THURSDAY, SEPT. 2, 2010 >>>

1. The Final Fan Appreciation Night in the old Cheney Stadium begins at 6 p.m. when the Tacoma Rainiers take on the Colorado Springs Sky Sox. First 1,000 fans through the gates receive a 2010 team photo (hurrah!).  Post game fireworks and closing ceremony will bring tears.

2. James Coates performs at 10:30 a.m. at the downtown Tacoma Farmers Market.

3. The opening reception for The Greater Tacoma Community Foundation's Foundation of Art Award, 2008-2010 exhibit at Kittredge Gallery runs from 5-7 p.m.The exhibition itself includes work by the 25 nominees featuring works range from painting, sculpture, and prints to video, jewelry, and embroidery, among other techniques. Materials are as diverse as felt, Legos, found cardboard signs, and repurposed books to the more traditional media such as oil, watercolor, ceramics, and photography.

4. Groove House will perform on the patio of Tocanos Café and Wine Bar in Puyallup beginning at 6:15 p.m.

5. The Tacoma Runners will summon their inner cowboy/girl for tonight's Giddyup Run. That's right, the Runners will don costumes for their weekly run, which begins at 6:30 p.m. at Big Whisky Saloon in downtown Tacoma. We're talking chaps people.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

TUESDAY, AUG. 31, 2010 >>>

1. Chuck Sandru and 41 Miles perform at 3:30 and 5 p.m., respectively, at the 6th Avenue Farmers Market at Sixth Avenue and North Pine Street.

2. Spend some quality time walking through the Harbor History Museum's permanent exhibit that showcases the rich, unique heritage of the Gig Harbor Peninsula through artifacts, photos, personal stories and hands-on interactives from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. Join the Pierce County AIDS Foundation for an AIDS Walk happy hour event from 5 to 7 p.m. at Doyle's Public House. A portion of the proceeds from drink specials will be donated to the Pierce County AIDS Walk. You will have the chance to win Sounders tickets and an autographed Sounders FC ball. Dining Out for Life discount cards will be welcome all night.

4. Chalet Bowl in the Proctor District hosts $2 Tuesday where you can bowl for $2 per person per game with a $2 shoe rental and $2.25 Rolling Rocks.

5. They Rise We Die, Levator and Brotherhood Of The Black Squirrel play a 9 p.m. show at Bob's Java Jive.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Honestly, it would probably be best to let this week slide - to mysteriously (and probably unnoticed) duck out of my regular Prefunk obligations. The South Sound has already been forced to endure nearly 10,000 words from me this week (most with the expert help of Paul Schrag), and coming of that high of quasi-journalistic indulgence, a quick 500 words on ways you can get fucked up this weekend seems a little uncalled for.

But, shit.  We're almost halfway now there.  Might as well get rolling with another fine installment of The Prefunk, a weekend primer for you and your liver (with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure).

110th U.S. Amateur Championship

Continues through Saturday and Sunday at Chamber's Bay Golf Course (Ladenburg Links)

So, Tiger Woods got a divorce and - by god! - golf is exciting again.  I don't follow golf religiously (as I think guys that do that are a little out there), but last I heard Tiger was tied for first place at Barclays, hitting the ball "flush" for the first time since, well, lots of broads were hitting his balls flush. (Oh snap!)

Now, don't get me wrong.  Tiger Woods will not be at finale of this week's 110th U.S. Amateur Championship, which has been going on all week at Chambers Bay Golf Course.  He wont be anywhere near it, in fact. Tiger woods hasn't been an amateur since...  Damn!  These jokes work a lot better when the precluding sentence includes the words "balls" and "flush."

Anyway, there will be plenty of uber-talented golfers at Chambers Bay for the culmination of what's been an impressive week of play - even if none of them are named Tiger Woods.  Much like catching the next big band in some small club before they break, you could find yourself watching the NEXT Tiger Woods tee off - young, innocent, not gross, golf yet to have scored them even one BJ. It's golf the way it was intended: pure, unadulterated, and largely unexciting. 

PREFUNK: Did someone say Perkins waitress!?!

Sadly, however, the closest Perkins restaurant is in Ellensburg.

In a pinch, though, I hear a Sharis waitress will do - and there's a Sharis at 3902 Bridgeport Way, W.

What!?! What!?! Just sayin'.

See you next week.

