WHEN YOU FLUSH THE JOHN, YOU MAY WONDER...WHERE HAS MY POO GONE? >>>

Wonder no more. After pinching a loaf, taking the Browns to the Thunder Dome, plopping a deuce, leaving a grumpy in the toolbox--or however your linguistic sensibilities lend themselves to describing the event--you no longer have to sit in anxiety, wondering where your abondoned deposit has journeyed.

According to Metro.co.uk:

Flush Tracker allows you to enter the time and location of your most recent toilet visit, and uses Google Maps to let you track your feces as they make their way through your local sewers - with the path the poo has traced highlighted in neon blue, like a kind of scat-fetishist version of Tron.

Watching the travels of your excrement turns out to be a strangely compelling experience, with many Twitter users enthusiastically comparing their turd trajectories. As Times columnist Caitlin Moran wrote: 'Judging by the response I'm getting, Britain has now ground to a HALT watching plop-journeys on company time. WELL DONE BRITAIN.'

The site, created by toilet cleansers Domestos, actually has a serious purpose - it's in support of today's World Toilet Day, highlighting the fact that 2.5 billion people around the world don't have access to proper toilets or sewerage.

Side note: As of yet, Flush Tracker is only available in Europe and South Africa. So, move there, or start writing letters to your local representatives.

GOODNESS IN STORE IN PRINT & ONLINE >>>

It's Thursday, which means two things: editor Matt Driscoll has already set his phone on "do not disturb," and there's a new Volcano music section on the street.

Here's a taste of the goodness in store in print and online.

APACHE CHIEF
For having such a short existence, Apache Chief have been hard at work creating a storied history. Formed in 2009 with a saxophone-player subbing on shit-drums, Apache Chief burst through the gates with an intriguing combination of "fuck it" attitude and steadfast musical integrity. I think, for them, those two stances are more or less inseparable. - Rev. Adam McKinney

SCOTT COSSU

Cossu's a laudable pianist, and his compositions have a playful precision to them. While his lite jazz isn't for everyone, in some circles, Cossu's type of music is seeming less and less like a guilty pleasure, and more like an unexpected muse - the last sacred temple of musical artistry, the ultimate unmolested fount of sample-able material and inspiration. Given enough time, even Franzia box wine will age into something tolerable, just as Cossuian soft rock has been reappraised as strangely subversive in its anachronistic cheesiness. - Jason Baxter

NIGHT FOX

Leonne explained that the sound Night Fox was originally going for was, "music for planes going down, with old ladies sitting next to young men both looking at each other and saying ‘Let's do this.‘" What Night Fox ended up with, though, was some extreme dance party music that has nothing to do with Nicki Minaj at all. - Nic Leonard

SLOWWAVE

Slowwave (whom some may know as, formerly, Freeze & Fur Coat) mirror my anxieties with their music, which, lovely though it may be, always maintains a prickly coldness. The songs on the band's debut EP, Drag Lake Sin, are awash in electronic reverb and slow, steady melodies. But then there are those jittery waves, those chipped beats in the background, threatening to poke holes in Slowwave's hazy cellophane. It's as if Slowwave threatens to - at any moment - rudely jolt you from the transfixed state of their own creation. - Rev. AM

PLUS: Mosquito Hawk, Fall From Grace, The Artichoke Project, Nobunny

PLUS: The most complete live local music calendar in the South Sound

Well it's getting to be that time now, our three weeks is almost up, and we will soon have to depart the exciting world of journalism and go back to the drab world of arts high school.

But don't worry, you will get a sappy farewell tomorrow.

Today we ventured into the world beyond the Weekly Volcano offices and photographed several bars in Tacoma for the (guess what?) Happy Hour Guide!

We can now officially say that we have done everything related to bars short of going inside of them.  We've called them, "Googled" them, shot pictures of them, written about them, and now stretched in front of them.

The stretching was for posing purposes only. The Tacoma Runners group is having their one year anniversary party at the Parkway Tavern tonight, and we were supposed to get a picture to capture it for this morning's Weekly Volcano newsletter. Our exact assignment was to get a picture of running and beer, but since we're minors, we switched the beer for an empty Bubba Gump cup that we found at Megan's house. And we switched the running for Megan stretching in running clothes.

The party is an interesting concept, but I would rather see them run after they drink the beer.

LINK HUB:

SOTA Intern Blog: Day 1

SOTA Intern Blog: Day 2

SOTA Intern Blog: Day 3

SOTA Intern Blog: Day 5

SOTA Intern Blog: Day 8

FRIDAY, JAN. 28, 2011 >>>

1. The music of Slowwave (whom some may know as, formerly, Freeze & Fur Coat), lovely though it may be, always maintains a prickly coldness. The songs on their debut EP, Drag Lake Sin, are awash in electronic reverb and slow, steady melodies. But then there are those jittery waves, those chipped beats in the background, threatening to poke holes in Slowwave's hazy cellophane. It's as if Slowwave threatens to - at any moment - rudely jolt you from the transfixed state of their own creation. Tonight, catch the band at the Peabody Waldorf Gallery in Tacoma.

