SATURDAY, MAY 22, 2010 >>>

1. The Grand Cinema will host a free screening of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, described in promotional materials as "a fun family film about bikes!" The - once again FREE - event starts at 10:30 a.m. and, well, will be a "fun family film about bikes" - kind of.

2. The Clean, Green Boating Fest runs from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the Foss Waterway Seaport featuring "citizen science" boat tours of Commencement Bay, storm water education and more.

3. Musket volleys, bagpipes and cannons abounded when Hudson's Bay Company forts across North American celebrated Queen Victoria's birthday in the mid-1800s. Visitors to Fort Nisqually Living History Museum can relive the festivities from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Also, it's Bear Awareness Day over at Northwest Trek.

4. Tacoma's original roller derby league, the Dockyard Derby Dames, move to historic Foss Waterway Seaport for their third bout of season four. Three Chicks Catering, Inc. will be serving plates of barbecue grilled on-site. There is also a beer garden serving $3 wine and beer. All the action begins at 6 p.m.

5. The New York-based filmmaker Ana Joanes directed Fresh, which is being screened at 6 p.m. at the Carwein Auditorium on the UWT campus. Fresh is the result of two years of work, talking to advocates from the real food movement. Joanes said industrialized food production poses a threat to food safety and community health. The film is sponsored by the Tacoma Food Co-op.

LINK: Arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

Bring on the weekend >>>

Well, fuck. It's raining off and on and somewhat miserable outside. How am I supposed to start the weekly Prefunk - a preparatory weekend guide for you and your liver - if not by commenting on the lovely weather? I've employed that approach every week for the last month, at least - and I really didn't want to stop.

Oh, well. It is what it is. The Prefunk is coming your way, whether you like it or not.

Even better, we've got a NEW drunk pet photo this week!

For those who'd like to see their drunken pet forever immortalized on The Prefunk, send your best pictures to the Weekly Volcano for consideration. Remember, we're not encouraging you to force beer on your dog or cat, but if they already have a problem, well, what are you going to do?

DOCKYARD DERBY DAMES SEASON FOUR, BOUT THREE

Saturday, May 22

Last time around, it was Pierce College. This Saturday, Tacoma's infamous and awesome Dockyard Derby Dames will hijack the Foss Waterway Seaport for the third bout of the season - filling the typically mundane space with all sorts ferocious feminine C-blocks, J-blocks and checks. It's sure to be just as badass as you imagine.

PREFUNK: A "good friend of mine," back in my college youth, was a big fan of proclaiming the virtues of "mixing it up." To him, it was a lifestyle.  I vividly remember him trying to explain this theory on existence to a waitress at the Reef, as he tried fruitlessly to order a bourbon milkshake. She didn't get it.

Anyway, Saturday will be an interesting day at the Foss Waterway Seaport. Not only are the Derby Dames set to invade with a 6 p.m. bout, but earlier in the day the 2^nd Annual Clean, Green Boating Festival will be in full effect the same space. The Clean, Green Boating Festival will include Electric Duffy boat guided tours of the Thea Foss Waterway and Dragon boat rides.

Here's what you do: Smuggle a sixer in your jacket on to one of those Electric Duffy boat tours and take the edge off. When festival authorities inevitably confront you, noting that the reckless consumption of MGD while boating is EXACTLY THE KIND OF THOUGHTLESS BEHAVIOR the 2^nd Annual Clean, Green Boating Festival is intended to discourage, tell them to "suck it," then jump out and swim back. If you're out of shape ass happens to come across the right piece of drift wood, and luck is on your side, you should arrive back at the Foss Waterway Seaport just in time for the start of the Derby Dames bout.

Plus, there'll be a beer garden waiting for you. Awesome.

PIERCE COLLEGE JAZZ EXPO

Sunday, May 23

As you may have heard, "everything is jazz."

While that's a somewhat outdated sentiment - since the saying first surfaced research has shown only about 93% of things are jazz - still, there's something to it.

