SWAYZE IS BIG IN PUYALLUP >>>

The night starts out when Frank convinces me and Dalton to head down to Jackson, Missouri. We work the door at Frank's rough-and-tumble nightclub; Dalton using his fists to do a bit of house cleaning. Then Dalton meets this hottie blonde doctor, but of course that jackass Wesley has to ruin things by. ...

Wait. I'm sorry. I'm describing the 1989 bust-‘em-up film Road House, not the Roadhouse Tavern on South Hill ...

TEASE: Read Cihon's account of Puyallup's Roadhouse Tavern in this Thursday's Meat Market section of the Weekly Volcano.

UNTIL THEN: Watch this bit of awesomeness ...

HERE COMES THE SUN >>>

This post hits the street with about five days of shopping left. That means acute cases of both Worldmarketophobia and Costcophobia are increasingly appearing in the mindscapes of the frenzied. Symptoms include fierce scowls, crabby retorts, rolled eyeballs, thinly disguised venomous sarcasm and jumpy middle fingers.

One way to relieve these symptoms is to make sure that you dump the bad you and bring in the good you at a good ol' winter solstice candle lighting ceremony ... as in the one the Mandolin Cafe will host tomorrow.

The Mandolin Cafe celebrates the winter solstice with a party Tuesday, Dec. 21. Revelers can welcome the beginning of longer days with shriving by Chiara, then chow down on lasagna, drink and enjoy Celtic tunes by Mooncoyne.

Let's look at the scheduled menu shall we:

• Appetizer: Crostini with tapenade
• Salad: Wedged iceberg lettuce, pomegranate, spiced pecans, green goddess dressing, walnut gourmandize, brioche croutons
• Lasagna (choose one): Butternut squash and pecan with caramelized onions and classic bechamel or Italian sausage and three cheese with marinara sauce
• Dessert: Minted panna cotta, orange cranberry compote

Ah.

Winter Solstice Celebration

Tuesday, Dec. 21, 5:30 p.m., $25
Mandolin Cafe, 3923 S. 12th St., Tacoma
RSVP at 253.761.3482

LINK: Join our Nosh League foodie group

TUESDAY, DEC. 21, 2010 >>>

1. Other, non-North American English-speaking countries know the film of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by an alternate title: The Worst Kids In The World. That should tell you about the quality of the characters in question, and the odds that the title will actually come true. The Herdman clan will be on hand at 7:30 p.m. inside the Lakewood Playhouse to teach you all about the true spirit of Christmas by lying, cheating, stealing, smoking and other wholesome endeavors. It's a feel-good season of joy for everyone. Or something.

2. Alaskan Brewing Co. will host the Reindeer Games at the Varsity Grill from 5:30-7:30 p.m. Games will include pigskin toss, reindeer races, and ladder golf. Prizes include Seahawks tickets, Varsity Grill gift cards, beer swag or even a chance to win a trip to Valdez, Alaska to hang with pro snowboarders. Varsity Grill will be serving $3 Alaska pints and $8 Alaskan beer-battered fish and chips. No, really.

3. Celtic band Mooncoyne will perform at the Mandolin Cafe as part of the $25 a head Winter Solstice Celebration. There's lasagna people!

4. University of Puget Sound and Click! Cable TV are teaming up to screen Elf at 7 p.m. inside the University of Puget Sound's Memorial Fieldhouse. Concessions will be available, including hot dogs, popcorn, beverages, and candy (no syrup - we checked natch!). Afterward, let's all get together and make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

5. Puget Sound Revels has been, well, reveling since way back in 1992 - though it feels like much longer than that, doesn't it? It ALMOST feels like the group has been doing its thing since the 19th century, which just so happens to be the era they'll embody at 7:30 p.m. as part of this year's annual Christmas Revels at the Rialto Theater  - billed as a 19th century English celebration, and "a joyous and timeless celebration for all ages."

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Subscribe to our weekly e-newsletter (hug)

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"Drop that butcher paper! I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of Dave's Meat and Produce now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "All you folks swinging by Dave's today for their sweet Tuesday Taco deal are going to find THIS spice with your taco meat!"

Read more...

HAGGIS POTATO CHIPS>>>

For the love of Cheetos and all that is holy in American snack food, this new and questionable treat is being imported to the states.

For those not aware of this Scottish delicacy, haggis is a a steamed pudding made of finely minced sheep heart, lungs and liver, which is boiled in the stomach of a sheep and marinated with whiskey.

I mean, what better flavor to powder and sprinkle on a bag of Fritos...

NEWS IN FILM AND VIDEO, REGURGITATED HERE >>>

These days in Tinseltown, comedy icons are dropping like flies (or really old white males in poor health). A few weeks ago we mourned the passing of 84-year-old Leslie Nielsen, which I commemorated by renting Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, and aiming heavenward votive candles arranged to read "RIP Shirley."

Then on Dec. 15, pneumonia struck another blow to the old-school funnyman ranks and took writer-director Blake Edwards, husband to Julie Andrews and best known for the roughly 9,000 Pink Panther movies he made with Peter Sellers. Other directors of Edwards' time wouldn't touch the lowbrow slapstick or political incorrectness in which he happily wallowed for much of his career, and still don't even today (not counting Dinner For Schmucks). Edwards' efforts made the world a little more insane, which I thank him for.

And finally, we lost a third funny artist earlier this month, Wesley Snipes - not to the Reaper's cold hand but to the chillier confines of federal prison. Apparently the IRS doesn't find tax evasion amusing. But how can you lock up an actor who accumulated such a collection of classic lines in the ‘90s?

Demolition Man: "Simon says, ‘Bleed.'"

Blade: "Some motherf***ers are always trying to ice-skate uphill."

