>

The Tacoma Twilight Criterium, a first for Tacoma, featured seven categories of racing, a beer garden (for spectators) with live music, and an art bike parade yesterday at Eighth and Pacific Avenue in downtown Tacoma. Criterium founders Jon Graef (Tacoma Sports Commission), Mike Brown (owner Tacoma Bike), Gillian Corke (Junefish), Tim Waer (Tacoma Sports Commission executive director) and Dean Burke (owner Junefish) organized an amazing event.

Weekly Volcano photography J.M. Simpson snapped a few shots of the event.

Scott McGee rides his bike, "Long Odds," during a parade of antique bikes.

Rikk Beatty jams during the Tacoma Twilight Criterium.

Jennifer Music and Jesse Pestana enjoy a segment of the Criterium from the comfort of their hammock.

LINK: More crit photos in our Photo Hot Spot