JAKE DE PAUL: SATURDAY FOOD LINKS >>>

100th Anniversary: Vashon Island Strawberry Festival features 100 vendors, a beer garden and tons of strawberries.

Pour At Four: The Proctor wine bistro will pair wine with barbecue ribs from 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Proctor Farmers Market: Today's market includes a cooking demonstration with Francinne Martin, author of Cooking with a Baby on Your Hip. The market runs from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Today's South Sound Specials

Chalk the Walk outside, beer and wine tasting inside, noon to 5 p.m., complimentary tasting, Water to Wine, 9014 Peacock Hill Ave., Suite 103, Gig Harbor, 253.853.9463.

Wine tasting, 2-5 p.m., Dockside Bistro, 501 Columbia N.W., Olympia, 360.956.1928.

Wine tasting, 1-4 p.m., $5-$7, Swing Wine Bar, 825 Columbia St. S.E., Olympia, 360.357.9464.

Wine tasting, 2-5 p.m., Wine Bank, 7017 27th St. W., University Place, 253.564.1101.

Wine tasting, 1-6 p.m., Wildside Wine, 608A S. Oxford St., Tacoma, 253.565. 0811.

LINK: Drink on a deck or patio today

SUZY STUMP: PUGET SOUND BEAD FESTIVAL >>>

There is no way in hell you’re going to the Bellevue Bead Festival in November because you are boycotting those bluegrass-stealing bastards.

So now you’re going to go to the Puget Sound Bead Festival at Hotel Murano today through Sunday, just like you’re going to do all that other stuff you can do now that American Idol and Michael Jackson are over. You’re going to the Bead Festival, and you’re going to have the choice of buying gems or beads or silver or minerals or crystals or just saying, the hell with it, and buying some fine jewelry, which you know you’ve wanted to do all along anyway. Haven’t you?

[Hotel Murano Bicentennial Pavilion, July 10-12, 1320 Broadway Plaza, Tacoma]

MARK THOMAS DEMING: NINE WAYS TO FRITTER AWAY YOUR SUMMER DAYS >>>

Ah, summer in the South Sound.  A time for baseball, camping, riding bikes, climbing trees, cooking out.  Time for walking beaches and hiking mountains.  A time to eat bear stew in McCleary, race boats in Olympia and geek out to world music in Tacoma’s Wright Park.  That’s right, it’s festival season, when you can find all the fun, food and freakiness your gaunt, pale Northwest ass can handle â€" and more.  Because you can’t catch them all, we’ve chosen the shindigs you won’t want to miss. Check them out here.

MICHAEL SWAN: DIA DE LOS MADRES Y DIEZ DE MAYO FIESTA IS EL CANCELEDO >>>

 First, swine flu took its toll on the film industry, delaying premieres in Mexico. Then, it canceled sporting events. Next concerts. Then Bobble Tiki’s Spring Fling. Now concerns about the possibility of Swine Flu being spread quickly through a large crowd has prompted the B&I Public Market in Lakewood to cancel its Day of the Mothers May 10 celebration.

MICHAEL SWAN: LET ME PUMP YOU UP >>>

Tacoma Dome Boat ShowTacoma. More than 8 acres of boats, booths and boat stuff, April 2 11 am to 8 pm, April 3 -4 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., April 5 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., $7-$9 (Tacoma Dome, 2727 E. D St., 253.756.2121).

STEPH DEROSA: FAIRE GAME >>>

Who in the hell came up with putting green dye in beer? Like St. Patrick's day isn't obnoxious enough with all its green-wearing, shamrock-having, pinch-me-if-not-into-all-this-shit-as-much-as-you-are attitude. Does America even know what St. Patrick represents and who he was? And most importantly¬" if I drink enough of that green beer, will my pee turn green? Questions like this must be answered, and soon.

Look for life's St. Paddy's Day confusion to become clarified just a bit this Saturday during Puyallup Main Street's Celtic Faire. See, this event is so Irish-ly authentic I had to spell ââ?¬Å?fairââ?¬Â? with an ââ?¬Å?eââ?¬Â? at the end. Cool, huh?

Visitors may enjoy a demonstration of The Great Kilt by Master Kilt Maker Cathy McWilliams; Irish and Scottish fare such as Irish stew, corned beef and cabbage, shepherd's pie and potato leek soup, all provided by local restaurants; and a dog parade featuring Celtic-bred dogs like collies, terriers, setters and Scotties.

And as if that weren't enough, attendees can drown their day away consuming mass quantities of green beer while listening to live bagpipe and harp music throughout town.

Erin go Braugh!

[Historic Downtown Puyallup, Saturday, March 14, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., free, 107 N. Meridian, Puyallup, 253.840.2631]

TONY ENGELHART: COME TOGETHER IN OLD TOWN >>>

Jazz and wine go together like peanut butter and jelly on Wonder Bread â€" so it only makes sense to have a festival featuring this dynamic duo. Now in its sixth year, Old Town Jazz & Wine Festival has featured some of the finest regional musicians and wineries, all in an effort to support the Tacoma Old Town Park Performance Stage Project â€" which aims to build a permanent outdoor stage in Old Town Park. This year the festival presents two popular jazz ensembles: Pearl Django and Malibu Manouche. The wineries are nothing to sneeze at as favorites such as Walter Dacon, Stinas Cellars and Marchetti Wines will all be offering up some of boldest Cabernet Sauvignons and some of the sweetest White Rieslings in the state.

[Slavonian Hall, 5 p.m., $30 tickets available at Ted Brown Music, The Spar, Metropolitan Market, 2306 N. 30th St., Tacoma, oldtownbusinessdistrict. com]

She said, "I accept." Congrats!

STEPH DEROSA: HANGING AT TODAY'S WINTERFEST >>>

Recently I met up with Jason McClellan who deserves the honorary “first guest” at this week’s Dinner with DeRosa dinner table.  Not that there is any true system as to how the dinner guests are usually ordered, but if there were â€" he’d be the first guest.  He’s chosen because he endured a conversation that will (hopefully) give structure to this next week’s Trouble with DeRosa.  He’s also first because he didn’t punch me in the face or run away crying, which is what I’m used to most people doing after they meet me, so he’s cool.   Check out my interview with Jason in the Trouble with DeRosa column in Thursday’s issue of the Weekly Volcano.

Becky, Theresa, and Noelle were the suckers that let me into Tacoma Winterfest today, where I found the rest of today’s dinner guests.  They most likely got fired for letting me in, so I suppose I owe them an imaginary Internet dinner.  Thanks, ladies.  And thank you, Angela Jossy and crew, for hosting an event supporting local merchants. 

Evan Purcell and Doug Mackey took the Winterfest stage as the “Tacoma Singers.” Seriously? Is that their new band name? What happened to their Prairie Dogs band?

"We're the only singers in Tacoma," claimed Doug. "If you hear of any others please let us know. They will be instant band members."

Although they sang serious songs (they're freakin' talented), it was hard to take them seriously and not laugh at almost everything they said.  What a couple of fun guys with great personalities.  This is an extremely valuable trait that I respect more than a huge manly pant-bulge.  Oh, leave me alone.  Men look at my breasts, I look at their bulges.  What’s fair is fair.

Tom Michael of Seven Muses â€" I took your picture.  You acted confused when I asked to take your picture.  This is normal, Tom Michael.  Most men are discombobulated after I look at them and ask them to take their picture.  This comes from my superhuman beauty, which burns the eye’s retina and triggers misfires of brainwaves.  Don’t worry; you’re not the first.

Greg Murphy is invited to Dinner with DeRosa this week.  Ever since Curt Cobain’s death led to Nirvana’s demise, we’ve been hurting for some team spirit.  Oh, wait, that was "Teen Spirit."  Nevermind then.

Mangiamo!