THE HOLIDAYS
Christmas Revels
Nothing says “the holidays are here” like a romping, roaring evening of pagan-inspired celebration. A seasonal tradition since 1992, the Christmas Revels returns to the Rialto Theater with performances of music, dance, and other entertainment in honor of the original Christmas, the winter solstice. This year, the Puget Sound Revels go Eastern Europe with a retelling of the Russian folk tale, “The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship,” through music, song and dance. Added bonus: Portland’s sultry European Gypsy troupe Vagabond Opera and the Seattle Brass Ensemble will be in the house. Normal audience and performer roles may blur at the Revels, so make sure to bring your best voice. â€" Suzy Stump

[Rialto Theater, 7:30 p.m., also Dec. 19 7:30 p.m., $9-$25.50, 310 S. Ninth St., Tacoma, 253. 591. 5894]

COMEDY
Jason Stewart
A well known comic around these parts, thanks to a 13-year professional career that has featured heavy doses of the Comedy Underground and Jazzbones Comedy Night, Stewart is one of the funniest individuals Bobble Tiki has ever met. Not only will Stewart be bringing down the house with laughs tonight at Jazzbones, but he’ll be recording the magic for a DVD he hopes to release early next year. â€" Bobble Tiki

[Jazzbones, with Susan Jones and Ralph Porter, Tuesday, Dec. 18,  8 p.m., all ages, $5, 2803 Sixth_Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169]

MORE MUSIC: In the clubs tonight.

FILM
Lars And The Real Girl
Ryan Gosling plays Lars Lindstrom, a painfully shy young man who can barely stand the touch of another human being.  One day he orders a life-sized love doll through the Internet, using “Bianca” not for sex but for companionship.  He expects everyone else to treat the doll the same way, including his brother (Paul Schneider), sister-in-law (Emily Mortimer) and therapist (Patricia Clarkson).  Only after the movie is over do you realize what a balancing act it was, what risks it took, what rewards is contains.  Directed by Craig Gillespie, written by Nancy Oliver (“Six Feet Under”). Rated PG-13. Three and a half stars â€" Roger Ebert

[The Grand Cinema, 3:45 and 8:50 p.m., $4.50-$8, 606 S. Fawcett Ave., Tacoma, 253.593.4474]

THE DAILY WORD
Learn it, use it, spell it

Dyspeptic \dis-PEP-tik\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, or having dyspepsia (indigestion).
2. Irritable or ill-humored, as if suffering from dyspepsia; morose; gloomy.

USAGE EXAMPLE: During football season, Mondays are the most dyspeptic days of the week for Bobble Tiki. There’s something about spending all Sunday feverishly ingesting nacho cheese, Doritos of all shapes and flavors, and Coors Light that never seems to sit well come Monday. Bobble Tiki’s not sure if he feels worse for his overtaxed stomach or those sitting down wind from him at Weekly Volcano World Headquarters.

THE MORNING NEWS
FIFE: Get out you ho!

SOUTH SOUND: No more burning rubber.

CALIFORNIA: Coffee for full stop.

NEW JERSEY: Making the naughty list.

HUSTLER OF CULTURE
You can stand atop the mountain and scream your naked desires to the universe or shed that synapse epilepsy and hug the South Sound today with your fellow man:

MUSIC: Bobble Tiki doesn’t know much about Haunted Haus, who as part of a week long tour up the coast from San Jose will hit Le Voyeur in Oly tonight, but he has gathered a few things. Number one: the main dude in Haunted Haus (Bobble Tiki thinks sometimes there are more) has a very impressive beard. If Bobble Tiki was able to grow hair on his face he’d want it to look just like the dude from Haunted Haus â€" whose name Bobble Tiki does not know. Number two: Haunted Haus kicks it folk style, kind of like Karl Blau at times, only prettier, and heavier on the acoustic. Haunted Haus will play Le Voyeur tonight with Tad’s Dream and the Brian Wakefield Experience. It’ll be day five of the tour, so if nothing else help Haunted Haus out with some gas money.

MORE MUSIC: What's on tonight.

THE ARTS:  Grab some culture today.

THE FILMS: On local screens today.

BOBBLE TIKI'S THREATS AND PROMISES COLUMN
This week Bobble Tiki is focused on comedy, and specifically Jason Stewart’s show tonight at Jazzbones. A well known name around these parts, thanks to a 13-year professional career that has featured heavy doses of the Comedy Underground and Jazzbones Comedy Night, Stewart is one of the funniest individuals Bobble Tiki has ever met. Check out Bobble Tiki's story here.

Breakfast with Bobble Tiki runs Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Deal with it.

Sometimes shitty stuff happens. Sometimes good people die and sometimes good things come to an end.

So is the case with the recent closure of Seattle’s famed Crocodile Café.

Like a sucker punch on Monday, news broke that the Crocodile Café was no longer. My initial response was disbelief. Crocodile employees received messages from Stephanie Dorgan, the Croc’s owner, which according to the Seattle PI informed them, “They should not report for work any longer â€" the Crocodile Cafe has been closed because of financial difficulties.” The news ricocheted from blog to blog into Monday night, and wading through the many responses popping up out there on the World Wide Web, there’s not a soul who’s happy about this development.

Not even Satan himself.

Monday was a sad day for Northwest local music. I know clubs close all the time, and eventually the void will be patched, but there will never be another Crocodile Café.  This is a loss that will sting for a long time. â€" Matt Driscoll

Shakabrah Java

They thought I was a freak asking all these silly cookie questions.  By now I’ve almost thrown out all formality when it comes to my cookie hunt.  “Do you have cookies? Do you make them here?  I’ll take one.  No?  Where can I find a cookie? Kthxbye.”  It gets old.

Then I run into Shakabrah. They played along with me and loved being freaky with me.  When I order a cookie I usually ask which flavor is most popular (If there’s a choice of flavors), then I order that one.  These girls were brutally honest with me.  “We don’t really sell a whole lot of our cookies, none of them are very popular.”  I laughed.  No one ever buys them?  “Well, there’s one guy who comes in and gets the white chocolate macadamia, but that’s it.”

I picked the peanut butter cookie (my fav), and asked the girls what it was people ordered there to fix a sweet tooth.  The brownies, definitely.  That’s the hot ticket item there at Shakabrah.  I had to wonder what exactly was in said brownies that made them so popular.

The cookie was yummy.  It tasted like a baked peanut butter cookie, perfectly baked, a little toasty on the outside.  I ate it. But don’t think I didn’t walk out of there without ordering one of those damn brownies as well.  I’ll be back for one of them stinkin’ things again, that’s for sure. â€" Steph DeRosa

MORE COOKIES: See what's already in our cookie jar.

It's the little things that make me happy, and little was certainly the case when I visited Satellite Coffee on Division in the Stadium District.  The place is little, it's secluded, and it's now one of my favorite little coffee shops.  The little fact that all the guy behind the counter had to do to make me happy was smile his beautiful smile at me, thank me while looking me in the eye, and treat me like a welcome guest.

What else was little?  The bathroom.  And what little thing in the bathroom made me smile?  The friggen Stink-O-Meter.  Good God Almighty, that little thing just made my Toilet Tale lovin day.

So as I stare at the Stink-O-Meter, I think of things that really crank up my own personal Stink-O-Meter.  I mainly think of certain people, and certain human actions that really piss me off.

I think of the guy in the teal minivan on Highway 16 last week.  He had some sort of road rage or car envy or was jealous I was a human being or something.  The guy wouldn't let me pass him, then drove next to me, rolled down his window, and started flipping me off.  I thought it was Gene Simmons at first, but that would've been silly.  The guy in the teal minivan was WAY too ugly to be Gene Simmons.  He was cussing at me, then he brought out a doughnut and was holding it up and I guess he was trying to tell me I was fat.  I mean, I could stand to lose some weight, but I am by no means to the point where a middle-aged Gene Simmons look alike should be taking the time to stop me on the street to tell me.  And what the fuck was he doing with a box of doughnuts in his car at three p.m. on a Thursday afternoon?  Even if I were to ever eat doughnuts, it's a Sunday morning kind of treat.  This guy was a freak.  I had no problem calling 911 on that douche bag.

Then I think of people who gossip, people who have no respect for other people's religion or opinion, and people who don't give the courtesy wave when you let them into traffic.  There's also the guys and girls with the better than you attitude, where egos get in the way. 

This reminds me of a beer distributor I regret meeting the other night.  He first told me how he hated the Tacoma Beer Society. (Why?  Because we buy beer and increase sales???)  And how we were ruining local bars and taverns, and that we were going to be the ultimate reason they were in the red with their bottom line. (Huh? Because we are promoting local bars and bringing them business on otherwise slow Wednesday nights???)  So I asked him, with all due respect, if he knew a way to make us better since he thought we were so absolutely shitty.  He said yes, he had the tell-all final answer for the TBS, yet he was going to REFUSE to tell us.  Then he picked up his phone, calculated the minutes we'd been talking, and let me know exactly how many minutes he had just wasted talking to me.  What. The. Fuck.  Wow.  I guess the TBS will just have to make sure the bars order from different vendors than his from now on.  That really sucks.

Fortunately it was as I was leaving the little bathroom in the little Satellite Coffee place, that I caught one more adorable glimpse of the most perfect smile I had seen in a long time.  It was the guy who made me the most perfect little Americano.

So here's a little thank you, Mr. Satellite Coffee barista guy, I'll definitely be back.

THE HOLIDAYS
Christmas Revels
Nothing says “the holidays are here” like a romping, roaring evening of pagan-inspired celebration. A seasonal tradition since 1992, the Christmas Revels returns to the Rialto Theater with performances of music, dance, and other entertainment in honor of the original Christmas, the winter solstice. This year, the Puget Sound Revels go Eastern Europe with a retelling of the Russian folk tale, “The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship,” through music, song and dance. Added bonus: Portland’s sultry European Gypsy troupe Vagabond Opera and the Seattle Brass Ensemble will be in the house. â€" Suzy Stump

[Rialto Theater, 7:30 p.m., $9-$25.50, 310 S. Ninth St., Tacoma, 253. 591. 5894]

JAZZ
Randy Oxford's Blues Theater Jam
Trombonist Randy Oxford and his band's current CD, Memphis to Motown, made the finals of the 2008 International Blues Challenge in the category of "Best Self Produced CD. The finals will be held, Feb. 2, 208, at the Orpheum Theater in Memphis, Tenn.

While on the Legendary Rhythm and Blues Cruise along the Mexican Riviera Elvin Bishop praised Oxford and the CD.  "Hey Randy, thanks for recording my song (“I'll Be Glad”).  I love your arrangement of it.  Me and the boys in the band are really digging the sound of your band on the CD.”

The success of the CD won't be the only reason Oxford will be riding high tonight at his weekly blues jam at Jazzbones.  Tonight, his band, the Weekly Volcano and many generous businesses will be awarding free musical instruments to talented children as part of The Gift of Music program.

Also joining Oxford and is band tonight will be the Immanuel Marimba Ensemble, Nicole Mabin, Michael Powers, Jay Mabin and Darren Motamedy. â€" Brad Allen

[Jazzbones, 7 p.m., all ages, no cover, 2803 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169]

MORE MUSIC: In the clubs tonight.

Face it: the Great Martini Revival is getting a little lame, although those splendid silver bullets remain deliciously potent. Then there are cosmopolitans. Sure, they are wildly popular and pretty and tasty, but essentially we're talking girlie libation. Now that the snap is back in the South Sound air, it's time to add a little fat to the back â€" drink beer.

The Tacoma Beer Society drinks tonight at Puget Sound Pizza beginning at 6:30 p.m.  For a 10 spot you'll receive 4-ounce pours of:

• Maritime Pacific Jolly Roger Christmas Ale
• Lindemans Framboise
• Deschutes Jubelale
• Full Sail Wreck the Halls (IPA)
• The Pike Old Bawdy Barley Wine
• New Belgium 2 Degrees Below

Puget sound Pizza gets jolly, too, with $5 personal pepperoni pizzas, as well as happy hour prices on food.

A raffle includes T-shirts and barware as prizes. â€" Brad Allen

Asado

All hail Asado!  Praise the cookie gods (or cows or pigs or whatever) for dropping down some blessings onto this place. 

They weren't even open when I barged in.  The hostess immediately got the manager when I asked her if they served cookies.  I know, I know, such an invaluable question deserves nothing but the manager's attention.

He said yes, he had one, and immediately began to rattle off the ingredients, describing how it's made, all while using wonderful hand gestures that made me go into a daze.  I picked my tongue up off the floor when he finished and demanded a cookie to go.

They're the existential cookie that I've raved about all month: crispy on the outside, chewy but DONE on the inside.  Flavored with molasses, spices, and an indescribably unique taste; you'll be wondering how it is you've lived this long without tasting something so great.

They take this cookie, spread it with Nutella, and slap it onto another cookie just the same.  It's quite Oreo-esque, but definitely made with more love.

He walked out of the kitchen, handed me a box of cookies, and said, "Merry Christmas, it's on me." I had not mentioned I was from the Volcano, and I did not mention that I was here to tear apart his cookie.  He did this out of simple kindness.

I love this man, Asado, and their cookies.  The fact that they have kick ass food and a rockin' happy hour doesn't hurt either. My love knows no boundaries.- Steph DeRosa

MORE COOKIES: See what's already in our cookie jar.