TUESDAY, AUG. 24, 2010 >>>

1. Musig Christenson Duo will perform jazz (beginning at 4:30 p.m.) while folks shop for lettuce and the 6th Avenue Farmers Market from 3:30-7:30 p.m.

2. This world's most prestigious amateur golf championship - 110th U.S. Amateur Championship - continues at Chambers Bay from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. The 25 New Faces of Independent Film festival continues at The Grand Cinema at 2, 4, 6:15 and 8:15 p.m. Click here for today's schedule.

4. Mary Win and Sea Of Tides perform an all-ages 7 p.m. show at The Mandolin Café.

5. Santeria: A Tribute To Sublime hits Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill at 8 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

WHEN GALEN MCCARTY TURNER JUMPS ON HIS BIKE, THINGS HAPPEN >>>

When Bobble Tiki was a kid he would ride his bike over empty soda cans so they caught on the tops of the tires, making a buzzing noise nothing at all like a motorcycle, but to a 10-year-old tiki, Bobble Tiki might as well have put glasspacks on his Huffy.  Some of those same nutty kids have graduated from Pepsi cans to ... jumping their bike through neon tubing.

As promised, Tacoman Galen McCarty Turner jumped his bicycle through neon tubing last night, just as Weekly Volcano editor Matt Driscoll previewed in his Prefunk column Friday. What Driscoll left out was that the alley would be packed with more than a hundred people in an atmosphere that felt like a high school keg party, that the Tacoma Police force would arrive as the neon tubing was about to be lit, that Patricia Lecy-Davis would convince the police to slow their walk toward Turner to a crawl so that the Tacoma daredevil could skip his pre-jump ritual and jump his bicycle through the tubing before the event was shut down.

And that's exactly what happened. The crowd cheered Turner on as he skipped the pre-jump theatrics (fortunately not skipping the steps where he lights the sparklers on his helmet and bike) and went right for the gusto before the police cleared the alley.

It was spectacular, to say the least.

Check out the few photos we snapped of the event in our Photo Hot Spot.

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Partly cloudy, hi 85, lo 56

Saturday: Sunny and clear, hi 90, lo 58

Sunday: Sunny and clear, hi 92, lo 58

>>> FRIDAY, AUG. 13: HATS AND HEELS

The award-winning horse with a heart of gold Seabiscuit might be glue right now, but many racing horses are still alive and well and periodically doing their hoofing thing around dirt tracks to score some coin and a bag of oats. King County's Emerald Downs in Auburn really tries to offer something for all folks whether or not they have nicknames like Jimmy the Fish, Bobby the Lobster or Harry the Horse. Sure, there's still betting, boozing and guys named Sal offering "can't lose" picks of the day, but there are also lighter events, such as Hats And Heels this Friday. Back in the day, ladies of elegance attended the races strutting their latest fashions, including those trademark hats. Times have changed, and so has fashion, but this long-standing tradition has not. Dust off your hats, put on those heels and head to Emerald Downs. 

• Emerald Downs, 5 p.m., $30 includes glass of wine, shopping opportunities, race program, light buffet and more, 2300 Emerald Downs Dr., Auburn, 253.288.7700
  

>>> SATURDAY, AUG. 14: REDNECK PARKING LOT PARTY PART II

The last time Tacoma's newest and most energized country bar, Big Whisky Saloon, held a 100.7 FM The Wolf-hosted "Redneck Parking Lot Party" more than 800 people showed up to suck up live country music, dance on the outdoor dance floor, drink cold beer, eat barbecue and ride "Bubba the Mechanical Bull." That's redneck success, and exactly why this Saturday the Big Whisky is holding the Redneck Parking Lot Party Part II featuring Robbie Walden & The Gunslingers and others.

• Big Whisky Saloon, 5 p.m. to 2 a.m., free before 6 p.m., $10 after, 100 S. Ninth St., Tacoma, 253.272.0777

>>> SUNDAY, AUG. 15: ART IN THE PARK

Ever wonder what Music and Art in Wright Park might look like without the rock? Well, there's a good example at Monarch Sculpture Park this week. The Art in the Park open house will open a retrospective exhibit of paintings, prints and sculptures by Valentine Welman, who had a long and somewhat well-known career at the University of Washington teaching painting, printmaking and sculpting. It's art. But not rock.

