TECH VESTS LOOK DUMB >>>

If you follow every ebb and flow our area's malls (of course you do!), you've surely heard by now that REI plans to open a new, two-story, 25,000-square-foot store in the Olympia Westfield Capital Mall this spring. According to the Olympian (citing to official REI release), the new REI store will occupy the former Mervyns' space next to Forever 21.

That's hot.

In honor of our area's soon-to-be newest spot to buy outdoor gear that you'll never actually use, here's a stupid video of some dumbass falling off a log. Perhaps he needs new boots. ...

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"Step aside Liesl Davidson! I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of the historic The Spar now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "And you can go tell Jimmy Sparkles in the kitchen that I'm the mayor of his gorgonzola bacon cheeseburger special today too!"

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WEDNESDAY, DEC. 22, 2010 >>>

1. The Coen Brothers adapted yet another classic western - Charles Portis' dark comedy True Grit - in which a young girl teams up with two weird-ass lawmen to avenge her father's murder in the Wild West. The film screens at 2:10, 4:35, 7 and 9:25 at The Grand Cinema.

2. The Nutcracker - with its sugarplum fairies, dancing snowflakes, and magical toys - is a holiday tradition for many families. But most kids can't fully appreciate the whimsical ballet set to Tchaikovsky's score - they're too stuck on the name. Years ago, when a friend's mother announced that she wanted to take a group of us to experience the timeless work, we fell into peals of laughter as soon as she was out of earshot: "The Nutcracker! We 'bout to see somebody's nuts get cracked! NUTS!" The silliness died down in the weeks before the performance, and when the curtain rose, we were captivated - eyes wide and glassy, mouths gaping. But it wasn't the ballet that had us transfixed - it was the constricting tights on the male dancers. "Hey," whispered a friend sitting next to us. "I guess we know now why they really call it The Nutcracker!" Create your own memories at 1 and 5 p.m. when the Tacoma City Ballet stages its version inside the Pantages Theater.

3. Comedian W. C. Fields once quipped, "Never work with animals or children." Fortunately, Tacoma Little Theatre ignored his admonishment and stages Annie at 2 p.m. TLT not only chose a classic story, they put together a cast that is great to watch. This cast is so good, in fact, they received a standing ovation on opening night. Read our full review of the show here.

4. Chances are you've now suffered through the dreaded office holiday party - unless your company is so parsimonious that the party isn't happening. Either way, please accept our sympathies. These company soirees force you to mingle with the same jejune folks you see every day while pawing a plate of thawed shrimp and sipping watered-down martinis. Bored if you do, damned if you don't. Reward yourself tonight with a real party, rockabilly fans. The Baxters - formerly The Dempseys - will fill Jazzbones at 7:30 p.m. with bass fiddle stunts, instrument swapping, a flaming trumpet with enough a good-humored repertoire to pull us away from the bar (ha ha ha, good one). 

5. Geeks Who Drink pub quiz at 8:30 p.m. inside the Ram Restaurant and Brewery on Ruston Way consists of eight rounds of eight questions and is played in teams of up to six people. Questions are read aloud by the quizmaster; teams write their answers on provided sheets and turn them in at the end of each round. The team with the most points after eight rounds is the winner. Oh, and there's drinking involved, too.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Spew RSS feed

CHRISTMAS NIGHT AT THE TOP >>>

By the time Christmas night rolls around, we'll all be looking for something to do that doesn't involve sitting around Aunt Maureen and Grandpa Fred. Those two are insufferable.

Luckily, the Top of Tacoma Bar and Café has you covered - as you should have come to expect. Open Christmas Eve and Christmas day, from 5 p.m. - 2 a.m., Top of Tacoma will be there for all your alcohol or family-escape needs.

Even better, the venerable Swampy Draws (or Swampy Claus, as the case may be) will be on stage Christmas night - getting things rolling at about 9 p.m., according to Top of Tacoma's Jamie Kay Jones - who also promises photo ops with the Christmas-themed swampy one. It doesn't get much better.

"This is one of our favorite TOP traditions!" says Jones. "Please come and join us to party with your Tacoma family!"

Now you know.

Here's some Swampy Draws action for your viewing pleasure ...

LINK: Previous Swampy Draws coverage

LINK: Top of Tacoma Bar and Cafe in the BEST OF TACOMA 2010 issue

GET DISARMED AT THE NEW FRONTIER >>>

"Every one of us, our background is in obnoxiously loud, fast music. This is our take on not that," laughs Cody Foster of Cody Foster's Army (or C.F.A.), who will play one of their "disarmed" sets Sunday night at The New Frontier.