2. Mosquito Hawk, Olympia's newest supergroup power band is testing the waters tonight at McCoy's. With Jerry Zeigler (Fitz of Depression) tearing up drums, Jon Merithew (C Average) ripping guitar, Olivia Love (Black Bettie) belting out vocals and local Phil Heinze pounding bass, this band will no doubt turn your night into a hell ride of gut-wrenching, hair-raising, badass, mutha lovin' goodness.

3.Tonight at Surreal Ultra Lounge get "Epic" with DJ Teddy.

4. Get your paintball on today at Tacoma Tactical's Freak Friday. Here are the details.

5. Having opened last week (and running through Feb. 13), Tacoma Musical Playhouse's production of The Drowsy Chaperone should be hitting full stride right about now. Check it out tonight at 8 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events at the South Sound

BRIGHT PLACE WITH GREAT BEANS >>>

Neighborhood:  Cooper Point Pavilion, West Olympia

Address/phone:  1600 Cooper Pt. Road, SW, Olympia, 360.754.6222

Hours:  7 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday through Saturday; 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Sunday

Standard Cup o'Joe:  $1.50 - $2

Bean Source:  Eclectic in focus, coffee beans come from most regions of the world and are roasted in small batches at the store.

Crowd:  Business people, college students, moms, and people who think they are important.

WiFi:  Ya think?

Noshing/Sipping:  Local, natural and gluten free foods are available.  Assorted cookies and muffins tempt the eye and nose.  Nice selection of drinks.

Bonus:  A nice view, conference room, polite baristas and a large seating area for customers are plusses. 

Mud Bay Coffee's website boasts the following:  "Coffee ... it's what we do."

They do it well. 

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

In every bar, in some dusty old corner crammed with ID recognition books, old postcards and random recipes there is a book that holds more legends than Bukowski has to offer. Often your typical, black, three ring binder, the bar incident log is full of entertainment and dismay ... among other things.  So I'm pulling a few off the shelf.  This week's theme is "friendly reminders."

ENTRY ONE:

December, 2009

"Twice. Three. No, five times today I kicked out a 50-ish guy with a puffy alcoholic face, squinty eyes, long hair, and a duck hunter's hat. He stole somebody's drink on the way out. Do not let him set foot in this place."

Friendly reminder: You should probably call and check up on your ol' Uncle Bill.

ENTRY TWO:

June, 2006

"Creepy old guy with one eyeball is back in town. He is permanently 86'd."

Friendly reminder: Mama don't let your babies grow up to be like this guy.

ENTRY THREE:

May, 2008

"Around one o'clock a 23 -year-old (dead ringer for Sylvester Stallone) came in and when I asked him what he wanted from the bar, he responded with "My dick in you." I told him to leave and he grabbed his friends drink, drained it and stalked out."

Friendly reminder: Don't mix steroids with double tall vodka Redbulls. And don't be a douche, even if you do look like Rambo.

LINK HUB - PREVIOUS "BEHIND BARS"

LINK: The Tip Jar

LINK: Aural Adventures

LINK: Smooth Transitions

LINK: The Pooper

DUCK FACE--SCHMUCK FACE>>>

Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for your face-fan-book-tastic social genius. And thank you friends for posting face-fan-drunk-tastic pictures of me without warning or a signed letter of consent. I recently watched the über popular Youtube video, "Duck Face", and was very much encouraged to delete at least a few (I won't say how many) pictures of me doing what I thought in those drunken moments was a sexy pout, but what showed up on film as a duck face. So, without further ado... "Duck Face".

p.s. Yeah, that's me.

BETTER THAN SPRITZERS AND PAJAMAS >>>

What are your plans for tonight? Do they involve your pajamas, a white wine spritzer and a few episodes of Teen Mom 2?

Tonight is the second installment of the live concert series Olympia Winter Nights. The show will broadcast live online, on TCTV Channel 77 and on KAOS radio 89.3 FM beginning at 8 p.m. Tune in to watch Olympia guitarist Mike Fekete and singer/guitarist Eleanor Murray play their hearts out.

And if you're really trying to break out of the spritzer doldrums, head down to the Evergreen State College to watch the concert in-studio. Just get there early because space is limited.   

Clips from the first episode of Olympia Winter Nights:

THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Look outside
Saturday: Rain, hi 49, lo 40
Sunday: Cloudy, hi 45, lo 33

>>> FRIDAY, JAN. 28: ARTIFAKT @ THE NEW FRONTIER

Artifakt shows are traditionally off the hook. If you've never been, you'll simply have to trust us on this one ... or better yet, get your ass down to The New Frontier Lounge tonight. We're talking live art by Dave Bloomfield, Jeremy Gregory (solid Motopony story in this month's Tacoma City Arts), Xavier Lopez and others. On the musical side, Kalex, Dyonysys, Big Chuck, The Matthews Dave Band and more will keep everyone inspired.