• Monarch Sculpture Park, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., $5 per person 12 and older, 8431 Waldrick Road SE, Olympia, monarchartcenter.org

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor and former Axe Deodorant Body Spray model
You know, it's funny. As a married dude with a young kid, I've spent plenty of hours over the years daydreaming about my bachelor days gone by. I've been known to long for an opportunity to fall asleep on the couch midday with one hand in a bag of Cheetos and another in the waistband of my sweats, if only because my "grown-up" life never allows such unshaven indulgences. However, with my wife and kid out of town for two whole weeks, and faced with the opportunity to be as slovenly and dudely as I damn well please, it hasn't been as awesome as I expected. It's actually kind of lonely. Anyway, this weekend - despite the fact it wont feel as good as I imagined it would - I'll probably still find the time to smoke several herbal jazz cigarettes and settle down in front of the tube with a gallon jug full of Captain Crunch to watch ridiculous apocalypse-themed shows on the History Channel - just like the good ol' days.

Either that or I'll go to Westport - because everyone's doin' it.

NIKKI TALOTTA Feature Writer
This weekend: Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. And still in recovery from bachelorette party in Portland. No, I didn't end up flashing my panties, but there was an episode involving handcuffs. ...

STEPH DEROSA Columnist
This weekend is my second annual girl's weekend in Westport, Wash.  This year I'm relaxing with my favorite Weekly Volcano cronies - Kate Swarner, Kris Blondin, Jennifer Johnson, and of course ... Bandito Betty. Don't try to call or write, for we will all be OFF THE GRID.

KRIS BLONDIN Food/Wine Writer
Hanging with The Volcano chickies at DeRosa Manor Part Deux in Westport. Wine, women and food. Oh, the food. If only YOU could be a fly on the wall. ...

JENNIFER JOHNSON: Lifestyle/Leisure Writer
Friday birthday party for awesome boyfriend DJ Bilori who's spinning at Laura's Bayview Bar & Grill at 8 p.m. Saturday and Sunday I'm off to a fabulous Westport weekend!

JOE IZENMAN Music/Theater Critic
I didn't get invited to DeRosa's beach cabin, but I didn't want to hang out with them anyway. Instead I shall bask in the glorious tap list of The Red Hot's third birthday extravaganza — I've been to all their birthdays, including their zeroth, so surely I won't miss this one — and then rolling off to sunny Cle Elum for a weeklong Dungeons & Dragons vacation. Yes, really.

REV. ADAM MCKINNEY Features Writer
Saturday, I plan on catching some manly bands in the name of supporting Music & Arts in Wright Park. The Speans and C.F.A. will break my eardrums, and Basemint will continue to be awesome and handsome.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL: Theater Critic
My girlfriend roped me into a Ballroom Blitz fundraiser even though I aspire to the dancing skills of an Elaine Benes. I'm also hoping to squeeze in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and The Expendables, the manliest manly movie ever manly made.

ALEC CLAYTON: Visual Arts Critic
On Friday I'm having cataract surgery. Saturday I would like to test my new and improved eyesight by looking at a whole lot of beautiful people without their clothes.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

THURSDAY, AUG. 12, 2010 >>>

1. Sleeper Cell and Mahnhammer will burst your eardrums beginning at 9 p.m. inside Hell's Kitchen. Jucifer will close the night and, most likely, your coffin lid.

2. Nineteen acclaimed Korean artists reexamine their identity in the context of the American landscape in Calm Spirit, a new exhibition opening today at the Handforth Gallery in downtown Tacoma's Main Library. Check out this exhibition - organized by the Korean American Artists Association of Washington in celebration of their 20th anniversary, and curated by Jung Ho Kim ­ from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

3. The Fun Police Southern Skies will patrol and rock and roll the Tacoma Farmers Market on Broadway beginning at 10:30 a.m.

4. Cropsey - a documentary examining the concept of the bogeyman - screens at 6:30 p.m. at the Capitol Theater in Olympia. Read our review of the flick here - if you're not too scared.

5. The Tacoma Runners, er, running group will meet at 6:30 p.m. in front of the SideBar Bistro, head out for a 3-mile jaunt, then celebrating their achievement with a bunch of booze back at the SideBar. This group has grown into something very cool.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

MONDAY, AUG. 2, 2010 >>>

1. Here's an event specifically designed to turn that frown upside down. We're talking, of course, about puppets! Puppeteers will stick their hands into it for tales of Moby Dick, Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid and a host of piratical puppet players from Robert L. Stevenson's Treasure Island at 11 a.m. inside Swan Creek Library. If you can't find anything to entertaining about puppets, well ... then ... there's always Blockbuster.

