TACOMA TWILIGHT CRITERIUM >>>

Think all bike racing has to offer is stories of Lance Armstrong blood doping between romps with Sheryl Crow?  Think again.  Better yet, let the first Tacoma Twilight Criterium prove it to you. A criterium, or crit, is a short, intense bike race - usually less than 5K - run on closed-off city streets.  The Tacoma Twilight Criterium, a first for Tacoma, will feature seven categories of racing, a beer garden (for spectators), an art bike parade beginning at 7:20 p.m. and an appearance by Olympia JR Celski.

Tacoma Twilight Criterium

Saturday, June 12, 3-11 p.m., free
Downtown Tacoma, starts at Eighth and Pacific

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

Pres. Obama's old New York City apartment is for rent.

Pope Benedict XVI promised to "do everything possible" to keep priests from molesting/raping children ever again.

Were pre-historic sea monsters warm-blooded?

Seems like it would be a bad idea to do a backflip in a Celtics cheerleader uniform.

An oldie but a goodie:

GO FOR THE GOLD ... AND GLITTER >>>

The Tour de France might be one of the coolest things on two legs operating two wheels, but it's such a commitment of time, effort and frequent flyer miles to check it out. Then they ride by and it's over. Fortunately, there are other options in bike racing-whether you're a participant or a spectator - a bit closer to home.

The Tacoma Twilight Criterium is a breakneck loop around Pacific and A Streets between 8th and 11^th Saturday June 12 from 3-11 p.m. Grab a cooler and a lawn chair and watch amazing athletes do their thing. With $3,000 in cash and prizes to winners in seven categories, the stakes are high and the competition stiff.

The event also includes a kids' bike race, beer gardens, live music, DJs, a logical appearance by U.S. Olympia speedskating bronze medalist J.R. Celski, and an art bicycle parade.

An art bicycle parade?

Yup, a gaggle of human-powered art bicycles will parade through downtown Tacoma Saturday, no doubt including at least three gorilla men on bikes and a bicycle pulling a canoe tented in green fabric and supporting a large Egyptian head. They might be bicycles built for two, or four, or maybe just involves the cannibalized corpses of multiple bikes welded into a towering hulk, but whatever they'll be, they'll undoubtedly going to be fabulous.  Tacoma's "first" Art Bike Parade will launch at 7:10 p.m., riding from South 8^th to South 12^th Street, in conjunction with the criterium cycle street race.

WHERE TO WATCH THE MATCHES >>>

Yes, the World Cup's still several days away, but we're getting more and more stoked.

We ran a feature story on World Cup parties happening at Doyle's Public House, Paddy Coyne's Irish Pub and The Ram in this week's Weekly Volcano. Jump in on the action here.

Over the weekend we discovered that The Varsity Grill in downtown Tacoma will have a special World Cup menu and drink specials during the televised matches.

We also discovered that Farrelli's Wood Fire Pizza on Sixth Avenue will serve $3 pints, $5 mugs, $9 pitchers and $18 towers full of Widmer beer during the televised matches.

Who else is throwing World Cup parties in the South Sound?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 2010 >>>

1. What Zorro is to the sword, what Indiana Jones is to the whip, Tacoma's Intermittent Health and Fitness Club is to the jump rope. The IHAF invites the public to join them for a night of jump rope inside King's Books beginning at 7 p.m.

2. The Gig Harbor Farmers Market at Skansie Brothers Park - an open air market featuring farm-fresh produce and nursery stock, conventional and organic fruits and vegetables, floral designers and more - runs from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

3. Kenji Fullmer will screen print your shirt, bag or anything made of cotton for $5 a pop from 5-7 p.m. inside Tacoma Art Place.

4. Rhapsody In Bloom Florist and Café Latte will be filled with old time country and bluegrass beginning at 7 p.m. when The Slide Factor hits the indoor porch.

5. You know how to tell if you're a badass? Well, one sure sign is if some whacko Baptist church protests your memorial service because you taught "rebellion against God, in the form of glorifying atheism, promoting the devil horn hand sign and other such idolatries." Ronnie James Dio was such a badass! Another good indication of that point is Hell's Kitchen will be honoring the "fucking coolest little midget in rock" tonight beginning at 9 p.m. Think free show, buck-fifty PBRs and devil horns.

LINK: More arts and entertainment today in the South Sound

The Weekly Volcano follows the people you're too embarrassed to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Apolo Ohno

May 27: Apolo Ohno - man of the people.

"Beautiful run along santa monica beach.....stopped to talk with some street vendors who were closing.. taught me how to do pushups...lol!" via TweetDeck, 9:09 p.m.

April 5: Apolo Ohno needs a favor.

"Who's got the hook up on the Rihanna tickets?" via TweetDeck, 5:46 p.m.

April 3: Apolo Ohno sells potatoes.

"Have sum fun & cool spots with 1 of my sponsors- Washington Potato Comission..stay tuned :-) Gnight, I've an early flight tomorrow/this am" via Twitter for iPhone, 11:23 p.m.

March 27: Apolo Ohno shows some chest and gets dwarfed by that kid from Slumdog Millionaire.

"This young phenom needs no introduction. Great kid...awesome attitude!" via TweetDeck, 6:06 p.m.

Tune in next week for a new installment of the Weekly Volcano's Twitter Stalker.

SOOCER, BEER AND MUSIC IN A TENT >>>

I'll be camped out at area bars during the World Cup 2010, which kicks off in South Africa June 11. Don't go thinking I'm some footie fanatic who knows what he's talking about: I just like watching the tournament - and enjoying a pint or two in the process.