On Sunday, Pierce College is set to put on its annual Jazz Expo - now in its 37^th year. The Jeff Hamilton Trio, which includes drummer Hamilton (duh), Israeli-born piano badass Tamir Hendelman and bassist Cristoph Luty, will be the event's main draw, although the Fort Steilacoom Student Jazz Band will also have a (jazz) hand in the action.

It's a full day thing. From noon to 1 p.m., the Pierce College Jazz Expo will offer a "master class" at The Tacoma School of the Arts, 1118 Commerce St., Tacoma, and then the real fun will begin at 5 p.m. with the full blown Piece College Jazz Expo performance at the Stadium High School Auditorium.

PREFUNK: They say marijuana and jazz go hand-in-hand. Hell, even here at the Weekly Volcano we've long referred to our doobies in print as "herbal jazz cigarettes." Here's your chance to finally test out the longstanding companionship.

Burn one late Sunday morning then head out to the ‘master class" at noon. See what happens. Trust me. It'll be a good test. You'll be so jazz.

Or will you?

See you next week.

SATURDAY, APRIL 24, 2010 >>>

1. Shakespeare in the Parking Lot continues its 48 hours of Bard with free performances of Henry VI parts 1, 2 and 3 at 3 p.m. and Richard III at 10 p.m. inside and outside the Speakeasy Arts Cooperative.

2. The Olympia Spring Arts Walk continues from noon to 7 p.m. with all sorts of awesomeness, plus the famed Procession of the Species at 4:30 p.m. - all in downtown Olympia.

3. Tacoma's own Dockyard Derby Dames are back in action with another knockdown, drag-out bout from 5-9 p.m. at Pierce College in Lakewood.

4. Tacoma poets Emilie Rommel Shimkus, Josh Rizeberg, Ariel Zimmer and others enhance their words using visual imagery, theater, dance, lighting and music as part of Mouths & Mics: Poetry in the 253 at 7 p.m. inside the Washington State History Museum.  Also, the poetic torch is passed to the 2010 Urban Grace Soul of the City Tacoma Poet Laureate.

5. Soo Bae - born in Korea, but billed as "Canada's prize-topping young cellist" - will join the Tacoma Symphony Orchestra in Berlioz's classic, Symphonie Fantastique - which has been called "a musical journey through unrequited love, opium nightmares and witches' spells." Awesome. The concert begins at 7:30 p.m. inside the Pantages Theater.

LINK: More arts and entertainment happenings in the South Sound

BUST OUT OF YOUR CAVE TOMORROW >>>

What to wear? What to wear?

Tomorrow night marks Kristofer Nystrom's next Bicycle Booze Cruz. The popular, sporadic gathering of 30 to 35 booze-loving bicycle riders in Tacoma's North End will raise their kickstands around 7 p.m. in front of Magoo's Annex and Eatery on North 21^st and head off into the night. Some will ride cruisers. Some will ride racing bikes. Some will dress as Eskimos. Some will dress as if they're in the Tour de France. They all will be looking for their next drink.

The riders typically visit four bars/taverns in the North End and/or downtown Tacoma area during the Booze Cruz. They peddle a mile and a half between drinks. And they don't decide the ride's route until after the first drink at the starting line.

"It's a fun event - not a race - that sees all sorts of bikes, abilities and costumes," says Nystrom. "That's what's cool about the event. We're just one big, friendly pack of riders."

Every ride is tagged with a theme. Tomorrow's ride is called the Cabin Fever Grind Out, which Nystrom doesn't fully have a handle on how it will play out - costume wise.

"It all about getting out of our winter caves and enjoying the fresh air," he adds. "I have no idea what people will wear."

What the hell would you wear to a Cabin Fever Grind Out?

To me the ridiculous, too-tight, brazenly colored, and obnoxiously patterned bike racing outfit doesn't fit Nystrom's event. It's superhero tight, and you're not Peter Parker. And the cycling shorts with the padding sewed into the crotch? Seriously. It looks as if you're delivering the Weekly Volcano in the least convenient of places.