Passenger 57: "Always bet on black!"

Snipes better hope his fellow inmates don't call him Noxeema.    

This week ...

Place: Forza Coffee - Puyallup

Opened: Dec. 8, 2006

Nickname: P-Town Forza

Staff: 13 peeps, average age 21, average height 5 feet 9 inches

Franchise owners: Bryan Reynolds and family

Drive-thru: No

Store sales ranking: #1 out of 25 total stores

Most drinks made by one employee in one hour: 174

Busiest day of the year: Puyallup Santa Parade

Caffeinated drink challenge: The Happy Trail

Total number of innuendos made during conversation: 16

Percentage of conversation actually relevant to coffee: 2 percent

The doors open at P-Town Forza and immediately loud, welcoming voices holler greetings to customers - most of them by name. Deliberately overstaffed, every team member at the Puyallup Forza has a place and position. Cups go flying, a sort of Forza-ese occurs and before you know it you're handed a hot cup o' Joe and given some ridiculous (yet endearing) nickname which they will totally remember to call you upon return to their store.  And trust me, you will return. 

"The success of this store is about the people. It's as much theirs as it is mine," owner Bryan Reynolds admits.

Not only is every female on staff utterly charming, but their male counterparts are just as lovable. Reynolds recruits employees mainly based on personality, and they have stories to tell as they gather around Reynolds and me during our giddy conversation. Take for instance Jonathan Angle, of '80s cover band D'Elegance, Jason Jones (single, 6 feet tall and made of 220 pounds lean muscle mass - hello, ladies!) and Alex Marden who did not "gather ‘round", but instead continued to work while heckling us from behind the espresso machine.  All had me in stitches with random, hilarious footnotes. I think I either impressed or scared them with my ability to turn almost anything into an innuendo. 

Before leaving my newfound friends, I insisted Reynolds re-instate his infamous $10 drink challenge called "The Happy Trail." In order to complete said challenge, you must drink in one fell swoop: one single shot of espresso, one 10-ounce drip coffee with cream and sugar and one Tahitian Sunrise, which consists of one Full Throttle energy drink and many pumps of flavored syrup.

Once again I encourage you to partake in a gluttonous dietary feat strictly for my entertainment. Let me know when you're going to reach your happy trail at P-Town Forza and I'll be there with camera in hand.

[Forza Coffee,210 West Pioneer # 101, Puyallup, 253.435.6087]

Other "Person, Place or Thing" columns ...

LINK: Spartacus T. Ladle of Infinite Soups

LINK: Louie G's Pizzeria "Little Italy" Pizza Challenge

LINK: Aaron Tumale, dough-tosser at The Rock Wood Fired Pizza & Spirits

NUMBER ONE IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AND ATTITUDE >>>

Dining out can be tricky if you want a 5-star experience, especially when 3-star or lower is where you end up. You're bound to be disappointed. Being realistic about where you're dining can change a mediocre experience into a good and satisfying one. That said, Happy Teriyaki #4 opened in downtown Tacoma on Pacific Avenue last summer. The building that formerly housed Chin's Restaurant received a fresh coat of paint that turned it from Smurf blue to an appealing green with brown trim. Inside cheerful two-tone orange walls are set off by maroon accents and faux hardwood floors.

The small franchise location specializes in fast, tasty and affordable Asian cuisine; Chinese teriyaki dishes dominate the menu with a smattering of Mongolian, Szechwan, Korean, Cantonese and Japanese dishes thrown in - sushi, sushi rolls, sashimi, bento box, tempura, chow mien, kimchi, soups, spring rolls, barbeque pork, yakisoba, katsu, almond chicken, fried rice, beef short ribs and stir-fry. The portions are generous and affordable. The best deals are the $5.95-$6.95 lunch specials, all-you-can-eat sushi for $14.95 and the $25.95 Happy Family Platter, which serves three people.

What stands out is the friendly attitude of the staff. On each visit, service has not only been efficient and swift but pleasantly provided.

[Happy Teriyaki, 2223 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.1544]

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

MAKING A LIST, CHECKING IT TWICE >>>

The Volcano's own Rev. Adam McKinney is currently hard at work, compiling a list of the best live music moments of 2010 - at least according to him. It's coming along quite nicely, if we do say so ourselves, though you'll have to wait until Thursdsay to see what he's come up with.

Except for this bit, which we stole while McKinney wasn't looking:

WILD FLAG: Nov. 10, Northern

What a joy it was to see the first-ever show from the all-girl, indie rock supergroup that is Wild Flag -- to be so close to Carrie Brownstein that I thought she'd whack me with the neck of her guitar. The band sounded like Wild Flag had been around forever. I wait in anxious anticipation for the day (reportedly in early 2011) when Wild Flag's debut album is released. -Rev. AM

The Wild Flag show at Northern in Olympia McKinney speaks of was, in fact, totally badass. It was also the band's first ever show. A few nights later they plugged in at Portland's Doug Fir, for a frothing, sold-out crowd. The video below is from said Doug Fir performance.

LINK: McKinney's November review of Wild Flag at Northern

LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR >>>

1. Pour At Four wine bar in the Proctor District hosts its final wine tasting of the year from 5:30-8 p.m. Tonight's theme is "Feed the Hungry." They have teamed up with Odom/Southern Distributors and the TNFL program to raise money for local food bank programs. While the tasting is complimentary, each bottle sold will provide 2.5 meals for someone in need.

2. Michael Sherman and DEFCON1 are the "I Heart House" DJs tonight at the Surreal Ultra Lounge in downtown Tacoma. They two will spin house in the Cabana room beginning at 9 p.m. Surreal will be throwing around $2 beers as if it's Christmas.

LINK: More things to do tonight

LINK: Go eat something