RON SWARNER: TUDORING >>>

I’ve enjoyed HBO’s The Tudors, a sexed-up, color-splashed take on the tale of England’s King Henry VIII, with a Project Renaissance Runway flair for fashion.  Yes, you can quibble over The Tudors’ over-reliance on sleek exteriors and bodice-ripping soapiness while debating the series’ historical insight in depicting the story of King Henry VIII.  The show occasional sends me on a fact-checking trip to the history books, which is nice.

Tacoma Art Museum’s member-only preview of its new exhibit, Illuminating the Word: The Saint John's Bible, was preceded by an hour-long performance by The Tudor Choir from Seattle. Dressed in black, the small choir filled TAM’s foyer with the beautiful works by Renaissance composer Thomas Tallis, who was a Gentleman of the Chapel Royal in 1543, composing and performing for Henry VIII. In The Tudors, Tallis, played by Joe Van Moyland, looks like a young, creepy Johnny Wadd. Just saying.

My sunburn and I sped from the Old Town Blues Festival grabbing the last seat for last night’s Tudor Choir performance. TAM was strict on outside disturbances, shutting down the elevator and posting volunteers at all doors to prevent latecomers from disturbing the people in black.

The music was amazing. Truly. The Choir ran through such Tallis’ treats as Loquebantur varlis linguis, Sancte Deus, Puer natus est nobis Sarum chant and other hits. As the music swirled about my head I imagined myself milling about smartly in the HBO hit, mostly in the role as the King, of course.

Still, listening to church music, at least for me, is a task, especially after a long day in the sun (and beer garden). Studying my fellow TAM members, most older than me, many were in my court, too.  My mind wandered during the concert. A lot. Here is a glimpse:

(Why are they all wearing black?)

(Do the ladies in the balcony know you can almost see up their skirts from the foyer below?)

(That bass singer looks like one of the ZZ Top guys. He would look awesome in sunglasses right now.)

(I wondered if King Henry VIII’s court bathed every day?  What did they use for deodorant?)

(Their voices are amazing. I can hear each one if I concentrate. Nope, I can’t here that dude’s voice.)

(I should go to the YMCA tomorrow. I’ll work chest and legs.)

(How much longer? Should I grab my phone to check the time? OH MY GOD, did I switch to vibrate?)

(“Beth. Plorans ploravit in nocte” â€" It would be funny if Peter Criss was up their singing? Is he still alive?)

(No, I think I’ll work arms and back tomorrow.)

(Tallis-allis-bo-ballisâ€"tallisallis-fo-fallis-fe-fy-mo- mallis â€" Tallis.)

(Why is ultra tan skeleton guy just staring at his wife? Just. Staring.)

(Check out all the people outside waiting to get in during a break. One, two, three like nine.)

(Wow, that guy is really putting his whole head into his singing. He looks like he’s kissing the song.)

(Now skeleton guy is staring at his sleeping friend. Just. Staring. So weird.)

(Hey, maybe I should be writing this crap down. I could blog it tomorrow. No, that would be stupid).

By the way, the new exhibit is fascinating.  Check it out.

LINK: Tacoma Art Museum
LINK: Weekly Volcano's Exhibits calendar

RON SWARNER: OLD TOWN BLUES FESTIVAL AT NIGHT >>>

After The Tudors Choir and quality time with the Illuminating the Word: The Saint John’s Bible exhibit at the Tacoma Art Museum last night, I ran back to the Old Town Blues Festival to catch the Tim Hall Band inside The Spar. Reading the crowd, guitarist Tim Hall steered his sets toward the funky, groovy side of his repertoire, although many were just trying to hang on from a long day drinking in the festival's beer gardens.

It was a fun night of dancing with my fellow sunburns.

LINK: Old Town Blues Festival photos in our Photo Hot Spot.

DANIEL BLUE: MEET ELI HANSEN >>>

Eli Hansen is a roper.  Newly famous in cities such as Orlando and Seattle, his collaborative work with his brother Oscar was recently shown at the Seattle Art Museum. Initially inspired by glass blowing, Eli's work has grown to encompass metal sculpture and domestic artifice.

Everyone seems to want what this man has, and that my friends is pure Hansen magic.  Like the band of the same name, young women coo and flock to adore our gruff south Tacoma-based artist, but few find him to be the man they imagined. 

Uncle Eli, as I was introduced to him as a DJ at The Monsoon Room a few years ago, is a scoundrel.  Wild piercing eyes slay your heart from behind his mane of primal huntsman hair.   

"YEAHAW!" he screams as he rides away from the grocery with a child buggy full of "rescued" vegetables.   

"HOOT! WHOOT!" he proclaims, beer held high above his head as a muscular dog violently bites clean through branches it has just ripped from the tree in his front yard.   

Intelligent as a badger, Eli is sure to become a legend in this town.

STEPH DEROSA: YOU ANNOY ME! >>>

Waves of Radiation were tearing up the second-hand clothes racks a while back at urbanXchange.  This shoe-gazing band manipulates the sound of distortion to a level that sends me into a euphoric trance of sedation.  I can’t help but close my eyes and soak in the harmonic high very few bands can bring me to.  The kind of high where your entire body is soaked into the couch and you feel yourself at a dead, unmovable weight.  You know what I’m talking about, don’t act like you’ve never been there.

Waves and Radiation will be the band for this week’s imaginary cyber-dinner known as Dinner with DeRosa.  One of the main reasons I’ll need them here this week is to help tolerate my other, generally annoying guests.  I’ll be lookin’ forward to getting some melodic munchies after this performance, that’s for sure.

My first annoying guest is Ridiculously Loud Lucy.  You all know her (although it’s usually a “him”) â€" she’s the one in the car at the stoplight that feels the need to share her music with everyone around her â€" whether they want to hear it or not.  And most of the time the volume of the track does nothing but fuck up the listening quality when you are hearing it from outside the vehicle.  I’m all for some loud-ass-hell tunes while I’m in the car, driving down a highway where no one can hear them but me, but not your crappy ass music coming from your third-rate stolen speakers while I’m sitting behind you in a drive-thru.  Really, Loud Lucy, there’s no need for it.  Please stop.

Next annoying guest is Gabriel Gabber.  He likes the sound of his own voice.  I tried having a nice peaceful lunch as I sat solo at my favorite Fife area sushi bar, and Gabe had to ruin it for me.  The two guys sitting next to him were even getting irritated at his obsessive need to yap.  Just look at the picture, you can see it on their faces. Twenty minutes straight I heard his obnoxiously loud voice, not letting anyone get a word in edgewise.  To make it even worse it was private, TMI stuff he felt the need to intrude on everyone’s eardrums with.  You know how much he talked?  So much so that I now know he is allergic to small seeds and if he eats them his colon will blow up and he will die.  I say serve the bastard some seeds, and pronto.

My third annoying guest is Mr. Economic Stimulus Check Delivery Guy.  I ran into him while he was out on a walk the other day.  I used the super-high-speed setting on my camera in order to catch him in action.

Lastly, I’m having the amazing girls from Biella Spa in the Courtyard by Marriot come over to relieve anxiety caused by my other (annoying) dinner guests.  Bandito Betty and I have had side-by-side massages from these two lovely ladies in the past.   â€œWho are they?” you ask?  I’m not gonna lie, I’ve already forgotten their names.  Bandito and I were so much like a bowl of lemon JELL-O afterward that our brains decided to take a mini-vacay when they told us names.

Mmmmmmm…jello…munchies…mmmmm…

Mangiamo!

LINK: Dinner with DeRosa archive

EVENT
Bastille Day Celebration
The Mandolin Café invite Francophiles to unite Monday to celebrate the most important historical events for the French: the liberation of the Bastille prison and the end of the French monarchy. The Tacoma café celebrates Bastille Day with an evening of kir aperitifs, three-course French dinner from the talent at Sofia Bistro, French music and a wine tasting with Francois-Paul Briand tonight. â€" Suzy Stump
[The Mandolin Café, 7 p.m., $20, 3923 S. 12th St., Tacoma, advance RSVP required at 253.761.3482]

BLUES
Mark Riley
Riley is a blues connoisseur in every sense of the word whose playing reflects the sounds of the Delta prior to Muddy and Wolf.  The BB Award winner’s heroes are the likes of Lightnin’ Slim and Blind Lemon Jefferson, but he is equally influenced by British guitarists Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Peter Green.  As a slide player, he’s one of the best in town and digs deep into the blues vaults to perform obscure songs by Robert Johnson, Elmore James and Lightnin’ Hopkins with authenticity and a flair second to none.  While he has five CDs out, to experience Mark Riley is to see him live. â€" Tony Engelhart
[The Swiss, 8 p.m., no cover, 1904 S. Jefferson Ave., downtown Tacoma, 253.572.2821]   

LINK: Rockaraoke and more in the clubs tonight.
LINK: Check out what time the movies start here.
LINK: Let’s eat Cinese today.

DANIEL BLUE: MEET BEN ROTH >>>

Ben Roth has little time for gazing into the camera.  He is busy with multiple projects such as co-founding Dear Records and being one of the best guitar players in Tacoma.  His main squeeze Banners is pretty much a mathy mix of Anthony and the Johnsons and Minus the Bear.   

Ben is most always smiling, very little seems to affect his joy.  He often works as a stagehand for the Local 15 stage hand's union, which means I walk downstairs in the warehouse and find him whistling away as he loads boxes of speakers and stuff through my kitchen. He is very nice to my cats, and for that has won my loyalty for life. I will bite anyone's arms off if they mess with my Roth. 

Ben is a recent product of the Tacoma School of the Arts, and has been studying at Tacoma Community College for the past year.   Like many SOTA kids, Ben is smarter and more knowledgeable than I am about most things related to music and the art world.  Though he did not grow up weeping to Nirvana as I did, he can play most any song that was on the radio in 1992, or any other grungy year for that matter.  His music ability is downright creepy, but I'm not sure he has signed any contracts with the devil; perhaps he is a child of David Lee.

JOSH NORTON: MARKET CLOSED FOR MARKETING >>>

The cadre of cops blocking off parts of Market Street last night had nothing to do with a shooting, robbery or Robert the Traveler Hill sighting. According to one Tacoma Police officer, working for hire, they had shut down a stretch to film a car commercial. He had signed a contract stipulating silence, and wasn't down with pictures, but said Tacoma would appear in a major car commercial within three weeks. God I hope it's not for the new Toyota Tacoma. Because that would be the stupidest idea ever.

LINK: More commercial information on Exit133

BOBBLE TIKI: BREAKFAST WITH BOBBLE TIKI >>>

THE DAILY WORD

Antediluvian an-tih-duh-LOO-vee-uhn\, adjective:

1. Of or relating to the period before the Biblical flood.
2. Antiquated; from or belonging to a much earlier time.
3. One who lived before the Biblical flood.
4. A very old (or old-fashioned) person.

USAGE EXAMPLE: While Barack Obama might be full of hope and use “change” as a campaign key word, only one candidate can claim to be antediluvian. That candidate is John McCain.

MORNING NEWS

TACOMA: Art on the Ave turns 10

OLYMPIA: More room at St. Martin's

SEATTLE: Big order for Boeing

UNITED STATES: Don't blame speculators

ENVIRONMENT: Wal-Mart at the farmer's market

JUST BIZARRE: Demolition derby

MORE STRANGE NEWS: Unusual getaway car

THINGS TO DO TODAY
FILM LISTINGS: Look here
MUSIC LISTINGS: Here’s what’s happening
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