If I remember correctly, the wonderful costumes from the film The Clan of the Cave Bear seem more appropriate for the ride - loose and less likely to get caught in the spokes. I could be wrong.

[Magoo's Annex and Eatery, Saturday, April 24, 7 p.m., no entry fee, 2710 N. 21st St., Tacoma]

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

All right, yo! We made it. Another life-sucking workweek is behind us, and it's time for the Monday-through-Friday warriors to reap the benefits of their two, measly days off. This is going to be good! And, shit! The sun is even out...

The dawning of a new weekend also means it's time for a new installment of the Weekly Volcano Prefunk - a Saturday and Sunday primer for you and your liver, with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

Enjoy.

DEATH BY SEX @ 109 LOUNGE IN OLYMPIA

Saturday, April 17

Know where this one is going already? Of course you do. This is the Volcano, after all. And we are talking about a band called Death By Sex.

Do I know anything about Death By Sex - the band? No, not really. But I bet they rule.

Do I know anything about death by sex, in reality? No, not really - other than I have seen plenty of David Carradine movies. Also, I did get a really bad calf cramp one time while having sex, but that's about as close as I've ever come to dying during intercourse.

Adding to the list of things I don't know about - what's up with 109 Lounge in Oly? I have yet to check it out. Perhaps Saturday's show is just what I've been waiting for.

PREFUNK: Hydration is key, my friends? Did you know the number one cause of death by sex is extreme dehydration? Last year alone, six people and eight hipsters lost their lives due to sexual dehydration. Don't let this happen to you.

ULTIMATE FRISBEE @ LBA PARK

Sunday, April 18

This week's Volcano Prefunk is a little Oly heavy, but hell - that's A-OK with me. We might as well not let d-bag T-bag protestors and trust fund anarchists be the only ones enjoying our state's lovely capital city.

So, on that note - why not head on out to LBA Park at 5:30 p.m. Sunday and enjoy some hot Frisbee action from the 2010 Olympia Ultimate Frisbee Coed League. Sure, you've already missed signups - they ended April 9 - but that doesn't mean you can't be a spectator. If there's one thing Ultimate Frisbee needs it's more fans - followed closely by some effing shoes.

PREFUNK: Sports are supposed to be competitive. I don't care what the Wavy Gravy of the Ultimate Frisbee circuit tells you. Why not make Sunday an opportunity to bring some real, drunken, face-painted excitement to Oly's co-ed Ultimate Frisbee league.

Show up early. Tailgate. Get really hammered. Then mosey on over to the Frisbee action and root for your team. If anyone gets in your way, just treat him or her like sports fans from Philly would.

See you next week.

TAP THIS >>>

"It's always the last place you look," people say about lost objects. Well, of course it is. As some comedian from decades ago (probably David Brenner) used to say, you wouldn't continue to search for something once you've found it.

Sheesh.

Anyway, the Tap into T-Town folks will make looking for hidden items fun Saturday, May 1 with a benefit scavenger hunt throughout downtown Tacoma. Afterward, you and your teammates (the hunting is done in groups of four) are invited back to the starting line at the Varsity Grill for a reception, and if you were very, very good at sniffing things out, an award might await.

Team pre-reistration sign up for the Tap into T-Town scavenger hunt is tomorrow, April 13 from 5:30-8 p.m. at the Varsity Grill. Every member of your four-person team must be 21 and older. The entry fee is $80 cash per team, which includes dinner and T-shirts.

Registration will remain open past the April 13 pre-registration party. Click here for more information.

The Tap into T-Town scavenger hunt benefits the Tacoma City Kids Marathon.

LINK: Tap into T-Town

LINK: Tacoma City Kids Marathon

SATURDAY, MARCH 27, 2010 >>>

1. Tacoma's oldest and only Rocky Horror Picture Show "shadow cast" the Blue Mouseketeers will help you enjoy the movie at 11:30 p.m. inside The Blue Mouse Theater.