• The New Frontier Lounge, 9 p.m. to close, $5, 301 E 25th St., Tacoma, artifaktart.org

>>> SATURDAY, JAN. 29: FALL FROM GRACE (AND THE SEXY ASS MCDONALD BROS)

Fall From Grace is a band that's seen more than most. Even before emerging from the Seattle area music scene - kicking, screaming, thrashing and hand-clapping with the best of them - each member had already overcome odds and dealt with experiences that might have buried most. Then, after winning the Fuse TV Bodog Music Battle of the Bands competition in the middle of the decade, which included a $1 million recording contract with Bodog Music, the band has also dealt with all the crap that comes along with that kind of "success." Today, T-Town ass-kickers and Jet City Fix alums Justin and Ty McDonald have joined the Fall From Grace mix, making the benefit Saturday at Stonegate Pizza all the more intriguing. All money raised will go to benefit the family of Bill Jordan, who passed away far too young last November.

• Stonegate Pizza, with Atomic Outlaws, Plaster, 8 p.m., $5 minimum donation, 5421 South Tacoma Way, Tacoma, 253.473.2255

>>> SATURDAY, JAN. 29: VOXXY VALLEJO @ CHEER'S WEST

Voxxy Vallejo is few in numbers but formidable in power. On stage, the numbers don't matter - as the blues heavy guitar licks of Gene Vallejo spliced with the awe factor of Voxxy’s vocals is more than enough to carry the show. Saturday, the band will play one of its last local shows in a while, as they plan to hunker down and finish work on the next record after what should be a memorable night at Cheer's West.

• Cheers West, 9:30 p.m., $5, 7102 27th St. West, University Place, 253.267.1382
  

>>> WHERE OUR STAFF IS GOING

MATT DRISCOLL Editor (the guy to blame)
We've got a wedding to attend Saturday (and OH how I LOVE weddings), and then I accidentally signed up to help my sister move Sunday. It's crazy how that stuff happens. I vowed in the the early oughts to never help with another move as long as I lived -- even if it was family. Since, I've helped friends and family move aproximately 27 times.

BRETT CIHON Meat Market Correspondent/Features Writer
I'm heading to the Old General Store Steakhouse & Saloon on Friday night. I'm looking to get a juicy burger and a nice beer while I sit back and listen to the live country music. Yee Haw!

REV. ADAM MCKINNEY: Music Writer
My only plan for the weekend is to attend the Apache Chief album release show on Saturday (sorry, Miles). It'll undoubtedly be a fun show, being that it also features such talents as the woozy psychedelia of the Drug Purse, the pounding acid rock of Night Beats, and the giddily noisy punk-rock of Red Hex (sorry, Sam).

JOANN VARNELL Theater Critic
Plans. Yes, yes I have them. Friday night I'm headed to the all-ages, Slowwave CD release party at the Peabody Waldorf (8 p.m.) with my little son in tow. Saturday night I'll be attending/reviewing Tacoma Musical Playhouse's production of The Drowsy Chaperone. Sunday will be spent at church, napping and cleaning the house.

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL: Theater Critic
This is the penultimate weekend for Frost/Nixon at Tacoma Little Theatre, plus drunken karaoke Friday night. I will not only be a creep but also a weirdo, yet may also take a long ride on my motorbike.

STEPH DEROSA  Person, Place or Thing Correspondent 
This weekend the Weekly Volcano hired a babysitter for me by the name of "Anne," who happens to also be one of the SOTA interns at the WV offices.  I plan on taking her through a traditional hazing by making her push a penny with her nose through a puddle of urine and french kiss a goat. Then I'll tell her I'm doing a feature story on first-time heroin users and make her "chase the dragon" off a sheet of heated tin foil while I take pictures.

ALEC CLAYTON: Visual Arts Critic
 I'm going to sit in the front part of the hairdresser and read old magazines while my wife gets her hair cut.

*

STEVE DUNKELBERGER Meat Market Photographer
Artifakts show at the New Frontier and geocaching around Tacoma because that is how I roll.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

TODAY IN ONLINE TALK >>>

Since we missed yesterday, today offers two (count ‘em, two!) comments of the day - one of them just happens to be from yesterday.

The first comment comes from Kenny G in regard to today's installment of Behind Bars - our regular Spew feature built on real stories from real bartenders.

Kenny G writes,

"This is awesome. I'm working toward being a bartender as well and this was a good laugh. I can't wait til the next installment. Keep it up, its great. Thanks."

Our second comment, taken from yesterday, comes from Tacoma band Red Hex in regard to Adam McKinney's feature on Apache Chief and the band's record release show TOMORROW night at the Peabody Waldorf.

Red Hex writes,

"Hey, We are very very sick of being lumped together with Apache Chief, and ultimately being ignored in your publication. We are friends with the Chief but we have completely different sounds. Also, the reason people are coming to this show is because it's a good line-up. You should have at least mentioned the other bands..."