2. Singer Maia Santell hooks up with Gary Crooks on guitar and Steve Luceno on upright bass for an evening of jazz and blues at the Harmon Brewery and Eatery beginning at 7 p.m.

3. Designed for bartenders, waiters, waitresses, or anyone looking for a late weeknight of bowling, food, beer, socializing and fun, Chalet Bowl in the Proctor District hosts "Hip Night for Hospitality Professionals" under the glow lights from 9-11 p.m. Our guess is there will be some stepping over the line tonight!

4. Hot off the decks at the Best of Tacoma 2010 Premiere Party, DJ Darren Selector will spin Tacoma indie rock and underground hits at The New Frontier Lounge beginning at 9 p.m.

5. Jason Diamond and buds spin roots reggae during Rebel Monday/Industry Night inside O'Malley's Irish Pub beginning at 9 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

SATURDAY, JULY 31, 2010 >>>

1. How many folks out there knew Tacoma hosts one of the biggest and best rugby 7's tournament in the entire region? For the last 33 years, Tacoma has hosted a summer 7's tournament featuring some of the best male rugby teams in the area. What's especially exciting about this year's event, however, is it will feature women's 7's teams for the very first time, drawing six of the top female rugby teams in the Northwest. The action goes down at the Portland Avenue Play Fields in East Tacoma beginning at 9 a.m.

2. Following the success of last year's inaugural run, the Proctor Farmers' Market Art-A-Thon is back from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., where artists will once again display their work and techniques in hopes you'll be inspired enough to donate - with the money going to F.I.S.H.

3. China Davis, The Lillie Bros, and Stoned Evergreen Traveller perform at the 7 Seas Brewing one-year anniversary party from noon to 8 p.m. at the brewery in Gig Harbor.

4. Art matters. Suckers for a good pun, we mention this in relation to Olympia's most sustainable gallery, Matter, which opened in September 2009 and prides itself on featuring "recycled, reclaimed and responsibly harvested materials." From 4-7 p.m., join Matter for a "Midsummer Gathering," which will reportedly include light refreshments and, more importantly, a chance to mingle with the many artists who make Matter such a sight to see in Olympia. Michael Gray and Vince Brown will provide music.

5. The zombie movie master George Romero is back with a new creative trek into the flesh-eating genre of horror. In Survival of the Dead we are whisked to an island off Delaware that's been spared from the zombie apocalypse. Here we meet two families: the O'Flynns and the Muldoons; one believes in zombie annihilation, while the other stands for zombie rehabilitation, as they wait for a wished-for cure. As both clans spar over their appointed causes, there are lots of shocking scares and inventive zombie killings in this subtle treatise on capital punishment cleverly disguised as a quasi-zombie western. Watch it in all its gory at midnight inside the Capitol Theater in Olympia.

LINK: We listed a couple more ideas in The Weekend Hustle

LINK: Concert go on sale today

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

SATURDAY, JULY 24, 2010 >>>

1. It's time again for Ethnic Fest, an annual event that's brought Pierce County's diversity together in celebration since 1986. Some of the best festival feeding you'll find, as well as visual arts, performing arts, dance, crafts and fun into two days of multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-adjective-for-awesome action from noon to 7 p.m. in Wright Park. Sealing the deal: Ethnic Fest is free.

2. Not many things go together as well as a beautiful weekend and classic, tricked-out, pimped-out hot rods. Luckily, the Pacific Northwest Nationals hot rod show  - presented by Goodguys Rod & Custom Association - will rev up at the Puyallup Fairgrounds from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

3. Tacoma's all women, flat track roller derby league - the Dockyard Derby Dames - hold its All Stars Bout #1 from 5-10 p.m. at Pierce College in Lakewood. The all-ages event, which features a beer garden with ID, will donate a portion of the proceeds to charity.

4. The Tacoma Tide Football Club takes on the Kitsap Pumas Soccer Club at 7 p.m. on the field at Curtis High School Stadium.

5. For 10 years strong Stonewall Youth has been providing support and empowerment to the Olympia area's gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-gender, questioning, intersex, and asexual community - through programs and support groups that serve a valuable need. Saturday, the 10^th annual Stonewall Youth Drag Show Extravaganza will up the sass-o-meter to 11 inside the Capitol Theater beginning at 7 p.m. According to hype, expect a "West Side Story themed show is filled with drag, glitter, song, dance, and revolution."

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound