CHUCK DULA: GETTING THERE >>>
Editor's Note: As you may recall Weekly Volcano scribe Chuck Dula struck a deal with a bisexual female friend of his. If he can lose 25 pounds by May 1, then said friend - and another female to be determined later - will have a three-way with Mr. Dula. That's what I call inspiration. Chuck will be chronicling his weight loss efforts every Tuesday here on Spew. Below you'll find the latest installment in Chuck's quest to be less fat and have sex with two women at the same time. Enjoy.
Beginning Weight: 180
This is true: While hanging out with my friend in Tacoma, I was approached by a cracked-out meth-head female who asked me if I had any black? I had no idea what she was talking about. She then kindly clarified her request by explaining that she was looking for some black tar heroin. I laughed and told her that I didn‘t have any heroin. She then wanted to know what I did have. Instead of being baffled as to why this complete stranger might think that I was the “Candy Man,†I took this as a compliment. I have officially lost enough weight for a crack head to not believe that I could look the way I do without loads of uppers in my system. I would have given this crazy lady a hug, but she was fat and I don’t associate with fat people anymore. I spent last week either on a Stairmaster or in the sauna. In four days I spent a total of four and a half hours on a cardio machine of some sort and two hours and a half hours in the sauna. I lost four pounds total because I offset some of that hard work with heavy drinking and the use of black tar heroin. (For all the police forces in Tacoma, that last little ditty about heroin use was a joke - so please don’t hunt me down like they do on that DEA show. Thanks.)
Ending Weight: 176
PREVIOUS 25 POUNDS TO FREEDOM COLUMNS ON SPEW
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