2. The Parks Campaign Kick-Off rally featuring Footloose the Moose, Rodney Raccoon, facepainting, sack races, and words from Tacoma City Councilmember Victoria Woodards and Executive Director of the Tacoma-Pierce County Humane Society Kathleen Olson at noon in South Park at 4851 S. Tacoma Way.

3. The Proctor Farmers Market opens for the season from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. and will continue to do so every Saturday until Nov. 20. If that wasn't magical enough, the Junior Daffodil Parade will pass by it around 10 a.m.

4. Another Artifakt Art Show hits Jazzbones at 9 p.m. featuring music from Yirim Seck, Graves, Life Cycle, B-Awake, AurasWon, DJ Reign, DJ SlimRock and art by Erik Soderquist, Graves, CASH, Laura Eklund, AcidTest, Mike Smith and Joey Rodrigez.

5. Agent Orange, South 11th, Broken Oars, The Dirty Birds, and Victor Cutoff take Hell's Kitchen beginning at 9 p.m.

Well, crap, OK 6 today:

6. The Dockyard Derby Dames return to the flat track with sharpened elbows for a roller derby bout at 6 p.m. inside the Pierce College Health Education Building in Lakewood.

LINK: Movie showtimes in the South Sound

THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 2010 >>>

1. The heartbreaking and rigorous anti-romance Korean flick Christmas in August will screen at The Blue Mouse Theatre as part of the Sister Cities International Film Festival. For $10 you can watch the flick and enjoy Korean cultural events. The festivities begin at 6:30 p.m.

2. Edward Matlock's Loteria show at Fulcrum is cool. His subjects are culturally and generationally iconic. Rendered in extreme contrast they are reduced to abstraction devoid of contextual information. Our favrote is the lazer gun. Check them out between noon and 6 p.m.

3. If Darwin's theory of evolution is correct, then it appears the human animal has attained a plateau in physical development even as the intellect doggedly advances. Is this true? Author Pat Shannon tackles the subject at 6 p.m. inside Orca Books in Olympia.

4. The Thursday Beer Run is growing. Runners show up at a bar ready for a social 3-miler loop. They leave the bar later in the night loopy. The runners will meet at 6:30 p.m. in front of the Cloverleaf Pizza on Sixth Avenue. The runners know why the Cloverleaf's crust is so crunchy. Seems like an extra mile is in order.

5. EvergreenOne, Todd Sykes, the Revengers and Jr. Hill take The Swiss' stage at 9 p.m.

LINK: Plan your weekend concert purchases

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

First Lady tells food giants to stop making junk and marketing junk to kids.

The United States is not thrilled with the maker of Captain Morgan rum and its plan to relocate the production from Puerto Rico to the Virgin Islands.

Real Irish shamrocks in short supply this year.

Obama's Final Four picks are in: Kansas State, Kentucky, Kansas, and Villanova.

Are you ready to recycle your sandwich bags?

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17, 2010 >>>

1. It's St. Patrick's Day. Time to party.

2. The Pierce County Arts and Cultural Planning Community Forum will gather opinions at 4:30 p.m. inside the Soundview Building. Go help plan the arts.

3. Screw green beer; let's climb a wall at 5:30 p.m. inside the Centre at Norpoint.

4. The Sixth Avenue Progressive Dinner visits 6 Olives, Origin 23 and Studio 6 Ballroom at 5:30, 6:15 and 7 p.m. Dance to jazz and blues by Maia Santell & House Blend from 7:30-10:30 p.m. at Studio 6. Reserve your spot here. 

5. The Fort Steilacoom Choir and Olympic College Chamber Choir joins the Pierce College Concert Band in Bernstein's "Chichester Psalms" and Smith's "Don Quixote Symphony #3" at 7:30 p.m. inside the Lagerquist Concert Hall at PLU.

LINK: Movie showtimes in the South Sound