The Volcano's Jason Baxter caught up with Foster in preparation for the show, talking about the band's definition of "disarmed," as well as the significance of Canada's Boxing Day.

Check out the full interview here.

PHASERS SET TO STUN, IT'S GOING TO BE A KLINGON CHRISTMAS>>>

A Chicago theater is staging a production of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol with a Klingon theme. The entire play is spoken in thIngan Hol, the language of the Klingon race, which was developed in 1984 by a real linguist expert  for Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.

The show in Chicago features a miserly alien warrior named SQuja', Klingon for Scrooge, who is visited by a trio of holiday ghosts who help him regain the festive spirit so that he can save sickly Tiny Tim. The story takes place on the Klingon planet of Kronos during the Feast of the Long Night.

TACOMA IN OLYMPIA >>>

This past weekend members of the state House Democratic Caucus approved the 2011 committee structure. Of special note to Tacoma: Rep. Jeannie Darneille was assigned vice chair (focusing on Appropriations) of the Ways and Means Committee. Newly elected Rep. Laurie Jinkins, who campaigned on her experience in health care, budgeting and administration was appropriately named vice chair of the Health Care and Wellness Committee and also appointed to the Capital Budget Committee. Rep. Steve Kirby will continue to chair the Business & Financial Services Committee, which is vice chaired by Rep. Troy Kelley. It's nice to see Tacoma's delegation working on a wide variety of issues in Olympia.

The full list of 2011 Committees is available here, courtesy the House Democratic Caucus' Blog (yes, even they have a blog). 

IN GOOD TASTE OR BAD, MONSTER JAM CARRIES ON >>>

Received the official press release today regarding the return of "Monster Jam" to the Tacoma Dome - January 14 - 16. As always, the yearly monster truck spectacle will be presented by Feld Motor Sports.

As you likely recall, Feld Motor Sports' Monster Jam has made headlines before in Tacoma, sadly for things typically unrelated to the monster truck experience.

LINK: Tacoma News Tribune coverage of the death of Sebastian Hizey at Monster Jam almost two years ago.

LINK: Weekly Volcano editorial on the handling of the 2009 Monster Jam tragedy

LINK: RR Anderson's ode to Monster Jam

After the break you'll find the official press release regarding this year's Monster Jam.

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THURSDAY, DEC. 23, 2010 >>

1. Tacoma's new burlesque troupe Gritty City Sirens will make its debut performance at at 9 p.m. inside The Swiss Dec. 23. Ava D'Jor, Tizzy Van Tassel, Rosie Cheexx, Funny Face Fanny and Polly Puckerup will offer "a night of glitz, glamor, humor and plenty of T&A!" says Van Tassel. Read our special burlesque report here.

2. John Fisher's prints are terrific. The colors and shapes are electric. They are photographs, but he calls them and the show Algorithmic Drawings. The photos are of industrial scenes with streaks and bursts of light created by long exposures of moving lights and perhaps other techniques. The photos were all taken in Seattle and Tacoma. Alec Clayton reviewed the show here. Check it out from noon to 5 p.m. at Mineral gallery in Tacoma.

3. You're sick and tired of driving through the neighborhood looking at the homes of people who think they deserve an award for their light displays. You deserve to take a night to go see ZooLights, which is lit from 5-9 p.m. tonight. Billed as the region's biggest walk-through light show, ZooLights at Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium includes animated light sculptures, live entertainment, snacks, animal encounters, and the Paul Titus Carousel. While enjoying your stroll, be thankful you're not in charge of this holiday light display.

4. Dream of line dancing the Chasse, the Grapevine or the Weave? Or, do you have high hopes of being swept off the dance floor by that special someone? Big Whisky Saloon offers beginner and intermediate dance lessons every Thursday Night starting at 7:30 p.m. $5 gets you a drink and a lesson. Who knows, you might be paired with a cutie-pie.

5. The holidays are traditionally a time for giving back, and in that spirit, Hell's Kitchen is hosting their annual "Customer Appreciation Night." Beleaguered, cash-strapped attendees will be pleased to hear that admission tonight will be free, food will be free and drinks will be sold at preposterously low prices - $3 for well drinks and beers. (Ho, ho, ho.) Live music will include I Defy, Neutralboy, South 11th, Psycho 78 and Klondike Kate beginning at 8 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Happy hour!

BANDITO BETTY LOU WHO LEAP OF THE DAY >>>

"All you children better head home! I'm the mutha elfing Foursquare Holiday Mayor of Annie Wright School now!" screamed Bandito Betty Lou Who – our very happy friend who leaps for us on Spew. "Some women are drippin' with diamonds / Some women are drippin' with pearls / Lucky me, lucky me, look at what I'm drippin' with / Jumpsuits!"

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