This World Cup is the first to be held on the African continent, perhaps giving the African teams - Algeria, Cameroon, Ghana, Ivory Coast, Nigeria, and host South Africa - something like a home-field advantage. And perhaps when Ivory Coast takes the field at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium in Port Elizabeth for its first match against Cristiano Ronaldo, Simao, and Portugal on Tuesday, June 15, at 4 p.m. - that's 7 a.m. in Tacoma - perhaps you might be getting to work late, too - hitting a local pub on your way in.

The no-brainer stop is Doyle's Public House - even without their 200-person tent and accompanying high-definition big-screen television, which they'll erect June 8. Doyle's loves soccer, or footbul. As you'll note, Doyle's does regularly host the Sounders' Supporter Bus carting 54 soccer - and beer - fans up north to the games.

"The June 11 opening match Mexico vs. South Africa at 7 a.m. should be big, but USA vs. England the next day at 11:30 a.m. will be huge with Kasy Keller in attendance," explains Russ Heaton, Doyle's co-owner.

And yes, Doyle's WILL host the 4:30 a.m. games live - with a rebroadcast immediately following at 11:30 a.m.

Doyle's also loves shots, and they'll debut a new shot menu this Tuesday.

"Dave and I are also working on a new happy hour that we will launch during the World Cup," says Heaton. "And we are adding a $3 schooner available on all draft beers June 1 for those people who want another beer, but not a big one."

What? Not a big one? This is the World Cup, Russ!

The tent will remain up through July 11. As you know from your childhood, tents are fun. Doyle's knows this, too - which is while they'll be utilizing the tent for their regular live music nights while it's standing.

The Doyle's World Cup Music Fest opens with the Brian Redman Memorial Foundation concert "Rock In Peace 2 "Tuesday, June 8 at 3 p.m. Redman was a bartender at Doyle's before he tragically died in September 2009.

Other tent shows include Robin Moxey June 11, The Missionary Position June 12, World Cup Jazz-Thing featuring Cliff Colon's Motherfuckers, Kareem Kandi Trio and All Night Yard Sale June 18, Goldwing and Colonies June 19, Coldnote June 25, T-Town Hempfest Follow-Up with High Ceiling and Mighty High June 26, Ben Union Band July 3 and The Excellent Gentlemen July 10.

Of special note: The big-screen television will be available to the bands to enhance their shows if they wish. No joke.

Doyle's Public House

208 St. Helens Ave., Tacoma
253.272.7468

The Weekly Volcano follows the people you're too embarrassed to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Apolo Ohno

May 26: Sexy is as sexy does

"Photoshoot!" via Twitter for iPhone, 5:20 p.m.

April 18: Who uses just one  phone anymore?

"Left my phones in the car...just barely made the flight--thanks to the Sweet lady who rushed through security with my phones!!" via TweetDeck, 11:30 a.m.

April 11: Apolo Ohno shaves - but where?

"Quick workout in...arms feel like noodles. All shaved up- feeling fresh, clean, and crispy! :-)" via TweetDeck, 3:16 p.m.

Tune in tomorrow for more tweets from the life of Apolo Ohno (@ApoloOhno)

The Weekly Volcano follows the people you're too embarrassed to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Apolo Ohno

May 25: Apolo Ohno's wandering hand. Good times.

"Saw a cool picture of Julianne, Laila Ali, and your truly.......aww Good Times!" via TweetDeck, 9:35 a.m.

April 30: Apolo Ohno enjoys the family life, and shills weight loss products

"Spending quality time with fam & friends. Just met a woman who bought my 8zone product & lost 12 lbs...Raina - you've a great story! Thnk u!" via TweetDeck, 9:13 p.m.

April 26: Apolo Ohno switches seats with greatness.

"I'm not kidding you....just traded seats with pee wee Herman...the one and only." via TweetDeck, 5:23 p.m.

Tune in tomorrow for more tweets from the life of Apolo Ohno (@ApoloOhno)

The Weekly Volcano follows the people you're too embarrassed to >>>

Just like most good, new-age, social media applications, Twitter allows people to share and be privy to once personal, almost wholly pointless information about peoples' lives. It's seemingly endless. While Twitter is mostly full of everyday, ho-hum people - just like you and me, sharing info about what type of oatmeal we ate for breakfast and where we get our hair cut - Twitter is also a magnet for the moderately-famous.

Stars of yesterday, illiterate millionaire athletes, former cast members of Saved By the Bell - you can follow them all, intimately, on Twitter.

But, you've got standards. We get that.

That's why we'll do it for you, in a feature we like to call Weekly Volcano Twitter Stalker.

This week, checking in with...

Apolo Ohno

May 12: Apolo Ohno reveals the truth about his gold medal skin... and adds a happy face.

"Ever wake up and you have a pimple out of no where? Wow....you gotta be kidding me!! Haha! Oh well. It is what it is! :-)" via TweetDeck, 1:33 p.m.

May 8: Apolo Ohno self helps.

"Quick read on the plane. It gives me even more inspiration & insight 2 reach out 2 those middle school kids." via TweetDeck, 9:25 a.m.

May 6: Apolo Ohno is, perhaps, more revealing than he wanted to be.

"Just saw the "Ed hardy guy"...I feel like i see him 2 times a week...strange...Christian something?" via TweetDeck, 5:56 p.m.

Tune in tomorrow for more tweets from the life of Apolo Ohno (@ApoloOhno)